“Wait!” Tanner struggled to her feet spilling her lemonade on the grass and splashing her bare legs as well as Tucker’s boots. “You slept with Luke?”
“Hey.” Tucker brushed at her legs and inspected her boots.
“Answer the question, Tucker.”
“Well, we didn’t exactly sleep,” she said.
Tanner could barely hear her twin’s answer through the blood pulsing through her brain, making her feel like an aneurism was imminent.
“You had sex with him?” Tanner’s voice rose in disbelief, but already images of Luke, her Luke, although clearly he wasn’t and never would be her Luke or her cowboy, swam sickly through her churning brain.
The way his face had looked when she she’d gripped him through his jeans, the way his mouth felt when he kissed her. Tucker had had all that and more.
Tanner couldn’t catch her breath. She couldn’t even see properly. It was like the world was going in and out of focus, fuzzy on the sides.
“You and Luke…” She couldn’t get any more out, didn’t know what to do with her body, couldn’t turn the channel of her mind so she could think.
“Hell, yeah.” Tucker stood up, smoothing the tight skirt of her dress. “I wasn’t going to pass up all that prime male meat,” Tucker said. “No one would. Luke’s hot and fantastic in bed. I thought he was the perfect hookup guy, but he wanted more than just a fling.” She shrugged. “Possessive men are a bore. What’s wrong with you? You’re acting so strange.”
Tanner looked around almost blindly. She had to go. But where? She didn’t want to face anyone, especially Luke, and being in Tucker’s smug, beautiful, confident, oblivious orbit was making her feel sick, like she was losing her mind. She didn’t want anyone to have this kind of power over her. No one. Ever again. She’d been right to steer clear of men.
“Why do you care who I burn up sheets with anyway?” Tucker seemed completely unaware of the storm she’d brewed with her casual appraisal of Luke’s sexual skills. “You’ve never been so judgey before. It’s not like he’s your type. Different town every weekend more than half the year. Be realistic, Tanner. You should see the buckle bunnies lining up at his trailer door. Typical cowboy.”
Didn’t stop you from being one in a crowd.
She wanted to hurl the insult at her sister who prided herself on being so special. So unique. No one could resist her. Tanner was going to throw up. For a moment she almost let herself. On her sister’s custom boots, which had cost more probably than what Tanner paid herself a month since she was pouring as much money as she could back into the ranch.
But, no. She wouldn’t give Tucker the satisfaction. Or herself the humiliation.
“Plus I don’t trust his stated reason for being here. Triple T bulls have always been rodeo bulls. Suddenly IBR comes calling.”
“You staying at the ranch?” Tanner icily demanded her twin.
“Was hoping I’d get a better offer.”
Tanner swallowed the acid that had flooded her mouth and nearly choked on it. Head high she tried for casual or sassy but failed at both.
“Go check out, Luke. I’m sure you know which trailer is his.”
“Maybe,” Tanner said. “He sure looks fine, but after dancing with his IBR brother, maybe I’ll try him.”
“Fine.” Tanner had no idea why she wasn’t screaming at her sister, hurling things although drama had never been her style. “Catch you later. Make sure you say hi to Dad. He’ll be thrilled.”
Tanner jumped over the hay bale, hating how the impact jarred her pelvis, hating how it still ached some days when she was tired or it was cold, hating her limp and hating how she still was self-conscious about it. Hating Luke Wilder, but herself even more. Tucker was right. Luke Wilder was not Tanner’s type.
Screw him. Screw all men. She marched back toward the festivities to tell Luke Wilder what she thought of him. She’d rather sleep on a cot near her bulls for the rest of her life than to open up her heart again. She was amazing with bulls, but she had lousy taste in men.
Stick to your skill set.
“Tanner, baby, I’ve been looking all over for you.”
Luke’s voice cut through her haze of hurt and thankfully only fanned the flames of anger.
