She grabs out her bottle of rum, unscrews the lid, and chugs some back before singing along loudly to the song. It seems fitting somehow—this song, right now—and I sing along too.
*
I nudge Nova in the shoulder. Her snores have been ringing in my ears for the past hour and it’s driving me crazy now.
“Wake up.” I push her again and her head slides to the other side and thumps against the window lightly. She snuffles but doesn’t wake up. “Wake up!” I yell, louder this time.
She opens her eyes, takes a deep breath and stretches, and then looks across at me. “’Sup?” she asks, retrieving her cigarettes and lighting one up.
“You were snoring loudly,” I grumble. Sure, I’m tired and cranky, and I’m ready to pull over somewhere for the night, but I haven’t found anywhere that seems safe yet.
Nova frowns at me. “I don’t snore,” she says with confusion.
“Sure you do.”
She shakes her head. “No, I don’t snore. That was, like, the truck or something.”
I roll my eyes and ignore her, giving an overly exaggerated yawn as I sit up and attempt to stretch out my back.
“You tired? Do you want me to take over for a little while?” she asks.
“Is that okay? I’m no good with a gun, so if something happens I won’t be very useful.”
“Not like I’m much use when I’m sleeping.” Nova grins.
She has a point but I still feel nervous, even as I stop the truck and we swap places. Nova stares ahead through the windshield. Nighttime is creeping up on us and we should probably pull in somewhere, but we all want to get home. It’s been a pretty shitty trip, and one that hasn’t exactly ended well.
“Nova?” I say quietly.
She turns to look at me, her eyes sad even though her mouth quirks up into an awkward smile. “I never fucking knew,” she says. “I want you to know that. I didn’t know any of that shit was happening. I thought we were helping that woman and her husband escape, I didn’t know that they had knocked her up or whatever.”
I look down at my feet, the guilt weighing heavily on me. “I know,” I say, but I don’t, not really. How would I?
“I knew about the zombie tests, that was it. I didn’t know about the people—the children, I didn’t know about those tests.” I look back up and see her staring back out the window again. “I didn’t know about that poor woman.” She looks back to me again. “What do you think happened to her? Do you think she died?”
Even in the darkness of the cab I can see how pale and worried she looks. But I haven’t got any comforting words for her. Hell, I’m not the comforting type, but I wish I could be for her—for Nova. She deserves that much to be free from her conscience.
“I don’t know,” I say simply, because I don’t know what else to say and I really don’t know.
“I hope she’s okay, and the baby…do you think the baby is okay?” She picks at her fingernails, cleaning the grime from underneath them.
“I don’t know,” I say again.
Nova breathes heavily. “I need to let dumbass back there know that we’re switching. If you can’t shoot for shit, he needs to be aware that he’s covering us all.” And with that she climbs out of the truck and heads toward the rear.
The engine is noisy and so I can’t hear her talking, but a couple minutes later she climbs back in and pulls the truck back out onto the road and we continue to head home. I see the trails down her face, the smears of dirt washed away by fresh tears, and I call bullshit on her telling Michael that we swapped places. But I don’t say anything; she needed those couple of minutes.
Chapter 41
“We’re coming up to a bad patch,” Nova says, checking that all her weapons are within reach.
Nova had driven through most of the night without complaint, and I had slept fitfully. When I woke for the second time, a scream caught in my throat, I decided to not bother trying to get any more rest, and we had swapped places again. Nova hadn’t slept, though; she’d sat staring out into the darkness, occasionally swigging on her rum, and smoking. I knew she was hurting, but couldn’t think of any way to ease that pain. She had shot Rachel, her own sister—chosen me over her kin, and for that I’m eternally grateful, but of course her sacrifice comes with restrictions.
I know she feels more betrayed by Michael than anything else; that much she did say, and I can’t blame her. They were all supposed to have each other’s backs, but they were keeping dark secrets from her. She helped them all escape, helped that other woman escape, and she thought she was helping but really she was making the problem worse.
