“I can’t, Brett. I’m sorry. I’m just not ready to go all the way there.”
He runs his hands through his hair. “Didn’t it feel good? Wasn’t I pleasing you?”
“Yes, it felt amazing. Honestly. But I told you, I’m beyond fucked up. You just didn’t listen to me.”
“You have tried to warn me. That’s fair. I don’t know what to do now. I want to leave and take what little bit of pride I have left with me. But I want to stay and try to understand how to change this.”
“I don’t know if you can. I need time. And space. Go back to Spain. Let me get my head on straight.”
“Do you like me at all, Alexa?”
“Yes, I do. More than I was expecting.”
He smiles. “That makes me feel very good to hear.”
“Brett, I’m going to do my best to be honest here. I do like you, I am attracted to you, and you made me feel awesome tonight. But…believe it or not, actual sex is something that is really important to me and I am just not ready to go there with you yet. But I swear it’s not personal.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s not me. It’s Scott.”
She tenses up. The one thing she didn’t want was to hear him speak Scott’s name again.
“Okay, listen. I’m going to go back to Spain. But I’m going to call you and we’re going to be friends at a minimum. Over time, maybe there can be more. I won’t chase you and make your life harder than it has to be. I have one suggestion though.”
“I’m all ears.”
“You should go to him. Both of you are suffering and it’s clear neither one of you can move on to someone else yet.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
She grabs a robe and watches him dress silently, dignified. He is definitely a catch. She is just too tied up in Scotty to do anything about it. She walks him to the door and kisses him softly on the mouth. “Thank you for tonight and for understanding.”
“You got it. If you change your mind, just say the word.” He strokes her cheek. “I hope whoever you end up with that you’re happy. We all deserve to be happy.” Brett opens the door and standing in the doorway is a very drunk, very pissed off, Scott Patrick.
“Scotty! How did you get up here?” Alexa asks, startled.
He holds up his visitor pass from the other night. “You let me have this.” His words are slurred and she knows this is not going to be good.
“Come on, Scott.” Brett puts his arm over his shoulder. “Let’s get you sobered up. Then you two can talk.”
Scott jerks his arm away. “Did you fuck my Alexa?”
“Scotty—” Alexa starts.
“No!” He points at her. “You don’t answer. You, Brett. Did you fuck my girl?”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Why are you naked?” he yells at Alexa.
“Scott, you need to calm down before someone calls the cops,” Brett says.
“I don’t give a fuck. You were here for hours, Brett. Hours. Did you touch her?”
Oh shit. Please, Brett, don’t tell him.
“No. I didn’t touch her.”
“Liar!”
Brett drags him inside the apartment, realizing he isn’t going to calm down. Alexa shuts the door and paces the living room.
Scott rushes towards her, but Brett deftly holds him back. “I told you I would leave forever if you fucked him.”
“I didn’t,” Alexa says.
“You fucked her, Brett!” Scott is completely unreasonable right now. She knows that she is the only one that can calm him down and that having Brett here is only making it worse.
“You took my girl. She’s mine! You could have anyone else, why her?”
Brett pulls his head back. “I didn’t take her. I assure you, she is yours.” His voice is very calm, almost soothing. Brett convinces Scott to sit on the couch.
Alexa’s door buzzes and she pushes the intercom speaker. “Yes?”
“Miss Drake, we’ve had a noise complaint. Are you doing okay up there?” James asks, his voice full of concern.
“I’m absolutely fine. Mr. Patrick had a little too much to drink but we’re okay. We’ll keep it down.”
“Yes, ma’am. Call if you need anything.”
“I will. Thank you, James.” She hangs up. “You’re being too loud, Scotty. You can only stay if you calm down.”
He crosses his arms and pouts like a child.
“Brett, why don’t you go now? I can take it from here,” Alexa says, as she starts a pot of coffee.
“Are you sure? He can be a lot to handle when he’s drunk.”
