“Okay. I’ll keep an eye out for any headless horsemen trying to ride around in the backyard.”
“This is your province by birthright, technically, so you can run it how you choose. Kick out whoever displeases you. And it wasn’t just the Dullahan; it was all of the darker creatures that couldn’t be tamed.” He shot me furtive looks and kept glancing away uncomfortably. “The higher magic has reached Province 10, and people are starting to be affected.”
“Oh, yikes. The fog made it all the way over there? That’s not good. I bet they’re all pretty scared. If this signing over the land to Lot thing can be wrapped up tonight, I’ll go back home tomorrow and see if I can help Dad out.”
“Your father’s decided the old laws should be upheld, so he’s exiled any of the Dullahan or any other creatures that have started to form since the magic was set loose.”
I shrugged. “Okay. Am I supposed to be kicking people out or something? That feels off. I mean, I just got here. And besides, are the horsemen actually going around taking people’s heads off, or are they just collecting the already severed ones? Because I’ve got to tell you, I don’t have a problem if people want to clean up heads off the ground so I don’t have to.”
Kerdik threw his hands in the air. “Do you really not understand what I’m trying to tell you?”
I shrugged. “What?”
“You cannot return to your father because you’re a Vampire now!”
“Huh?” My nose crinkled. “Well, explain the situation to him. I’m not a legit bloodsucker, latching onto any random Joe I can find. It’s only Bastien who’s affected. If Bastien was the one to kick me out, I would understand. But my dad’s not in danger from me. Did you tell him that?”
“Urien well understands the difference between the two kinds of Vampires.” Kerdik swallowed the lump in his throat, his eyes on his shoes. “His rule still stands. Those affected by the darkness are to be exiled. He’s allowed for them to vacate their homes peacefully, but the announcement is going out tomorrow that they must leave and never come back to Province 10.”
“But that’s my home! I mean, I live there!”
Kerdik shook his head. “No, darling. You don’t.”
My nostrils flared in defiance. “You’re lying to me. My dad loves me! Did you tell him his daughter is affected by this stupid edict?”
“I did. I pleaded with him, threatened him and did everything to try and make him see, but he’s as stubborn as his daughter. He’s doing what he thinks he needs to in order to keep his kingdom protected. You know he rules in black and white, with no room for gray.”
“That’s bullshit!” I raged. “I’m not a threat to his kingdom! Lane and I are the ones who gave him Province 10! Where does Lane stand in all of this?”
“She doesn’t have a say in it, because she’s firm that she’s leaving Avalon with you. It’s Urien’s call. It’s his province to look after, however he chooses.”
My cheeks were hot, yet I felt pale and exposed. My stomach was screaming at me for Bastien, making my thoughts harder to put in order. “I just sent him buckets of jewels and whatnot, and he kicks me out? I don’t get it!”
Kerdik folded his arms over his chest. “I brought every single piece back, down to the last coin. I told your little friend Judah to start packing his things, too. When I go back, it will only be to gather up what belonged to you and leave. Judah is… He’s quite distraught about Urien’s rule. He demanded I take him to you at once, but I left him with Urien in the fruitless hope that perhaps he could reason with the king on your behalf. Your little companion is annoying and doesn’t know when to shut up, which makes him the perfect person to leave in the castle with Urien.”
My fists clenched at my sides. Had I the psychic nature power that Kerdik did, the walls would’ve trembled with my rage. “Take me home.”
Kerdik’s chin lowered as he shook his head. “Perhaps I should’ve lied to you instead, told you he’d died or something. That’s what Lane would’ve done to spare your feelings.”
When the next words flung out of me, they were shouted with a volume I couldn’t control. “I will not go another twenty years without my dad! I won’t let him not want me in his house! I wanted a real parent for too long to take this lying down. I didn’t ask for this! I was attacked by the higher magic! I’m not hurting his kingdom. I don’t understand!”
When Kerdik’s arms banded around me, I struggled against him in anger, furious that this was the hand I’d been dealt. “He’s doing what he thinks is best. If he makes exceptions for you, then all the fathers who are losing their children will revolt, demanding to keep their families together.”
