by Lola Swain
“Oh, that’s lovely,” he said and smiled. “Absolutely stunning, I tell ya. Are you thinking of Daddy fucking you, baby?”
“Yes,” I said and arched my back.
“Do you want to cum, baby?”
“Yes, I want to cum.”
“Okay, while you’re pounding your pussy with your right hand, take your left and rub that clit with your palm. I mean really smash your hand against it and rub hard.”
I did as Aiden instructed and I felt like the bottom fell out of my chair. I felt as if I was floating and falling and crashing all at once and I had no control. I heard his phone ringing but I didn’t stop.
“Lexi, ease off a bit,” he said. “I have to take care of something.”
“What? No!”
“Don’t stop love, just give me a second. There someone waiting downstairs. Just need to pop out. I promise I will not be long. Take your fingers out of your cunt baby and suck on them while you rub your pussy. Daddy will be right back,” he said as he stood from the desk.
I rubbed my pussy as I watched Aiden leave his room.
I closed my eyes and thought of the last time I was with him. I thought of Lucia and how she rubbed her beautiful pussy while Aiden fucked me on his bed. We three fucked and sucked on each other for almost a full twenty-four hours.
Even though Aiden and I were once again forced into video sex, I finally knew how he felt about me. He told me that he felt the same about me as I did about him. Aiden and I, despite all barriers and geographical obstacles, will be together soon. Permanently.
My pussy ached and my clit throbbed. I wanted to cum so bad, it was painful. I was so wet, my hand glided freely between my pussy lips and back and forth across my clit. I eased off a bit when I felt the building tingle in my lower back.
But when I heard his voice, I was thrilled he was back so we could continue.
“Lexi?”
“I need you to allow me to cum and right fucking now,” I said as I opened my eyes and stared into my computer screen.
My hand immediately stopped moving and I held my breath.
I blinked my eyes, as if doing that would change the face of the man staring back at me into Aiden’s. But the more I blinked, the more the face remained the same. Because the face staring into the computer watching me masturbate was not Aiden’s. It was Devon’s.
“What the fuck?” I said as I moved my legs off the desk and tried to cover myself with my hands.
“Yeah, what the fuck?” Devon said. “I guess I know why you never called me for that date you promised when we were in Ibiza.”
Ibiza with Devon was a mistake. Using Devon to make Aiden jealous was not fair, but it seemed to do the trick. And even though it was not a chore for me to fuck Devon because he’s hot as hell, but I love Aiden.
I stared back into the computer screen at Devon’s face, trying to think of something to say, but really, what could I say at that point?
“Devon, I don’t think you—”
“What, understand? No Lexi, I don’t understand. Is this what you do…you and Aiden? I thought you were above groupie status.”
“Excuse me, groupie? I am not a groupie, Devon. Aiden and I—”
“You do know he does this with other girls, right? He has a list. We all do. We share too, you know. I guess the only thing that elevates you above groupie status is that he hasn’t given us your chat address. Yet.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about. I understand that you may be mad, but that is no reason to say those things…to be so mean.”
“I’m not being mean, I’m telling you the truth. Okay, maybe that was a bit mean, but I’m disappointed. I always thought you were better than this, Lexi,” Devon said and shook his head.
“Who the fuck do you think you are? Fuck you, Devon,” I said and slammed my computer screen closed.
I was humiliated and frustrated and didn’t move from the chair for almost an hour. I didn’t understand why Aiden hadn’t called me. Finally, I put my robe on and grabbed my cell to call him when my friend Allen, as he usually did, walked into my apartment.
“Hey blueberry tits,” Allen said as he came into my living room. “What are you up to?”
“I’m fucking pissed,” I said.
“Aw, tell me all about it,” Allen said and sat down next to me. “Did the Internet connection flub up during your filthy rub and tug with Daddy dearest?”
“Funny you should say that,” I said and rested my head on Allen’s shoulder.
I told Allen what happened between Devon and I and after he stopped snorting, he wiped the tears from his face.
“It’s not funny, fucker,” I said.
“Au contraire, cantaloupe ass, it’s fucking hysterical.”
“Okay, first, can we stop with the fruit-laden terms of endearment? And second, what am I going to do?”
“What’s there to do?” he said.
“I don’t understand why Aiden hasn’t called me. It’s been almost an hour now.”
“Look cherry, uh, Lexi, you’re too caught up. Ever since you got back from Spain and you banged papa pervert, you’ve done nothing but wait to bang him again. You’ve not done anything for yourself.”
“I love him, Allen. I’m just waiting for—”
“Yes, waiting again.”
“I’m just waiting for him to come back from New York. We’ll be together and then will discuss the next step.”
“What if there is no next step?”
“Of course there’s a next step. Aiden really does love me. He wants to be with me. It’s that simple.”
“Sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself.”
“No, I’m trying to convince you since you don’t believe me.”
“Why don’t you just call him?”
“I don’t want to appear desperate.”
“I’m sorry kitty cat, but you’re a few months too late.”
“Thanks,” I said and picked up my phone. “Fine, I’ll call him.”
