by Alison Stone
“Exactly.”
“Is that why you got all that education and teach at a university?” She swatted away a moth fluttering close to her face.
“Yes, I always equated an education with a happy life. My father would sit down every night with a beer in one hand and a remote in the other in front of the TV and mutter something about ‘get an education son, because them people hold all the power.’”
The ever-present emptiness inside Rebecca expanded. She was not the only one with a painful past.
“He pretty much gave up on life. Drank himself stupid right until the end.”
She was grateful for the cloak of darkness to hide the tears brimming in her eyes.
“He died of liver failure.”
“I’m sorry.” Nervously, Rebecca played with the folds in her long gown and tucked her bare feet under the rocker. She hated to ask, but curiosity got the best of her. “What about your mom?”
“My mom died when I was ten. From cancer.”
Rebecca gasped. “I didn’t mean to pry. How horrible. I’m so, so sorry.”
“My parents couldn’t afford anything but the basic treatment. I suppose they could have gotten more care if they weren’t naive to the system. It was all foreign to them.” He scrubbed a hand over his face and his features grew pinched. “My dad’s drinking got worse the sicker my mom got...”
He let out a quick breath. “I’ve never told anyone the story of my life. I guess I never wanted to share my past with anyone before.”
“I’m glad you told me. I feel closer to you.” She glanced away, suddenly feeling very self-conscious.
He reached out and covered her hand on the arm of the chair and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Life gets complicated sometimes.”
Keenly aware of his hand on hers, she glanced over her shoulder at the door. “I know. I hope we can get Samuel out of trouble. I really appreciate your putting up his bail.” She slid her hand out from under his and wrapped her arms around her midsection. “The thought of him in jail...”
He leaned toward her. “I’ll help you in every way I can.” He tilted his head. “But when I said life gets complicated, I wasn’t talking about Samuel.”
Rebecca glanced up into his warm brown eyes. Her pulse beat steadily in her ears and her skin flushed warm.
Get up. Move away from him.
She couldn’t. This gentle man held her heart. She sucked in a breath, waiting for him to continue.
He leaned closer, his breath whispering across her cheek. A smile tilted the corners of his mouth. He hesitated a minute, as if waiting for her reaction. Her permission. A boldness she’d never known surged through her. She reached up and touched his cheek; the scruff of his unshaven jaw felt rough under her palm.
He leaned in closer and brushed a gentle kiss across her lips. Then he pulled back and angled his head, studying her.
Closing her eyes briefly, she dropped her hand into her lap and wrung her hands. She opened her eyes and met his.
“Should I apologize for kissing you?”
No, no, no.
“We’re from two different worlds.” Her voice came out in a strained whisper. This entire situation was foreign to her.
A twinkle lit his eyes. “So, that’s a no?” He laughed.
Rebecca smiled. She could get used to this man’s easygoing ways. His warm heart. His companionship.
Too bad a relationship between them would never happen.
* * *
Jake scooted forward in his rocker and curled his hands in an effort to keep them to himself. He was having trouble containing a smile. Rebecca had her hands wrapped around the arms of the chair and looked as if she was ready to bolt. He really should apologize, but if he was truly honest with himself, he wasn’t sorry.
The memory of her soft lips on his. Her clean scent. Her soft skin.
Definitely not sorry.
But he hated to see her filled with angst. And he didn’t want to risk having her send him away forever.
“Did I overstep my place?” he asked in a husky voice.
Rebecca lifted her fingers and touched her lips. An emotion he couldn’t quite define flittered in the depths of her eyes.
“It’s my fault.”
“Your fault?” Intrigued, Jake leaned back in his rocker and relaxed his hands. “Because you’re beautiful?”
She lifted her hand in dismissal. “Please. You’re embarrassing me.” She turned her face away from him and smoothed a hand along the edge of her bonnet. Slowly she turned to face him, clutching her hands in her lap. “This kiss can’t mean anything. We have no future together.”
