Run from Fear

by Jami Alden

  He stifled a harsh laugh. Great. She cared for him. She could twist him in knots with a look and she “cared for him.”

  “I just…” She trailed off. “I want to know about you, Jack. To be honest, I’ve never understood why you stepped up to help me the way you did. Maybe if you tell me, I’ll get it.”

  “I helped you because you needed it, and you weren’t going to help yourself.” Just like Gina, and look where that got her. “Okay, fine. Gina was married to one of the guys on the team with Danny and me. I knew he was beating the crap out of her. One night I gave him a taste of his own medicine and ended up spending a night in jail. I would have been brought up on assault charges if Danny hadn’t had my back.”

  “Did you love her?” Talia asked.

  Jack had to think about that. There was a time when he would have said yes. “I loved the idea of her. She was pretty, blond, blue eyes, wholesome, you know?”

  “Sounds adorable,” Talia said, unable to keep the edge from her voice. “Funny, you don’t strike me as a homewrecker.”

  “Nothing ever happened,” Jack said, sounding offended. “I’d never make a move on a married woman. But I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t try to help her. She and Johnny got married right out of high school. She was a kindergarten teacher. When I first met them, they seemed kind of perfect, you know? And even though I had zero interest in settling down, I thought how nice it would be to be married to a pretty girl who’d stuck by my side through everything, waiting for me back home after a grueling mission. Then they had a kid and he was so damn cute…” Jack swallowed convulsively at the thought of little Toby. “He had this mop of brown hair and big blue eyes like his mom.”

  “Had?” Talia whispered.

  Jack ignored that for a moment. Now that he’d started, he needed to get it out, to make her understand why couldn’t leave her alone, even when she would have pushed him away. “It was about a year and a half after Toby was born, we’d been deployed to Central America for six weeks. We’d been back for about a month before I saw them together and I just knew.”

  “That he was hitting her? She didn’t tell you?”

  Jack shook his head. “She didn’t need to. I knew the look in her eyes, the way she carried herself around him.” He turned to face Talia, looked her straight in the eye. “It’s the same look I saw on my mom’s face until I left home for good when I was eighteen.”

  Talia reached out and covered his hand with hers. Out of sympathy, he knew, but he’d take what he could get. “I’m sorry, Jack.”

  “At first Gina tried to pretend it wasn’t happening. Then she tried to get him into counseling, thinking it would get better.”

  Talia’s fingers curled into his palm. “It never gets better,” she said bitterly.

  “Then when I found out he went after Toby, I lost my patience and went after him. He broke my nose, and I fractured his wrist. Bad enough he had to stay behind on our next deployment.” He leaned his head back against the couch, staring sightlessly up at the ceiling as he thought of the horror that had followed.

  “I had some money saved up—my grandfather left me some when he died—and I set Gina up with a new place to live and some money in a bank account. Somehow Johnny found out. I don’t know if she told him or what. But three days after we left, Johnny walked into his house and shot himself, but not before he took out Gina and Toby too.”

  “Oh, God,” Talia breathed beside him.

  “He shot her in the head, and then he walked up to Toby and just shot him in the chest. In the pictures I saw, it looked like he was napping.” He closed his eyes but he couldn’t keep the gruesome slideshow from playing in his head. “I still have nightmares, but instead of the pictures it’s like I’m there, walking through the house and finding their bodies.”

  Beside him, Talia was silent, but he could feel the trembling of her hands and hear the occasional sniffle.

  “I was dreaming about them, you know, the other night when you heard me screaming. At least it started out that way, but then in the dream Gina turned into you.” He couldn’t suppress the shudder at the image from the dream that ran through his head.

  “Did something happen… after? What Danny said made it sound—”

  Jack cut her off. “It’s hard to say if there was direct cause and effect. I was fucked up, that’s for sure. We were at the end of our tour and Danny, Moreno, Novascelic—they all decided it was time to get while the going was good.”

  “But you didn’t.”

