(The old-style pedestal phone rings. Harpo grabs a black rubber stamp and hands it to Mr. Lee, who thinks he has the receiver. Then Harpo himself grabs the receiver and listens, clicking the cradle in answer. After futilely listening to the rubber stamp, Mr. Lee retrieves the real receiver from Harpo. But now, there is so much noise, no lines of dialogue can be distinguished. Zeppo is still telling about his play, Mr. Lee is talking on the phone, and Groucho and Chico are chattering away about something that is unintelligible. Groucho pulls out a desk drawer and throws his cigar butt into it. Harpo also pulls out a drawer and spits his gum into it. From a pocket, Harpo pulls out a rubber glove and blows it up, so that it resembles a cow’s udder. Putting his hat under it, he pretends to milk the glove into his hat, picks up the hat, and seems to drink the milk. Then he puts the hat back on his head. A telegraph boy enters with a telegram for Mr. Lee, but before he can accept it, Harpo has reached over and torn it up into little pieces, which he drops on the floor. A girl enters, and Harpo climbs onto the desk and sits on Mr. Lee’s head and shakes hands with the girl. Mr. Lee, still on the phone, fails to notice Harpo sitting on his straw hat. As the scene fades out, Harpo is doing his arm-breaking routine on the girl, while the other brothers cluster around her.)
About the Author
CHARLOTTE CHANDLER is the author of biographies of Federico Fellini, Billy Wilder, Alfred Hitchcock, Bette Davis, and Ingrid Bergman. She has also written about Henry Moore, Mae West, Tennessee Williams, Henry Fonda, Pierce Brosnan, and Nicole Kidman. Her book I, Fellini was a New York Times Notable and has been translated into twenty-five foreign editions. Her first book, which was Hello, I Must Be Going, was a national bestseller.
She wrote a world-performed stage play, Confessions of a Nightingale, about Tennessee Williams. Her next book will be Joan, a Personal Biography of Joan Crawford.
Chandler lives in New York City and is active in film preservation. She is a member of the board of the Film Society of Lincoln Center.
Photographic Insert
The Marx Brothers woo Lotta Miles during the Napoleon scene in I’ll Say She Is. (The Theatre Collection of the New York Public Library at Lincoln Center)
The chorus never knew when they might find Groucho as part of the line. The Cocoanuts. (The Theatre Collection of the New York Public Library at Lincoln Center)
Lying down on the job Marx Brothers style on the stage set of The Cocoanuts: (The Theatre Collection of the New York Public Library at Lincoln Center)
Four reasons why even Irving Berlin couldn’t provide a hit tune for The Cocoanuts. (The Theatre Collection of the New York Public Library at Lincoln Center)
Reversing the more generally accepted custom, Groucho puts himself on a pedestal while wooing Margaret Dumont in The Cocoanuts. (The Theatre Collection of the New York Public Library at Lincoln Center)
Hattie Darling as she appeared in On the Mezzanine Floor. (Courtesy of Hattie Darling Weinstein)
Sam Marx poses with his sons at Paramount. This is the last time the Marx Brothers and “Frenchie” were photographed together.
Ruth and Groucho visit director Robert Florey at Lake Arrowhead in the early 1930s. The other guests are Gary Cooper and his wife on their honeymoon. The photo appears to be a composite because it was bent over two pages in an album. (Collection of Herman G. Weinberg)
Bert Granet took this photo of Harpo disguised as Groucho during a party at the Granets’. (Courtesy of Bert Granet)
King Vidor took this photo of tennis champions Ellsworth Vines and Fred Perry with Groucho and Charlie Chaplin, at the Beverly Hills Tennis Club in 1937.
I took this photo of Groucho and George Burns when we had lunch together at Groucho’s in December 1974.
Melinda and Groucho in the early 1950s in a photo taken by friend Bert Granet. (Courtesy of Bert Granet)
With Erin at the Cannes Film Festival in 1972, when Groucho received the French Legion of Honor. (Courtesy of the Cinémathèque Française)
Gina Lollobrigida and Groucho making up at the Cannes Film Festival. (Courtesy of the Cinémathèque Française)
Groucho and Erin got into bed together but failed to shock photographer Charles William Bush. Just over Groucho’s motorized adjustable bed is one of his favorite paintings, which he purchased because one of the houses in it “looks just like the one we all lived in in Chicago.” (Photo by Charles William Bush)
Groucho, Erin, and a black gorilla doll in Groucho’s living room. Groucho gave an identical gorilla to Alice Cooper. (Photo by Charles William Bush)
Groucho drew this sketch for me of the sole female member of the “Flying Hamsters—the only one who smoked a cigar.” He signed it for me “Groucho Hamster.”
Groucho cuts the birthday cake baked and decorated by Maurice Bonté that I brought him. The message attached to the yellow marzipan duck reads, “The secret words are Happy Birthday, Groucho.” (Photo by Charlotte Chandler)
Groucho in the living room of his house on Hillcrest Drive with his piano, which was more than just a piece of furniture for him. (Photo by Charles William Bush)
Groucho in his den, where a pre-eminent position is given to the treasured Orpheum Theatre program, which proclaims the appearance of the four Marx Brothers in Home Again, as well as advertising shampoos for twenty-five cents and manicures for fifteen cents. (Photo by Charles William Bush)
Robin Heaney gave me this picture of her and Groucho vocalizing. At the time she was Groucho’s cook, “The only cook I ever kissed.” (Courtesy of Robin Heaney)
Groucho and the author, with the only picture he ever painted. (Photo by Charles William Bush)
* Copyright (c) by Playboy.
Table of Contents
Cover
Praise
Also by Charlotte Chandler
Title Page
Copyright
Acknowledgments
Dedication
Contents
Author’s Note
Introduction
Titles Page
Epigraph
“Hello, I must be going” GROUCHO AND OLD AGE “I look like George Washington with a mustache” GROUCHO ON GROUCHO “I keep the ones I want” GROUCHO AND HIS FRIENDS
“I’m too rich to eat bread” LIFE AT GROUCHO ’S HOUSE
“He never kissed an ugly girl” THE WOMEN IN GROUCHO’S LIFE
“If I didn’t have Erin, I’d have old furniture” THE WOMAN IN GROUCHO’S LIFE
“The Lord Alps those that Alps themselves” GROUCHO AND RELIGION
“We’re four of the three musketeers” THE MARX FAMILY
“Is it sad or high kickin’?” GROUCHO IN SHOW BUSINESS AFTER EIGHTY
“I’ve got the key to my front door” GROUCHO REVISITS NEW YORK
“I wouldn’t be 78 again for anything in the world” GROUCHO’S EIGHTY-FIFTH BIRTHDAY PARTY
“I look like George Washington with a mustache”
“I keep the ones I want”
Backward
Postlogue: “Never say goodbye, say auf Wiedersehen”
Chronology
“If it gets a laugh, leave it in” RARE MARX BROTHERS FILM SCENE
About the Author
Photographic Insert
Hello, I Must be Going Page 64
