All her good, business only intentions were ground into the dirt under her boots. No way would she ever say no to Luke Wilder. It was like all the times she’d seen him, watched him, admired him, as she tried to ignore him, all condensed into this moment, this one opportunity.
“You gonna stand there all night thinking about it, cowboy?” Somehow she found her voice and taunted him. Maybe if she pretended this wasn’t the most exciting and scary moment of her life she’d believe it, too. “I thought bull riders were fast.”
She so did not just say that! She should pull away, mortified, but the way his eyes searched her face as if he was looking into her soul kept her rooted. She felt like he was seeing her, really seeing her. The woman and the businesswoman. The scientist and the rancher and the lonely woman who sometimes felt insecure.
His hand continued to cup the back of her head, and the other came up and his thumb lightly stroked the angled, determined line of her jaw while his fingers feathered along her cheekbones.
“Only on the back of a bull or bronc, cowgirl.” His voice teased her nerves which all seemed to be standing up on alert. “For everything else, I like to take my time.”
Oh, my God, you are so perfect.
He smiled, which flipped her heart. “I think today you had a front row seat to many of my imperfections.”
“Did I say that out loud?” Again the blush surged across her cheeks. “You are supposed to be polite and not call attention to those things.”
“Where’s the fun in that?”
“I can be fun,” she whispered, knowing she was practically shoving herself like a laden platter into his hands.
Take me please.
His fingers speared through her braid and, before she could protest, they trailed through her hair. His gaze was hooded, focused on her tight curls that sprang through his fingers.
“It’s like fire,” he said softly.
Her mouth burned and she ached for him to touch her. Her hair might be the color of fire but to her it was uncontrolled frizz and the fact he was staring at it while it slid through his fingers astonished her.
“Luke.” She was uncertain.
He bent his head and her lips parted. She felt the first whisper of his lips along hers. She bit back a moan, dropped the beer bottle on the ground, and took another step forward until her body was flush with his. His mouth traveled down her neck and Tanner shivered and clutched his arms. His biceps felt like stone hewn from Copper Mountain and desire punched her low and hot in her gut, almost like a brand.
He had to really kiss her. Had to. The desire like a drum thrummed through her body. Instead, his hands trailed fire as they slid down her arms and anchored on her hips. But instead of a full-body press, which she craved, he used his hands to create a small amount of distance, which she hated.
“Tanner.” He breathed against her lips, his brushing hers, setting her body ablaze. The light brush of his mouth was pleasure personified and torture because she craved more, needed a dark, hungry kiss. “What are you doing to me?”
*
That was all the permission she was going to get, so she stood on tiptoes, curled her fingers in his dark brown wavy hair, and pressed her lips against his, first softly then hungrier. She sighed into his mouth and all of her worries about her father, getting an IBR contract, her blossoming feelings towards Luke, faded away under the sensual assault as she slid her tongue along the seam of his lips and felt his heart accelerate and slam against hers.
His fingers played with her hair, touched her cheeks, and slid down her body to rest lightly on her waist. It was beautiful, but it wasn’t enough. It was as if she’d been parched and now offered a cool drink of water. She wanted the entire glass and then to chase it with a bottle of champagne and hang her head out the window of a speeding car and shout at the moon.
He whispered her name and that only inflamed her more. She stepped into his body, rejoicing when she could feel him hard against her stomach and she rubbed against him, revering his heat and length and response. It had been so long for her. And she was touching him. She wanted more. His shirt off. She needed to feel his skin. She wasn’t even aware she’d started unbuttoning his shirt until he caught her fingers.
“Tanner,” he murmured against her mouth.
She kissed him. Stroked her tongue along his lips.
“Cowboy.” She smiled up at him and realized he was clasping both of her hands, which had been marauding all over his body like she had total rights to him.
“Sorry,” she whispered, hating how the words caught in her throat.
