I stopped pacing and stared at him with a sincere look.
I supposed we both had some explaining to do, but now wasn’t the right moment. We were both extremely emotional people, though he hid his emotions much better than I did. His gray eyes, so expressive and the windows to his soul, looked forlorn and pensive. He knew he was losing me. There would be no happy ending for us involving marriage and children. We would only have our friendship, which meant so much to us both that we would never give it up no matter who came in and out of our lives.
“Listen, I am just trying to keep everything calm around here.” My eyes pleaded with him to understand what I was going through and that this wasn’t any easier for me than it was for him. “I don’t want you to be upset, and at the moment, I am at the end of my rope. Please, make this easier on me and just say yes.”
“I don’t like this whole ‘staying with Colin’ situation. The man is a whore and isn’t very discriminating with who he brings to his bed. I don’t want him to become a bad influence on you—”
“Isn’t that like the pot calling the kettle black? You haven’t managed to corrupt me, and I highly doubt he will. Besides, we’ll be staying together when we are in Europe, so what exactly is the problem here?”
Drew finally stood and strode to me before he slid his arms around my waist. “It would break my heart if another man tried to take advantage of you, that’s all. Am I out of line for wanting to keep you safe?”
I slipped my arms around his neck. “We both know what this is about and I have let you slide for much too long, so let me just spell it out because obviously I haven’t been clear enough with what is going on with us. You and I…a romantic relationship…is never going to happen, Drew. I love you so much—you know that. Living here with you and being with you has saved me over these past few months, but…I need to live life and we are suffocating one another. Don’t you see that?”
His arms fell away from my waist. “What are you talking about, Deirdre?”
“We’re so fucking co-dependent, it isn’t healthy. I’ve discussed this with Dr. van der Meer, and he tells me I am enabling your behavior because I am being selfish and acting like an adolescent. We both are. Neither of us have real jobs that utilize our degrees, and we still act like perpetual college students. I think this separation will be good for the both of us.”
I paused and looked into those mesmerizing pale irises. “You mean everything to me and I don’t think that will ever change, but I have already made up my mind. Whether Aubrey is here or not, I won’t be…not for a while. If you don’t want her to stay, then you will have to tell her. You specifically explain why, because I am not going to be the bad guy here for you. We both need to do this, and you know it as well as I do.”
My arms dropped to my sides like sacks of lead, and I turned to leave with my head slightly bowed. If I thought too hard, I would start to cry. Breaking Drew’s heart was the equivalent of breaking my own, but it had to be done and that’s what made the whole situation so screwed up. Why couldn’t he have done it to me first? I could have forgiven him, but I knew it would be much harder for him to erase the feelings of betrayal he’d feel toward me for having to break his heart first, and that just made me feel worse than I already did.
“Fine, leave! It’s always what you have been good at, Deirdre, but just know when he breaks your heart, I’ll be here to pick up the pieces because it’s what I do. You’re not rid of me!”
I stopped walking as I reached the double doors. “Yeah, I’m quite familiar with the PJ Harvey tune, Drew.”
Before he could say anything else, I opened the door and closed it softly behind me.
Aubrey and Colin stood in the sitting room as she tried to work her seductive magic, but he was having none of it. In fact, he looked a bit stone-faced as she looked longingly into his face and tossed her hair in that crazy sexual way that placed most men squarely into the palm of her hand.
“Oh, there you are,” Colin said with a little too much enthusiasm. “Ready to go?”
“Almost. I have to pack a bag and then we can leave.” I glared at my cousin. “Aubrey, can I have a word?”
“Oh, sure!” she said before she bounced off behind me.
“Close the door behind you.”
“What’s going on, chère?” she asked as she shut the door.
“Listen, Drew is going to let you stay, but you are going to have to toe a very fine fucking line. That means no wild parties, no friends over, and no drugs.”
