Okay, so I know Doc Angel can be kind of annoying sometimes, but I can’t help but like her. Sometimes she’s way too bubbly and shit—however, she cares a lot about people, it’s evident.
“I’m so proud of you, Ellie for doing this, for sharing things that were hard for you, but now this means you can work on getting better.”
She’s right. Josh Kalper. Haydon Barber. They were one facet of my life. I have so much more ahead of me. The memories of them won’t ever go away, but they’ll fade some. Someday, I might even be able to talk about them out loud and not just on paper.
Someday.
After I leave, I take my journals back to my room and dump them on the bed and go find Rhett. He’s sitting in the commons watching TV.
“Hey,” I say.
He glances up. “Hey. You okay?”
“Yeah, I think so. I finally finished my journaling, and Doc Angel is happy with my progress.”
“You’re definitely smiling more, which is nice to see.” He nudges my arm with his.
I laugh. “Well, I like it when you smile too.”
He grins and screws his face up, so his eyes are crossed. “Like this?”
“Something like that.”
“Damn. For all our bitching, it looks like the Lovely Soul Institute really is helping us.” Rhett crosses his arms at his chest and leans back.
I wrinkle my nose. “God, we’re like the walking poster children for this place now. I wonder if they’ll do billboards with our faces on them to advertise their services.”
“At least we could try and make some money off it.”
I giggle. “We’d be millionaires, I’m sure.”
We chat for a while about whether we’ll get out in time for the school year in a few weeks, and if we want to. Then fatigue sets in. After my late night last night, I’m exhausted.
With a yawn, I stand. “I think I’m gonna go lay down for a little bit.”
“I’ll see you later then.”
When I get back to my room, I go still. There, sitting in the middle of my bed is PJ. My journals are open, and she’s reading them. She peers up at me with tears streaming down her face.
“I’m sorry, Ellie. So, sorry these boys hurt you. I wish they didn’t.”
I’m not sure whether to be pissed. These are my private thoughts and feelings. But PJ’s not exactly aware of boundaries and seeing her so upset, makes the anger fizzle out of me.
“Everything is better now. So, you don’t have to worry,” I say in a soft voice.
She rubs her eyes and swings her legs to the edge of the bed. She stands and comes over to me, throwing her arms around my neck. “I swear I’ll never let anyone do something bad to you again. I’ll protect you, Ellie.”
I hug her back. “I know. Now, what do you say we color before bed?”
“Okay.”
And just like that, she’s okay again. So am I.
If only all life’s problems can be solved with coloring.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Ky moves a black checker piece across the board. I gave in today and let him take my usual color.
“You seem a lot happier—different even,” Ky says out of the blue. “And you have a really nice smile.”
A blush creeps over my cheeks. “I’m doing a lot better now. I think I might be able to leave soon.”
“I hope so. PJ was really worried about you and what you went through.”
I grip the edge of the table, keeping my eyes focused on the board. I don’t dare peek at him, as I’m not sure what he knows. “D-did PJ tell you about everything?”
“She told me a lot. I’m not sure, how much of it, but enough to know you’ve been through hell. PJ wanted me to know things, because she wanted me to be careful with you, and not hurt you. But I’d never hurt you, Ellie.” His hand brushes against mine on the checkerboard. “I’m here if you need me. Whether you want to talk about nothing or chat about art or the beach. I’m not going anywhere.”
I’m not sure whether to be happy or mad at PJ. But it’s hard to be angry with someone who’s trying look out for you. “Thank you.”
“Ellie?” Doc Angel appears beside the table. “You have a visitor.”
My muscles tense. I can’t deal with my parents today. With a sigh, I push up from the table. “Sorry, I’ve got to go, I’ll see you later.”
“See you next time.”
I wave then trudge after Angel when we get to the lobby, I cry out. “Aunt Mamie.”
She rushes to me and folds me into her arms. The familiar scent of flowers and paint clings to her. Aunt Mamie brushes my hair from my face, kissing my forehead. “Ellie, I’m so glad to see you.”