  Jack shook his head. “I couldn’t. I didn’t know what to do with myself. Danny wanted to start Gemini Securities and wanted me to join with the other guys, but I couldn’t get my head back into normal life. I needed to get away; I needed action. I needed… I don’t know, to feel useful or something because I’d fucked up everything so badly.” His mouth pulled into a rueful smile. “I couldn’t save Gina or Toby, but I could still fight for our side. And then that all went to shit too. I only lasted one more mission before I was sent home.”

  “Were you wounded? Was that how you got the scars?”

  “I was wounded but this time it was just a shoulder wound.” He gestured to the spot under his shirt where the skin was puckered from the bullet. “But I got sent home because I beat the shit out of my commanding officer. I was lucky I didn’t get court-martialed.”

  He felt her tense next to him and waited for her to scoot away. He should have never told her any of this. You tell a woman like Talia—hell, any woman—too many stories about beating the crap out of people and they start to get nervous. And he couldn’t blame her. Even though he would cut off his right arm before he’d lay a hand on her, given her background, it was only natural that she’d worry about him turning physical on her.

  “You had to have a good reason,” she said, the certainty in her voice surprising him. More shocking, instead of scooting away, she shifted a couple inches closer, close enough for her bare thigh to brush against his.

  “I thought I did at the time,” he replied, interlacing his fingers with hers, the simple touch sending warmth up his arm and through his body. Maybe holding confessional with Talia was a good thing if it meant she’d get close of her own accord.

  “We were in Afghanistan, north of Kandahar. Out in the desert in the middle of nowhere. We were supposed to deliver medical supplies to a village about ten miles to the west. About ten minutes outside the wire, we got word that we were being ordered to change course and check out a suspected drug lab. The officer in charge had sent another ranger unit out about a few days before to find it, but he’d fucked up the coordinates and sent the team to the wrong place. Now he was looking to save face and use us to do it.”

  He closed his eyes and it was like he was back there, the ever-present dust sucking every bit of moisture from his throat as the sun beat them down with its relentless heat. “I told them it was impossible, that the only route was through a narrow valley that would leave us completely vulnerable if the Taliban troops spotted our location.” His mouth twisted bitterly.

  “Our convoy was spotted by a goat herder. We tried to pick up the pace, but trying to get over land there—you have no idea. And the valley got so narrow there were spots where the sides of the vehicles were scraping by. The next thing you know, there was this huge explosion and it was like the whole side of the mountain came down on top of us. Boulders as big as a bus raining down, RPGs hailing down on us. We were pinned down for over four hours. By the time air support arrived, I managed to pull only two other guys out with me.”

  “You saved them?”

  “Yeah,” Jack said tightly. “But one is minus a leg and the other has the mental faculties of an eight-year-old. And all because someone wanted us to cover his ass. So when the asshole came to see us in the hospital, I just… I just fucking lost it.” He shook his head.

  “He deserved it,” Talia said, “just like Johnny did.”

  Jack shook his head. “It’s one thing to give someone what’s coming to
them. It’s another to totally lose control. I don’t want to be that guy, Talia. The guy who goes into the blind rage and doesn’t realize the damage he’s doing until it’s all over. I don’t want to be like my father.” The words slipped out before he realized what he was saying. He let out a low curse. “Anyway, I was lucky I was able to get a general discharge.”

  “You’re not like your father, Jack,” Talia said. Of course she’d pick up on that. “People like your father, like Johnny, like David, they don’t try to save the broken birds. They crush them under their heels.”

  “So far my track record in saving isn’t so great.”

  The grief, the defeat in Jack’s voice was so profound it squeezed Talia’s heart like a fist. “You saved me.”

  “Barely,” Jack said.

  “Although,” Talia continued as though she hadn’t heard him, “I think I’d prefer the term wounded bird instead of broken.”

  Jack turned to her, shadows from the dim light of the table lamp playing over his chiseled features. “Why’s that?”