She placed elegant, manicured hands on indignant hips. “I don’t do drugs, Deirdre. I gave all that shit up a long time ago—”
“I’m including marijuana, so don’t try to weasel your way out of this.”
“Fuck! Marijuana is legal in this state, so how is it a drug?”
I rolled my eyes. “My roomie is this close to throwing you out and not allowing you to stay. Here, we don’t smoke in the house so your habit goes outside, on the patio. Also, alcohol is fine but we are more wine and beer than spirits, so keep them at the minimum. Don’t try to seduce Drew, wear an appropriate amount of clothing at all times, especially in the common areas, and try not to make a mess. We have a cleaning lady, but she only comes every Monday so if you fuck something up, you clean it up. She doesn’t do used condoms in nasty random places or anything else unsavory.”
Aubrey refused to meet my eyes. “Are there any other rules I need to know about?”
“Yeah, since this is my bedroom, which I am loaning out to you rent-free, I don’t want any company here at all. You meet some hot guy, you take his ass to his place. The last thing we need are a string of strange men coming and going. We’re cool with our neighbors, and I’d like to keep it that way.”
“What about your Mini Cooper? Can I drive it?”
“Yes, but if my triple A rating with my auto insurance company has been reduced, then you are going to pay for the damage you have done or a new car, whichever is cheaper.”
My cousin let out a low whistle. “You drive a hard bargain, but fair is fair. And by the way, I don’t want to be treated like a charity case. I can pay your share of the bills while you’re away. I make good money at Bare. My problem is most of it goes to clothes and shoes, but that is no excuse. I will do my part, I promise.”
“Okay, if you insist.”
I walked to my closet and packed an overnight bag with a couple week’s worth of clothes. I didn’t plan on taking much in way of clothing to Europe anyway since I enjoyed shopping in all the great department stores and high-end clothing stores they had exclusively. In fact, I always under packed because what was the point of taking a bunch of clothes when I’d have the dilemma of where to store my new ones? It just didn’t make much sense, in my opinion.
I grabbed my Rimowa titanium-wheeled suitcase and began to walk out with it dragging behind me. Aubrey called my name. I stopped and turned to face her.
“Will you come by and see us before you go? I mean, I know how crazy excited you are to get to Europe but…it would mean a lot to me if we could hold a small get-together. Drinks, food, music. This is a huge step you’re making in the right direction.”
“Discuss it with Drew,” I responded evasively.
Aubrey sighed and walked over. “Listen, you’re not the only one who has ever lost a parent. Granted, you just lost your father and Jeanette isn’t your real mom, but…I know what it’s like, and I could have been there for you if you hadn’t shut me out every chance you got.”
She crossed her arms over her firm breasts. “Sometimes I wish my mom was dead. At least I’d know she was no longer hurting herself with alcohol and drugs. Let me be here for you and for God’s sake, let someone in. Colin’s a good guy, but don’t make the same mistakes with him you made with Drew.”
Before I could inquire what mistakes I’d made with Drew, Colin walked in and grabbed my suitcase. “You ready?”
“Yep,” I replied as I slipped my house key from the keychain and handed it to Au
brey.
“Good, then let’s go.”
“Don’t forget about what I said, Deirdre,” Aubrey warned.
“I won’t.” I smiled, although it was far from one hundred percent genuine, turned, and walked out of my room. What ever had happened, it no longer belonged to me, at least not for a little while.
Chapter Six
I could put together a long list of idiosyncrasies about staying with Colin in his excessively overpriced eye-sore of a building, but inconvenience wouldn’t be one of the idiosyncrasies included on the list. The guy was an absolute genius and despite all the rumors I’d been subjected to, I had yet to see any real evidence he was anything other than a decent guy.
We shared cooking duties, and I soon learned he was an excellent cook as well. He had a housekeeper who came by three days per week, and since I had my volunteer work during the weekdays, I never met or saw her. The condo was always neat and tidy.