She was right. The pain in her eyes cut to his core. “I didn’t mean to cause you any more stress.”
The thought of encouraging Rebecca to leave the Amish didn’t bring him joy any more than saying goodbye to her would. His father had convinced his mother to leave and he had experienced firsthand the sadness that had ensued.
“I hope I didn’t destroy our friendship,” Jake said, a muscle working in his jaw.
Rebecca bowed her head. “Don’t blame yourself. I feel the connection between us, too.”
Jake’s heartbeat spiked at her admission. Yet, still, he could never ask her to leave the Amish.
Rebecca met his gaze, a look of clarity in her eyes. “I should have never put you in this position, Professor Burke. I came to you because I was worried about Samuel.” A tendril of hair that had escaped her bonnet fluttered in the breeze. “I don’t want you to feel responsible for me every time something goes wrong. It’s not your responsibility.”
“I don’t mind.”
Rebecca shook her head slowly. “You’re a good man. But I need to rely on my own community. Not an outsider.”
“An outsider, huh?” Jake laughed before giving her a wounded look and covering his midsection as if he had been punched in the gut.
Rebecca’s brow furrowed. “Are you not feeling well?”
Jake lifted an eyebrow. “We really are from two different worlds.”
“Yes, we are. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to keep coming around.”
A rustling sounded from the yard and Jake rose to his feet and squinted into the darkness. Lester Lapp, the bishop’s son, stepped into the soft light flowing from her house.
Rebecca was slower to her feet. She walked to the railing and wrapped her hands around it. “Hello, Lester. It’s late to be calling.”
“I have business to discuss.”
“Business with me? You haven’t come by my farm since before Willard’s arrest.”
Lester adjusted his hat on his head, as if trying to gather his thoughts. “He killed my brother.”
The soft gasp from Rebecca made Jake’s hands twitch. He longed to pull her into an embrace. Comfort her.
Lester held up his hand. “I’m sorry. I should have been more sensitive. I have forgiven him, but I still struggle with my loss.”
She bowed her head and whispered, “I understand.”
Lester gave Jake a pointed look, but turned back to Rebecca. “The bishop hasn’t been feeling well. I’m here on his behalf.”
“I hope your father is feeling better soon.”
Lester nodded. “Denki.” He took a few steps closer, put his foot on the bottom porch step and rested his elbow on the railing. “The bishop would like Samuel to meet with him and a few of the church elders.”
All the color drained out of her face and Jake immediately felt defensive. “I don’t believe he’s guilty of the things—”
“He’s confessed to?” Lester interrupted with a smug quirk of his lips.
Rebecca wrung her hands in front of her. “Samuel’s afraid of something. He’s trying to protect me.” Her words came out rushed and flustered. “And he’s not baptized yet. The church elders have been known to overlook transgressions of our youngie.”
Lester removed his hat and gave her a look Jake could only read as “you’ve got to be kidding me.”
“G
rowing marijuana on God’s land is more than a little transgression.”
“Rebecca’s been through a lot,” Jake spoke up. “Now is not a good time.”
The Amish man wiped his forehead, then settled his hat back on his head. “Perhaps Mrs. Fisher should remember she is a baptized member of this community.”
A muscle started ticking in Jake’s jaw, but despite the fury racing through his brain, he got hold of his emotions. Blasting this man with a piece of his mind wasn’t going to help Rebecca.
“I was telling the professor he needs to find new subjects to study.” Rebecca’s voice was surprisingly firm.
Lester held up his hand. “Is that all this is?”
Jake slowly descended the steps. “Good night, Rebecca.”
“Good night, Professor.” She paused a brief moment. “Good night, Lester.” Rebecca turned around and went inside, obviously unwilling to discuss this further with either of them.
In the front yard, Lester turned to Jake. “I trust you’re not courting Rebecca.”
“Courting?” Jake asked noncommittally before changing the subject. “You are the bishop’s son.” Jake knew who Lester was, but he was buying time to formulate his thoughts...his words.
