“Because! It was our baby, and I couldn’t even keep it. What kind of woman am I?”
“Stop.” He drew in a deep breath; his lungs burned as if lava was coursing down his throat. “I’m no expert on these things but my understanding is that miscarriages happen and no one really knows why ...”
“That’s what they say.” Her inflection showed how little comfort that thought gave her though.
“You shouldn’t have gone through this on your own.”
She dashed at her tears but more quickly took their place. “I was alone,” she agreed, threading her fingers in tangles and knots. “I left you because you could never love me like I loved you. But when I lost our baby I realised that I wanted to have our child more than anything on earth.” She sucked in a fortifying breath. “I wanted our baby. I would never have ...”
“I know.” He groaned, pulling at his hair until it spiked in disarray. “God, Annie, of course I know that. I saw that bill and I just ...”
“You were blindsided,” she finished hastily, understanding why he’d jumped to such a conclusion. “And it’s pretty bloody misleading.”
“I’m so sorry.” He stood once more and closed the distance between them, though Annie moved too, seeking his body and needing their closeness. “Annie, I’m so sorry.” He pulled her to his chest and held her tight, lifting her off the floor and pressing kisses into her hair. “When I think of what you must have gone through and all without me ...”
“I thought about calling you. But I knew you’d blame me, as I did myself. I couldn’t let you hate me.” She sobbed. “But you hated me anyway.”
“Don’t.” He eased her back to the ground but kept his arms around her so that she could hear the fast tattoo of his heart. “I hated that you left me. I could never hate you.”
“I had to go,” she said, the pain of their situation rushing back to her.
“Why?” He pushed, his voice grated from his mouth.
“Because!” She stamped her foot in frustration but he didn’t release her. “You were never mine. Loving you was the biggest risk of my life. And it turned out I didn’t have the nerve to see it through.”
“That doesn’t make even an ounce of sense,” he said slowly.
“Yes it does.” Her words were hollow.
“What the hell kind of crazy are you talking about?”
“Look at you!” She snapped. “And look at me. Look at your world. I never fit in, Kyle.” A sob wracked her slim body. “Everyone knew it. And eventually you would have too. People like you don’t marry people like me. We are the definition of chalk and cheese.”
“Bullshit.” He shook his head. “I spent my life waiting to meet you. I have never had the kind of love you offered me.”
“It’s not enough. If you loved me ...”
“I would have done everything differently,” He nodded sharply. “Yeah. I screwed up. I did. But believe me, Annie, you are all I want. What can I do to show you that?”
She swallowed to ease the pain in her throat. Tears were cloying in her mouth. “You could go back six months and take me seriously,” she said with a shrug.
“God, I would if I could, Annie.” He ran his hand over her silky hair, remembering how it looked as a skein against the pillow when she slept. “You have to understand that trusting people doesn’t come easily to me. You weren’t the only one who was living in fear that our marriage might end. Anyone I’ve ever cared about has either left me or given me up.”
“And I did the same,” she nodded. “But ...”
“You had every reason to,” he promised. “I spent our whole marriage pushing you away.”
She nodded quickly. “I spent every day wondering when the axe was going to fall. I can’t keep up with you. I can’t compete with the women in your world. I’m not smart like you. I’m not glamorous. And one day you’re going to meet someone else who you fall head over heels in love with.”
“Stop.” He lifted a finger to her lips, urging her to be silent. “I have met enough women to know what I don’t want. And what I do. And I just want you.”
She swallowed. “It’s too much. I’m afraid. I’m afraid of loving you and losing you again. Of loving you and not having you love me back. I’m afraid. And I don’t want to feel like this anymore.”
“Maybe when two people love each other like we do it never stops being scary. Maybe you just learn to live with the fear, and to talk about it a bit better.”
Her heart turned over. “I don’t know. I mean, if Adam hadn’t stuffed up again, I wouldn’t have come back to you. Isn’t that a sign that we’re better just letting this go?”
“It’s a sign that we’re both as stupid as each other,” he contradicted darkly. “When it comes to this whole marriage thing, at least.”
She drew her brows together. “I was so scared to come to your office.”
“God, Annie, don’t. It tears me apart to think of you dreading coming to see me. You should know that you can always ask me for anything. Any time. Whether you decide you want to be in this marriage or not.”
Her lips twisted into a mocking smile. “Or you’ll blackmail me back?”
He winced. “Fair comment.” His hands ran along her back, smoothing the fabric of her shirt and feeling her slender figure beneath. “I did blackmail you. Holding you now I can’t believe that I did that. You walked in and I knew –bam – that I couldn’t lose you. I knew I still loved you as much as ever and I was pretty sure you felt the same.”
She was very quiet, listening to his words, wondering if there would ever be an explanation that sufficiently justified the way he’d used her brother’s activities to leverage her back into his life.
“Loving you was never my problem. But Kyle ... if you knew how I came to dread so much of our life.”