I called Aiden’s cell and the call went straight to voice mail. I pictured him and Devon fighting over the recent scene and it made me feel pretty good. I called the Waldorf Astoria and ask to be connected to his room.
“Aldo Mussolini’s room please,” I said to the front desk person at the Waldorf.
“Aldo Mussolini? Brother,” Allen said and rolled his eyes.
“What?” I said. “He has to be anonymous.”
“Aldo Mussolini is about the least anonymous name he could choose.”
“I don’t think he’s there,” I said as the phone to Aiden’s room rang.
I was about to hang up when a woman answered the phone.
“Hello?” she said.
I wondered for a moment if I got the name wrong. Perhaps they connected me to the wrong room? But I had a really sick feeling.
“Hello,” she said, “is anyone there?”
I grabbed Allen’s knee and cleared my throat.
“Um, hi,” I said. “Is Aiden there?”
“Who is this?” she said.
“I must have the wrong room,” I said.
“No, you don’t. Aiden is at a meeting. This is his girlfriend. Who is this?”
Did you ever have that gut punch, like when you stalk your boyfriend’s Facebook page and see a pretty girl post something to him that seems too familiar for comfort? Then you start connecting dots. Synapses fire, you put it all together. It was like that, but worse. The moment you realize you’ve been duped. Stupendously.
“This is Lexi,” I said. “Who is this?”
“Lexi? Oh, hello! This is Raven Sheridan. I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“Really? I’ve not heard anything about you. I wasn’t aware Aiden had a girlfriend.”
Allen gasped and covered his mouth.
“Well, we’ve made it official, but I’m sorry about this. We were going to sit down with Aiden’s kids and tell him. I hope this wasn’t a shitty way for you to find out. I’ll make sure I t
ell Aiden you called.”
I can’t really remember what she said after that. I entered a weird, foggy fugue state as I closed my phone and stared at Allen.
“Oh, Lexi,” he said, “I don’t even know what to say. Maybe—”
“Girlfriend?” I said and started to cry. “I thought I was his girlfriend.”
“I—”
“I have to call Lucia,” I said as I dialed her cell.
“Pronto?” Lucia said when she answered her phone.
“Luc, what are you doing?”
“Fucking.”
“Fucking?” I said and sunk back into my couch. “Like now, now? Lucia, I need you to pay attention.”
“I am,” she said. “I’m with Paolo, he’s not that good.”
“Who is Raven Sheridan?” I said.
“Um, she’s a porn star. Well, I guess you could say a former porn star. She’s trying to make the mainstream movie.”
“Not her fucking résumé, Lucia. Who is Raven Sheridan to Aiden?”
There was nothing for a moment but silence. Lucia knew.
“That dead air better not indicate you are racking your brain trying to think of something to say because you knew about this. Tell me the fucking truth!”
“Lexi,” Lucia said, “fuck Lex, I was going to tell you. I mean like tomorrow. I just found out about it myself. My mother told me.”
“What the fuck is going on? Literally an hour ago, I was rubbing my fucking pussy in front of his goddamn face while he watched me on the computer. Now he has a girlfriend?”
“He must not have known she was coming.” Lucia said.
“I’m crushed…absolutely fucking crushed. Devon was right, I’m no better than a groupie in Aiden’s eyes.”
“Devon? That is not true, Lex!”
“Lucia, he has a girlfriend. And it’s not me.”
“Paolo get off me, I have emergencies,” Lucia said.
“I’ll let you go. Call me when he leaves.”
“No, you will do no such thing,” she said. “I’m here. I am right here. Talk.”
I alternated between talking and sobbing for several hours while Lucia listened to me and offered advice. But in the end, there was no getting around the fact that I was a fool for thinking Aiden wanted to commit to me.
“You know what Aiden’s like, he’ll get tired of this one like he did all the others. He’ll be back to you, Lexi.”
“Back to me? I didn’t even know he left. And what the fuck does it say about me if I go back to him?”
“Yes, true. So you have two choices: fight Raven Sheridan for him or give up.”
“What kind of name is Raven Sheridan?” I said and shook my head.
“It’s her stage name, I believe.”
“You think? No, I won’t fight any woman for a man. I want answers from him though.”
“Then call him and tell him you know about Raven.”
“It makes me sick men do this, Lucia. It makes me sick that someone can destroy you with their insensitivity.”
“Love, as in life, is not fair, I’m sorry to say.”
“I’m going there.”
“To New York? When?”
“Now, well, as soon as I find a flight. Yes, I am flying to New York and I will confront Aiden.”
“Oh, Lexi,” Lucia said, “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea. It could further push him.”
“Yeah, I want to push him off the roof. What does it matter? He’s had one foot out the door since we fucked. I gave it up.”
“Yes, no challenge.”
“But why does Raven Sheridan pose such a challenge?”
“Well, she’s a porn person. She’s probably wild and adventurous.
“I fucked my stepfather in a ménage with my stepsister, for fuck’s sake! What could be more wild and adventurous?”
“True. That was a good night, no?”
“I can’t even think of it. He makes me sick.”
“I’m really sorry, Lexi. I could fly in.”
“I want to go now, before I lose my nerve.”
“I understand. Please keep your cell on and let me know what is happening.”