“Did you get my letters?”
She holds me at arm’s length. “Yes. I wanted to come see you, but I had to wait for your parents to approve it and for your counselor to say it was okay.”
I love Mamie. And I’m so glad she’s here, it feels like forever since we last saw one another.
Angel smiles. “So, this is a happy surprise, yes?”
I laugh. “Yes. The happiest. How did you know to let her come see me?”
“Your journals. After we had read through them, I contacted your parents and had a long discussion with them. I feel that Mamie has been a very positive part of your life, and the sooner we introduce her back into it, the better.”
“I don’t know how to thank you,” I say.
“You don’t have to thank me, Ellie. Just keep working on getting better.” Angel pats my shoulder then leaves us alone.
“I feel like we’ve got so much to talk about,” Mamie says. “But I know visitation isn’t very long. I’ve been working on some new paintings that I can’t wait to show you.”
“What are they of?” I link my arm through hers as we go to sit on a nearby couch.
“Grandpa.” She twists the handle on her purse.
“I bet they’re perfect.”
“You’ll have to let me know when you see them. One of the paintings I did, is of him combing the beach with you. I remember the image so vividly. You were about ten, and Grandpa took us for a walk, and you wanted to find shells. I watched you two from my lounge chair … I don’t know why, but the image has been burned into my mind for years. It was time to get it down on canvas.”
My throat thickens, not because I’m sad, but because Mamie cares so much. She always has. “As soon as I’m out, I’m coming over to see them.”
Mamie tells me about some of the others, and I close my eyes, imagining each scene she’s captured. Like me, Mamie is good at depicting people—their emotions—their very being.
When the orderlies signal it’s time for parents and friends to leave, Mamie stands. Her wild curls are piled atop her head and tied back with an orange kerchief. She adjusts her sweater, pulling it down over her leggings. Her boots have tiny spatters of paint on them. No one else notices, but I do. And it endears her to me even more.
“I love you, Ellie. To the stars and home …” She hugs me tight.
I embrace her. “Love you too. Thank you for coming today. I needed this.”
“Me too.” She smiles.
Aunt Mamie has given me another push to want to get out of here. I miss her. I miss the time we share painting and drawing in her shop. I miss her laugh and her smile.
Aunt Mamie is like coming home.
Chapter Thirty
My fingers smudge the charcoal around the picture I’m drawing of Rhett. He doesn’t know I’m working on it yet, but I want to surprise him. Every time he gets up from his table, I cover my picture, which I’m sure is making him suspicious.
I stare at the eyes, shading them in more. My teeth graze my lip as I study the artwork. It’s a picture of Rhett leaning against the wall, staring out the window. He didn’t pose for me, but I have a good memory. The dreamy look on his face, the longing to be outdoors. The strength in his jaw. It’s all there.
“Okay, class, time’s up for today,” our art instructor sa
ys. “You can cover your things up if you need to or just leave them where they are if they have to dry.”
Disappointed, I set my charcoal down and step back. I’m so close to finishing. God, I wish I could have a few more minutes.
Kids start filtering out of the room. PJ’s waiting for me, but as I move toward her, someone grabs me from behind.
“I told you, I’d get you,” Michael whispers.
His hand cups my breast and he’s squeezing hard. I scream out and jam my elbow into his chest. He lets go for a second, then touches my butt instead.
PJ races toward us, screeching at the top of her lungs. Next thing I know, she lunges at him. She brings her arm back, and I see the pencil too late. She stabs him in the eye. Blood spurts as he topples over. And PJ keeps striking him.
All around us patients shriek.
“I won’t let you hurt Ellie.”
People in white coats are rushing into the room; someone grabs PJ off Michael.
Rhett catches my arm, and wraps me in his embrace, burying my face against his chest. “It’s okay Ellie. Let’s get you out of here.”
We manage to get into the hallway. Nurses and orderlies are everywhere. “Everyone needs to go straight to their rooms,” Nurse Ruthie says.
