“Don’t say it. Don’t you even fucking think about it.” Decklan’s voice cuts through the air like ice, his tone causing a chill to run down my spine as I watch him stare daggers at his brother.
“Why not?” Trey throws his hands up, despite his fiancée’s attempt to get him to walk away. “You ruin everything. You always have. But fuck if anyone says anything to Decklan. Fuck you. I won’t walk on eggshells because it hurts you to admit what you did to Conner, what you did to all of us.”
I can’t even process the statement before I see Decklan swing, his fist connecting with Trey’s jaw on a splintering crack. Trey stumbles backward, Anita immediately going to his aid. It takes him a few seconds to recover but when he finally straightens his posture and wipes the blood from his mouth, his focus goes to me not Decklan.
“I don’t know what he’s told you or who you think he is but if you want my advice, get out now. You have no idea what this asshole is capable of. I promise you, it won’t end well for you.” His words send my frantic heart pounding violently beneath my ribs.
A part of me wants to defend Decklan, to tell Trey he doesn’t know what he’s talking about, but I think deep down a part of me believes his statement. A part of me believes that this will end and when it does, I’ll be the only casualty.
“Come on.” Trey drops his arm around Anita, throwing one more vicious look towards Decklan before spinning around and walking away.
It takes me a few seconds to shake off the shock of what just happened before I finally turn my attention to Decklan. His eyes are fixed on Trey who is now several yards ahead, the look on his face enough to scare even me a little.
“Decklan,” I say softly, gently resting my hand on his forearm.
He jerks away the moment the contact is made, spinning around to pin his wild eyes on me.
“Didn’t you hear him?” he spits, stepping backward. “You need to stay away from me, Kimber.”
“Don’t do that,” I get out weakly.
“Don’t do what, admit he’s right?”
“Don’t push me away.” I hate how desperate my voice sounds.
“Why not? You heard my brother. I’ll only end up hurting you.”
“I don’t believe that,” I object.
“Well believe it, Kimber, because every fucking word he said is the truth. I fucking destroy everything, everyone who gets close to me.”
“You’re only saying that because you’re upset.” I try to keep my voice calm, knowing if I get angry it will only further worsen the situation.
“I’m saying it because it’s the fucking truth.” His words tear through the air, their intensity causing me to take a step back.
“Fuck, Kimber.” He sighs, his voice dying down to just above a whisper as if he’s admitting defeat. “Go home.” He meets my gaze with a pained expression. “Just go home.” He turns without another word and walks away, leaving me standing in the middle of the sidewalk.
I watch as he gets further and further away, torn between whether or not I should go after him or leave him be. I’ve never seen him upset, and to say I know how he would react if I went after him is far from true.
It isn’t until he has completely disappeared from view that the reality of the situation seems to kick in. Spinning, I take off in the direction of the parking lot where his bike is, praying I can get there before he leaves.
It doesn’t matter what Trey said or even what Decklan said for that matter. I know him. Deep down I do. And I know he would never intentionally hurt me.
Tonight was proof that there’s so much more to Decklan than he lets people see. Behind his bad boy persona, the booze, motorcycles, and women, lies a man that wants more. I just don’t think he knows how to be that man just yet.
No matter what caused this rift between the two brothers, no matter the past, I’m not giving up on Decklan. He may be willing to just walk away without a fight, but I’m not so easily deterred from what I want.
And right now all I want is him.
Chapter Seventeen
Decklan
The nearly two-hour drive back to Portland does nothing to calm the anger that has been boiling inside of me since my confrontation with Trey. His words, the way he looked at me, you’d think I’d be used to it after all these years but time hasn’t lessened the effect his hatred has on me.
It’s one thing to hate myself. It’s another thing entirely to have my only remaining sibling, someone I was extremely close to for most of my childhood, look at me with such disgust.
Then there’s Kimber.
I feel like such an asshole for just leaving her like that. She has nothing to do with any of this, yet I punished her as if she were somehow to blame.
I drop my helmet just inside the back door and immediately head for the bar. There’s only one thing I want right now and that’s to wash away tonight’s events with a nice bottle of whiskey.
Thankfully the bar is pretty dead. The last thing I want to do is deal with fucking people right now. Sliding into a barstool at the end of the bar, I signal Matt who appears in front of me within moments, a glass in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. He knows me well.
“You look like shit,” he observes, filling the glass to the rim before sliding it towards me. “Rough night?”
“You could say that,” I grind out, draining the liquid in one long gulp. “And no, I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Didn’t think you did,” he interjects.
Leaning forward, I snag the bottle of whiskey from his hand, gesturing for him to go. “I’m good here,” I say, refilling the glass in front of me.
Matt gives me a stiff nod before turning and walking away.
Emptying the contents of the glass once more, the familiar burn finds its way into the pit of my stomach. It seems to settle nicely there between my anger and regret.
****
“Decklan.” A faint familiar voice breaks into my fog. “Decklan.” The voice gets louder.
