“Gemma, I want to talk to you.”
Her throat tightened. She would not discuss her family’s dysfunction with him, even if he had defended her. From the look in his eyes, she suspected it was her more personal issues he really wanted to know about and that was not happening. “Maybe later. I’m tired and I need to get Evan home. It’s been a stressful evening.”
“Sure. I understand.”
Gemma hurried inside, thanking Francie profusely for the meal and her tolerance toward her parents’ rude behavior. Francie walked her to the door, giving her a warm hug. “We’ll save you a seat at church in the morning.”
Gemma flashed a small smile at Linc, but didn’t linger. She sensed he was full of questions, and she didn’t have the strength to deal with that now.
After settling Evan in bed, Gemma made a cup of hot chocolate and settled onto the sofa. She’d feared Evan would slide back into his shell after being with his grandparents, but he seemed fine. Maybe they both had grown stronger living with the Montgomerys.
The winter wind rattled the glass pane in the front window. The weather had turned cold, a nice blessing for the Christmas events this weekend. It helped create the holiday spirit. And would draw more visitors to Dover.
Clutching the warm cup between her hands, her mind replayed the moment when Linc had become her champion. Had he really meant what he’d said? Did he think she was talented, and that she’d transformed the town? She hoped so. His speech had moved her another step closer to falling for him.
Linc was a good man. An honorable and caring man. But she’d only known him a short while. There had to be other sides to him, like his workaholic bent, and his need to control everything around him. Her heart whispered that he wouldn’t try to control her, but her head reminded her that she’d trusted too easily before and ended up scarred and betrayed. Her mother was right about that. She did have poor judgment when it came to her relationships. Where men were concerned anyway.
But if she was going to fall in love with anyone again, it would be Linc. She just wasn’t ready yet.
*
Linc grabbed his jacket from the hook near the back door and started toward the cottage. He wasn’t going to get any sleep until he talked with Gemma. He had to understand what was up with her parents. He’d never seen people who were so demanding and controlling. The way they made her cower in their presence made him sick to his stomach. His protective instincts had flared full force, and he’d spoken out in her defense, taking her hand to comfort her and assure her she wasn’t alone. The look of gratitude Gemma had given him had made him feel like a knight and pulled his heart even closer to her. But mostly he wanted to know about the offer her mother had made before they left. Was Gemma really considering allowing her parents to set her up in business? The thought of her and Evan leaving Dover left a hollow sensation in his chest.
Hands in pockets, he tromped across the drying grass. The lights were still on in the front room of the cottage, which meant Gemma was still up. His mother had suggested he call first, but Linc didn’t want to give her the opportunity to brush him off the way she had earlier.
He raised his hand to knock on the door but hesitated. He wasn’t sure what he hoped to accomplish here, but he had to make sure she was okay. He cared about her and he wanted her to know that he was there for her, the way she was always there for him.
He knocked, waving as she peeked out from the curtain in the front room. She opened the door, and like before he was struck by how lovely she was. Her hair was tousled as if she’d run her fingers through it multiple times, and her eyes were red from crying. He resisted the urge to pull her into his arms and hold her close and chase the hurt away.
“Linc? Is anything wrong? Why are you here?”
“I thought you might like to talk. To a friend.”
She hesitated so long Linc feared she’d turn him away. Finally she nodded and stepped back to let him enter. The room was warm and welcoming. A cozy fire blazed on the hearth, and the tree he’d helped decorate twinkled like a friendly welcome home.
“Can I get you a drink? Tea? Coffee?”
After getting him a glass of tea, she curled up at the other end of the couch, her toes peeking out from the paisley flannel pants she wore. The toenails were painted green with tiny red stars. He started to ask how she did that but she spoke first.
“I’m sorry about my parents. I should never have agreed to invite them to dinner.”
Gemma picked up a large clip from the end table, twisted her long hair into a clump and fastened it on top of her head. He’d seen his sisters do the same thing, only the sight never made him feel warm and soft inside. He had to clear his throat before he spoke again.