In hindsight, though, we’d all do things differently.
“No matter what,” Nova begins.
“I don’t stop,” I finish for her quickly. “I know.”
She nods, understanding that Rachel told me that on the way out. My mind is on what will happen, what happened last time, and the fact that it’s not raining and hasn’t rained for at least twenty-four hours, so I can afford to go a little faster. I’m debating all this when I see a dark smear along the middle of the road, and I know that’s where I hit the woman on our way out. I floor it, not thinking anymore, just hoping not to experience the same thing again.
Nova opens up her window, levels the barrel of her gun out of it, and starts shooting. I don’t know if she’s aiming for anyone in particular or just shooting to scare the crap out of whoever is there. I know she’s a good shot, but she can’t seriously be hitting anyone at these speeds.
I hit sixty miles an hour, feeling every bump in this old damaged road. I see shapes in the trees, movements of people, but I try to keep my eyes on the goal and keep driving forward, increasing my speed a little more. The sound of bullets ricocheting against the metal of the truck is unmistakable, but unlike last time I’m not frightened by it. I feel different from the woman that came out on this trip. I can’t say how—I mean, I can’t harden any more than I have these past few months—but something has definitely changed in me.
Nova crouches down in her seat, a snarl on her face as she reloads her gun. I slouch down as low as I can while keeping a decent amount of control on the wheel—not an easy job at this speed, I’ll tell you.
I hear Michael’s return gunfire from the back, and even over all the shooting I can hear him cursing something fierce, but we’re over the worst of it and thankfully nobody seems to have gotten hurt this time. At least I didn’t have to run anyone over. It’s all a little underwhelming, if I’m honest. That sounds stupid—I know, I know, I’m evil and insensitive, but I was all geared up for something really bad.
The truck hits seventy and I look in my rearview mirror as we speed away, watching as several people come running from either side of the road. I can see them still shooting at us, but we’re too far away now and going way too fast for them to do any real harm, and all I can think is that they should probably save their ammo, fucking assholes.
“They’re not real clever, these guys, are they?”
Nova laughs loudly. “I wouldn’t think so. If they were, they would be laying better traps than these ones.”
“Other than the throwing a random person in the middle of the road ones you mean?” I say with only a hint of humor because, you know, that’s not really funny. But sometimes you have to laugh or your brain gets fried from all the bad shit that keeps happening.
She takes a deep breath. “Yeah, other than that.”
“Desperate people do desperate things. Let’s be glad that they don’t have any real ammo.” I roll my eyes at the thought. These guys with big-assed guns would be a bad combination.
“They’re like those really irritating little flies that hang around no matter how many times you swat them away.” She laughs.
I laugh back because I couldn’t agree more. I ease off the gas, slowing to fifty miles an hour. Stopping for gas is never one of my favorite things, and I’d like to make it back without having to fill up again; leadfooting it isn’t going
to help. I keep checking the rearview mirror to make sure we’re not being followed. Not that I really need to—Michael will be on high alert or whatever now, and he’ll take care of anyone that tries to follow us. He’s totally silent now, which is a good sign.
We drive in silence for a while, both our thoughts wandering in their own directions. The only sound is the noisy-ass truck, which probably signals everyone and everything to our location. My ass is numb from the vibrations and my back and shoulders are getting stiff. I know we’re nearly back now, and I can’t wait. I want a long, hot shower, some decent food, and to see Mikey and Emily.
My stomach sinks when I realize how much I’ve come to depend on them—not on their skillset or how they can help me, but on them being there, their affection and love.
“Fuck me,” I whisper to myself.
“Say what now?”
I look at Nova, my face white. “I just realized that I give a shit. Like, really give a shit.”
She stares at me for a minute before lighting a cigarette. “Happens to the best of us, darlin’.” She shrugs and looks sad again, even with the smile she flashes to me. “You’ve got to think—what would be the point in surviving if you didn’t give a damn.”
