“Listen, remember last night, when we were talking and I told you I was too good to be true?” Colin said
I was on my second glass of wine and eating slices of Comté cheese as I adjusted my position so we could look at one another without me turning my head. “Yeah. So what?”
“Well, I meant it, Deirdre. I know you think I am a gentleman and I respect you for that, but I have a lot to atone for because God knows I’m not perfect. If I tell you everything about me, I don’t know if you’d look at me the way you are looking at me now. The very thought of seeing disappointment toward me in your eyes scares the hell out of me.”
“How am I looking at you now?”
“You’re gazing at me with those gorgeous hazel-green eyes of yours, and they’re absolutely glowing with happiness. I would have never thought I would be able to inspire such light in your eyes and sometimes, I think I can keep all my secrets to myself and we would be just fine. I don’t ever want you to look at me any different.”
My smile slightly faded, and I chewed the cheese in my mouth down to paste before I swallowed and washed the remnants down with wine. “Colin, you’re starting to scare me. What are you trying to say?”
He looked away from my face and stared at the lake. “Liam and I did something so deplorable…we should both burn in Hell. Granted, I am not a huge believer in The Man Upstairs, if you know what I mean, but we should have known better, and it was so stupid. Why do we do such foolish things as human beings that, at the time, seemed like a good idea?”
“Depends on what you did,” I replied before I finished my wine and set the plastic cup down. “We all do foolish things, Colin. It’s called growing up and learning, becoming an adult, rebelling, testing our limits and trying to find out what we can get away with and what we can’t. Sometimes, when we do something crazy like drink and drive and we get home safely, we thank our lucky stars we weren’t stopped by the police or better yet, we aren’t sitting in a jail cell at that moment. We managed to get home safe. I’m sure the feeling would be completely different if you ran someone over…you know, like what happened with my dad, and drove away.”
I pulled my sweater coat closer to my body, as the wind had picked up. “I don’t know. Maybe the person who did that felt big and bad too because they got away with something and they were never caught. The file’s been closed, and it went down as an unsolved homicide. The police did all they could, but there wasn’t enough evidence left at the scene. It was as if…perhaps the people involved didn’t realize they’d run over a person. There weren’t any tire tracks or indications they’d tried to slow down or stop. The detectives involved in the case at Seattle PD said it was one of the weirdest cases they’d ever been involved with, and they couldn’t understand how there wasn’t evidence of the make and model…”
“Have you ever tried Bath Salts?” Colin asked after an interminable silence.
“What do you mean? The drug? God no, drugs aren’t something I do. I have had my fair share of marijuana and nicotine over the years, but hard drugs and doing well in an Ivy League don’t exactly go hand-in-hand. Then again, you already know that, so I’m not telling you anything new.”
Colin poured himself another plastic cup-full of wine. “Well, I have tried them…Bath Salts, I mean…and…they’re okay in small doses. I’d heard the horror stories about people becoming zombie-like. Remember that homeless guy who had his face bit off by some freak? Turned out the guy was on Bath Salts. It started off as a European phenomenon a few years ago, and it finally worked its way to the States about two years ago. A lot of the incidents have been ‘hush-hush,’ so to speak, but it’s only because there is no way to detect it. Drug dogs can’t smell it, and usually it is smuggled in with fertilizer. It can be smoked, snorted, injected, or just dropped into one’s drink and you wouldn’t be any wiser. It’s tasteless, odorless…it’s a drug that could cause a lot of problems in the near future, or perhaps it will be like ecstasy and kind of go out of fashion.”
I lay down on the blanket, though my eyes never left Colin’s. “So what are you trying to tell me?”
“Well, the whole experience was intense. I didn’t realize I had tried Bath Salts at all until Liam told me the next day. I honestly only remember just a few fleeting memories of the night, and the problem is…it continues to come back to me in bits and pieces. For a long time, I honestly didn’t remember that night until Liam told me, and over the months, the night has come back and I wonder if we…I don’t know…if we passed the point of no return?”