After I got off the phone with Lucia, Allen and I looked for a picture of Raven Sheridan on the Internet.
“Eh,” Allen said as he studied the picture of her taken at a premiere somewhere, “she’s okay if you like that type of thing.”
“What type of thing would that be? Beautiful?” I said and slammed my laptop closed and threw it into its bag.
I booked a red-eye flight from London to New York and reserved a room at the Waldorf under an assumed name. Allen begged me not to go, portending major disaster. But I didn’t care, I had to go.
I slunk into the Waldorf-Astoria about nine hours after I boarded my plane at Heathrow with my eyes peeled for anyone that had anything to do with Aiden’s band. I just wanted to get to my room and sleep. And I had to figure out what the fuck I was doing there. I felt stupid and embarrassed that I actually flied there and now that I arrived, I wanted to turn around and leave. But that would have been the sensible thing to do, a trait I most definitely do not have.
Surprise, Surprise, Surprise
I slept for about four hours and when I woke, I grabbed a few sheets of the Waldorf’s stationary, donned a pair of large-framed sunglasses and went down to the bar for some liquid courage. I slammed two beers quickly and sunk down into the comfortable bar chair and began to pen my monologue to Aiden. And as I ordered my third beer, I heard a man call my name and I realized my cover, which was more of a sheer veil, was blown.
“Lexi?” Devon said as he walked toward me. “What the hell are you doing here?”
I lowered my head and didn’t answer him as he slid into the barstool next to me.
“Hey, I can see you,” Devon said and touched my arm.
I looked up at him and pushed my sunglasses up into my hair.
“Hi,” I said and shook my head.
“Hi. Thank you for recognizing that you know me.”
“I’m sorry,” I said and swiveled toward him. “Please don’t embarrass me any further.”
“I’m just here for a drink. Is it okay if I sit with you?”
Devon called the bartender over and ordered a scotch. I looked at him and smiled. He looked good. Very good.
“So,” I said after I took a sip of my beer, “how have you been?”
“How have I been? Well, I’ve been good,” he said and smiled. “Look, I’m sorry about that video thing.”
“I thought you weren’t going to embarrass me.”
“Well, don’t you think we should talk about it?”
“Um, no. I really just want to forget it, if that’s okay with you.”
“Okay, we can forget it. Are you going to tell me what you’re doing here?” Devon said.
“Oh, I planned on coming here. I’m taking a look at NYU.”
“NYU?”
“Yes, the college,” I said and spread my legs a bit so the side of my leg touched his.
“I’m aware,” Devon said and smiled. “Kind of coincidental that you’d book the same hotel as Aiden.”
“My family has always stayed at the Waldorf.”
“I see, you don’t want to talk about it. Anyway, you look good Lexi,” Devon said.
“Thanks, so do you,” I said and sucked down my drink.
“Do you want another beer?”
“Yeah, sure,” I said and stretched, enjoying the warmth the beer gave me.
Devon ordered two more drinks and stared at me and smiled.
“What?” I said.
“I can’t leave it alone. I do know the real reason you’re here.”
“Really? And why do you think I’m here?”
“You found out about Aiden, didn’t you?”
“I told you—”
“Come on girl, you don’t have to lie. Remember, I found out in a most interesting way what’s been going on between you and Aiden.”
&nb
sp; I lowered my head and Devon brushed my hair away from the side of my face.
He leaned toward me and pressed his lips against my ear.
“Don’t be embarrassed. I only wish you and I did that.”
I felt a tingle in my lower back and leaned my head toward his.
“I’m sorry, Devon.”
“It’s okay. I’ve lost a girl or two to Aiden,” Devon said and winked.
Devon has the most amazing blue eyes. They look like the waters of the Maldives. Brilliant and cobalt. Where Aiden is rough and brooding, Devon is open and light. And even though he was closer to my age than Aiden, at that point, he was a hell of a lot more mature. But Aiden…well, Aiden was my love since I turned fifteen.
“You didn’t lose me to Aiden,” I said.
“Because I never had you in the first place, right?”
“It was one night, Devon.”
“And what a night it was,” he said and crunched down on an ice cube. “It’s okay, it just didn’t mean as much to you as it did to me. I get it.”
I looked at him and smiled.
“Well, I’m glad your friends passive and aggressive made it to the party.”
“Ha!” he said. “Look, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry you’re hurt. Lexi, you are an amazing girl. You don’t deserve this.”
I picked at the side of the bar and looked around the room.
“Why doesn’t he love me?” I said.
“I dunno, Lex. He’s a fool?”
“No, I’m the fool.”
“Stop. People fall for the wrong people every day. That doesn’t make you a fool, Lexi. It makes you one of us,” he said.
“How come you don’t have a girlfriend?”
“I’m holding out for the right girl,” he said into my ear.
“No, I’m serious.”
“I’ve not found anyone I can stand staring at more than my own reflection.”
“Now you sound like Aiden. Fine, you don’t have to share if you don’t want to.”
“I don’t know…I’ve had loads of girls. What do you want me to say?”
“For as long as I’ve known you, I’ve never known you to have an actual girlfriend.”