But if she were going to be brave enough to act on one of her long running fantasies, she had to be brave enough to suck up the consequences. Only she wasn’t really sure how to explain why she’d jumped him. The truth would probably send him packing back to the Denver area.
“I’m a little out of practice.”
That had not been what she’d intended to say.
His quick smile, the warmth in his eyes, nearly melted her at his feet.
“I’m sure you’re just teasing this cowboy,” he said in an “aw, shucks” way that made her want to wrap her legs around his waist and show him that, no, she was totally serious and completely dedicated to getting experience pronto. “But it’s not a race.”
She nibbled on her lower lip. So he wasn’t opposed to kissing her, just she was going to fast? That was a role reversal she’d never heard of and her stomach sank. Just too fast with him, she translated. From the lines of buckle bunnies she’d seen over the years waiting for his “autograph,” slow was not his operative word.
He cupped her cheeks, his thumbs smoothing across her cheekbones.
“Trying to do the right thing here, Tanner,” he said softly.
“Don’t.”
“You could try to help me out.” He suggested softly.
“You are ruining the reputation of rodeo cowboys everywhere,” she said, striving to keep her voice light like she hadn’t been turned down or that she had but didn’t care. “They are weeping.”
She pulled away, trying to be a good sport about it. The spell was broken. Her impulse had played out and she was more than a little embarrassed she’d been swept away and he had been holding back. She’d been the one who’d been the designated driver during nights out. She’d been the one to pull her girlfriends out of the arms of random cowboys they’d picked up in bars. She’d always been the good girl, coming home to study, while Tucker and her friends had lived it up.
She signed and smoothed his shirt.
“You’re safe, cowboy. I’m back in girl scout mode.”
“You don’t need to go that far,” he said. “I just—” He took a deep breath and ran his hand through his thick hair, which made her twist her hands behind her back to curb any crazy impulse. “It’s just been a helluva day.”
Tanner wanted to kick herself. Of course. Finding out he might have a brother. Having his grandfather, whom he’d never met, throw him off his ranch so publically and then Talon’s accusation. No wonder he was reeling. He needed a friend or at least a business associate to help ground him, not some woman jumping him.
“Yeah,” she said, starting to quickly re-braid her hair. “Tough day.”
He covered her hand that was quickly reweaving her hair.
And just like that time, stopped for her and she was falling into a vat of melted chocolate caramel. His touch was like a brand. She felt it to her bones.
“Your hair is lovely,” he said.
It wasn’t. She knew that. Her hair had been a source of teasing at school and an irritation her entire life.
“And we may be working together,” he said carefully. “And I wouldn’t want…”
“Yes,” she said, wishing a few sips of beer could explain her uncharacteristic behavior.
Why had she thought she could pull a Tucker move anyway? The disappointment and embarrassment made it hard to breathe, but he didn’t have to know that.
She hoped, pr
obably unrealistically, he wasn’t embarrassed by her dumb-girl move. Ugh! What if he pitied her? Desperate small-town cowgirl. She dragged out a smile and the chipper voice she’d developed all those lonely and scary days in the hospital so many years ago. He probably thought her biological clock was ticking. Well, it wasn’t.
“You’re right, of course.” She pinched her thigh hard to concentrate on that pain instead of the other that was making her feel like somebody was pouring ice cold water in her body, filling her up. “Not sure what got into me, but I’m sure I’m not the only cowgirl to jump ahead.” Her smile felt like it was going to crack along with her face. “I’ll um…” What to say now? How to walk away back to her truck? “See you around.”
“Let me walk you back to your rig. Where’d you park?”
“I’m in my truck. I love sleeping under the stars and I’m a big girl. I can walk back alone.”
“I know, but I’m traditional so the cowboy in me won’t allow that. Besides my mom already kicked my ass once today. Don’t need a repeat.”
She smiled, but somewhere deep inside felt a pang. She could so fall in love with this man. He was kind. And beautiful. And sexy. And smart. The perfect cowboy and so out of reach he might as well be on another planet. There was no way she could walk through the night with him. It would be like standing too close to a flame.