We settled into a routine of late nights where we would share a couple of beers or a bottle of wine and talk about the places we’d been and what we would like to see. We planned our trip in a roundabout sort of way. Neither of us were traveling newbies and had been to Europe more times than we could count. Since Jeanette’s family still lived in Cornwall and my grandparents were comfortably situated in Strasbourg, I had taken more trips to the UK and France than I could shake a stick at. Therefore, it was quite fun discussing past adventures with Colin.
Midway through the week, I began to panic. It happened right after my last session with Dr. van der Meer before we would leave Seattle. Although Colin would come home nightly with reports about what places he had managed to snag for us through Airbnb, both of us seemed to overlook the most important part of the trip: plane tickets! We’d planned to leave a Sunday afternoon so we could arrive at a decent time on Monday, but I still hadn’t purchased a ticket. I needed to find out where he would rather be situated in the plane, so I didn’t want to do it without his input.
On Wednesday, it took all my concentration to get through my day at the halfway house before I left in a bit of a hurry and rushed over to O’Shaughnessy’s, where Colin would be working until ten o’clock that evening. Though he owned a gas-guzzling yet very comfortable late-model Chevy Tahoe, he also owned a late-model black electric smart car as well. Since my cousin was racing around town in my car, that left me without a vehicle to drive. Colin had handed over the key fob as if it were nothing.
As usual, the bar was packed with the elite and the hardworking from Seattle’s young and tech-savvy employed community. I found Colin behind the bar entertaining his brother, Liam, and a group of friends who had taken the best choice seating at the bar.
I tried to press through, feeling self-conscious and not very sexy or dressed to impress in a pair of skinny jeans and a man-sized gray cashmere sweater. The weather was starting to heat up by Seattle’s standards, but it was far from being warm in the evenings.
A pair of hands wrapped around my waist and pulled me close. “Mmm, don’t you smell fucking amazing?”
I smiled only slightly, as I couldn’t miss Liam’s voice if it was the last deep, gravelly voice I’d ever heard. Hell, he could give Vin Diesel a run for his money the moment words began to tumble from that sensuous mouth.
“Isn’t my brother the luckiest guy in the world?” Liam said to his friends as he held me a bit too close. I knew he was drunk though he wasn’t slurring his words, but I also wondered if he had taken something else, something hard to come by, like grade-A cocaine.
“Colin and I are just playing roomies until we leave for our vacation!” I announced in a merrily as I slapped his hands away. He whipped me around to face him.
“Roomies, huh? Does that mean I can tap this before you two go out of town?”
I rolled my eyes. “Liam, don’t be crass. I think my cousin wants to plan a little party before we leave, so perhaps you would rather tap her ass. She’s more your type anyway,” I replied facetiously.
“Nah, unless she’s blonde. I heard you and Caitlyn are related, and that girl is smokin’! Won’t give me the time of day but perhaps you can make an introduction and soften her up a bit.”
The look in those intense sky blue eyes sent me over the edge, but not enough I didn’t notice his hands were placed on my ass. “Perhaps if you let me go so I can talk to your brother, I just might make that introduction,” I whispered in his ear.
“It is true…I do like blondes…love ‘em, in fact, but…there is just something about you that sets my world on fire. What do you think it could be?” he questioned in a rhetorical tone of voice, matching his dry wit with mine.
We were basically going toe-to-toe trading insinuating insults toward one another and I couldn’t help the fact that I was turned on.
Colin was sexy but nice.
Liam was all bad boy alpha male, and I hated to think a part of me loved his cocky attitude.
“You know what? I wouldn’t have a clue.” I smiled and reached the bar with very little room to spare.
Without a doubt, I really enjoyed observing Colin work. Plus, watching him would take my mind off Liam. His brother might be sexy as hell but Colin was still very hot, and I enjoyed watching him make mixed beverages like it was nothing. I admired the casual way that he flirted with the scantily-clad cocktail waitresses but he never let it go past bantering. Oh, he was good, very good.
