by Nikki Paris
Amy glanced up at me and frowned. “Are you okay, Dani? You look like you’re going to be sick.”
I forced a smile. “Oh, I’m f-fine! Just tired. I-I’m trying to c-cut back on my caffeine intake.”
“Ugh, me too. Good luck!” Amy laughed. “Okay, see you soon, buddy!” Amy turned to walk out of the auditorium, leaving me alone with Marshall.
“You ready, man?” I asked. “It’s going to be tons of fun today!”
Marshall shrugged but followed me up onto the stage, where Gia was leading a group of twenty kids in a vocal warm-up exercise. She paused to smile at Marshall. “Welcome! Go find a spot over there with all of our other friends!”
Marshall reluctantly left my side and joined the group. I could see his little hands shaking, and my heart went out to him. I gave him a big smile and thumbs up when he glanced back at me, then I grabbed a folding chair and set it up slightly off stage.
After the vocal exercise, Gia had the kids recite some silly poems with her. Then, it was time for the rehearsal of their cute kid version of Romeo and Juliette.
All of the parts had already been assigned, so Gia made up a quick one for Marshall with a single line, written on notebook paper. He rushed over to me with a shy little smile while he waited for his turn to say it. God, he was a cute kid! Huh. Maybe I liked kids.
“Nice, man!” I gave him a high five. “Let’s see your l-line!”
He held out the paper to me.
Hey, look! It’s Romeo! We can’t stand that guy, right?
I laughed and looked over at Gia. She shrugged and laughed. I turned back to Marshall. “You wanna practice with me?”
We ran the line until we were sure he had it, and finally, it was his turn.
Marshall slowly walked to the center of the stage on his cue. His little fists were balled up at his side, and I could practically feel the nerves coming off of him in waves. He glanced back at me, and I gave him a thumbs up and a reassuring smile.
Marshall took a deep breath and tried to say his line. “H-h-h-h-h-h-h-ey hey hey hey, l-l-l-l-l-look. It’s it’s it’s it’s it’s Rrrrrr.” Marshall’s chest rose and fell rapidly, and he blinked his little eyes.
I bit my lip as I watched him, and my heart ached. I remembered all too well what it felt like to stand on a stage and have my words turn into a tangled mess. “You got this, Marshall,” I whispered to myself.
But he didn’t have it. “Rrrrrrr.” Marshall tried one more time before running off the stage, with tears brimming over. Gia looked at me with wide eyes, and I jumped up from my chair in the wings and jogged after Marshall.
I caught him near the back of the theater and wrapped my arms around his trembling little body. The poor kid was sobbing, and my heart ached for him. “Hey,” I whispered. “Hey, it’s okay, Marshall. It’s okay.”
“I-I-I h-h-hate my st-st-st-stutter!” He cried and buried his face in my neck.
I sighed and brushed his hair from his forehead. “You’re a-allowed to to h-hate it. But y-you’re not allowed to hate yourself.” I pulled back from Marshall and guided him to sit in one of the auditorium seats. I sat beside him and took both of his hands in mine.
“Y-you’re different, Marshall. You just are. Your brain works differently th-than all those other k-kids up there. M-most of them will never understand what you g-g-go through every time you speak. They’re never g-going to know how it feels when your throat muscles g-get stuck, or your brain works a million times faster than your m-mouth.”
I reached out to wipe a tear from Marshall’s cheek and continued. “But it doesn’t matter, Marshall. Do you know why?”
He sniffled. “W-w-why?”
“Because you’re strong. And you aren’t alone.” I squeezed his little hand. “So here’s what you’re going to do. You’re g-going to hold your head up high, walk back up to that stage, and say your line with or w-without a stutter. Then, you’re g-going to take a bow and be proud of y-yourself because you had to work ten times harder than everyone else up there.”
“I-I d-d-don’t want to!” Another tear slipped down Marshall’s cheek.
I paused and took a deep breath. “C-can I tell you a secret?”
Marshall nodded.
“I g-get scared sometimes, too. A lot, actually. But b-brave people do things even though they’re s-scared.” I placed a gentle finger on Marshall’s forehead. “And you are brave. I know it.”