“I was a terrible husband, first time around,” he hushed her and she held her breath, waiting for him to continue. “I thought that marrying you, and having the certificate to prove it, meant I finally had you. The woman of my dreams. My family. I thought of you more as a possession or an asset, less as a person with needs and feelings distinctly separate from mine. God, I was such an idiot, Annie. Such a fool. You were miserable.” He lifted his hands and cupped her face. “You were uncomfortable even in our own home and I didn’t see it. I arrogantly assumed that because we were married, it was a done deal. Forever and ever.”
She swallowed. “Loving you was a done deal. Even when I left you I knew I would always feel that for you.”
He shook his head. “I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve that.”
“Of course you do,” she groaned, pushing her head on his chest. “This is just impossible. You’re wary of really letting anyone into that heart of yours, and I’m only going to be happy if I feel I have all of you.” She bit down on her lip. “I don’t know how we can overcome the differences of who we are.”
“I do.” He laced his fingers through hers and lifted her hand to his lips. He kissed her palm and then slowly eased the ring off her engagement finger. Annie watched as he placed it in the centre of her hand and curled her fist around it. “Every day we have to make a decision to be there for one another. That’s marriage. It isn’t one day, one commitment, one promise and pledge. It’s a commitment we need to make again and again to love, honour, cherish and respect one another. I failed you, Annie. I made that promise to you on our wedding day but I didn’t fulfil it. Not as you deserve.” Tears were running down Annie’s cheeks but she didn’t feel them.
“I didn’t honour you when I bullied you back into my life. I didn’t cherish you by taking you to Aspen, knowing how unhappy you’d been there last time. And I didn’t respect your feelings during our marriage. You told me you were unhappy but more than that, you showed me, and I refused to listen.” He ran a finger over her cheek, his expression sombre.
“You have no reason to believe me again. I’m not making you this promise in front of a group of our friends at the front of a big churc
h. I’m standing here now promising just you, Annie that I will be what you need. That if I’m not, I’ll keep trying. I’m promising to love you and that I will never again take for granted your place in my life. If you still want to be in it, that is.” He ran his finger over the knuckles of her closed fist. “Don’t wear the ring. Don’t wear it.”
“Why not?” She whispered, her eyes searching his face.
“Because a ring isn’t what makes us a couple. Nor is a marriage. That’s what I’m saying, Annie. All of that is just fluff. What matters is what’s in here,” he pointed to her heart, “And here.” He dug his finger into his own chest.
Annie nodded, something clicking in her chest as his words began to pour gold and light over her wounds. “I do love you. So much.” Her words were shaky, her cheeks pink.
“I know.” His eyes were suspiciously moist as he stared down at her. “It took me a long time to accept that but I know it now. Only love would keep you here even after everything I’ve done.”
“Or stupidity,” she retorted with a small laugh. “You really did go way too far to use Adam’s idiocy to get me back. You know that, right?”
He nodded. “It’s who I am. Do what it takes to get what you want. The motto of my life.” He shook his head ruefully. “Suffice it to say it did not serve me well on this occasion.”
“I don’t know,” she said softly. “You did in fact get what you wanted.”
“Did I?” He shrugged. “I don’t know if you can bully or leverage someone into loving you.”
“You didn’t have to. I already did, remember.”
“Then none of it mattered.”
“You saved Adam from going to prison.”
“Yes, but not because you asked me to.” His fingers formed a basket behind her back, holding her secure in the circle of his loving arms. “I had already dealt with his situation before you showed up in my office.”
“You did?”
“Uh huh.” His smile was a thing of incredible beauty, but she could see how haunted he was and ached to take away the pain. “I had it written down as an accounting glitch.”
“But I thought –,” The sentence drifted off into thin air as Annie tried to make sense of his confession. “I thought you were furious with him. I thought you hated him.”
Kyle nodded. “I am furious with him. Yet I understand that he has a strange compulsion and a defect in his character, that he needs help, not punishment.” He shrugged. “Were he not your brother, perhaps I would have been happy to leave it to the authorities. What he did, no matter how he tries to dress it up as selfless concern for Juanita and their future, was a criminal act. And I believe it was motivated by a need to game the system and win.” His expression was dark and he made an effort to soften it. “But perhaps with the right kind of help he can be made to see how wrong his actions were; to ensure he doesn’t go down this path again.”
“You don’t really believe that,” she surmised softly.
He stared at her for a long moment and then shook his head. “But for your sake, I hope I’m wrong with all my heart.”
Annie’s smile was shy suddenly. “I like your heart. I think your heart is good.”
Kyle grimaced. “That you think so is a sign of your goodness, not mine.”
“I wish I had been able to tell you sooner how unhappy I was. I felt like I lost you, Kyle. You were my husband but you were no longer the man I’d fallen in love with. Once we were married, you disappeared from me.” She shook her head. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the way beautiful women throw themselves at you. Nor at the habit you have of staying friends with all of your past lovers.”
“Like I have said, my dearest Annie, it never occurred to me that you would be bothered by this because you have no reason to be.” He pulled a face of frustration. “That was stupid of me. And it was disrespectful to you. I should have anticipated how my lifestyle would seem to you. I’m truly sorry.”
“I know.” She shrugged. “And maybe I’m the one who should be sorry. If I felt less insecure, perhaps the other women wouldn’t have bothered me.”
“There were no other women, ever.”
“You know what I mean. The women before me.”
