With silent waves, she bid farewell to her friends as they returned to their own areas. She and Susanna were the last left in line, and it struck Carrie strange that their door remained closed.
“Step out, Lang.” Ogden’s ugly face appeared through the bars of the hallway door separating D from B cellblock.
The fine hair on Carrie’s arms bristled as she moved from behind Susanna and stood against the corridor wall. Their cell door opened and Susanna dutifully walked inside, but cast a worried glance at Carrie as the iron gate slammed shut between them.
One of the escorting matrons hooked her arm through Carrie’s, yanking her through the now open door leading to the main office for the guards. With each beat, Carrie’s heart felt as though it inched into her throat. She hadn’t done anything wrong… had she?
Ogden held open the office door. “Take her to the holding room,” she barked.
Tears stung the back of Carrie’s eyes, but she blinked them away. Ogden, it seemed, thrived on vulnerability. But this time, Carrie wasn’t showing any. She squared her shoulders and marched into the bleak room where a marred table and two worn chairs sat.
“Have a seat.” Ogden closed the door and sealed the room off from the prying eyes of the other two guards.
The chair offered to Carrie was positioned beneath the air conditioning vent, and within scant minutes, goose bumps dotted her arms. Ogden walked around the room several times, pounding her baton against her palm. Carrie sat, her feet firmly planted on the floor and her back straight, keeping her gaze locked with Ogden’s. Showing weakness wasn’t an option.
“So, how are things going, Lang?” The guard finally sat, leaned back, and with feet propped on the table, crossed her arms over her chest. Her orthopedic footwear reminded Carrie of shoes her grandmother wore years before.
Carrie’s stare returned to the matron’s leathery face. “Fine… everything is fine.” She waited for the proverbial other shoe to drop.
“So, you like your roomie and everything is copasetic?” Ogden’s mouth curved into a sneer.
“Susanna’s great. She and I get along just fine, and I like the other ladies in my cellblock, too. This isn’t the Hilton, but…”
A little voice told Carrie there had to be more to the meeting than Ogden wanting to make sure the accommodations were satisfactory. Carrie released a pent up breath and steeled herself. She wanted to kick herself for being so chatty.
“I hear you’ve met Jillian Duke.” Ogden picked at her cuticles.
“Yes, I’ve met Jet.” Carrie kept her answer short and to the point. Her voice was steady, but perspiration dampened her palms.
“What do you think of her?”
“I think she’s… she’s nice.” Why didn’t the old shrew get to the point? Surely this wasn’t just a social call. It had to be some kind of test.
Ogden dropped her feet to the floor, leaned forward, and rested her arms on the table. Her eyes fixed on Carrie. “Jet’s cellmate is being transferred to another institution, and I’m seriously considering moving you in with her. Whadda you think of that?”
Carrie’s mouth dropped open. It probably wouldn’t make any difference what she thought. She composed herself. “Jet already asked me about this and I told her I really wasn’t interested in moving right now.”
“Not interested? Tsk, tsk, tsk.” Ogden’s eyes beaded. “Well, missy, I don’t see that you have a choice in the matter. What I say goes. Do we understand each other?”
Unable to find her voice, Carrie nodded. If they were out on the street, she could probably out wrestle the old woman, but in here, Ogden had the upper hand.
“Nothing wrenches my gut more than newbies who think they still have control. You’ll learn one way or another you don’t make the rules… you follow them.” She stood and moved to the door. With her hand on the knob, she glanced back at Carrie. “I’ll let you know when to get your things together. We haven’t gotten the actual transfer papers yet, but don’t get too comfortable where you are. If you give me problems, you just might find yourself being shipped elsewhere. Evidently the one we’re trading for Jet’s roomie has serious problems playing nice with the gals in the pen she’s assigned to.”
Ogden opened the door. “Someone get in here and get this piece of trash out of my office,” she bellowed.
Another guard sprang to her feet, her face drawn tight. She was obviously new, lacking a name badge, and frightened by the senior matron. Carrie totally understood and accompanied the middle-aged woman without batting a lash. The farther Carrie was from Ogden, the better. Each meeting with the old crone increased an overwhelming desire to bury a fist in her ugly face.