But I don’t want to be alone. I cling to Rhett, sobbing.
“Ellie, you’ve got to come with me,” Nurse Ruthie tells me, her voice soft. “I’ll take her Rhett, go on now.”
“I’ll see you soon,” Rhett calls over his shoulder as I’m led away.
In my room, I try to keep my hands from trembling. All I keep seeing is Michael screaming and all the blood. I’m not sure, why Penny did that. I’ve never seen her so angry, almost possessed. It scares me.
About thirty minutes later, Angel comes into my room. Her hair is disheveled and her face is pale. “Ellie, can we talk for a few minutes?”
“Yes.”
She pulls a chair out from my desk and sits down. “Can you tell me what happened?”
“We were getting ready to leave art, and Michael came up behind me and grabbed me,” I say.
“Grabbed you how?”
“He wrapped his arm around me from behind, then put his hands on my breast,” I say. “I elbowed him to let me go, but then he grabbed my butt instead. Next thing I know, PJ jumped on him.”
Angel jots something down on a clipboard. “Do you need to talk, Ellie?”
“No. But I’d like to know what’ll happen to PJ now?”
“She’s getting moved to a more secure place. Sometimes, we can only do so much for someone,” she says.
I hear the sadness in her voice. She likes PJ too. But then again, I think Angel likes pretty much everyone. She wants to fix us, and help us get better. I’m not sure if I’d be able to do her job. Not if there’d be a chance to lose one of my patients.
“If you need to chat, just come down to my office, okay?” Angel says. “I’ll stick around for a while.”
When she leaves, I sag against the wall and cry. PJ won’t be here anymore. And I know that she went after Michael for me.
I hope wherever she ends up; it’s nice there. That the people are good to her…
Chapter Thirty-One
A couple days later, PJ’s family comes. They’re packing her things up in our room. I stand and watch. I try to catch Ky’s eye, but he won’t even look at me. He blames me. I can see it on his face. He might not be mean enough to say it, but he doesn’t have to. Because I saw the same look on Mom’s face after Grandpa died.
Mr. and Mrs. Laramie glance at me, but are quiet. It’s like I’m there, but not there.
“The drawings on the wall are hers; you can take them, so she has something to hang on her walls in her new room,” I say.
Mrs. Laramie glowers at the one of a shirtless Ky. “She doesn’t need them.”
I shrink back and sit on my bed, twisting my hands in my lap. “I’m really sorry,” I say. “W-when you see PJ, will you tell her hi for me?”
They don’t answer. Instead, they leave the room, carrying the box of her belongings. Ky doesn’t even say goodbye.
When they’re gone, I go and sit in the Commons next to Rhett.
“There’s nothing you could’ve done, Ellie. PJ wasn’t in the same world as we are.”
“I know, but it just sucks. She was like a sister to me.”
“Things don’t always make sense.”
He’s right. They don’t. Today, I’m making a promise. A vow to get better. I don’t want to end up stuck here forever. PJ couldn’t get better, she couldn’t beat her demons, but it doesn’t mean I can’t. I have to win. Not just for me, but for PJ too.
Chapter Thirty-Two
I sit outside on a blanket beside Rhett. Angel is leading another group session. There are only four of us now. Hannah and Cameron are both gone. Cameron got shipped out to another institute, and Hannah finally went home. But not the rest of us, we’re still here.
My fingers pull at the stem of a dandelion until I break it free. I toss it at Rhett who throws it back at me. It’s been a couple of weeks since PJ was taken from Lovely Soul. I miss her every day. However, I’m learning to manage my emotions better. Luckily, they haven’t given me a new roommate.
“So today, we’re going to talk about choices,” Angel says, waving the giant fuzzy wand. “Each of you is the navigator of your own ship. And just because there are negative things around you, doesn’t mean you have to fall into them. You all have something in the past you’re trying to overcome. But one mistake doesn’t have to destroy your future.”