  “Wounded implies you can heal. Broken sounds more permanently damaged.”

  His eyes locked on hers.

  “For a long time, I was convinced I was broken.” She dropped her gaze to their interlaced fingers. Focused on the warmth of his touch, the steady sound of his breathing, the warm scent of his skin.

  On him.

  So loyal. So brave. So gentle, in spite of his propensity to kick ass and take names.

  And did she mention hot?

  And he wanted her. The thought sent a sizzle of heat straight to her core. Shocking her with its intensity.

  Maybe she should start trusting someone else’s opinion instead of her own. Maybe she really wasn’t so broken after all. Only one way to find out for sure.

  “Kiss me,” she whispered, and reached out to cup his cheek in her hand.

  “Be careful, Talia. The way I am right now, I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to stop at just a kiss.”

  She paused a moment to absorb what that implied. A small voice urged her to retreat. That was the broken bird talking, and Talia was not broken. Tonight, with Jack, she wanted to fly. She reached up, stroked his cheek, her thumb tingling as it rasped against the dark stubble darkening his jaw. “I want you to kiss me, Jack. And I’m not afraid of what happens after.”

  He went completely still, so still he might have been carved out of granite. Then his breath hitched in his chest and he whispered, “Are you sure?”

  Talia didn’t answer, just leaned forward to close the last few inches separating their mouths. His lips were firm and warm, and they parted at the first touch of hers. Just that slight contact sent a jolt of heat through her. The first time he’d kissed her, she’d been caught off guard, so shocked and panicked she’d barely been able to register how he felt, how he tasted.

  Now the light touch of his lips against hers made her crave more. Hot shivers coursed over her skin and she pressed closer, threading her fingers through his hair, opening her mouth to get a better taste. Her tongue flicked tentatively across his lips and he opened on a groan, and suddenly she found herself pushed back against the cushions of the couch, his mouth devouring hers with hot, wet kisses.

  They were necking like teenagers on the couch and she’d never been more turned on in her life. It felt so good, so right, it almost made her giddy.

  She ran her hands up his back, shoving the heavy fabric of his jacket out of the way. With an impatient grunt, he yanked it off, contorting his body so his mouth never left hers. She stroked him through his shirt, the fabric thin enough to let her feel the heat of his skin, the muscles coiling and tensing under her touch.

  So much strength. So much power. And he would focus every ounce of it to keep her safe.

  The whisper of desire turned into a roar.

  She needed more, needed him closer. She wanted to feel his bare skin under her hands and tugged his shirt from his waistband and slid her hands up underneath.

  She swallowed his groan at the first touch of her hand on his smooth, hot skin. His hand slid from the curve of her hip, explored the dip of her waist, and slid higher to cup the fullness of her breast.

  The contact jolted through her. Even through the layers of her dress and bra, she felt his touch like a brand. Her nipple beaded hard against the brush of his thumb.

  It sent a bolt of heat straight to her core, making her ache and throb. Her hands froze on Jack’s back and she gave a startled little cry against his lips.

  He jerked his hand away and sat up.

  Talia blinked in confusion. Had she done something wrong? Accidentally kneed him without realizing it?

  “Shit, I’m sorry,” he said, running a hand through his hair as he sat back against the couch. “I didn’t mean—Forget what I said. I don’t want to do anything you don’t want me to do.”

  In that moment, Talia realized Jack had mistaken her reaction for fear. A smile spread across her face. She moved over to Jack’s lap, loving the startled, hopeful look on his face as she positioned herself facing him, her knees on the outside of his hips as she settled her weight on him and took his hand in hers.

  “You didn’t do anything I didn’t want, Jack.” Slowly, deliberately, she raised his hand to her mouth and kissed the center of his palm. She watched the slashes of color on his cheekbones darken as she placed the hand over her breast and arched into his touch. His lips parted on a gasp, and she could feel his erection surge underneath her, hard as a club and pulsing against the curve of her ass.