“You mean like good dads are supposed to do? How dare they want to love their own children. Let me go!”
“Not until you calm down. Darling, I tried to reason with him, but he won’t budge.”
“So, what? I just lose my family and my home? I lose the friends I made there? I helped rebuild that province! So did the other people he’ll be kicking out. Province 10 was supposed to be a haven for the outcasts, and now they’re pushing the lepers out? Where are they supposed to go? What are they supposed to do?”
Kerdik didn’t answer; he simply held me while my heart bled in time with my tear ducts. I couldn’t see a thing – so thick were my tears that streamed down my face. Blindness spooked me, so I thrashed without direction. My chin jerked around as I screamed in fear and heart-wrenching agony. I was furious that after all I’d gone through – avenging my dad’s stolen years by murdering the woman who’d enslaved him – it amounted to nothing. I wasn’t special enough to warrant grace in a sticky situation. I wasn’t loved enough to be welcomed into my father’s house – the house I’d brought him into. I was leaveable, which tore a hole through my chest that was too big a void for anything to fill. It felt physical, this hole, like everyone could see the gaping wound I would carry for the rest of my days.
My vision didn’t clear, but after my meltdown, my head started to. My fists clenched at Kerdik’s back, and I pounded into him with every sentence that tumbled out of my gritted teeth. “I did everything I could to give him back his life, and this is the thanks I get? I’m not good enough to live in my father’s house?”
“No, darling. That’s not it. Urien’s wrong, but he still loves you.”
“Love doesn’t feel like this!” I yelled, furious that anyone might misconstrue kicking their own daughter out as love. “I stayed with him while he was in his coma. I did everything he asked of me when he came to! I built up our kingdom – not his, ours!”
“I know. He’s shortsighted. He’s seeing the shifting world in black and white, so the gray doesn’t take over.”
“If he’d been infected with the Vampire juice, no way would I have turned away from him! Love doesn’t look away; it runs toward the pain! He knows I’m broken, and this is what he does?” I let out a few cuss words so angry and foul, Kerdik flinched at my venom. The child that was rapidly dying inside my soul howled, “Superman would never do this to me!”
Kerdik sounded panicked at my agony. His best guy friend and his girlfr—or whatever I was, were parting ways. “Darling, give him time. He’ll see the error in it all when he realizes he has to live without your smile.”
“He’s choosing to live without my smile; it’s not something he has to do!” My voice turned mournful and my breathing came in shallow pants as I pounded my heartache into Kerdik’s shoulders with my balled fists. “My smile isn’t magical. It doesn’t heal things or make my dad love me. My dad doesn’t love me! My mom didn’t love me! Why don’t my parents want me? What did I do wrong?”
“Obviously nothing, Rosie. Breathe, darling. You have to calm down. You’re going to make yourself faint.”
A new level of terror shot through me. “Is that why Lane left to go back home? Is she done with me, too?” Before Kerdik could answer, a horrible wail rose up in me at the thought that my Lane might write me off, as well. I’d put her through too muc
h – the dyslexia, the fighting in school, the bills – all of it had been bearable, but now that I was a monster I’d finally pushed her over the edge. I was too much for my mom, and now I would lose her, too.
Kerdik bloomed a flower out from the center of his palm, and then crushed it in his fist to release the lilac and somehow buttery fragrance. “Inhale, darling. Take a breath. You’re losing it. Lane won’t turn her back on you; she already knows you’re a Vampire. She only left you here because I made her. She needs to say goodbye to Province 10. As soon as she does that, she’ll be here to collect you, and take you away from all of this.”
Through my gusty, gaspy breaths, I slowly began to calm, hiccupping through my pain as my knees began to weaken and my body went slack.
Kerdik swore. “I’m sorry, my love. That’s on me. That was too strong for you to inhale all at once. Forgive me. I’ll fix it.” He scooped me up in his arms before I hit the floor. I couldn’t see a thing through my tears, but I knew Kerdik had me. He sat on the bed and kissed my forehead, washing my face, which revived me enough to regain control of my neck.
I blinked up at him with wet lashes, utterly distraught and completely destroyed. “My dad doesn’t love me,” I whispered.