“No. It was the right thing to do, but I admit I was shocked at their attitude. I think I better understand some of the things you’ve said about how you were raised.”
“I’m so embarrassed. Your mother has been so kind to me and Evan, and I repay her by exposing her to my inconsiderate parents.” She bit her lip as tears began to fall.
Linc scooted closer and pulled her to his side, letting her rest her head on his shoulder. “No one blames you.”
“Thank you for standing up for me. I know you were just trying to help.”
Her hand rested over his heart, which was trying to leap out of his torso. “I meant every word. I think what you’ve done is amazing. In fact, I think you’re the strongest, most talented woman I’ve ever known.” He trailed a finger along her jaw and across her chin, ending at the side of her mouth. “I think you’re very special.”
The fear of being rejected again flashed in the back of his mind, but not strong enough to prevent him from kissing her. He tasted tears on her lips and chocolate. His senses fused into one thought—Gemma was meant for him. She was the woman he wanted to spend his life with. She softened against him, returning his kiss. When he came up for air, her eyes were dreamy. “I think I’m falling in love with you, Gemma.”
Her eyes focused, the softness changing to troubled then fearful. “No, you shouldn’t do that.”
“Why not?” She was pushing him away again.
Gemma stood and walked to the fireplace, staring into the flames. “There’s too much you don’t know and you’d never understand.”
His throat ached at the sadness in her voice. “Then, explain it to me.” She shook her head. “I know you have feelings for me. I know you watch me when you think I’m not looking, the same way I watch you. I know your pulse speeds up when I’m close to you. I know you smile when you see Evan and I playing ball.”
Gemma glanced over her shoulder at him, her lips pressed together. “Yes. I care for you. A lot, but that doesn’t mean anything.”
“Of course it does.” He stood and joined her. “Is it because of Evan?”
“Not exactly.”
He peered at her more closely. That was an odd response. “Then, what exactly? Help me understand.” She turned away, burying her face in her hands. He stepped closer, taking her shoulders gently in his hands. “Gemma, whatever it is, I’ll understand. Nothing can be that bad.”
Her shoulders arched beneath his hands as she stiffened her spine and sidestepped around his hold. “Yes, it can.” She faced him, her green eyes dark and tortured. “I was raped.”
Shock jolted through him as if he’d grabbed a live wire. His lungs seized up. He searched her expression, his shock giving way quickly to horror and anger. “When? Who? Tell me and I’ll take care of it.”
She shook her head. “It was a long time ago. Nine years.”
It took Linc a moment to do the math. “Evan?”
She swiped away tears from her cheeks. Nodded. “Yes.”
Linc didn’t know how to process her revelation. He fisted his hands, fighting the urge to punch a hole in the wall. One look at her filled him with a fierce need to hold her and make the pain go away. He sank onto the arm of the sofa, searching for words that would comfort but needing desperately to know what had
happened. “Tell me.”
She gulped down a sob. “It won’t do any good.”
“Please.” He watched her emotions scroll across her face—fear, longing, sadness. He ground his teeth together, helpless to do anything constructive for her. Except to pray for understanding and guidance.
“It was my first job after college. I’d been at the company about a year when we started dating. After a few weeks he started pressuring me to sleep with him. I kept telling him I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t a Christian then. I didn’t have a problem with the idea—I just wasn’t sure about my feelings. One night he fixed us drinks. I started to feel strange. I couldn’t think clearly, my vision blurred. The next thing I remember I woke up in the middle of the night and I knew…what he’d done to me.”
Bile worked up into his throat. He struggled to keep his tone calm. “Did you report him?”
“No. He was my boss. I didn’t think anyone would believe me. I took a few days off. He wasn’t at work when I returned. I learned he’d transferred to the West Coast office. I never saw him again.”
“Not even when you learned you were pregnant?”