I think about what she said, and know she’s right. If you don’t care, then you’re just surviving. And I don’t want to just survive, I want to live. I’ve done the whole surviving thing and it sucked: it wasn’t a life worth living. But now I have purpose again. With that purpose comes responsibility for other people, but I know I would be willing to do anything to help them survive—to live.
*
The rain pitter-patters on the roof; it’s therapeutic but also makes me tired. I know we’ll be home any time now: we passed the zombie attack hot-spot—as Nova calls it—a while back. The road is still littered with bones and dead zombies. I’m not sure if they’re the same ones I ran over on the way out or if these are some others that someone else ran over. Either way, I’m glad we pass it with no trouble.
We finally pull into the circular entrance of the base, and we’re let in through the security gates. Mathew and Jessica are on duty today and both of them look extremely happy to see us. Nova rolls her window down and leans out. I don’t know either of them much, but they seem nice enough. I’ve chatted with Jessica a couple of times; she’s sweet but keeps to herself. Mathew is boyishly good-looking and I’m sure all the girls go crazy for him, especially when he carries around his bad-ass bow and arrow.
“You get anything good?” Jessica asks, leaning out of the small security box doorway.
Nova smiles. “Of course, darlin’. I got you some of that fancy bubble bath you asked for, and I picked up some rub-in hair product thingy—it sounded like the one you asked for.” Nova shrugs. “I’ll get it to you later today.”
Mathew is staring at us both eagerly.
“Yes, we got you your books,” Nova says. “Michael even got you some new arrows for your bow.”
“Are you serious? That’s awesome.” Mathew cheers and fist pumps the air, and I can’t help but laugh, even though a dread has taken me over. “Did you get the comics I asked for?” He chews on his bottom lip, worry crossing his face.
Nova shakes her head and rolls her eyes. “Yes, I got your damn Punisher comics. Didn’t know which ones I was getting, but I grabbed a bunch of them. Now let us through and stop hassling me.”
“Sorry, sorry, yep, no problem. Straight through.” He smiles, looking genuinely pleased for himself.
Nova starts to roll up the window as I begin to pull away, but I hear Jessica shout to me and I slam on the brakes again.
She jogs up to the side of the truck. “Emily is pissed at you,” she says with regret. “Thought I’d give you a heads up.”
“Figured as much.” I nod a thanks and set off again.
A deep and unsettling feeling sits in my gut. Not for the fact that Emily is pissed at me—she’ll get over it and I have bigger problems—but because of Rachel. She lived here before me. She was their bomb-maker, a great fighter, and a friend to most. Not to mention that she was clearly insanely up on her science, and lord knows if she used that skill around here for anything useful. I can’t help but wonder if everyone will turn against me now. I didn’t kill her, Nova did, but will everyone be as disgusted as I was to hear what she had been doing previously? Or will they think that I overreacted?
I pull the truck up to the warehouse bunker and Nova jumps out and opens the doors. I watch from my rearview as Michael jumps out and wanders off without saying anything—I’m guessing to go and speak to Zee about everything that happened. He still hasn’t spoken a word to me and I’m unsure on how to take that. Is he processing it all or is he plotting on his revenge? I mean, none of this would have come to light if I hadn’t hassled him so much.
I back up the truck and, once inside, climb down from it and close the heavy steel doors. Nova and I set about unloading everything. Others will be along shortly to do this for us, but we both want to pick out the couple of things we got just for us before anyone else arrives and it gets taken to the consignment shop. It’s no big secret—I don’t think anyway—and I’m sure everyone does this when they get back. Call it first dibs or whatever you will.
We’re about halfway done when Zee and Michael come in. Zee looks grave and heads straight for me. Michael joins Nova in unpacking the truck, and I hear them whispering angrily as Zee takes the crook of my arm and attempts to lead me away.