His lower lip trembled, and he asked, “Will y-y-y-yyyyou c-come with me?”
I smiled. “Yep. B-but y-you’re the brave superhero, here. I’m just the side-kick.”
Marshall gave me a half-smile and glanced over my shoulder. His little face lit up, and he yelled, “Connor!”
I turned slowly and spotted Connor leaning against the wall at the back of the auditorium. How long had he been standing there? My heart pounded in my chest, and I froze in my seat.
Marshall stood and ran up the aisle to leap into Connor’s arms. “Hey, dude!” Connor gave his nephew a big hug and then set him down.
“D-d-d-did you ssssee me me m-m-mess up?”
Connor raised an eyebrow at Marshall. “I saw you try. And I’m about to watch you go try again.”
So Connor saw the whole thing? And he heard everything I’d just said to Marshall? I stared at my hands, too scared to look up at Connor. Marshall really was the brave one, not me.
“Y-y-yeah. D-Dani's going to um, um, c-come with m-me,” Marshall said.
“You better get going then.”
Marshall ran back over to me and took my hand. I could feel Connor’s eyes on me, and I chanced a quick look at him. Shit. He looked good. And his gaze made me feel like I was melting.
We stared at each other for a second, and I tried not to think about his hands up my skirt and his breath hot on my neck. The keyword there is that I tried. But my mind was deep into a dirty fantasy with him in less than one second.
Connor made no move to speak to me, not even a, “Hey, how’s it going?”
Marshall tugged on my hand, saying, “A-are you c-c-coming?”
“Yeah, bud. Of course.” I smiled down at Marshall and walked back toward the stage with him. The disappointment settled heavily in my chest. Connor wanted nothing to do with me. That fact didn’t surprise me, but the searing pain in my chest did.
I really fucking liked Connor.
When Marshall and I reached the stage, I felt him grip my hand a little tighter. “Hey, G,” I said. “Marshall’s ready to try again.”
“Oh! Perfect!” Gia clapped her hands and smiled. “Take your time, Marshall.”
Marshall let out a shaky breath and opened his mouth. “Hey, look! It’s it’s it’s R-Romeo! We c-can’t stand that g-guy, r-r-r-right?”
“Yay!” Gia clapped her hands and encouraged the rest of the kids to do the same. “You did it!”
Marshall gave Gia a shy grin and then settled into the last ten minutes of rehearsal.
I forced myself to keep my eyes on the kids and off of Connor, but I was painfully aware of his presence. When the rehearsal ended, I decided I was just going to walk over to him and say, “Hi.” It was stupid how awkward we were both acting. We were adults that had hot drunk sex. It happened all the time. We didn’t have to act this way.
Marshall ran off the stage and jumped into Connor’s arms again. “I-I-I did it! D-did you s-s-see?”
Connor grinned at Marshall, and I felt my knees weaken. “You were awesome,” he said, messing up Marshall’s hair. His eyes flicked up to meet mine.
I smiled and held up my hand in a wave. Connor watched me for a second, then turned and walked away without waving back.
Seriously? That’s how he wanted to play it? Screw him!
22
Connor
My heart was racing like crazy as I walked through the theater parking lot with Marshall. Dani’s tight gray sweater dress made her ass look like heaven. Then watching her save Marshall had me ready to propose on the spot.
D
ani wasn’t just a whiny, spoiled brat. She was tough and deep and so damn sweet. She fucking tasted sweet, too.
I so clearly had feelings for her, but I didn’t know what to do with them.
Marshall climbed into my back seat, and I grabbed the portable booster seat that Amy made me keep in my car at all times. Marshall groaned. “I d-d-don’t need that!”
“Sorry, dude. Your mom says you need it until you’re twelve.” I supervised Marshall as he buckled himself and then said, “You want ice cream? Your mom said no ice cream before lunch, but that’s a rule I’m willing to break.”
Marshall grinned at me and said, “Totally.”
I took my nephew out for ice cream and then brought him home. Amy wasn’t back yet, so I spent some time playing LEGO’s and video games with Marshall.