Tears rolled down her cheeks. “No. I knew he wouldn’t want to be involved.”
“What about your parents? Did you tell them?”
She nodded, wiping her cheeks. “They were furious. My mother told me I was to blame. She said I must have done something to encourage him. She said I’d ruined my life and no one would want me because I was damaged goods.” She bowed her head. “Then she told me to do something about it.”
Linc groaned.
“I couldn’t. Caroline had just brought me to the Lord. I decided to give the baby up for adoption, but when I saw him, I couldn’t do that, either. This precious little baby was mine, and I could raise him in love and happiness. No matter how his birth had begun, I would make sure his life was happy.”
She looked at the floor.
Linc hurried to her, wrapped her in his arms, lifting her chin to look at him. “You have nothing to be ashamed of. You were the victim.” He brushed her hair off her face. “Ah, sweetheart. You shame me with your strength and devotion.”
She shook her head. “I trusted him.”
“And he betrayed you.” Now he understood why she found it so hard to trust anyone. And why she never talked about Evan’s father. How could she explain the violence that had created him?
“I trusted Darren, too, and he stole my business and left me with a mountain of debt. My mother is right. I have poor judgment.” She hiccupped a sob. “What’s wrong with me?”
Linc held her tighter, cradling the back of her head in his hand. “Hush. I won’t let you think that. Your boss was a predator, and Darren was a greedy jerk.” The clip slipped out of her hair and fell to the floor, letting her curls tumble down across his arm. “Not all men are like that. You can trust me, Gemma. I would never let anything happen to you.”
She slid her arms around his waist. He rested his chin on her head, inhaling the jasmine fragrance in her hair.
“I want to believe that.”
“Believe it.” He tilted her chin upward, looked into her tear-filled eyes. “You are the most amazing, determined, aggravating woman I’ve ever met. You make me crazy and happy at the same time.” With her wet cheeks and red eyes, she looked sweet and vulnerable, and he wanted to protect her from pain and sadness with every ounce of strength he possessed.
He took possession of her lips, crushed her to him and poured out his heart in the kiss, longing to give her the best part of himself. She meshed with him, returning his kiss with a purity that rocked his foundation.
He sensed her shift in mood. She was pulling away again. She rested her hand on his face, her thumb touching his lip. Then she moved off, picking up the hair clip, turning it over in her hands. “I appreciate you listening, for defending me. That’s very sweet. But I’m not ready for anything else, Linc. I can’t. Try to understand.”
“No. I don’t understand. Gemma, let me…”
She turned her back. Shutting him out. His stomach in knots, he pivoted and walked out, pulling the door shut with a bang. Darkness covered him as he walked across the lawn. He welcomed it. It suited his mood.
*
Gemma walked into Peace Community the next morning with Beatrice at her side. She’d prayed all night that the Lord would touch her sister’s heart. The prospect lifted her spirits—but not enough to erase the cold heaviness in her chest that had formed when she’d sent Linc away last night.
“Aunt Beatrice, we always sit with Miss Francie. You can sit beside me so I can show you what to do. In case you don’t know.”
“That’s very kind and thoughtful of you, Evan.”
Gemma followed her sister into the pew and sat down, casting a glance around for Linc. Her heart beat triple time thinking about facing him again. She’d agonized all night about how he would feel now that she’d told him about her past. She’d sent him home, needing time to sort through all the emotions reliving the past had churned up. But the moment the door had closed behind him, she’d longed to call him back and fall into his arms again. He was always there to protect and defend her. No one had ever cared enough before.
It was time to face the truth. She’d stepped off the cliff and was in free fall with no idea of her landing spot.
She glanced around the sanctuary again. No Linc. He never missed church unless he was out of town, and she suspected even then he found a place to worship. She admired his deep faith, his commitment to his family. Last night she’d broken down and told him her deepest, most shameful secret. He’d been compassionate, understanding and loving. His kiss had unlocked the last barrier around her fearful heart, but she’d panicked at the depth and intensity of her love for him.