After opening the cell, Carrie’s escort gave her a light shove inside. She’d have to push a whole lot harder than that if she wanted to maintain control in this place, but for once it was nice to sense nervousness in a uniform. Sadly, it most likely wouldn’t take long until she turned as heartless as the others.
Carrie’s mind flashed to the male guard. Did he treat his charges with callous disregard or had that been a sincere look of kindness she saw in his eyes? Why did he keep invading her thoughts and making her stomach flutter? She didn’t even know him. Surely, he was just like all the rest.
The heavy door clanked shut and startled Carrie from her pessimistic thoughts. She’d never get used to that horrible sound. It was so final.
The new guard was barely out of sight when Susanna crawled from the bottom bunk and stood before Carrie with raised brows. “So, what happened? What did Ogden want with you? Are you okay? What did you and Jet talk about? Are…”
Carrie smiled, waiting for the barrage of questions to end. Finally she held up a silencing hand. “What would you like me to answer first?”
Susanna backed up to her bunk, sat, and patted the spot next to her. “You pick. I’m dying to know everything.”
Sprawling rather than sitting, Carrie folded her arms behind her head and stared up at the bottom of her own bed. “Everything started with Jet.” She heaved a sigh.
“What do you mean everything?”
“Jet confronted me today about moving in with her. I thought I had her convinced I was happy right here, but then Ogden somehow got involved. She didn’t mention that the two of them had spoken, but why else would the old hag pick me to be the replacement for Jet’s departing cellmate?”
“Oh no! They’re moving you?” Susanna’s full lips pulled into a frown.
“I told Ogden I didn’t want to go, but she was quick to remind me that it didn’t matter what I wanted. This changing of cells is all about authority and control.”
“Isn’t everything in this place?” Susanna gave a half-hearted chuckle. “We should be glad Ogden isn’t a dog. If she was, she’d be pissin’ on us to mark her territory.”
Carrie pulled her knees up and hugged them, laughing out loud at the image Susanna conveyed. Finally she caught her breath. “Yeah, everything around here is all about the chain of command, and I got the very distinct feeling that I have to move up ten notches to even be at the bottom.” Although it was meant as a joke, Carrie’s words failed to bring a smile to her face. She’d always heard that humor could mask pain, but not this time.
Preferring to dwell on something more pleasant, she summoned a mental image of hypnotic blue eyes. Silly, thinking about a man she barely knew and getting so excited about the possibility of running into him again. Her teeth skimmed her bottom lip as she pictured him. She took a deep breath and interlaced her fingers across her stomach. If her dating experiences had been anything other than dismal and disappointing, maybe she wouldn’t be so desperate now. If only she had someone on her side…someone with money and power.
She sat up and turned to Susanna. “How much do you know about the male guards?”
Chapter Six
Susanna shrugged. “They’re men; that’s about all I know. Why?”
Carrie wasn’t sure why she asked. For some strange reason she couldn’t shake the
image of those powder blue eyes peering at her through the fence. It had only been a look, for heaven’s sakes. The man was just doing his job by making sure the women’s yard was clear. She returned Susanna’s shrug and inched closer to her. “I was just wondering if you knew any of their names. I kinda met one through the fence in the rec yard. No biggie.”
A smile curled Susanna’s wide lips. “Judging from the twinkle in your eye, I don’t believe you.”
Carrie shook her head. “Oh, don’t be silly. He probably saved me from getting into trouble, that’s all. I was too busy daydreaming and hadn’t realized rec time was almost over.”
“Gee, I thought it was something spicier. So…” Susanna stretched out on her side. She leaned her head on bended arm. “Tell me more about this proposed move to Jet’s cell.”
Carrie rose and began to pace. “It just pisses me off to be used like a pawn. You know I don’t want to move, but evidently Jet’s interest in me is purely to prove she can get her way around here, and for some reason I’m her chess piece of the week. She must know some dark, dirty secrets about Ogden to be able to manipulate the woman like she does. Why else would a prison matron cater to an inmate?”
