Chapter 8
It had been four days since I had last slept. At the time, those felt like the most glorious days of my entire life. I had been more awake and alive than I had ever been. There was no need for naps, for sitting down and resting. I had been on the go, buzzing around and chattering at people the whole time. I partied with people I hardly knew, and got drunk with them at times. Sometimes, I felt too alive to even bother drinking though. I didn’t need to drink to be the life of the party anymore. I didn’t need liquor to make me sociable. I was more sociable while sober than any other girl in any of the bars and clubs I went to. I felt alive.
When I was sober enough, or sometimes even when I was somewhat drunk, I managed to complete many of my assignments and readings for school. The first night without sleep was the day that my report for psychology was supposed to be due. I completed it and handed it into Professor Masterson the next day. He had a dire look on his face as if he knew I was going to fail this one. I laughed and walked away knowing I had written the most brilliant essay he would ever read. I spent the following three nights catching up on all the readings I had missed while I was depressed. I had written two research papers as well in that time. I was quite prepared to go to the professors the next day and hand them in early. But it didn’t work out that way.
Four days without sleep changes a person. I was sitting in the living room of my apartment alone watching some TV show I didn’t care about when I realized this. I spent the day flying around, shopping and gossiping with some new friends I’d made at the mall. But when I got home that evening, I started to feel overwhelmed. The thoughts that had once been a perfectly organized chaos were falling apart now. I couldn’t follow one thought to another. It was like a bunch of bees buzzing around in my head. Each of them was a thought but I couldn’t quite follow it. It was too loud and busy and buzzing and I just had to scream.
"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" I whispered to myself as I sat there staring at the TV and rocking back and forth. I couldn’t sit still either. I felt like my body would explode from the tension if I didn’t move. So I held my arms around myself and rocked back and forth as my legs jittered below me.
"I need to get out of here!" I cried to myself.
I jumped off the couch and raced to the window. I was nearly jumping up and down as I stood there looking out it.
"Where do I go? Where do I go!" I screamed aloud.
I stared through the window, watching the dark sky as the stars speckled over it. Suddenly I felt slightly calmer. The stars. Mother Nature. God. They hadn’t forgotten me, had they? They would love me and care for me. I needed to be with them.
"I didn’t forget you. I promise. I’ve been distracted by fun things, dirty sinful things. And by school and all the work I had to do. I need you. Please don’t abandon me for my sins." I started to weep into my hands when the door suddenly opened. "Who’s there!" I yelled out enraged.
"What’s going on?" Lexie asked me with concern in her eyes. I wanted to slap her for that frown she was giving me. I felt such rage inside.
"Oh hell! Oh hell... oh hell.... oh hell..." I started to say without even knowing why. I fell to my hands and knees. Lexie raced to my side.
"What is it, Sweetie?" she asked, stroking my back with her hands as if they were sandpaper skinning off my back.
"No!" I jumped up and pushed my way passed her a few feet. "Don’t touch me. I’m a sinner. I’m dirty. I’m a whore."
"You’re none of those things. Why would you think that?" she asked me, her voice empathetic and soothing.
I just stopped and looked at her in the eyes and felt like I would collapse. "I slept with someone last night. I don’t even remember who he was. Just some guy I met at the bar. We did it in the back of his van. It was fun, like I was high. I’m such a whore." I spoke as if I was in shock. I wasn’t really even feeling the sorrow of what I had done. It was just fear. I was fearful that I would be punished. God would find a way to punish the sins of my ungratefulness.
Lexie stared at me for a moment. She looked a little shocked herself. "Did you use a condom?" she asked me carefully.
"Yes," I nodded and tried to remember. "I know I did because it was one of those novelty condoms that glows in the dark. It was fun." I said it, wide-eyed, in a dead and shameful tone. "Yes, I’m a whore a whore a whore. Dirty whore!" I screamed. I wanted to tear into myself right then and there as I got louder and managed to scream out dirty whore one last time.
"Stop it. You aren’t. I don’t know what’s wrong with you. You’re not well." She said that with such empathy that I almost felt bad for her to have to be in the presence of someone so dirty. She moved closer to me and tried to touch my shoulder but I jumped back a few feet, almost stumbling as I did.