“I have a lot of experience with it.” She smiles.
“Okay, if you’re sure.”
“Yes, it’s better, I think.”
“What are you saying to her?” Scott calls out from his place on the sofa.
“I told her I was leaving.”
“Good!” he yells again.
“I’ll call you, Brett. Sorry you had to get involved in this.”
He smiles at her. “It was worth it, while it lasted.” Brett leaves and Alexa is faced with a belligerent Scotty.
“You’re naked. Did you fuck him? Tell me the truth.”
“No, Scotty.”
“He wanted to?”
“Yes.”
“You wanted to?”
“Yes.”
Scott leans forward and slaps his hand against the coffee table. He stares at her, his eyes filled with a look of despair she’s sure she’s never seen.
“Do you like him, baby girl? Do you want him more than me?”
“I like him. But I couldn’t sleep with him because of you.”
“I don’t get it. You have your clothes off. You were going to let him. Why?”
She throws her hands up in the air. “God, Scotty! Isn’t it obvious? I’m trying to get you out of my head.”
“Why do you want me out of your head? I don’t understand why you don’t want me.” His voice is pleading, desperate. She’s seen Scott drunk many times but she’s never seen him like this.
“I never said that.” She walks to the kitchen and pours them both a cup of coffee. She already knew it was going to be a long night. “Drink this, Scotty,” she says, handing him a cup.
He takes a sip, but his eyes remain wild. He grabs her wrist and pulls her hand to his heart. “You’re killing me, Alexa.”
“I’m not trying to.”
“I hate what I am right now.”
“I do too. What you did to me today was horrible. It really hurt me.”
He rubs his forehead, clearly struggling to regain his composure. “I don’t want to hurt you. You are the last person on the planet I want to hurt. But I didn’t know what else to do. You were being so defiant. And then flirting with him and seeing him again…I’m fucking going crazy.”
“I was wrong to mess with you like that, Scotty, but…you’re driving me crazy too. My life was just fine before you showed up here.”
“Was it, Alexa? Were you happy without me? Because I haven’t been happy a day since you left New York.”
She sighs deeply. She had no idea where this conversation was going. Where did he get off telling her this crap? He had no problem kicking her to the curb when he was done.
“Why did you come here tonight? Did you want to see me with Brett?”
“I came here because you’re fucking mine.”
“Scotty…”
“I wanted him to leave. I was going to stand outside all night until he left. Then hours passed and I thought… I thought he was fucking my girl and I couldn’t stand it. I was going to kick his ass if I had to.”
“Scott, he’s been your best friend for years. I don’t want to come between you.”
“Nothing else matters. Don’t you see that? Why do you think I came to London? What more do I have to do or say to fucking show you how I feel? Why won’t you believe me?!” He stands, splashing coffee on the table. He walks across the room and stares out the balcony doors.
“How do you feel, Scotty? Instead of all these games, and power plays, and meanness between us, why don’t we try using words? Why did you come here? How do you feel? I’d love to know.” Not once in all the years that she has been in his world has he talked about feelings.
“I came here because I… because…,” his voice trails off
“Because what, Scotty?” she asks, exasperated.
He turns to face her. “Because, I love you.”
She drops her coffee cup, splashing its contents everywhere, ignoring the mess it made.
“What did you say?” Her voice softens.
He rushes to her and holds her in his arms, kissing her softly on the mouth. “Alexa, I love you. I always have. I just didn’t know how to show it. I’ve been miserable since you left New York. I thought the feelings for you might go away over time but they didn’t. When Brett said he wanted to meet you, I knew I had to come and see you too. I can’t stand living my life without you in it anymore.”
“You’ve gone mad,” she whispers softly.
“Yes, over you. It’s not so hard to believe I’m in love with you, is it?”
“This is more about sex for you than love, I think.”