And she worried about how he would feel today, after he’d had a night to consider the things she’d confided. Would he see things differently? Was that why he wasn’t at church? He was reluctant to be seen with her now? Her throat convulsed with the thought.
Gemma struggled to keep her focus on the service. She should never have told him. She’d known it would change the way he saw her, but she’d hoped he was different. That he might care enough to overlook her past.
When Pastor Barrett started his sermon it was if he’d known Beatrice would be there today. He spoke of trying to find validation in the eyes of others. When he explained the path to salvation, Gemma noticed her sister brush a tear from her cheek.
Please, Lord, draw her to You.
As they left the church, Beatrice’s phone vibrated. Their mother was impatient to leave for the airport.
Beatrice gave Gemma a hug. “This was wonderful. I had no idea church was like this. I have a lot of questions. I wish I could stay longer.”
“So do I. You can call me anytime. We can talk. And, Bea, you don’t have to live your life Mom and Dad’s way. You can strike out on your own.”
She looked skeptical. “I saw how hard it was for you. I’m not as strong as you are, Gem. I never have been. And I don’t have the support of a family like the Montgomerys or a man who loves me.”
“Oh, no, Linc and I are…” What were they now?
“No. He’s head over heels. It’s in his eyes when he looks at you, and you love him, too. I can see it.”
“Maybe. But it’s complicated.”
“Sis, don’t try to control this. Just let it happen.”
“I’m not trying to control anything.”
“Yes, you are. You think by closing off your heart, suppressing your emotions, you can keep yourself safe from hurt or betrayal. But you can’t.” Bea pointed a finger at her. “I may not know firsthand about love, but I know you and I know fear when I see it. Linc is a good man. Don’t be afraid to let yourself love him. You’re happy in this place, doing this job. Evan is happy, too. Maybe someday I can find that kind of joy.”
Gemma hugged Beatrice. “I hope so, too.”
“We’d better go. Mom will be upset if I’m
late.”
The farewell with her parents was short and curt. No hugs, no warm wishes. But she didn’t expect any different.
She drove back to the Montgomery estate, her heart growing heavier with each rotation of the tires. Had she made a horrible mistake in turning Linc away? Had her fear blocked her from the thing she longed for most?
As she pulled up, she noticed his red truck was missing from the front drive. Further proof that Linc was keeping his distance.
When Evan got an invitation to spend the afternoon with Cody, Gemma went back into town to work. She could not sit home and second-guess her decisions. She had one more weekend of events to oversee, and that was what she needed to focus on. She had to trust in herself and make a life for her and Evan.
*
Linc braced against the wind that blew across his face, driving dust into his eyes. He squinted, staring at the water rushing past in the streambed. He’d driven out to his land to think things over. But after an hour in the truck and another half hour wandering the property, he was no closer to solving any of his problems than when he’d arrived.
He’d barely slept after Gemma had told him about being raped. He alternated between wanting to wrap her in his arms and keep her safe to wanting to pummel the man’s face with his fists. Mostly his heart ached for what she’d endured. The thought of someone violating her, shattering her spirit and her trust left him searching for answers. He’d sent up prayers for wisdom and extra compassion and tenderness to help her if he could. He’d offered prayers of thankfulness as well, that the Lord had brought her through, kept her strong and creative and amazing.
Linc strolled toward the old house. Another problem had plagued him today. One he was struggling with even more. Gemma had pointed out to him more than once that his fierce need to have his siblings in Dover was likely backfiring on him. He hadn’t understood. But after seeing the way the Butlers tried to control their daughters—forcing them to follow the paths they thought best and making both women miserable—Linc began to question his attitude. Gemma had fought her way out to earn her own life, but her sister seemed a lifeless shell of a person. He never wanted to control his brothers and sisters in that way—he’d only wanted to keep them close.
Her Christmas Hero (Home To Dover 6) Page 16