"Don’t touch the dirty whore! She’ll kill you with her touch. I am the great all powerful sinner who can kill!" I rose my head up and lifted my arms as high as they could reach and let out a little giggle. Then I came back down to normal height and started to giggle loudly. "You see, us dirty whores..." I started laughing and then I looked straight into her eyes intensely. "God kills us and sends us to fiery hell."
"You think you’re going to hell?" She looked at me with a perplexed look in her eyes. I could tell she was very frightened for my sake at this point. "I don’t think God would do that. I mean, you’re not well. But you’re not going to hell, Annalyn. Please, just sit and calm down. I’ll make you some tea or something. Maybe you can have a hot bath." Her eyes were very convincing, but I wasn’t in a normal state and no one could convince me of anything sane in that moment.
"I’ve got to go!" I screamed with fiery eyes.
"No, no. You can’t go. Please, stay here!" Lexie said in a terrified voice. Her eyes looked like they were about to cry.
"But...but...." and suddenly my thoughts were lost. “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore," I said in a wistful voice. I turned around and sat down on the couch. I stared at the TV and just let the noise from it and the lights wash over me and soothe me with its constant sensory stimulation.
"Annalyn?" I heard a frightened voice from the other side of the couch as Lexie stood there. I couldn’t tell, but I thought maybe she was too afraid to come and sit down next to me.
"I’m scared," I said in a quick tone.
I could hear Lexie sigh and then take in a deep breath. "I’m scared too."
"Why?" I asked her curiously.
"I don’t know what’s wrong with you. I’m scared for you," she explained. Her eyes were filled with sorrow and tears glistened in her eyes.
"Me!" I suddenly felt very tense. "Why would you be scared of me? I’m not dangerous. I’ve never laid a hand on you. You’re terrified of me. You won’t even come near me."
"No—"
"How dare you! How dare you even come and be in my presence. Do you have any idea how important I am? God and Mother Nature both have a vested interest in me. I am special. I am their vessel to do their bidding. I screwed up but they won’t forget about me. They are forgiving, unlike you," I nearly growled the last word. "They will forgive me and I will be their special tool once again. I am Their child." As I finished my speech, I stared her straight in the eye.
"No. Annalyn.... No." She said softly and started shaking her head slowly, her eyes fearful.
"Of course you don’t believe me. Why would you? No one would. It sounds ludicrous. And that," I said strongly, "is exactly what They want!"
Lexie stared at me, though not with a harsh stare. I could tell she barely wanted to look at me. I think she was scared of meeting my eyes. I knew she was scared and for some reason, that made me feel even more powerful and special.
"Well? Are you just gonna stand there?" I asked her.
"I—"
I smiled. "I’ve made you speechless." I started to giggle as if I were a small child looking into the face of the magic of her own doing. "It’s no matter. I need to go."
"No! You can’t le
ave, Annalyn!" Lexie said suddenly snapping out of her shock and fear. I put my hand on her shoulder confidently and smiled. "You won’t understand. This is something I must do."
"What? What must you do?" I could hear the panic in her voice.
"When the time is right, you will know and understand," I said calmly.
I turned and quickly left the apartment, wearing a short black pleated skirt and a deep pink tank top with 2 inch lace contouring the bottom and top. My hair was once neatly made up into a curly haired twist with many bobby pins and little butterfly clips holding it in place, but had now fallen down into disarray. I hadn’t looked in a mirror, but I imagine the heavy layers of makeup I was wearing earlier was still there, though the eye makeup was probably messed up by my crying. I didn’t even think about it. I had something important to do.
I drove up to the park by my parents’ house with a knowing smile on my face. Even though it was dark out, I knew They were waiting for me. I got out and walked towards the spot where They had first touched me. As I got there, I could see the stars sparkling above and the moon shining in its half form over the area. I sat down on the bench and waited for Them to come.