When Amy finally showed up, Devin was with her, and they were both smiling like idiots. Amy gave me a quick hug and said, “Thanks, Con. You’re staying for dinner, right?”
“I’d love to. Thanks.”
Then Amy and Devin shared a look filled with uncertainty and excitement. “Marshall,” Devin called over to his son. “Come here, bud. Mom and I have something we want to tell you.”
Marshall rolled his eyes. “What? I’m almost d-d-done with this this this level!”
Amy sighed. “Please, Marshall. It’s important. Pause your game and come here, honey.”
Marshall groaned but obeyed. He wandered over to where his parents stood and again said, “What?”
Devin put his arm around my sister, and they smiled at each other one more time before saying, “You’re going to be a big brother!”
Marshall blinked in surprise and then his face exploded with joy. “I am? I-i-i-is it a a a a brother or or s-s-sister?”
Amy laughed. “We don’t know yet! We get to find out soon, though!”
Amy and Devin wrapped Marshall up in a big hug. “Are you excited, dude? You’re going to be such an awesome big brother.” Devin ruffled his son’s hair.
Marshall grinned back at his parents. “Yeah. I-I’m going t-to teach h-him how to d-d-do all kinds of s-s-tuff!”
Amy laughed. “Or her.”
I watched the loving family moment play out and was struck by how badly I wanted that for myself. I’d wanted it for a long time.
Bachelor partying days had never been my thing. When all my friends were out having too many one-night stands to count, I was studying or focusing on one girl at a time. Then there was Callie. There was no question about whether I wanted to settle down with her. I wanted to have a family with her. I was ready.
I never stopped being ready. Losing her hadn’t erased that desire in me. Watching my sister and her beautiful family suddenly made that crystal clear.
After dinner, Amy and Devin headed upstairs to do Marshall’s bedtime routine, but before she left, Amy pointed a finger in my face and said, “Stay! I need to talk to you!”
A few minutes later, Amy came down alone. “Sit,” she said, pointing to her worn tan sectional. They’d had this thing since Marshall was a baby.
I collapsed onto Amy’s couch and groaned out loud. “What?”
“I need to talk to you about an adorable little blonde that’s perfect for you.” Amy folded her arms and sat down next to me.
I ran my hands through my hair and stared up at the ceiling. “What do you want me to say? You were right, Aims. I really like her. It might even be the beginning of love, who knows?” I was surprised at the honesty that just flowed from my mouth. I’d always been honest with my older sister, but a long time had passed since we had one of these talks — about two years. I’d been professionally avoiding them.
Amy smiled and rubbed my shoulder. “I know, Con. When did you realize you had feelings for Dani?”
I gave my sister a sideways glance. “Probably a few days before I slept with her.”
“WHAT?” Amy gasped, her big brown eyes practically bulging.
I rubbed my jaw and said, “That was almost two weeks ago. We got drunk and just went at it in my kitchen. The next morning I felt so guilty I could hardly breathe. I told her nothing was going to happen because of Callie…”
“Oh, Con.” Amy covered her mouth with her hand and her eyes filled with sadness.
“Yeah. I fucked it up big time. But it doesn’t matter, because I’m still not ready. I keep trying to let Callie go, but I can’t do it.”
Amy stood up and walked out of her living room. Wow. Had I disappointed her that much?
But she was back a moment later with a massive bag of m&m’s. She dropped it on my lap and said, “She’ll forgive you. Your cute little princess blushes every time I say your name.”
I laughed and shook my head. I almost believed Amy when I remembered the way Dani had smiled and waved at me today. But then I’d been a jerk and just walked away without a word. I was afraid I would grab Dani and kiss her if she got any closer. Fuck. Maybe that was exactly what I should have done.
Amy reached over and grabbed a handful of candy from the bag on my lap. “What are you gonna do?” she asked before tossing the m&m’s in her mouth.
“Keep living in my self-assigned purgatory, I guess.” I popped a yellow m&m in my mouth.
“You know, Con, you don’t have to let Callie go to move on.”
I raised a single eyebrow at my sister.