Lifting my head slowly from the bar, I spot Gavin just seconds before he slides down into the barstool next to me. It takes a moment for his face to come completely into view. I blink rapidly trying to clear my blurry vision.
“What the fuck man?” He seems irritated though I’m not sure I understand why he would be. Tack it onto the list I guess.
“What?” My voice catches in my throat just as a sharp pain shoots through my temple causing me to groan in discomfort.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” His question prompts me to look around at the brightly lit empty bar around me. “It’s nine o’clock in the morning.” He answers my question without me having to ask it. “Matt text me and said he left you here. Apparently he tried to get you to go upstairs, and you gave him a fat lip for his efforts.”
“Fuck.” I sigh, trying to piece together even a semblance of what happened last night.
“What’s going on, Deck?” His tone falls serious.
“Nothing.” I sway slightly when I attempt to stand.
“Don’t fucking lie to me, dude. I’ve known you for far too long. Getting so drunk you punch one of our employees and then pass out with your head down on the bar is not your style. So try again.” He swivels his stool to face me when I finally manage to successfully plant both of my feet on the ground and push up into a stand.
“Did something happen with Kimber?” he asks.
For some reason his question sends anger rushing through me, seeming to pull me from my haze.
“Why would Kimber have anything to do with this?” I spit, my hard gaze focused directly on Gavin.
“Because my mom said you stopped by and picked up the key to the gallery; I just assumed you were taking her there.”
“I did,” I admit, not offering up any more information.
Truth is I am still trying to sort through what happened myself, my mind still tainted by the traces of last night’s whiskey.
“And what happened?” He pushes for more.
“Nothing fucking happened. I took her to the gallery, I came home.”
“And proceeded to drown yourself with almost an entire bottle of whiskey?” he questions, narrowing his gaze at me. “Why don’t you tell me what really happened and stop acting like a pussy?”
“Fuck you, Gavin. I don’t have time for this bullshit.” I turn, sliding behind the bar to get a glass of water, my throat feeling like I spent last night drinking battery acid.
Taking a long drink, the cold crisp liquid seems to clear my head slightly, and I go in for another drink before I finally speak again, my gaze turned downward instead of at Gavin.
“We ran into Trey.” I take another long drink before depositing the empty glass into the sink. “I think that about sums it up.” I finally turn towards Gavin whose features have relaxed; understanding clear on his face.
“And what did big brother have to say this time?” He leans back, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
“The usual.” I know I don’t need to give him any more detail. He already knows the sort of shit Trey spews at me every time he has the misfortune of seeing me. “Only this time I took a shot at him. I think he will reconsider next time he wants to shoot off that fucking mouth of his.”
“You hit him?” Gavin seems surprised, knowing how much shit I have taken from Trey in the past and not once having put my hands on him before.
As much as I loathe Trey and everything he claims to stand for, at the end of the day he’s still my brother and the only one I have left. As good as it felt to finally just lay his ass out, it felt equally as bad.
“He was running his fucking mouth in front of Kimber. I don’t need her being drug into my bullshit. Besides, it’s my business. He has no right spewing that shit in front of whoever the fuck he feels like.”
“So did you tell her then? I mean, she must have had some questions.”
“Fuck no.” I shake my head adamantly. “Why would I?”
“Well she is your girlfriend, isn’t she? Isn’t that the kind of thing you share with someone you’re dating?”
“We’re not fucking dating.” My tone goes hard. “Besides, after last night, I doubt she’ll ever want to see me again.”
“Why is that?” He arches an eyebrow at me.
“Because I told her to stay away from me and then proceeded to leave her stranded a good thirty-minute walk from her dorm.” My stomach twists tightly at the thought of her walking that distance by herself after dark, probably confused as hell.
“What? Why the fuck would you do that?” Gavin pushes against the bar.
“Because it’s what I needed to do.”
“What the fuck does that mean?” he spits, clearly pissed off at me though I’m not entirely sure why.
“I’m not good for her Gavin. She deserves better than what I can give her.” The truth rips from my throat and seems to settle over us like a heavy weighted fog.
“Why do you do that? Why do you let Trey get into your fucking head and convince you that you aren’t deserving of happiness?” He finally speaks after several long moments of silence.
“Because I don’t deserve to be happy. Don’t you get that? I fucking ruin everything.”
“You choose to ruin everything. No one is standing in your fucking way but you. Fuck, Deck. Get your fucking head out of your ass and look around. That girl is changing you, in ways even I didn’t think possible. And now, just like you always do, you’re going to fuck that up too and then spend the next however many years blaming your past on why you can’t be happy now. Conner is dead, Decklan, you’re not,” he spits, pushing out of his stool.
“Don’t you fucking talk about Conner,” I warn, pointing my finger in his direction.
“What are you going to do about it, Deck? Punch me, too? Bring it on. If that’s what you need to do to fucking move past this shit, then do it. You think we all didn’t lose something in that accident? Everyone loved Conner, you know that. And he wouldn’t want this for you, you know that, too. He died and you lived, don’t fucking waste that.”
“Careful,” I warn, feeling the control of my anger starting to slip.