After twenty minutes of sitting there calmly, I started to feel funny about sitting there all alone in the dark. There were shadows all around me. I didn’t know who was lurking in those woods. I scanned the shadows for any faces that were watching me. I knew there were people there. I could feel their presence all around me. The breeze felt like it was picking up and it had a cold chill to it. I held my arms around myself and felt vulnerable and scared. Someone was coming for me. It was the sinners coming to take me away.
"God! Save me! They are coming. You need to take me away from here at once!" I began breathing harder and faster. "Mother Nature!" I screamed out, "Save me from them. I promise I am not a dirty whore. I won’t ever be again. Don’t let the hell-demons take me away." I began to cry. I was breathing faster than ever. "Leave me!" I screamed shrilly. "Go to Hell, all of you whores and dirty sinners!"
I was so tense. I felt like my insides were crawling around and just wanted to jump out of me. I sat down on the bench and started to rock back and forth in a fast rhythmic pace. My head was beating somehow as I rocked back and forth, my brain feeling like it was shaking around inside. It didn’t matter. I needed to move before my insides tore me apart. I started moving my legs and twisting and dangling them around. My feet joined in as they twiddled back and forth. I started wringing my hands. After a few minutes, I was no longer rocking but shaking hard and fast. If I stopped, I died. I knew that had to be true.
Suddenly I heard a crackling of leaves behind me. "Go away!" I leapt up and screamed as I turned around. Lexie jumped back.
I sighed and sat back down, going back to my agitation. She sat down next to me as I rocked and shook, and didn’t seem to mind at all that the bench was shaking with me.
"You’re not okay," she said plainly but with love in her voice. I knew she cared deeply for me.
I looked at her with a sorrow-filled disappointment. "They aren’t coming are they?"
"Who?"
"God." I let my breath drop out and then continued. "Mother Nature." I shook my head. They had abandoned me.
"No. They aren’t coming," she said in a simple voice.
"What am I supposed to do now?" My eyes welled up with tears. "Come home."
"No no no... I can’t. There’s so much I need to do." I felt like I was falling apart inside.
"No, there isn’t. It’s already done." She had that convincing voice again.
I looked at her perplexed as I rocked back and forth.
"There’s so much inside of me. It’s all telling me there’s so much to do. The bees buzz in my head and the apples are falling from the trees. I don’t know where to begin anymore." I felt dizzy from the thoughts that swirled around my busy head, racing off their tracks and chasing each other, painting rainbows all around my mind. It was chaos in there and I couldn’t follow it anymore.
"That’s okay. We can get help for that. We just need to go home." She sounded so calm, as if she knew what to say. But I don’t think she did. I think she was as lost with this as I was.
"I can’t stop spinning and dancing." I said in awe of myself, yet completely confused at the same time.
"You’re not spinning and dancing. You’re just sitting. And sitting is good."
"No no. It’s not. Sitting is bad. Must be on the go. On the go we go!" I was starting to get some of that rejuvenation back in my voice.
"Annalyn, let’s just sit here, okay." Lexie put her hand on my hand as it twisted and writhed with my other hand. I continued to shake and rock as if my insides would burst if I stopped. Instead of shying away, she put her arm across my back and wrapped it around my shoulder. She had a calming way about her, even amidst the fear I know she was hiding.
"Tomorrow, can we go shopping? Or to a good party? No no no! No more partying. I should swear off the partying. I’ll be a dirty whore if I do. No no, none of that. Okay, shopping. Shopping is cleanse-full and good for the soul and the soul is the fight inside of us. What good would good be good if we didn’t play up our soul with all the goodies of candy and life? What good, what good, what good, indeed," my voice raced like a high speed train derailing.
I can’t remember how long she let me ramble on like that but at some point, there was a crumbling sound of leaves behind us and a flashlight being shined. I jumped up and screamed out immediately "I am not a dirty whore you sinner!"
"Annalyn, no. It’s the cops. Be quiet," she said close to my ear as she grabbed onto me and tried to control me.
"No no! Bad bad bad bad! Go away you evil sinner. God and Mother Nature will come and take me away. You can’t tempt me with your bidding. I am the child, Their child. No good will come of you if you cross me!" I continued to yell at the tallest one as I tried to throw myself at him to tackle him down. Lexie was holding onto me with all of her life.