“I still don’t understand what the hell you’re talking about. You did Bath Salts that were slipped in your drink and you had a crazy night. Something happened and it’s haunted you all this time. How bad could it have been, Colin? What did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything. That’s the problem, Deirdre. I was messed up, but I was less fucked up than Liam and I should have driven. He claimed I passed out so he had to drive, but as the night comes back to me, I remember being sober enough to think Liam shouldn’t have been driving. He’d done Bath Salts too, but he was out of it and he was a danger not only to himself but to everyone around him, including me.”
I crawled to Colin and sat on his lap before I kissed him passionately. “You don’t have to tell me. I know something bad happened and it’s killing you to tell me so don’t, not now, not here, while we are surrounded by all this lush scenery. Look where we are, sweetheart. Look at the view. We have a lake in front of us and behind us is Versailles Chateau. Let’s go for a walk.”
We both stood at the same time. A group of French people who were from the local chapter of Couchsurfers were hosting a picnic of their own, and I kindly asked a pretty blonde, Magali, if she would watch our stuff while we took a walk around the lake.
The whole place was shrouded with large trees and overhanging branches, but there was a wide, clear path for walkers, joggers, and bikers alike. We walked to the right and held hands as we slowly made that large round circle around the lake at a leisurely pace.
“Listen, just because we have been going out for a few weeks doesn’t mean your life has to become an open book. I know you have skeletons, just like I do, but I don’t expect to hear them all in the first few months. You’re allowed to have secrets and just know that when you are truly willing to share them, I will be here for you. That’s all you have to know, okay?”
Colin squeezed my hand in his and pulled my arm closer to him. His lips met my hand. “You are too good to be true. Tell me, what did I do right in another life to deserve a woman as beautiful and perfect as you?”
“Ha!” I said. “Perfect? Are we talking about the same chick here? In case you haven’t noticed, I had a slight weight problem when I was a young girl. We were able to get a handle on it before puberty and since then I’ve had no issues but if you look close enough, I have cellulite.”
He rolled his eyes in an exaggerated fashion. “Few women don’t have a cellulite. Once it occurs, it’s impossible to get rid of and it’s not obvious, not unless I take a microscope to your body. What’s next? Are you going to fill me in on the fact that you have bowel movements and periods too? Quelle horreur!”
“You’re a regular Cheech and Chong, aren’t you? Okay, so I admit there is nothing abnormal about me except the whole ‘Wendy’ complex, but you knew about that already. When we go back to Seattle, I’ll start working for uConnect and that should be an interesting experience. I’m sure your brother will be a lot more professional since he is dating my sister.”
“One can only hope he’s learned the error of his ways, though he isn’t exactly the apologetic type,” Colin responded as we continued our leisure walk.
“What does that mean? Should I expect to be a victim of sexual harassment because Liam knows what I look like without any clothes on?”
“I would hope not unless he wants uConnect to have a major lawsuit on their hands. You can already get him for sexual harassment. He seduced you after he hired you and no wa
y can he prove you did it because you were strictly attracted to him. You could argue you were scared he might fire you if you hadn’t slept with him and there isn’t a damn thing he can say to the contrary.”
I squeezed Colin’s hand. “I’m not going to sue your brother for having a one night stand with me. For one, I don’t need the money and I certainly wouldn’t want the publicity. It was hard enough avoiding the press after my dad died. I try to avoid them at all costs. Not easy when your parents are wealthy and your father dies in a hit and run.”
“Yeah, I noticed your sister and you both were trying to keep a low profile. Must be kind of hard with a cousin like Aubrey.”
“Not really. We don’t have the same last name, and I wasn’t raised with my real mom due to her death, so most people just assume we’re friends. Most people don’t realize we’re cousins, which is probably a good thing,” I replied.