“Actually, I came to check on my bulls.”
But that didn’t drive him away. Instead, he stayed with her while she checked on each one, talking to them, making sure their bedding was adequate and that they were comfortable. Most were sleeping and not in the mood to greet her. She headed with Luke toward the exit.
He smoothed his hand through her hair. “Your hair is as soft as I imagined. It’s like a beautiful sunset-colored halo,” he said, his eyes searching as if trying to absorb the vision, the screaming color.
Tanner caught her breath at the look in his eye. She didn’t think anyone had ever before looked at her like that, like he was really seeing her, cataloging all the things he liked. She was used to men noticing only her sister, then liking her later, after they realized she was funny and smart. Career-oriented.
She caught his hand. She could be mature about this. Take what she could get. “Okay, walk me back, cowboy.”
They walked outside. The air was definitely a bit damper, chillier.
“You want to stay in my trailer?” He offered. “I can sleep in your truck.”
“No, I’m good,” she said. “The weather’s cooperating. I’ve got flannel and sweats and a sleeping bag.”
“That sounds romantic.” He commented.
She laughed. “That’s how I roll. I’m beatin’ ’em off with a stick.”
“Nah.” He laughed. “I’m thinkin’ you probably need a club and a couple of bouncers.”
The playful light in his eye, combined with his quick reply, and gaze narrowed on of all things, her hair, zinged heat through her, and Tanner realized she spent her whole life so caught up in her dad’s opinion of beautiful—Tucker, Tucker, and Tucker, which had been a one-two punch with Tucker’s sparkling and sky-high confidence and string of romantic conquests that Tanner continually sold herself short.
“Left my bouncers at home,” she said softly, a little shy as she bodychecked him, unable to resist the lure of his warm, wiry strength. Friends. Maybe they could be friends. That was something. Better than nothing.
It felt so natural walking with him like this, touching him, yet she’d only met him today. She’d seen him before, more than a few times, and had stared and longed and fantasized and tried to ignore, but today was the first time she’d said his name aloud. Looked into his golden eyes. Been able to talk to him.
He stopped, turned to her, and his tanned, calloused hands cupped her face. He bent toward her, his head blocked out the moon, and his lips teased hers apart, kissed her briefly then he rested his forehead against hers. Their breath mingled and, even though Tanner had kissed more than a few men, and had definitely not been celibate in college or grad school, nothing she had ever done with anyone before had felt as intimate.
“Hell of a day.” She breathed, echoing him and reminding herself not to read too much into his gesture.
“One of my worst,” he admitted, surprising her with his honesty.
Cowboys were tough. Uncommunicative. But Luke Wilder… she bit down on her lip as a deep longing welled up. She liked him. Really liked him and the want and like clamored louder. It had whispered along her spine before during the times she’d watched him behind the scenes at a few rodeos, watched him calf-rope, saddleless bronco ride, bull ride, but now the want banged. Shouted. Insisted.
And she didn’t quite know how to silence it.
“But definitely an upside.” His thumbs were warm against her skin as they drew circles on her cheekbones.
“Yeah?” It took all her effort to not lean into one of his hands, kiss his palm, his fingers. “I’m better than a bar fight with an out of the blue mystery brother? And getting tossed out on your ass from your granddaddy’s ranch on the day you met him. Then there’s the paternity suit. Better than that?”
He laughed as she meant him to, and despite the longing, despite her earlier embarrassment, she would get through this. She’d work with Luke Wilder. Admire him at arm’s length and get over it. She’d have to.
“Okay.” She tried to sound businesslike about it, act natural, even though she wasn’t. She felt stiff and awkward and prickly like she was being poked over and over. “Umm…” And then, despite all her promises to herself, tears pricked her eyes, which was just plain stupid.