"Stop, Annalyn!" Lexie screamed.
"Have you been doing drugs, ma’am?" the female cop asked Lexie.
"No no. She’s not well. I swear we haven’t done any drugs or drunken anything," she pleaded with the officers as they stood in the darkness, a power looming over them both. She just kept shaking her head and pleading with him as she held onto me tight.
"Ma’am, it looks like your friend is high on something right now."
"No, no, she wouldn’t. She’s sick. She needs a doctor. I don’t know what’s wrong with her, but please don’t arrest her. She’s done nothing wrong." Lexie started to cry.
"You made her cry! You made my friend cry, you devil worshipping dirty sinners!" I screamed out at them.
"I think you two had better come with us," the male officer sternly.
"No!" I screamed and broke loose of her hold on me and ran at him. He grabbed me with his strong arms and managed to push me down hard and pull my arms back. I could hear the clink of the handcuffs fastening to my wrists.
I could feel hands on me as I screamed. They were stripping away my clothes and holding me down. Hands all over me and all of my limbs. I struggled against them but I couldn’t break loose.
"Sinners! You can’t get to my insides. I’m protected! I’m protected!" I yelled out as they held me down. They pressed hard on my legs and arms to restrain me but I continued to fight.
"Do you have it ready?" I heard one of them say in a calm voice. I tried to look up at what they were doing but I couldn’t turn my head enough to see behind myself. I was face down on a vinyl mattress.
Suddenly I felt something jab into my butt.
"What the hell are you doing to me?" I cried. My heart beat fast as tears flooded down my face. "You can’t have me for your doing. I won’t submit! I won’t submit!" My face felt hot as I screamed. My butt stung from whatever they stuck in me.
Soon they all got up and rushed to the door. I heard it shut loudly and then a voice came through
the door.
"We’ll come back and talk to you later, Annalyn," one of them said in an eerily calm voice. I knew they had some sort of diabolical plan for me and they wanted my cooperation. I realized that I was now free to move again and I quickly got up and ran towards the door to look out. It had a small window in it. This room opened up into a small area with a small reception-like desk with a computer. There was a women in blue scrubs there looking at some papers. Across from her was another women in a white lab coat. There were some chairs with a young man sitting in them next to what looked like his worried mother. She was holding his hand as he sat there shaking. I didn’t know what sort of place I was imprisoned in but I thought it might be a laboratory. They must be running some sort of tests on me. For what purpose, I had no idea, but I knew it had to be bad. These people were devil-worshippers and had to be stopped.
I turned and looked around the room. It was small and lit by a florescent light in the middle of the ceiling. There was a single vinyl mattress on the floor with one heavy dark blue quilted-looking blanket. It was tossed to the side of the room haphazardly. I went and picked up the heavy blanket for a moment and then threw it down on the mattress in frustration. Tears began to fall again. This was my prison cell in some laboratory and soon I would be tortured and subjected to tests.
I looked into the corner and noticed a toilet. But it didn’t look like any toilet I had seen before. It was metal and at the top was a little fountain for washing my hands. There was no toilet paper. In fact, there was nothing else in the room. No window, nothing.
I took in a few deep breaths but suddenly a rush of anger came towards me and I threw myself at the door and started banging on it as loud as I could.
"I won’t submit! I won’t submit!" I screamed until my throat was raw.
I just kept banging on the door loudly. My hands soon hurt but it didn’t matter. I didn’t know what else to do. Maybe the door wasn’t that strong. Maybe if I banged long enough it would come down. I felt so lost.
"Let me out of here you sinners!" I cried. "Please, you can’t have me!"
No one came. I threw my fists at the door even harder and harder as I screamed and cried. My face felt hot with rage, fury and all the blood that must be rushing to it as I cried my eyes out.
Suddenly I sunk to the ground and wept into my hands. My body shook as I sobbed.
"Please, somebody help me!" I screamed through my hands. "Somebody!"