Susanna looked pensive. “I never thought about it like that, but what could she possibly have on the bitch?” She giggled and a grin softened her face. “Do you suppose on her off-time she’s secretly a strip-tease dancer at a local nudie bar?”
The image made Carrie laugh out loud. Overweight, grey-haired, varicose veins and saggy boobs. That wasn’t a sight she’d imagine anyone paying to see. She plopped down on the edge of Susanna’s bunk. “I don’t think that’s it… but what? Has Jet always snapped her fingers and made Ogden jump?”
“Ever since I’ve been here. If anyone tangles with Jet, it doesn’t matter who’s at fault, Jet always skates and the other person suffers.”
Carrie dropped her head into her hands. “Why does it have to be me?”
Susanna patted Carrie’s shoulder. “I wish I had the answer, my friend. But this type of bullshit seems to happen in here all the time.”
Standing, Carrie squared her shoulders. “Well, it isn’t the end of the world. If I get moved, it doesn’t mean our friendship is over. We’ll still have rec time together, and that’s a good thing, isn’t it?”
“Of course.” Susanna rose and hugged Carrie. “I’ll miss our quiet times when it’s only the two of us. I’m not a real warm, fuzzy person, but I want you to know that I feel closer to you than I have to anyone in years.” Her cheeks reddened.
Carrie backed out of the embrace, swiping a knuckle beneath her welling eyes. “Okay, stop it. You’re killing me here. The feeling is mutual, so let’s stop acting like we’re never going to see one another again.”
It was true. Susanna had become a good friend in a short time. Maybe their connection was sharing the horrible experience of being sent to prison in what should be the prime of their lives. Laughter threatened to erupt from Carrie at the absurdity of that thought, but she sobered with the reality that there was nothing at all prime about her existence, in or out of prison.
The sparkle came back to Susanna’s eyes. “You’re right.” She blotted a tear from her cheek. “Jet might win round one, but she isn’t going to win the battle. I just wish I knew if this was only about her flexing her muscles, or if there’s a more sinister motive behind her wanting you in her cell.”
Carrie cupped her chin and rubbed her forefinger back and forth over her top lip. “I can’t imagine what it would be. I basically accused her of being a lesbian and she denied it. And despite everything I’ve heard from you and the other girls, Jet has been mostly pleasant. There’s just something unsettling about her interest in me.”
“She has something against this cellblock.” Susanna perched on the edge of her bunk and stared at the floor. “I’ve thought about it until my brain is fried. Why pick on you? You’re new, you know only a few people here, and if you’ve been truthful, there’s no one on the outside that can be of value to her.”
“It’s true. I’m alone. I already told you I have a father somewhere, but he couldn’t care less about me. Besides, I haven’t seen him in years. If Jet is looking for someone with outside connections, she’s picked the wrong girl.”
“Damn, then what could it be?” Susanna straightened, her teeth clenched.
Carrie slowly shook her head. “You aren’t the only one who’s killed a thousand brain cells trying to figure this out.” She grimaced. “I guess I’ll find out soon enough.”
A lump thickened in her throat.
* * * * *
The hallway lights dimmed, throwing odd shadows off the bars onto the cell’s ceiling. Carrie stared at them with hands locked behind her head, still trying to make sense of Jet’s interest in her. Nothing came. She rolled to her side, and hung over the mattress. “Are you still awake?”
“Uh huh,” Susanna answered. “I can’t sleep.”
“Me either. And I’m sick of thinking about Jillian Duke. Feel like talking about something else?”
Susanna snickered. “Sure, let’s make plans for our upcoming trip to the Caribbean.”
“Very funny.” Despite sounding cynical, her mind flashed to white beaches and crashing waves. “Tell me more about yourself.”
“Now there’s an exciting story. What do you want to know that I haven’t already told you?”
“Do you have family? Brothers, sisters? I wish I did.”