She’s right. More than anything I want a future. One that I can make beautiful. With my art. Or by speaking up for those who don’t have a voice. The sun warms the side of my face and I turn to face it, my eyes closed. I listen intently to everything around me. The sounds of birds chirping—of Rhett’s deep voice as he answers a question Angel asks him.
“Ellie, what’s something you’ve learned here at Lovely Soul?” Angel says.
My lids open, and I sit up, tucking my knees beneath me. “That I’m stronger than I think.”
Angel nods. “Yes, you are. All of you are. I’m proud of the progress each of you has made in your journey to recovery. It’s not easy sharing your feelings or thoughts with others, but you’ve all managed to do it.”
“I think she’s gonna fricken cry,” Rhett mutters under his breath to me.
I grin. “Five bucks says she waits until we’re inside.”
“You’re on.” He shakes my hand.
“You don’t think they’ll give us extra time for gambling, do you?”
He snorts. “Shit, I hope not.”
“I heard that you two! And so you know, I’m not gonna cry. I’m just proud.” Angel quirks her eyebrows at us.
The others laugh.
“Well, I guess that’s all the time we have for today. When we get inside, I need Ellie and Rhett to come to my office for a few minutes.”
We pick up our blankets and traipse after her. When we get inside, Angel takes the blankets and gives them to an orderly to wash. Once everything is taken care of, we head into Angel’s office. She gestures for us to sit on her brown leather couch.
“So, I wanted to talk to you guys and tell you how very proud I am of you. I know I said it outside, but I had to tell you again. You’ve made such great strides. I’m putting in a recommendation for you to go home. I don’t think there’s anything more here we can do for you.”
“Really?” I say. Excitement races through me. The thought of sleeping in my own bed and seeing Shannon and Mamie overwhelms me. I’m not overly enthused about seeing my parents, but I’ll deal with it.
“Yes, really.” Angel chuckles. “Now, I’d like to meet with each of your privately. Rhett, if you could wait out in the hall while I talk to Ellie.” Angel escorts him out. After he’s gone, she stands beside the couch. “My recommendation for you Ellie is that you be released to your Aunt Mamie’s care. I’ve already talked to yo
ur parents, and they’ve agreed. In my opinion, it’ll be easier for you to start at a new school where you don’t have the stigma of Haydon overshadowing you. And, I feel there will be less pressure put on you at Mamie’s.”
“Angel,” I say, then leap up and hug her. I don’t know if I’m supposed to do this, but I don’t care. She’s the reason I’ll get a fresh start. She believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself.
Angel hugs me back. “You’re such a good girl, Ellie. A nice, strong, intelligent girl. You’ve got a great future ahead of you. I can’t wait to hear about all the good things to come.”
“I-I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank you.” I sniffle.
“You already have, by getting better—by being you.”
“When will I get to go?”
“Tomorrow.”
Tomorrow. It seems strange to be finally getting out. But I’m ready …
Angel lets me out, and I sit and wait for Rhett while they have a talk. I have a feeling he’s getting similar news, or at least I hope he is. When he emerges, he gives me a lop-sided grin. “I’m getting out tomorrow. And, my parents agreed to let me emancipate myself. They’re going to let me stay at the lake house and just finish up school up there.”
“That’s amazing,” I hug him, not caring if the nurses or orderlies see. Nothing can destroy the happiness welling inside me. It’s like the rain clouds have been pushed away, and in its place, is the sun.
“We should probably pack our things,” Rhett says. “Meet you in the cafeteria later for dinner?”
“Yeah—we’ve got to have our last meal and all.”
We part ways and head for our rooms. As I sit on my bed folding my clothes, I peer around me. For the last couple of months, this has been my home. A sanctuary and a prison. My gaze roams over the drawings still taped to the wall. I climb to my feet and move toward them. One at a time, I take them down. I should throw them away, but I can’t. They’re a reminder of everything I’ve gone through. A reminder of PJ and Ky and of Rhett.
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