No one came and I wept harder, throwing my head back against the door as I heard it bang. I didn’t care about the pain. Pain was nothing in comparison to the fear of being there. I breathed hard and heavy as my knuckles throbbed. I looked down and saw a little bit of blood on them. I licked them and then rubbed them against the skin on my stomach.
It was at that point that I realized I was naked with only my underwear on but no bra. I had a sudden sinking feeling in my stomach. It must have been an evil laboratory. What were they gonna do the me? I was a test subject, a guinea pig, and it terrified me.
My heart palpitated and I felt a rush of blood to my face. I could feel my lungs trying to suck in air but I felt like I couldn’t breathe. There was too much panic inside of me.
"Let me out of here!" I screamed out in an exasperated hoarse voice. "You’ll be punished. They will punish y—" I let out a gasp. I couldn’t scream anymore. I took in several deep breaths until I started to shudder. What the hell were they gonna do to me here? I had never been so scared in my life.
I started to feel woozy from all my screaming and lay my head down on the floor where I had been sitting against the door. It was cold but I couldn’t bear to move. The fear had too much of a hold on me, so I lay on the floor crying as I shut my eyes and just breathed quick and heavily.
My head hurt as I awoke on the hard floor. I lifted it up slightly and felt a rush of blood pound through it. I was slightly dizzy as I sat up. I ran my hands over my face and through my hair and then stood up. I turned and looked at the window in the door to find that it had been blocked on the outside. There must have been a little door to the little window. I felt a rush of frustration. Now I couldn’t even look out.
"I hate you!" I yelled through the door.
I threw my fists at the door as an intense pain shook through them. I looked down and noticed the bruises on my knuckles from my previous banging. There was some dried blood as well.
"Damn it," I muttered to myself. "Stupid people. I hate these stupid people. God will have their hides. God will eat them up and spit them out and step on them and ruin their lives and..."
I spat on the door and watched my saliva slide down the pale pink door. I suddenly felt gross for doing that. I didn’t know why I did it at all. I was just so mad and there was nothing I could do about it in that little room with its boring cream walls that looked like they were constructed of big bricks that had been painted many times. I guess they didn’t want people breaking through drywall.
My stomach growled. I realized I didn’t know how long I had been in that room sleeping. I felt a terrible churning feeling in my stomach. I didn’t even know if they fed their captives. I took the side of my fist and banged on the door.
"I’m hungry! It’s cruel not to feed people. Give me something now or else!" I yelled as I banged a few more times.
A moment later the door to the window opened and a female with short curly brown hair looked in.
"Annalyn, we will bring you some food but you have to sit down on the mattress and stay there while we come in. Can you do that for us?" she asked in a calm manner, her face not smiling nor frowning. She looked pleasant with her soft face, but I didn’t trust her. Whoever these people were, they probably sent in their most harmless-looking people to talk to the captives. I was highly skeptical of her, but nonetheless I nodded. I wanted to eat.
"And you aren’t going to try and hurt us when we come in?" she asked.
"No," I said quietly and then turned and sat on the mattress.
"We’ll be back in a few minutes with some food," the women said and then left.
I waited for what felt like forever. I wanted to jump off the mattress and go bang on the door and give them hell but I was so hungry.
"I’m starving!" I yelled from the mattress as I crossed my arms and looked down angrily. "Hurry the hell up!" I didn’t even know if they could hear me without me being right by the door. I sighed heavily.
A couple minutes later, someone appeared at the door. This time it was a man with a serious look on his face.
"Annalyn, we are coming in now. Stay on the mattress," he instructed her.
I squinted my eyes into an evil-eyed frown as the door opened so the first thing they would see was my absolute hatred and discontent at all of this. The door opened outward and several people all dressed in casual clothes entered the room. I counted four people, two women, two men. They crowded in the room and the last person came in with a Styrofoam plate with some food on it and two paper cups. She placed them on top of the fountain on the toilet.
All six people were standing there staring at me. I felt their eyes crawling all over me as if they could penetrate my skin. Perhaps they weren’t human. Maybe they had something to do with the devil. They were sinners, devil-worshippers. Maybe they were demons taking human form. I felt very vulnerable not knowing what their gaze could to do me.