Lester tipped his hat.
“How often does someone join the Amish community?” From his own research, Jake knew it wasn’t often.
Lester’s eyes flared wide under the moonlight. “Join the Amish?” He let out a bark of laughter that grated on Jake’s nerves. “Are you considering joining us?”
Jake didn’t trust himself to answer, suspecting that clocking the arrogant man wouldn’t win him any favors.
“You don’t join the Amish like you’re joining a country club. This is our community. A way of life. A serious commitment.”
“I am very familiar with the Amish. I have been studying the Amish and teaching at the university for years.”
“So,” Lester said, the single word dripping with sarcasm, “is this the last step in your research? To join the Amish?” He shook his head and scoffed. “Through your vast research you should have already figured all this out.”
Jake blinked slowly, trying to tamp down his emotions. “I know outsiders joining the Amish is unusual, but it has been done.”
Lester’s eyes locked on the front door of Rebecca’s home. “The church elders will look unkindly on a man choosing to join the Amish for the wrong reasons.”
Jake kept his thoughts to himself.
“Joining because you want to court the widow Fisher is not valid grounds.” Lester took a few steps away, then turned around. “Rebecca was right. You shouldn’t keep coming around here.”
Jake narrowed his gaze, more than a little annoyed that Lester had obviously been eavesdropping on them before he’d made his presence known.
TEN
While Jake was driving home, he realized he’d never be able to sleep so he decided to go to his campus office and catch up on some work. He’d had his graduate teaching assistant cover his class today, but he couldn’t keep doing that. Not if he still wanted a job.
Jake easily found parking in the nearly empty lot. It was after nine, a few students were crisscrossing the campus on the quiet fall evening.
“Hi, Professor Burke,” a young woman said as he strolled across the quad to his office in the Stevenson building. He waved at her as he remembered his first day on campus a few years ago. He thought he had finally made it. He thought he should finally be happy because he had the education, he had the job, all the things that his father lacked.
So why had happiness—real happiness—eluded him until now? Until Rebecca had come into his life? The quiet Amish woman had made him feel content. But was Lester right? Were his motives to join the Amish pure or just a way to remain close to Rebecca?
Jake pulled open the large door to his building. Guilt pinged him. He’d had no right to kiss Rebecca. To take advantage of her. She was vulnerable.
Jake tried but couldn’t forget the feel of her soft lips, her quick intake of breath, the fresh smell of windswept hair...
Wrapped in the memory of the kiss, he walked down the long hallway, his footsteps sounding on the marble floor. As he approached room 214, he noticed a light filtering out from under the door. His head jerked back.
Jake turned the handle on the door; it was unlocked. The computer at Tommy’s desk was on, but he saw no sign of his assistant. He strolled into the office and heard a voice.
“Yeah, I’ll figure something out.”
Jake turned the corner and saw Tommy sitting on the floor of his office, leaning against the wall with his legs stretched out in front of him. Tommy looked up when Jake entered the room. “Gotta go,” he said into the phone. He ended the call and scrambled to his feet.
“Hey, Professor, what are you doing here?” Tommy moved around to the desk. The chair squeaked when he plopped down into it and leaned back.
“I suppose I could ask you the same thing.”
“I come in here to use the computer when the computer lab’s too busy.” Tommy wiggled the mouse and the screen came to life. Some Word document was on the screen. “My laptop bit the dust and I can’t afford a new one.”
Jake waved his hand, indicating it wasn’t a problem. He stepped into his office and sat behind his big desk. He moved some of the papers and books around. Once this—all of this—had meant everything to him.
Studying the Amish had made him feel connected, but not in the way that Rebecca made him feel...connected. When he was with Rebecca, he felt as if he was home.
“Professor Burke?”
Jake snapped his attention to the door. Tommy had a look that made Jake think he had called his name a few times.
“What’s up, Tommy?”