Amy rolled her eyes. “You’re hopeless, aren’t you? Mom and I tried to teach you shit about love, but you just didn’t listen.” Amy sat up straighter and said, “Look right in my eyes, so I know you’re listening now. I’m about to drop a truth bomb on you, little bro.”
A smile forced its way onto my face, and I met Amy’s intense gaze.
“I know your heart loved Callie, and you feel like you’re betraying her by moving on, but the human heart is incredible. It can always stretch and grow and hold more love, even when you think it’s full.”
I raised a single eyebrow at Amy. “That was sappy as—”
Amy clamped a hand over my mouth. “What I’m saying, Connor is that you can love Callie and Dani at the same time! I’m saying there’s room in your heart. You don’t have to love either one more or less. You don’t have to let go of Callie to let Dani in. There. Is. Room. Connor.”
Instead of having a serious conversation with my sister, I licked her hand.
Amy’s face wrinkled in disgust, and she smacked my arm. “Did you just lick me? Like a goddamn ten-year-old?”
I laughed out loud and ate a handful of m&m’s. “That’s what you get for being all sappy and stupid, Aims.”
Amy rolled her eyes and wiped her hand off on my jeans. “I swear you’re not almost thirty. I swear to god, you’re ten.” Then she sighed and leaned back against the couch with a little smile. “But, I do like seeing you laugh and tease again. You know that’s Dani, right?”
Of course I knew that.
◆◆◆
The next morning, I walked out of my apartment at 8:30 am, right when Dani left for work. Her door opened seconds after mine. We stood there, staring at each other for a second. I wanted to say, “Hey, you look beautiful. I’m sorry for being a jerk. Kiss me.”
Instead, I stayed quiet.
Finally, Dani shot me a look of contempt and headed down the stairs without a word.
We had a similar interaction when I got home from work while she was out walking Lizzy. We stared at each other for a second before Dani’s cheeks turned pink, and she walked away.
I let out a long deep breath and headed up to my apartment. I knew I wanted Dani. I knew she was worth wading through all of my fears and insecurities. I knew that if I were going to move forward with anyone, it would be her.
I just didn’t know how to tell her that. I didn’t know if she felt the same. But there was only one way to find out.
23
Dani
I got home from another boring-ass day at work and clipped Lizzy’s leash to her collar. “Don’t even fight me tonight, girl. I don’t have the ener
gy for your attitude. I know you need to shit, so let’s go.”
Lizzy fought me. I had to drag her ass out the door. Then, as soon as the fresh air hit her nose, she perked up and trotted down the stairs. She did this every damn time— put up a big fuss about going out, only to cheer up and enjoy her nightly walk. I groaned out loud. “See? Why do you do this? Why do you fight the things that you love?”
I almost ran smack into Connor on the stairs. I mumbled, “Hey,” and didn’t make eye contact, and then I rushed past him. I was the pot calling the kettle black with my dog, wasn’t I? All this talk of fighting the things that you love…
I hated how much I still thought about Connor and how he’d ultimately won our little game. I was the idiot that fell for him. I was the “princess” that would never be enough for him. And it wasn’t even like I could be angry at him for that. He already had the love of his life, and then he lost her.
After Lizzy and I completed our two loops around the building, we headed back up the stairs to our apartment. There was a sheet of white paper taped to my front door. I frowned and read the messy handwritten message scrawled across it.
Keep your damn dog quiet at night.
-The Jerk
My mouth gaped open, and fury ignited in my veins. Lizzy had one goddamn barking incident last night! And seriously? I’d just passed the asshole on the stairs! He couldn’t have spoken to me like an adult? He had to go all passive-aggressive and write a note?
Hell. No. I unlocked my apartment to let Lizzy get back to her favorite spot on my couch. Then I ripped the note off my door and marched over to Connor’s apartment.
I pounded on his door and yelled, “What the hell, asshole?”
The door slowly swung open, and Connor stood there, giving me his stupid raised eyebrow expression. How the fuck could he be so cold after everything? How the fuck could he just look at me like I was a stranger? God, I was furious with him!