  She took his face in her hands and kissed him hungrily, sucking his tongue into her mouth to tangle with hers.

  “To be honest,” she whispered in between more of those slow, wet, mind-blowing kisses, “I don’t think there’s anything you could do tonight that I would say no to.”

  A shudder rocked through him. “You’re absolutely sure? I don’t want to push you—”

  “You’re not pushing me, Jack. I want you.” She opened her knees wider and her dress pushed higher up on her thighs. She rocked her hips until she was riding against the hard ridge of his cock. She moaned as she rubbed against him, the silk of her panties creating a delicious friction against her overheated flesh. Surely he could feel it, the heat, the wetness, even through the heavy fabric of his pants.

  But just in case he couldn’t, she whispered again, “I want you, Jack. So much. More than I ever thought it was possible for me to want a man.”

  He took her mouth again and rocked his hips against her, letting her feel the full strength and hardness of him underneath her.

  She started to unbutton his shirt but got only a few buttons down before she was distracted by the tug of his hands at the button at her nape, then the tease of cool air on her back and chest as the sleeves were tugged down her arms. She pulled her hands from the sleeves and the dress pooled around her waist. A rush of apprehension coursed through her. This was as close to naked as she’d been with another person since that night. She forced the fear back. She wouldn’t allow the past to leave its ugly fingerprints on what she was feeling right here, right now, laying herself bare to Jack’s strong hands.

  She looked up to see his gaze locked on her face, not on her breasts, covered by the beige cups of her bra. Studying her, careful, wary as he took her one step closer to full surrender.

  She couldn’t deny him anything. She reached behind her and unhooked the bra, leaving breasts completely bare to his stroking hands.

  Her mouth sought his, licking, sucking, leaning into his touch as she tried to tell him without words how much she wanted him, needed him. How desperate she was for his touch, how she’d needed him, needed this, all along and hadn’t even realized it.

  His mouth slid from hers, down her neck, and he bent his head to capture a nipple in his mouth. She moaned at the first tug of his lips, the flick of his tongue, the scrape of his teeth. Heat pulsed between her legs, so intense it was almost painful.

  She threaded her fingers through his d
ark hair and held him close, pushing for deeper contact as he sucked at first one, then the other breast.

  Her nipples were tight points, dark red and glistening in the dim light.

  “You are so fucking beautiful,” he murmured against her. “You make me insane.” He sucked at her left nipple again, then released it, pressing soft, hot kisses to the inner curve of her breast and underneath.

  Until his tongue was there, tracing the small, round pucker of flesh left from where Nate Brewster had burned her with a cigarette.

  Talia stiffened, cold fear threatening to chase away the heat of desire. But she felt Jack’s mouth, so gentle, kissing and licking at the scar like he would erase it and all the pain that came with it.

  “Beautiful,” he whispered again. She looked down and had to blink back tears at the look on his face.

  Almost reverent. As though she really was the most exquisite woman on the planet and he was the luckiest man in the world to be with her.

  She’d never felt more beautiful, more adored. She was going to grab on to that feeling and hang on tight for however long she could make it last.

  Jack bent his head and kissed his way back up her neck. He closed his teeth over her earlobe. His voice was a deep rumble in her ear, and she felt the vibrations in the tips of her breasts and the ache between her legs.

  “I want to make you feel good. I want to take you to bed.”

  Chapter 15

  Yes.”

  The single word sent a jolt of lust straight through Jack. The blood pounded in his groin, and his cock, already rock hard as it rubbed against the curves of her incredible ass, felt like it grew about another inch.

  He kissed her again, the taste of her sending a rush of electricity through his already-overloaded system. He knew he had to be careful, knew he had to go slow, but, Jesus, after wanting her for so long, to finally touch her, kiss her…

  And oh, Christ, he thought as she sucked his tongue into her mouth, felt her fingers slide inside the front of his shirt to touch his chest, to have her kiss and touch him too…