“Fuck you,” he snarls. “I’m your fucking best friend, Deck, hell I’m your brother. It’s my duty to tell you when you’re being a fucking prick, and right now you’re really starting to grate on me. I get that you’re hurting and that shit has been rough for you, I’ve been there through it all. Remember? But that doesn’t mean I am going to just sit back and watch you self-destruct over your own damn bullheadedness. You have a chance to be happy, dude, to build a life. Why are you so hell bent on fucking that up?”
“I think you’re putting too much stock into one girl,” I object, though deep down even I can’t deny the hold that one girl has on me.
“Am I?” He cocks his head to the side. “In the past few weeks, I have seen you act and do things I never thought you would. For the first time since Conner’s death, I’ve seen you happy, and I mean fucking happy, Deck. Don’t shit on that.”
“What now, you’re a fucking expert on happiness?” I let out a gruff laugh, somewhat amused by the thought.
“No, but I am an expert on your pansy ass.” He smiles, the tension in the air all but vanishing in the matter of a few short seconds. “Now do me a favor and call that fucking girl. I think you might owe her an apology.”
“I don’t know. I think I might have put a nail in that coffin,” I admit, finding it hard to believe she would ever want to see me again after the way I acted last night.
“Well there’s only one way to find out,” he interjects. “Now, if you’re just about done wallowing in your own self-pity, you may want to consider going upstairs and washing away last night’s bottle. You look like shit.”
“You’re just pissed that even after the night I had I’m still better looking than you.” I tilt my head back on a laugh.
“Fuck you.” He laughs, stepping away from the bar. “I’ve got a few errands to run this morning. You good?”
“I’ll live.” I nod, gesturing for him to go.
“Call Kimber,” he says, turning back to me just as he pulls the front door open.
“We’ll see.” I make no promises, laughing when he rolls his eyes and disappears into the morning sun.
Running my hands through my hair, I look around the bar trying to remember what the hell happened here last night. I have no recollection of punching Matt, which surprisingly I don’t feel that bad for, nor do I have any fucking clue how I managed to sleep all night on a stool with the glass bar as my pillow.
I must have had a lot more to drink than I fucking realized...
I replay the confrontation with Trey in my mind as I climb the stairs and push my way inside my apartment. I don’t know why after all this time I still let him get under my skin. I’ve heard the same shit from him for the last eight years now, yet it still has the same effect on me as it did back then.
Then there’s Kimber. I can’t shake away the look of desperation on her face as she begged me not to push her away. The fucking image seems to be burned into the back of my eyes.
Trey was right to warn her. She really should stay away from me. I know myself and I know there is no way I won’t hurt her, but fuck me I just can’t seem to let her go that easily.
It’s easy to walk away in the heat of the moment, swearing you’re doing it for the right reasons. But when the darkness of the night fades and you’re faced with the reality of what you stand to lose, things aren’t always so crystal clear.
On one hand, I want to do right by her. And I know the only way I can do that is to let her go. On the other hand, I want to be the selfish asshole I’ve always been and take exactly what I want until I no longer want it.
My head and heart have never been so conflicted. The fact that I even have to think about it tells me that my feelings for this girl run a lot deeper than I’m ready to admit.
Am I really so convinced that I will hurt her or is my underlying fear that
she will actually be the one to hurt me?
Chapter Eighteen
Kimber
Raising my fist to the door, I knock several times, the impact causing the wood to vibrate against my hand each time it connects. I know he’s here, so I don’t give up when he doesn’t answer right away.
Letting out a frustrated sigh, I prepare to knock again but then stop with my hand in mid-air when the door jerks open. I’m greeted by the dark gaze of Decklan who is now standing directly in front of me still damp from the shower, a towel hanging loosely on his hips.
My mind goes blank for a long second, the drops of water sliding down his incredible torso enough to render me completely captive. It isn’t until he speaks that the fog seems to lift and my resolve slips back into place.
“Kimber?” He seems surprised by my unannounced arrival.
“Good to see you’re still alive,” I snip, pushing my way past him without waiting for an invitation.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asks, closing the door before turning to face me.
“Well, surely your cell phone must be broken. I mean, what other excuse would you have for abandoning me the way you did and then not even having the courtesy to answer the phone when I call just to make sure you got home okay.” I ramble, unable to hide my anger over this whole situation.
I stewed all night about how to handle this before finally deciding that I would never be able to live with myself if I didn’t at least put myself out there and fight for what I want. Sure, I’m upset, angry, hurt, disappointed, but that doesn’t change the way I feel about Decklan, and I’m not prepared to let him go that easily.
He opens his mouth to speak, but I don’t give him the chance to make any excuses.
“Don’t,” I shake my head. “I had a lot of time to think on my walk home last night.” I narrow my eyes at him. “And you’re gonna listen to what I have to say whether you like it or not. You owe me that much.”
“The floor is yours.” The crooked smile that pulls up one side of his mouth makes it damn near impossible for me to not crumble right here on the spot, but I refuse to let him distract me.
Crazy Stupid Love (Crazy Love #1) Page 14