I shrug out of his grip. “What the fuck?” I manage to say it somewhat discreetly and surprise myself.
“We need to talk, now. Not here,” he says and stalks off, leaving me to follow. He reaches the small door that leads to office space further inside the bunker and turns back to look at me. “Well?”
I roll my eyes. “Fine, let me get my bag.” I stomp over and grab it along with Mikey’s samurai and then stomp all the way back over to him. He holds the door for me as I walk through, and then barges back in front to lead the way. Seems stupid to me, to be polite and then an asshole all at the same time. It also seems uncharacteristic for him.
He leads us into a dusty office with chairs still up on the desks ready for cleaners to come in. Of course cleaners aren’t going to be coming in anytime soon—that would be weird, given the whole-end-of-the-world thing going on, and completely pointless. I grab a chair down and sit on it, hands folded in front of me like I’m in high school detention.
Zee gets a chair and sits in front of me, a lot more calmly than I did, making me look like a bigger asshole. I roll my eyes at him and huff.
“What?” I snap. “I’m tired and have shit to be doing. I don’t need your weird starey thing right now.” I huff again.
Zee clasps his hands in front of him, trying to compose himself. “I’m sorry for the way I grabbed you back there. That was rude of me, and you didn’t deserve that.”
“You can say that again.” I look out the window. The rain is coming down heavy again, I note.
“The thing is, I didn’t want you leaving and speaking to anyone before I had chance to speak to you,” Zee continues.
I look back at him, a frown crossing my face. “You mean about Rachel? I’m sure that’s what Michael went tittle-tattling to you about.” I stand up, my temper getting the better of me again.
“Please sit down, Nina. Everything will be okay.” He sits up straighter, yet looks concerned.
“Then why am I being pulled in here and not those two?” I arch an eyebrow. “If everything is going to be okay, then why the hell am I the one being singled out?” I stomp over to the window and stare out into the rain. I can see a couple of shadows moving through it toward us—people coming to help unload, no doubt.
Zee stands next to me. “Look, we don’t have much time. Please listen to me.”
I can feel him staring at me but I refuse to look at him. I’m being pissy and unreasonable, I know, but I can’t stop myself. “What do you want?”
“I want you no
t to say anything about Rachel. If anyone asks, she got killed in the line of duty,” he says calmly.
I turn to look at him now, an even bigger frown on my face than previously. “What? Why? Do you know what she did?”
He nods, his eyes looking away before meeting mine again. “Michael just told me, and I understand that she threatened you, but I believe it is in your best interest if we don’t tell people that part. It’s the best for everyone. Michael has specifically requested that nobody find out what she did previous to being here. He doesn’t want her memory tarnished.”
“What about my face? She would have blown that clean off. Does no one give a shit about that? And that poor woman that she’s impregnated is out there somewhere, dying with the spawn of evil inside her. Does no one care about her?” I’d spit at him if I could gather enough moisture in my mouth, and I hate spitting. I’m so angry, the room feels like it is throbbing around me.
Zee walks away, looking at the old dusty chalkboard fixed to the wall. “Of course we care about you. Every member of this community—of this team—is important, but Michael has said that if it gets out about Rachel, he’ll leave. He says Nova will leave with him. The thing is, Nina, I need their skillset. I need them to help keep everyone safe, and while I agree that what she did was disgusting and inhumane, telling everyone won’t help anyone. It won’t change things.” He turns to look at me. “Do you understand?”
I roll my eyes again. “I’m not fucking stupid, of course I understand.” I take a deep breath and grumble loudly. “Fine. I won’t say anything. Keep him the hell away from me, though. I don’t want to be on duty with him or work near him. I don’t even want to eat near him. You got that?” I point a finger at his chest, and while he isn’t intimidated in the slightest, he does back away. “Do you understand that, Zee?”
He nods. “I do, Nina. That’s perfectly acceptable. Go rest, you deserve it.”
Odium II: The Dead Saga Page 29