“No, baby girl. I’m sure of it. I can have sex with anyone. But I wake up every fucking day thinking about you. I wonder if you’re happy, if you live in a nice place, if you’ve made friends. I wonder if anyone is in your bed with you and if he knows how to make your coffee. I wonder if anyone knows how gorgeous you are when you don’t have any makeup on and if anyone kisses that mole on the small of your back for you. I wonder if anyone makes you smile, like I used to. I wonder if you’ve given your heart to anyone. Mostly, I wonder if you have any feelings for me at all.”
She tries to pull away, but he holds her tight. “Too many to name, Scotty. Too many.”
“Are any of them love?”
“I don’t know anything about love.”
“Yes, you do. It’s in there somewhere. It’s my fault you hide it.”
“What do you want me to do? Declare my love for you right now?”
He rubs her chin with his thumb. “I would take that.”
“I…”
“Baby girl, I will do anything to get you to let me back in your life. Anything. Do you understand? If you don’t love me right now, I will do what it takes to get you to. I haven’t deserved your love in the past but I am willing to change.”
Her eyes well up. Scott Patrick is confessing his love to her.
“I know you’re scared, Alexa.” He kisses her again. “I won’t dominate you anymore. I swear.”
“It doesn’t just turn off, Scotty.”
“I don’t understand. Why did you start to hate it so much? We were so good together.”
She finally pulls herself away from him. Pacing the room, she tries to think of an answer that she’s willing to give him. She takes a deep breath and decides the only answer that will work is the truth.
“Scotty, I don’t hate it. But it reminds me of you and I didn’t want to be reminded of you. It makes me feel weak, like I’m not my own person anymore, even though, physically I love it. It’s only you that can make me go to that place, only you that takes away all my power, only you that I want to give it to.”
“What’s bad about that?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know why we are even having this conversation. You say you love me but how could you? You broke me, Scott. You caused pain like nothing else. Death might be easier than healing from what you did to me.”
He looks horrified. “I know. I thought it was the right thing to do. Besides, the day after you acted like it didn’t bother you.”
“What did you expect me to do? You told me to leave, that I meant nothing, and you would find another toy before I was even out of the state of New York. Your words, Scotty. Remember?”
“I loved you even then. I know I did.”
“That’s how you talk to someone you love?”
Scott stares at Alexa for a moment, his mind racing with a million words he wants to say. Whether it’s the alcohol in his blood or just the overwhelming emotion building in him, his eyes begin to well with tears, something he is positive has never happened before. He walks back to her and puts his arms around her waist, pulling her close, thankful when she doesn’t back away.
“Alexa…” he says, shaking his head. “Would you have taken this opportunity if I told you I loved you? If I told you I couldn’t imagine my life without you in it? Would you have left if I said that I would rather die than wake up in a bed that you weren’t in?”
Alexa studies his face for a moment, wiping a tear that falls down his cheek. She almost doesn’t believe this is happening. “Scotty…” she whispers, moved that he was revealing such emotion.
Scott buries his face in her hair, inhaling the pleasant scent of it. “I had to say those things or you wouldn’t go.”
“Why did you want me to leave?”
“We’ve been over this,” he says, looking up at her. “I knew you were getting the call for London and I promised you. I gave you my word. It would have been selfish of me to hold you back just so I could keep you. If I had any idea you loved me too, I would have tried harder to keep you. But I don’t know how you feel.”
“I don’t either. You spent so much time teaching me how to hide my feelings, sometimes they hide from me too.”
“You’ve never let anyone else be inside you. Why?”
“I told you.”
“Tell me again.”
She stares at him. As good as he is at getting her to hide her emotions he’s just as good at getting her to explore them.
“I couldn’t.”
“Why?”
“Because.”
“Because why, baby girl?” He smiles, his sobriety starting to settle back in.
Alexa sighs, knowing she simply can’t avoid this any longer. Even though she fought it, she wants to say these words to him. She wants to see the look in his eyes. Those beautiful dark eyes filled with emotion for her. “Because, Scotty. I belong to you.”