His assistant jabbed his thumb toward his desk. “I’m going to wrap things up here and call it a night.” Tommy leaned across the desk and clicked a few buttons on the computer. “...And sent. Got to love technology. Paper was due by midnight. I submitted it through email.”
Jake nodded. He still gave his students the option of handing in a paper or sending him an email.
A slow smile spread across the young man’s face. “Everything okay? You look like someone stole your favorite toy.”
Jake laughed. “No, just trying to catch up with work here.”
“You’re spending a lot of time with the Fisher family.” It was more a statement than a question. Tommy crossed his arms and leaned his hip on the frame of the doorway. “You’re really deep in research mode.”
“Mmm” was Jake’s only response.
“This whole growing marijuana on the Amish farm will make a great paper. You’ll put the Amish Apple Creek community on the map. Kinda like that gunman did with the Amish in Nickel Mines.”
Anger started burning deep in Jake’s gut, but he didn’t want to lash out at Tommy. He was a kid, not exactly socially savvy.
“I’m not going to write about it.”
A smirk slashed across Tommy’s thin lips. “Really? I thought it would make an interesting paper.”
“I want to be respectful.” Jake stood, walked around the front of his desk and perched on its corner. “I’ve been giving her a hand since the Yoder brothers quit. She needed help with the harvest.”
“I’m sure some of their Amish neighbors would step up to the plate.” Tommy stuffed something into his backpack and zipped it up. “You’re an expert on the Amish. They help one another. You know that.”
“The Fishers have felt isolated since Willard Fisher was convicted of murder. Hopefully with time, things will change.” If Jake stayed away that might help bridge the gap. Rebecca had to learn to rely on her Amish neighbors again. Her Amish neighbors needed time to forgive, even if they never forgot.
Tommy shook his head. “Talk about bad karma with that family. It’s like they’re a bad-luck magnet. But you know as well as I do that the Amish will eventually find forgiveness in their hearts. Someone will step forward and help them in
their time of need.”
“One can hope.”
Tommy slung his backpack over one shoulder and gave Jake a knowing look. “Forgive me for speaking out of turn, but do you have something for Mrs. Fisher?” He lifted an eyebrow.
Jake couldn’t help but laugh. He threaded a hand through his hair. “I enjoy spending time with Rebecca.” Jake waved his hand. “But that’s it. I’m just helping a person who’s having a rough time.”
Tommy levered off the doorframe and nodded slowly. “Guard your heart, Professor. Mrs. Fisher...she’s gonna break yours.” He turned to leave, then muttered over his shoulder. “They always do.”
“We are not having this conversation.”
Tommy turned around to face him. “I can’t see you becoming Amish.”
“That’s what I call jumping to a conclusion without supporting evidence.” Jake kept his voice even.
“You’d never give all this up. You’ve worked too hard.” The young man scrunched up his nose. “You may have a romanticized notion of the Amish from your research, but studying and living it are two different beasts.” Tommy adjusted the strap on his shoulder. “Trust me. Been there, done that. Got the T-shirt—or should I say, broad-brimmed hat—to prove it.”
* * *
The next morning at the diner, Rebecca’s head pounded. Not getting enough rest despite her recent injury was bound to do that. Rest was long in coming. After her job at the diner, she still had chores to do on the farm. Samuel had promised to see that his little sisters got to school, and her sister-in-law Gloria would pick them up after school and bring them home after Rebecca’s shift.
Rebecca rolled her shoulders, trying to ease out the kinks. She grabbed the milk from the counter, screwed on the lid, then yanked on the lever of the walk-in freezer.
“Hey, hey, hey...” Flo walked up behind her and put a hand on her back. “Dear, unless we plan to plop frozen milk into glasses, we better put that back in the refrigerator.”
Rebecca blinked a few times, wondering how she’d ended up standing in front of the freezer with a jug of milk in her hand.
Flo took the milk and put it in the refrigerator. “What’s on your mind today? Worried about Samuel?”