"Annalyn, how have you been feeling?" the first women asked in a polite and calm voice.
"I won’t submit," I muttered giving her my eye-piercing stare.
"You won’t submit to what?" she asked me, still calm. Her face looked soft and gentle. It only made me more suspicious of her.
"To your will. I’m not a sinner. I won’t do your evil bidding," I said in a low tone. I moved my bitter gaze across all of their faces and then back at her.
"Do you know where you are, Annalyn?" the woman asked me.
"In your laboratory. I know what you are planning. I’m not a lab rat! I won’t com
ply. I’ll make your life hell, I’ll make all your experiments fail. You won’t get away with this." I practically growled with that last sentence.
"You are in Cedar Ridge Hospital in the psychiatric emergency. I’m a nurse and I’ll be taking care of you today. My name is Nora." She smiled slightly. "Do you know what day it is today?"
"I don’t even know how long you’ve been keeping me in this room. It’s October though. I should be in school. I’m gonna fail if you don’t let me go! There are exams. I have papers due." I started to panic. "That’s what I was doing before you people came and took me away. I had to catch up on all my work because I was so depressed. You stupid people are gonna make me fail. My father will kill you! This isn’t a hospital, you sinners. How dare you lie and tell me I’m a psycho!" I yelled at them, very tempted to get off the mattress and scream straight in her face.
"You’ve been here since last night. The nurses last night had to give you some medication to calm you down" Nora, the supposed nurse, told me. Her face looked completely un-phased by what she was telling me.
"What the hell did you give me?!"
"They gave you an something to sedate you."
"Go to hell! I hate you. Just leave. I’m not gonna be your lab rat. I won’t help the devil. I won’t submit! I won’t comply!" I started screaming as I jumped off the mattress and started stamping my foot on the cold hard ground and shaking my arms at them.
Suddenly they all piled out of the room and the door shut with a bang. I guess I scared them. Pathetic. I ran to the door and started pounding on it with increased confidence.
"I’ll kill you sinners! If you come back I’ll kill you!" I screamed as I pounded the sides of my fists on the door. The loud banging sound it made each time I pounded into the door made me feel more thrilled. I just wanted to scream at them and intimidate them as much as I could. "Sinners will die, you stupid fools. Sinners will perish when God rises up. When Mother Nature rises in the dawn’s light, the sinners will die. You will die," I spoke prophetically as my eyes felt like they were burning with passion for the people I really did serve. I knew that somehow Mother Nature would save me. God wouldn’t leave me behind in this place.
I had shoveled down their food. A bologna and cheese sandwich, apple slices, and chocolate pudding. Two glasses of milk. And now there was nothing left to do. Nothing left to do in that stupid room. I wanted to scream. I did scream, many times. I paced the room, walking back and forth. I walked from wall to wall. Then I walked the border of the room, tracing the walls with my finger as I walked. I looked at every inch. It took me hours, but I examined the whole room for defects. There was no way out. So I paced. And thought. But I couldn’t figure anything out. My mind was racing full of things, useless ideas, intangible things I could do, but really couldn’t do for they were impossible. I thought perhaps there was a vortex in the room and I could escape through it, but I couldn’t find any sign of one. So I paced again and again, my thoughts a jumble inside of my mind.
Maybe I was strong enough to break down the door. I was the child of Mother Nature. I was special. Perhaps they had endowed me with a strength I didn’t know I had. I went up to the door and examined it. There was nothing to hold onto. There was nothing for leverage, nothing to break or pull at. I had to use sheer force and just break it down. I crossed over to the back of the room and took in a deep breath.
"I hate you! I hate this! I’ll get out of here you sinners!" I screamed. I ran full force at the door, slamming the side of my body into it with a boom. I could feel my whole arm bruise against the door. I let out a wail in pain.
"Do it. Do it again. Just do it again," I coached myself. "I am a gift.
I am capable of great things. Do it again!" I screamed at myself as I reached the back of the room and once again, I ran at the door screaming profanities as my body crashed into it.
"Owe!" I screeched with all my breath.