His face lights up. “Tell me, Alexa, tell me you’re back.”
She stares in his eyes, praying that what she sees is reassuring and it is. “I’m back, Scotty. I couldn’t walk away now if I tried.”
Scott kisses her forehead. “I’ll take care of you this time. I’ll make up for all the bad things that happened. I swear it.”
Alexa leans her head against his chest as tears stream down her cheeks.
“I can’t shake the feeling that we’ll end up apart again.”
~ Alexa
“Lexi, baby girl, let’s go to bed now. Just sleep, we’ve both had a long night and I just want to be with you, hold you in my arms, and enjoy this time. I want your face to be the first one I see when I wake up tomorrow, like how it used to be.”
She nods her head in a daze. She cannot believe what just happened between them. Scotty loves her? Now he wants to go to bed with her without sex? She has a sudden desire to look outside to check for end of the world meteor showers.
“In the morning, I want to take you to breakfast before work. Then I will give you the space you need to work while I go and take care of things with Brett.”
“What are you going to take care of, Scotty?”
“I owe him an apology.” She looks up surprised. “He owes me one too.”
“Why?”
“Because he pursued you after I asked him not to.”
“He said he didn’t know how involved you were with me until today. Is that true?”
He nods his head. “Yeah, I played it cool for many reasons. One, that was between us and I didn’t want it altering his view of you. Also, we’ve always had a rivalry, you know, which one could get the girl first. I figured if he thought I wasn’t interested in you, maybe he wouldn’t chase. I should have realized you’re hot enough to make him chase anyway. It’s the reason I never wanted him to meet you before.”
�
�I don’t think he was doing it to be mean to you.”
He shakes his head. “No, he wasn’t. He pursued you, not to piss me off or compete, but because you’re so fucking beautiful. He got a hard-on the minute he laid eyes on you.”
She crinkles her nose. She knew this already. “I honestly didn’t mean anything to happen with me and him. I initially said yes just to piss you off, you know that.”
He nods. “But then you liked him?”
“I’m going to be honest. If I didn’t feel the way I do about you, I think I would like him. He’s a really nice guy.”
“I know. Much nicer than me.”
“Different than you.”
“Did he excite you as much I used to?”
“Is he the one lying next to me right now?”
“No.” He grins. “But he wanted to.”
“Yeah, he did. Big deal. A lot of guys want to fuck me.”
“I know. I love it and hate it all at the same time.” He brushes his finger across her cheek. “How far did he get? I just need to know.”
“Why, Scotty?”
“How far? Tell me now and I won’t ask again, I promise. It will drive me crazy until I know.”
“Just kissing. A little touching. That’s all. I swear.”
She watches his temple twitch as he sucks in his breath and then slowly releases it. “Did you touch him?”
“Not at all.”
“You swear?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. I can deal with this. You didn’t give anything to him. You’re still just mine?”
“That’s right.”
“Thank you for telling me.”
“You’re welcome. You know, you’re lucky I don’t know how many women you’ve had after me, Scotty.”
“That’s easy. None.”
She laughs. “Don’t fucking lie to me. I’m being very honest. Even though I know you don’t want to hear about me and Brett, I told you the truth because you wanted it.”
“I’m telling you the truth, baby girl. No one. I think we’ve been acting out in exactly the same way. I pick up the girl, take her out, and take her back to the playroom. Tie her up, smack her around a bit, and then send her packing.”
“You’re serious?”
“Very. A few times,” he shakes his head, “I couldn’t even get it up. I wasn’t turned on. After about the tenth incident like this, I knew I had to either get you back or give up women for good. Then Brett tells me he wants to meet you because of how well the London office was doing. Two things went through my head: that I knew I was in love with you and that I couldn’t let Brett have you. I knew once he laid eyes on you, he would go after it.”
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