Kerdik captured my vision with a tender expression. “Then he’s a fool. I knew the very first moment I saw you running at me in that storm that you were worth moving the stars in the sky to keep you close to me. Urien is scared, and people make all sorts of foolish choices when they’re afraid.” Kerdik kissed my damp cheek. “Trust me when I tell you that this will be the regret he never outlives.”
“But I have to live with it,” I croaked. “He’s afraid of me, so I get gutted.” Too many more things bubbled up inside of me, willing to spill out so at least one other person would have to share in my agony. Instead, I closed my mouth, locking the pain tight inside my chest.
“What can I do? How can I make it better?”
I shook my head, unsure how to open my mouth without a whole bag of crap spilling out. I settled on leaning into his warmth, and rested my head against his shoulder until the pain dulled to a deafening ache. We sat like that for several long minutes, letting the silence say things neither of us were willing to voice. Finally I took his hand and pressed it over my heart. “Tell me it’ll stop hurting someday.”
Kerdik’s eyes were hollow, but he didn’t miss a beat with, “It will stop hurting someday.” His skin started to fog over with a brush of crimson, letting me know that it never would. Kerdik lied to try and heal me, and I loved him a little bit more for the sin.
29
Bloody Mad for Bastien
My hands were shaking with hunger for Bastien as I tried to change into a clean dress. By the time Lot arrived, and I’d ruined three dresses by crying all over them. My eyes teared up again, and I tried to breathe through the panic that came at being suddenly blinded by blood. I felt the red dribble down my cheeks, and I knew I didn’t have any more clean water in the basin to wash my face with. Instead of flailing and trying to feel my way around for a place to sit, I dropped down onto all fours like a dog, so my tears wouldn’t ruin the fourth dress I’d put on that day. I breathed through my teeth, shutting my eyes so the blindness would be my choice, instead of my affliction. To make matters worse, I was so hungry that I licked at my own tears, which didn’t taste great, and didn’t totally satiate my hunger, but helped me to be able to focus on the task at hand.
When a knock sounded at the door, I tried to keep my voice light. “Just a minute.”
“Darling? You’re to receive your guest now. Rigby’s giving him a tour of the grounds to buy you some time.”
“Cool. I’ll be out in a second.” I fumbled around until I found the hem of one of my ruined dresses. Dabbing at my face and eyes didn’t let me see perfectly, but it was good enough to get me to the basin, so I could splash on some bloody water. When I could finally see without the red filter, I peered down at the bowl, my heart racing with shame and dread of being randomly struck blind by my own tears. My stomach screamed for Bastien in every way. Self-loathing trickled over me as I lifted the salad bowl-sized porcelain vessel and tipped it to my lips. I hated everything I’d become as the crimson water flooded my mouth.
I set the bowl back down before my quaking hands dropped the whole thing and I ruined yet another dress. I moved to the door and rolled my shoulders back, raising my chin so I appeared to be the kind of girl who didn’t sob on all fours in her bedroom when she had real responsibilities to attend to. I opened the door to greet Kerdik with what I hoped was a convincing smile. “Hey, sorry about that. I’m ready now.”
Kerdik turned me around and marched me back into the bedroom, sucking the remnants of the filthy water into his palms and filling it with clean water. “You’ve obviously been crying. You look like you broke your nose and took a beating to your mouth. There’s blood smeared everywhere.”
My shoulders slumped that my show of confidence could be seen right through. “I’m sorry. I thought I was hiding it well enough.”
Kerdik eyed my dresses that looked as if they should be worn by horror movie extras, and lifted one off the pile on the floor. He wetted a clean edge and tenderly scrubbed my face, eyeing my tight expression. “You’re hungry,” he observed. “Bastien will be back soon enough. Tomorrow evening, in fact.”
I stiffened as my stomach screamed like a toddler. “I thought he would be back tomorrow morning.”
“He’s proved quite useful in rounding up some of the Vampires. The rabid ones are biting the populace, so it’s important we act quickly with all of this.”
I gave him a stiff nod, but kept my bleat of distress to myself. “Do you have that vial of his blood still?”