“Well, it’s good you’re so blasé about your relationship with her because I got a call from Drew. Seems like you can have your old room back, as she’s moved out of it,” he said quietly.
We stopped walking, and I faced Colin fully. “What do you mean? Where has she gone?”
Colin looked around before he stared into my eyes. “Drew’s room. Seems like she finally manipulated your best friend into a relationship. He wanted me to let you know he really likes her, and although he wishes she wouldn’t take her clothes off for a living, they are working on her prospective future career choices. She did tell him she would stop stripping when he actually got a proper job himself and stopped working in the coffee shop and bar, so I’m not the only one who is being forced to grow up. So we talked about it and he’s going into the venture with me. That’s fine with me because at least it is a joint effort and I won’t have to put up all the money. Aubrey has agreed to go to bartending school and get her certificate so she can officially serve drinks. He would rather her be half-naked working at the bar then naked at one of the most notorious strip clubs in Seattle, and I can understand where he is coming from. I wouldn’t want my girlfriend to be a stripper, regardless of how bangin’ her body is.”
We began to walk again, and I wrapped my arms around his waist. “Speaking of bangin’, you wanna go back to the apartment and practice some horizontal moves? We might as well take advantage. I think that is, without a doubt, one of the best apartments we have rented this whole trip. It’s so art deco and cute. I love it, and the bed is very comfortable.”
“Agreed.” He kissed my forehead. “Let’s gather our stuff and go back to the apartment.”
Colin and I made it back to our picnic set-up in record timing and cleaned up. He wrapped up everything while I disposed of our trash and recycled the wine bottle. We walked to the closest RER station, where we caught a commuter train to the main hub, transferred to the Metro, and took the line that would drop us off a mere five blocks from where we were staying.
As soon as we arrived at our designated stop, we got off and walked home without incident. Not long after that, we were inside our apartment and Colin was inside of me.
Chapter Eighteen
The rest of our time in Paris flew by. We managed to get a half day at the Louvre in along with trips to Montmartre and the Notre Dame cathedral. I also fit in a little retail therapy and managed to purchase a Hermès Birkin that was almost as much as one year of the salary I would be making at uConnect, several pairs of Yves Saint Laurent Tributes, and a couple pairs of Christian Louboutins. I also stopped by Hervé Leger and picked up several cocktail dresses I would never find in Seattle. In one afternoon, I blew more than one hundred thousand dollars. It wouldn’t put a dent in my trust fund, but it was sure to get back to my mother because I’d charged everything to the family Centurion American Express Card and she would be less than pleased.
Although we shouldn’t have, Colin and I spent that last night at one of the most exclusive nightclubs in Paris and had a blast. It was his belated birthday present to me, and I loved him for truly going all out. Most of the time, my birthday was a low-key affair, but he was determined to make this year different. Club Silencio was a members-only club before midnight, but I didn’t ask Colin how we managed to get in shortly after eight in the evening.
We enjoyed drinks in the very Hollywood atmosphere, which didn’t surprise me since the club was owned and designed by avant-garde director David Lynch. The club was busy and the music terrific. I couldn’t say anything bad about the place, but I truly thought Colin brought me here just so I could wear my brand new sequined, navy blue one-shoulder bandage dress and black spiked, patent-leather Christian Louboutin five-inch heels. I’d wrapped my hair up in a messy French twist which fit my clothes perfectly and as usual, my makeup was extremely understated thanks to my flashy wardrobe.
He leaned over and kissed my neck. “Have I told you you’re the most beautiful woman in the room?”
I smiled as I sipped from my vodka tonic. “I’m sure you say that to all the women you spend an evening with,” I teased slyly.
“If you don’t believe me, look around.”
I tucked a loose lock of hair behind my ear and did a surreptitious glance around. More than a few men were checking me out in a not-so-subtle way.
“Shit.” I grabbed his hand on the table. “They probably think I’m famous or something. How many people wear a dress like this except to a premiere of a movie, a night out in Vegas, or perhaps to the Last Supper Club in Seattle?”