But she’d made a mistake with him and now things were going to be awkward between them, whereas before they’d been warm and fun and she’d felt for the first time in a long time not so alone and she’d trashed that. She felt like, at long last, she was out of her awkward phase and that she could find a man she liked and was attracted to who would like her back and not be disappointed with her looks, especially when he met her sister. Stupid fantasy.
And what if she’d ruined her chances with the IBR because he wouldn’t want to deal with her? She had to save this fast and making herself scarce was probably her best option.
“See you on a bull, cowboy, or on your ass.” That had the right amount of cheekiness but would have sounded better if her voice hadn’t broken before she could get the last word out.
She spun quickly and strode away, one hand raised, a little finger-wiggling like she’d seen other women who were cooler than she was do.
“Tanner, wait.” His quick stride easily ate up the distance even though she didn’t stop moving.
His hands slid down her body and rested on her waist.
“Talk to me,” he said, his voice low in her ear and reverberating down her spine. “What’s wrong? What happened?”
“Nothing.”
She so wanted to lean back against him, savor his hands at her waist. Pretend.
“Tanner, tell me. This day has been one of my worst, but meeting you has been the best part. Best in a long, long while.”
She turned around, searched his beautiful caramel gaze.
“I’m glad,” she said softly barely stifling her incredulous “really?” in her mouth. She would like to make him happy. “Me, too,” she said. And it was the truth. “I just made it awkward, and I’m so, so sorry.”
“You haven’t made anything awkward. It’s just”—he heaved a sigh, released her, and took a step back—“it’s just me.”
She’d heard that before. She knew the game. That meant it was her.
“I just started this new job, and I’m in the process of having to move and something’s going on with my mom that she still hasn’t explained and that was before all the crap today. I’m in to no position to…”
“I ain’t proposing, cowboy,” Tanner said.
“I’m being an ass.”
“No,” she said, unable to stop herself from letting her fingers play along the chorded musc
les of his upper back before she speared them in his thick, wavy hair that grew back from his forehead.
“You are making this really, really hard for me to behave.”
“I don’t think I want you to behave,” she confessed. “But I know you want to.”
“Tanner…” He caught her fingers and pressed them to his lips, kissing one after the other.
Her breath was ragged and mingled with his.
“I really like you,” he said huskily, but it was like an ice cube slid down her shirt. “I want to spend more time with you, but we might be working together.”
“So,” she challenged, not sure why she was pushing when she’d been trying to keep it business from the start. “If I only kissed guys I wasn’t working with in some capacity, I’d never be kissed.”
She tried to pull away, but his hands still held hers, his eyes burned.
“I don’t know what to make of you, Tanner McTavish,” he finally said, and didn’t that make two of them? “This might be one of my biggest mistakes, but it’s just really bad timing.”
He was right about that. Part of her wanted to smack him for being so honest and honorable and the other part wanted to hold him close, but he sure needed to stop being so perfect. She’d seen buckle bunnies lined up by his trailer for an autograph hang on him at the sponsor advertised bars after the events. Luke Wilder had rarely been without company.
“I’m not…” He seemed to search for a word. “Right tonight.” He took a deep breath and stepped back, one hand running through all that luxuriant hair, making it flow back from his forehead in a graceful wave, and then his hand smoothed over his mouth. He looked at his boots, kicked the dirt a little, and then looked back at her. “In my head. My mom’s got something she’s brewing that I don’t like or understand, and as far as my brother…” He spread his arms away from his body, fingers wide as if he could drop the burden. “Then your friend. I can’t even remember her name.”
“Talon.”
“Yeah. And her kid. I’d never leave some girl stuck like that.” He grimaced. “Like my mom was left. But I started the circuit when I was eighteen. This is my tenth year.” The silence hung there, and Tanner imagined a long line of invisible women. “I don’t dodge phone calls or texts, and I’m pretty easy to find so I’m sure I never knew that girl, but… shit.”
Want Me, Cowboy Page 7