He shook his head. “They meant nothing. Nothing meant anything until I met you. Never doubt the truth of this: I love you. Never doubt that you are the most important person in my world. I adore you, Annie. And I need you.” He pressed a kiss against her hair and she sighed against him. “Will you stay and let me show you, one day at a time, how different I can be?”
She stared at him, pretending that she was thinking hard about his request. Finally she nodded slowly. “Just don’t be too different,” she said with a slow-spreading smile. “You’re still the man I love, infuriatingly arrogant and overbearing as you are.”
EPILOGUE
Annie stepped over the threshold and froze. Their apartment had been transformed into some kind of candle-lit wonderland. Roses were on every surface. Not red, but a soft-pink, with luscious blooms like the old-fashioned variety that grew rampant in the countryside rather than those neat little hothouse buds florists flavoured. And hundreds of little flames sparkled and twinkled in the bleak sunshine of the wintry afternoon. Some were tea-lights, flush against the furniture and others were elegantly tapered stems, arranged in clusters to cast pools of golden light.
He knows.
Annie shook her head, a small smile tingling at the corner of her lips. Of course he knew. What secrets didn’t Kyle have access to? Trying to keep anything from him was an exercise in futility.
She placed her shopping bags down by the door, thinking guiltily of the hundreds of dollars she’d spent simply because she ‘couldn’t resist’.
“Kyle?” She strolled through the apartment thoughtfully, peering through doorways, until she found him on the enormous balcony. It was freezing.
He had his back to her but she could already tell he was wearing her favourite tuxedo, with the crisp black detailing. He turned slowly, showing that she was right, and that he’d paired it with an equally perfect white shirt and bow-tie.
Annie’s heart turned over in her chest. He was so beautiful. She would never tire of staring at him.
“Hey.” The single word was a gravelly invitation. She padded across to him, her ballet slippers scuffing a little on the tiles of the balcony space.
“Hey yourself. What’s all this?” She gestured with a nod towards the apartment.
“Do you know what today is?”
A frown crossed her features. “No.” She wracked her brain for the dates and still drew a blank.
“It’s been a year since you came home.”
“A year?” She shook her head. “It can’t be.” She stared out at the snowy streetscape and nodded. “That’s gone fast.”
“Much faster than the six months it was preceded by.”
Her eyes met his and her heart thumped with love. He didn’t know.
“Kyle?”
He lifted his hands and cupped her cheeks. “You are so perfect for me.”
She bit down on her lip. “Right back at you.
“I have a surprise for you.” Annie stared at him in confusion. Those were the words she’d been about to say.
“You do?”
“It’s in our room. Or at least, it starts in our room.”
“Kyle!” She laughed with exasperation, wondering distractedly if they’d ever lose the spark of desire that seemed to ignite when they were together.
“Oh, if only there was time,” he grinned, tapping his palm against her rear. He followed her into their bedroom and his smile widened when he heard her exclamation.
Hanging in the wardrobe was the most beautiful dress she’d ever seen. It was a silken sheathe, and a silver colour. She lifted her fingers to touch it and shook her head. “It’s gorgeous.” She spun to face him. “Would you help me into it?”
“I’d be honoured.” He slipped her clothes from her body with reverenc
e, admiring her return to normal. Over the year, Annie had gradually changed before his eyes. Not to the woman she’d been when they were first married. To perhaps her true self. This Annie had a quiet confidence that shone brightly from her heart. Her curves were back, and he adored them.
“No bra,” he said, unclipping it and running his hands over her rounded breasts. He could have buried himself in her all night, and not for the first time he regretted having organised this night. Just the two of them would have been perfect. But they had a lifetime to be selfish. Tonight was about Annie, and the people who loved her most. He was just lucky to be a part of that group.
He slipped the dress over her head, revelling in the feeling of the silk against her skin. She spun slowly as it fell into place, then lifted the single strap over her left shoulder.
“I love it,” she promised, wondering if it was a little tight over her breasts and bottom.
“It’s perfect.” He reached for a cashmere shawl and placed it over her shoulders.
“Perfect for what?”
The doorbell chimed at the precise moment and he smiled. “Your evening awaits, madam.”
“Huh?”
She blinked up at him in confusion and then shrugged, lacing her fingers through his so that he could lead her to towards the front door. Elegant jazz music was playing from somewhere and she let out a sound of surprise when her eyes alighted on a quartet in the corner of the lounge. “Were they there all along?”
He nodded, pulling the door inwards.
“Mum? Dad?” Annie stared at her parents in complete shock. “What are you ...”
“I invited them,” Kyle whispered softly. “I wanted them to see your life here.”
Annie shook her head then threw her arms around her parents. “I have missed you both so much.”
“Not so much as to fly home,” her mother said a little sniffily and then turned her face into an expression of tolerance. “Thank you for the invitation, Kyle. And for sending the jet.”
“Any time.” He gripped Sylvia Smith’s hands in his and addressed her earnestly. “I mean it, Sylvia. Any time you and Grahame want to come and visit, the jet is at your disposal. As is the penthouse suite you’re in now.”
The Billionaire's Ruthless Revenge Page 12