“Who cares why you have that dress on? You look smokin’ hot tonight.”
“I should, as my dress and shoes cost more than thirty-six hundred dollars total.”
He shook his head. “You women and your clothes…”
“Would it make you feel better if I told you I’m usually a department store girl? It’s just…well, when in Paris I might as well do what all the wealthy Parisians do.”
Colin smiled. “Would you like to dance?”
“As long as it’s a slow song,” I replied. “I don’t think I can actually groove in these shoes. I am certainly not Aubrey in that regard. That girl can dance something awesome whether she is in a pair of flats or seven-inch heels. It is definitely an acquired skill and one I don’t have yet.”
It was a slow song the DJ had chosen, and it sounded terrific. The singer, obviously a French pop artist, had a great voice, though I couldn’t quite place if it was Shy’m, Vitaa, or perhaps Sheryfa Luna. I was actually surprised a David Lynch bar wouldn’t play Mylène Farmer non-stop or even David Guetta.
We both stood, and I grabbed my vintage little black bag courtesy of Chanel. It was the kind of slow song that was perfect for me to slip my arms around Colin’s neck as he wrapped his arms around my waist and held me close. I thanked God his dress shirt was black, as it wouldn’t show any makeup stains if I accidentally ventured too close and rested my head on his shoulder.
Time seemed to stand still as we rocked back and forth in one another’s arms. The whole experience was too perfect to describe. In his arms, I realized I didn’t want to know all his secrets because I feared the one he wanted to tell me most could cause a schism in our relationship, and I wasn’t ready for that.
If someone had asked me how I knew, I couldn’t tell the person, but I had a gut feeling and usually my gut never steered me wrong. My gut was capable of telling me so much about a person or a situation, like the night when my mom called to tell me about the accident with my father. She didn’t have to speak, didn’t have to say a word, as somehow I already knew it wouldn’t be good news.
How would the average person respond to that kind of situation? I didn’t know, but I did understand that my father wasn’t entirely dead because he was alive inside of Caitlyn and me. We weren’t dead, and as his children, he would continue to live through the many memories we had of him. That was something to look forward to. It was much better than dwelling upon the past, which couldn’t be changed.
I wanted my relationship with Colin to stay exactly as it was now. I knew tha
t sounded foolish and immature, but I didn’t care. I could afford to be frivolous in my private life because my life outside that had become so ugly and public as far as my friends and family in Seattle were concerned.
I was the fragile rich girl who’d lost her father and couldn’t get past his death. I no longer wanted that hanging around my neck like an albatross I couldn’t get rid of. I was determined to live my life to the fullest extent and keep my father alive in my heart and soul.
Now I would have a real job and hopefully make my mother as proud as she was when she spoke of Caitlyn. That is what mattered at the end of the day, the ordinary relationships turning into something extraordinary and beyond one’s wildest imagination, and I didn’t ever want that feeling to end.
The slow song changed into a dance song by David Guetta, and although I’d insisted it would be difficult for me to dance on five-inch stilts, somehow I managed. We continued to dance, and I lost myself in the music and found myself singing along with Colin.
The lyrics to the song came way too easy for Colin and me. We both sang along like we were at our favorite karaoke bar, and it felt great.
The chorus started. He twirled me around and we continued to dance and sing the chorus in an over-the-top enthusiastic manner.
It was turning out to be one of the best dates we’d ever had, and my head began to spin in a pleasant way from vodka tonics and the musky scent of Calvin Klein’s Contradiction, which I loved to smell on him.
The bridge to the song approached, and we continued to dance and sing like it was our own personal anthem.
After the song ended, we embraced each other and couldn’t help but laugh at our drunken display of fun, but it was the most exciting part of the vacation as far as I was concerned. Nothing would ever top this night.
Atonement (The Atonement Duet Book 1) Page 18