The plastic mattress crackled with Susanna’s movement. “I have two brothers, but I haven’t seen them for a long time. One is older, the other younger. My mother and father divorced when I was in high school, and I lived with my mom. She’s not in the best of health and only comes to visit when she’s up to it. My brothers pretty much disowned me when I got involved with Doug. They tried to tell me that he was worthless, but I wouldn’t listen. As for my dad, he remarried and lives in another state with his new family. I never hear from him.”
A pang of sadness plucked at Carrie’s heart. There was another connection between them. Both had fathers who had forgotten their daughters existed.
Susanna heaved a loud sigh. “I wish I had heeded my brothers’ warning. Doug was the biggest mistake of my life. Now that I look back on it, he never loved me like I loved him, he just wanted someone to fetch and carry for him. I think I broke my mom’s heart when I moved in with him.”
“Where did you meet?”
“In high school, of all places. He left during our senior year then came back about three years later. He was so smooth and good-looking; he swept me off my feet. I had plans to go to college, but never got there. Instead, I got a job as a health aide at a local nursing home with the intent of becoming a licensed vocational nurse.”
“That’s a good profession.”
“It would have been if I could have paid for it. All my wages went up Doug’s nose, and it didn’t take long before depression wore me down and I started using. I even lost my job. Then, of course, you know the rest of the story. The cops came, found the stash Doug had just acquired to sell, and he so lovingly blamed the whole thing on me, claiming he was just an innocent victim.”
Carrie detected the hurt in her friend’s voice. “That must have been horrible.”
“It was. I felt like a low-life loser. I’d never been in trouble with the law, but just like you, I couldn’t buy some fancy-pants lawyer to get me off with a slap on the wrist. So here I am, my first offense, wiling away fifteen years of my life in this hellhole. My only solace is that I had evidence to prove that Doug was the real dealer. I knew the name of his supplier and the police bargained with him to sell out Doug. I’m pretty sure he’s not enjoying life any more than I am, at least I don’t think so. He got double my sentence.”
“Then I guess there’s some justice with the law.” Carrie rolled onto her back and stretched, stifling a yawn. “At least you have the pleasure of knowing the real culprit is paying for his crime. I can’t stop thinking about h
ow those who actually robbed the bank are still out there, foot loose and fancy-free, while I’m here for something I didn’t do. It makes me sick. I had plans for my life, too, and it sure as hell didn’t involve prison.”
“What kind of job did you have?”
“I’ve always been good with people and numbers, so I landed an apprenticeship with a marketing company. The money wasn’t there in the beginning, but it had promise. It was something I had to work my way into. As ideas were introduced to the firm, my job was to research the viability of the product, so I spent a lot of time with a clipboard, polling people for their opinions. Afterwards, I compiled the data into projected earnings and presented it to the board of directors for their decision. I really loved what I did… and I had hopes.” Old anger resurfaced and Carrie’s eyes brimmed with tears. She used her sleeve to dry them.
“Do you ever think of getting married and having children?” Susanna asked.
“Of course, don’t most girls? I haven’t found a guy I connected with. Or slept with. Oh, I suffered through several cases of puppy love in junior high, and had a real crush on Guy Frasier in high school, but the creep didn’t even ask me to the prom. We went out a few times then he dumped me because I wasn’t easy enough for him. I’m not going to admit how few dates I’ve been on, but every guy had his own agenda, and sex was at the top of the list. When and if I get married it’s going to be to someone who thinks I’m worth the wait.”
Susanna’s chortle sliced the momentary silence. “Still a virgin? My God, how rare is that? I envy you being smart enough to withstand the pressures. Doug wasn’t my first, but I hoped he’d be my last. What a fool I was.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself. I have no money, my car was impounded, I’ve lost the lease on my apartment, and I’m pretty sure I was fired from my job. It seems that my virginity is all I have.”
“Well, aren’t we a couple of winners? It almost sounds like a novel in the making. Do you want to write it or should I?” Susanna chuckled through a yawn. “Maybe we’d better forget the book. Even I find the plot boring. I’m pretty sure I can sleep now.”
First Degree Innocence Page 5