As soon as he found a spare moment, he leaned over the bar and delivered a chaste kiss on my right cheek. “Hey you. What’s the matter? You look like you’ve seen a ghost!”
“Nothing much, just roughed up by your drunk brother, but what else is new?”
“What can I get you to drink?”
I thought long and hard before I answered. “An Evian. I have to drive back home.”
He snickered. “So many of these guys do and they are so beyond two sheets to the wind, it isn’t even funny.” Colin walked away and came back shortly with a bottle of Evian and a glass filled with ice and a twist of lemon at the top.
“Okay, so what’s going on? You never visit me here at work, so it has to be serious.”
“Not serious,” I murmured. “Just a bit silly on our part for not thinking about it until now. It’s my own fault. You told me to just go with the flow, but I had to start making charts and maps comparing how much each ticket is going to cost, et cetera. I am an idiot.”
“What the hell did you do that could be so horrible?”
“Neither one of us ordered the tickets to get over there. It’s three days before Sunday, and those tickets are going to be beyond outrageous. What’s more, we probably won’t be able to sit next to one another,” I explained, exasperated.
Colin smiled until the grin took over his face. “Deirdre, I bought the tickets ages ago, at least four months ago, and although I didn’t have a clue who I was taking, it made buying the tickers that much easier. So, to put your mind at ease, the tickets have been bought.”
I couldn’t hide my embarrassment or the sudden rush of blood to my cheeks and face. I probably resembled a beetroot with a slight olive sheen, but to say I felt like my communication skills could use some work were an understatement. Why hadn’t I just asked him if he had already bought the tickets?
Although it was a bit aggravating he hadn’t decided to tell me he’d purchased the tickets, how the hell did he know to get two? Four months ago, I was seeing Dr. van der Meer but I hadn’t met his sons and there was no way he could have known his father would suggest a trip to Europe would be the best way for me to start living life. We hadn’t even known one another when he’d bought them, for Christ’s sake!
“Listen, don’t be annoyed. There was this insane deal Air France was offering, and I just snatched up two seats in La Première and figured if worse came to worse, I would have to go by myself. I certainly wasn’t looking forward to an experience like that, but I would have done it.”
His light blue eyes stared into mine. He leaned on the bar until we were
mere inches apart. His breath smelled like peppermint and his cologne was almost as intoxicating, but I held myself back.
“Listen, I know I am going to sound like a world class jerk, but I just knew someone would accompany me on that flight. I never dreamed in a million years it would be you, but I am not going to apologize and tell you I’m sorry we’re going together. Where would the fun be in that? I am sorry for not letting you know beforehand about the tickets. Can you forgive me?”
A warm, hard body pressed against my back and someone leaned into my ear, “Just forgive him, for God’s sake. He made a mistake. You two seriously need to just fuck and get over it already. All this chemistry and all the time you two have spent together—that is way more than enough time to decide whether you’re compatible or not.”
Colin rolled his eyes. “How about another shot, Liam?”
“Sure, but only if the lady has one too!”
I turned to face Liam and he looked better, slightly more sober, than I remembered, even though he was well beyond the legal limit. He stared at me lasciviously as I asked, “What are you drinking?”
“Grey Goose.”
“A man after my own heart,” I teased before I looked over my shoulder at a quietly fuming Colin. “Two shots of Grey Goose, bartender!”
If he could, he would have gone through fifty shades of crimson but he settled on beet red and turned away as he threw a white hand towel over his shoulder and began to prepare the drinks.
Liam pulled me into his arms, his prominent erection way too uncomfortable against my body despite the clothes I was wearing. “Listen, I know how much you two are into one another, but…seriously, I have a little proposition to discuss with you. We can get a booth and I can tell you all about it.”
Colin set down the two shots of Grey Goose, and I downed mine at the bar while Liam eyed me before doing the same. “Hey Colin, can you make us two dirty martinis please?”
Atonement (The Atonement Duet Book 1) Page 5