I started breathing heavily as I shook my arm and began to rotate my shoulder. "Oh, damn it, this hurts," I muttered to myself.
Keep breathing, keep breathing, keep breathing I thought. One more time. Gotta keep going. I scrunched up my face. Then I ran and this time I screamed loudly as I hit the door and fell to the floor, kicking and screaming as I lay there face down.
"You stupid people will die. I swear on my life that you will die!" My voice turned shrill. I breathed heavily, completely exasperated from what I had been doing.
Gotta get up. Gotta get up. I got up and paced around the room, tears streaming down my face. My arm was throbbing with pain. My shoulder could hardly move. I could see the redness of the blood rushing to my skin.
"Ah, I hate you! I hate you," I growled.
My breath heaved inside of me. I felt like an animal inside of a cage as I grunted and wrinkled up my face, crying and screaming. I needed to throw something. There was nothing to throw. My thoughts raced and I couldn’t calm down. I paced for a few more minutes until I found myself at the metal toilet. I took the Styrofoam plate and tore it to pieces, letting my face clench with each tear. Soon it was in pieces on the floor. Next came the Styrofoam bowl, and then the paper cups. There were traces of milk and smears of chocolate pudding on the floor where the pieces lay. And then there was nothing left to ruin. I took in a deep breath before letting out another scream.
"Let me out of this hell!" I threw my hands at the door and pounded on it, palms open and slapping.
Suddenly a face appeared. Nora. She startled me. My heart began to pound.
"Please, let me out of here. I’m not the devil’s child. Just let me go," I pleaded, tears streaming down my hot face.
"Annalyn, please sit down on the mattress while we come in," she said calmly, her face portraying nothing of her intent. I peered into her eyes through the little window and tried to read her. I couldn’t. She was good at hiding her true nature. Sinners and devil-worshippers are good like that.
"Let me out! Let me out! Let me out, let me out, let me out..." I kept repeating it as I slapped the door with my palms.
"Annalyn, I need you to sit on the mattress. Can you do that for me?"
"Let me out lemme out lemme out lemme out..." I cried.
"We only want to help you. But you need to sit down on the mattress so we can come in and do that."
I looked into her eyes and nodded as I whimpered. I went and sat down on the edge of the mattress and buried my face in my hands as I heard the door open and a pile of people enter the room. I peered through my hands to count their feet. Four people.
"Annalyn, we’re going to give you something to help you sleep," Nora explained.
"No," I whined. "I want out. Lemme out." I sounded like a child. I felt like a child pleading to be let out of a time out. But this was more than that. I wasn’t a child. I was a captive in a laboratory. Soon they would torture me and run their tests on me. They had to subdue me first.
"Lie face down on the mattress for us. We’ll give you a quick injection and then you can sleep."
I jumped up at the word injection and ran at the crowd of them, flailing my arms around to hit as many of them as I could. Suddenly, their hands were all over me. They were jumping me, as if a gang of muggers to rob me. I was soon face down on the mattress feeling the pressure of each hand on my legs and arms... and head. They had my head down as I struggled. I wriggled my whole body around but their grips were strong.
"Ouch!" I screamed as the needle went into my butt. "Leave me alone! I won’t submit. I won’t submit. I won’t submit!"
And then the hands were gone and there was a shuffling of feet and a slam of the door. The light went out. I got up and looked around to find darkness.
"I don’t want to sleep. You can’t make me sleep. I’ll stay awake forever."
I went to the window to look out, but it closed. Darkness.
I felt my way over to the mattress and sat down, hugging onto the blanket as I sobbed into it. I didn’t know what they would do to me onc
e I was asleep. I had to stay awake. I rocked back and forth as I sat on the edge of the mattress, feeling the cold ground at my bare feet. I kept rocking and rocking, breathing heavily, exasperated and desperate for release from this place. I started to wonder if this was some strange version of hell. Perhaps I’d spend eternity here in their ‘mental institution’ version of hell. God was punishing me for the sex, for the drinking and partying. This was my hell and I was doomed to be crazy and alone in the darkness forever.
Entangled in Darkness Page 9