Kerdik’s jaw was tight. “I do. Are you certain you need it?”
I wanted to power through, but I was too emotional to add starvation on top of the misery. “I do. Please.”
Kerdik nodded, his face solemn. “Very well.” He pulled out the vial of blood from his pocket and uncorked it, releasing the pure scent of Bastien into the air. I groaned at the smell of his blood as it called to me. “Easy, now. This is all there is. Once you finish it, there won’t be any more. Can you accept that?”
I nodded, desperate to get my hands on the blood. “Please, Kerdik.”
He was careful with the small container of blood, tipping it to my lips. “Slowly.”
My hands shook with need, sweat beading on my forehead as I tried to restrain myself to drink like a human, and not like a greedy animal. When the red liquid flowed into my mouth, I let out a scared noise of relief that broke my heart. This was my greatest solace and joy – my fiancé’s blood.
But oh, the sweet ecstasy it was. I groaned, licking the vial after I’d swallowed the shot. The blood hummed through my whole body, awakening nerves and sensations I wanted Bastien there for. My lashes fluttered shut, and my hand went to the back of Kerdik’s head to grip his hair tight in my fist.
He pressed his forehead to mine, kissing my cheeks and sending little pitter patters of attraction through me. The kisses married with the blood, and for a second, I debated begging Kerdik to throw me on the bed and make love to me. I was flying high, smack in the middle of a full-on meltdown of depression. I bit down on my lower lip through the temptation, clenching my thighs together through the waves of need.
“Easy,” he warned as I shuddered against him. My knees gave out as a ripple of lust washed through me, but Kerdik held me firm to his chest until I was able to breathe through it all and get myself under control.
“I can’t think! This is…” I licked my lips and tongued the vial again – the mere smell of the blood turning my spine to jelly.
“I deserve a medal for this. You wouldn’t protest if I tore your dress off you right now, and yet I’m expected to be the adult in this situation.” He brushed his nose across mine, the simple touch driving me insane with need so much that my knees buckled. Kerdik held me up, pressing parts of my body to h
is that started to purr with need.
“Kerdik, my body’s freaking out!”
Kerdik smirked at me with unabashed affection. “This is all part of the bond you’ll share with Bastien. You’ll feed from him, and then you’ll be able to make love to him.” His tone turned darker as he slipped the sleeve off my shoulder. He spoke into my skin, the sweep of his lips making me cry out with desire. “But when it’s my blood you’re drinking after his life is over and done, we won’t stop making love for weeks on end. Every touch will be exactly this. You’ll never tire of my affections.”
We managed to extract ourselves from each other, both of us panting as he gave me the time for my mind to adjust and my body to calm down. It took a solid ten minutes for me to straighten up, and talk myself through the freak show that my body was now. I mean, it was just a little taste, and I’d been practically vibrating with need.
I rolled back my shoulders and straightened my hair, embarrassment coloring my cheeks. “Sorry about that.”
“Absolutely never a need to apologize for giving me a glimpse at what’s in store for us. I love you, Rosie.”
My mouth curved into a small smile. “I love you, too. Thanks for being cool about all that. I’m still adjusting, I guess.” I glanced down at my gown. “Am I princess enough yet?” I feared I might look more like the panting mistress I was.
“Always their princess,” he said, kissing my cheek. Then he pecked my lips and whispered, “Always my queen. Where’s your crown, love?”
I shrugged. “I don’t wear one.”
“The one I made you. I know it was left here, but can you find it?”
I rubbed my stomach, which had dulled from a growling roar to a kitten mewling for more. My gut was harder to hear over the constant pangs of hunger, but eventually I heard it. I spun around and marched into Morgan’s closet, taking the secret false door route to the place she’d stashed it. The white gold was beautiful, as were the diamonds and aquamarine gems that shimmered out at me as if they held their own natural glow. Despite everything, I couldn’t look away from the beauty. I picked it up, but couldn’t bring myself to put it on my head. It felt wrong somehow, like I was telling everyone I could afford designer jeans or something.
Stubborn Girl: A Fantasy Adventure (Faite Falling Book 7) Page 16