“Why didn’t you tell me you’d slept with my sister? No wait. How did she put it? Burned up the sheets. How’d you think of it? As fucking? You fucked my sister.”
“Jesus, Tanner.” Luke looked sick.
Good. She felt worse. “Then you were going to fuck me, but couldn’t quite bring yourself to do it.”
Luke looked shocked. She’d shocked herself. She never used that language before. Ever, and the word stuck in her throat.
“Tanner it was nothing like that.” He swallowed hard.
“It was exactly like that. Why didn’t you tell me about Tucker?”
He sucked in a deep breath, and her heart plummeted even as her stomach rose up to choke her. She realized then she’d held out hope that somehow he hadn’t known or… she couldn’t even think of another possibility.
“Tanner, please.” He took a step toward her, hand out. “Let me explain. I—”
She held out her hand to ward him off and felt an unexpected urge to slap him. Hard. See her handprint on his right, perfect cheekbone to match the mark Colt had given him a couple of days ago. Was it only two days? How could a man get to her so quickly? What was wrong with her?
“Forget it. I don’t even care.”
“Tanner, I know I should have told you the minute I realized, but…”
“No.” She grit out, interrupting him because if she let him speak, she’d weaken.
She knew she would. She was weak with him. He made her weak. Her voice shook as much as her hand and she hated, just hated that her eyes were burning with tears.
“Leave me alone.”
She was not going to cry. She wouldn’t. Tucker had helped her out. Again. Just like she’d proved her first boyfriend in college was a cheater. Tucker had had him naked in less than an hour after meeting him. She’d probably had Luke even faster. And would again. Tanner felt sick.
“Baby, it was years ago. Way before I met you,” he said his voice rushed. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t realize Tucker T was your sister until—” He stopped.
Her eyes narrowed. “Until what? She tossed me aside and you didn’t give me a second thought as you spun her across the dance floor in front of the whole town?”
He’d asked her. But he’d danced off and stared dumbstruck at her sister in front of everyone. Cue the music. Same as it ever was, Tanner thought bitterly.
“It wasn’t like that at all. Jesus. Can we talk about this somewhere more privately?” He asked looking around, raking at his hair in frustration, his expression bleak.
Quite a few people were staring, including the biggest town gossip Carol Bingley, and for some reason that made Tanner want to make an even bigger scene. Why should she always be the ignored McTavish? Engendering sympathy? The good girl McTavish? To hell with all that. Why did Tucker get all the glory and power?
“No, cowboy. I’m not going anywhere with you. Ever.”
“Tanner.” His voice was tight. “Please. Please. Let me explain.”
“That door closed when you knew she was my sister. When. Was. It?
He swallowed.
Tanner’s knees nearly buckled, so she stood taller, straighter.
“Tanner, I know I should have said something the minute I realized. It was a dumb ass move. You’re right to be pissed.”
“We agree on that,” she said tightly. “Now move. I’m leaving, and I don’t want to see you again.
Colt had come up beside Luke.
“I would have appreciated honesty,” she said, barely able to get the words out. “For once.”
Each word was like an ice cube lodged in her throat. But she made herself meet his gaze, wanting him to know that she was serious and that she was not going to be played like a fool. She hadn�
�t been a good-time buckle bunny, and he’d known it, but he’d taken advantage of her ignorance casually, without one iota of conscience.
But she was also not going to give up on her professional dreams.
“I hope you can strive for more professionalism and respect in your business dealings as an IBR stock rep.” She spit each word at him. “And ask them to send someone else.”
She had to get out of here because she was not going to be able to hold it together much longer. The rush of adrenalin and anger that had shot through her system had burned itself out, and now all she felt was stupid and humiliated and alone just like she’d felt when she’d heard her mother had left her family for good, and when her dad had told her he wouldn’t be able to make more than one trip to Seattle Children’s Hospital, leaving her far from home, family, and friends for months.
Abandoned.
But she had her bulls and her science and her goals. And that would be enough. It had to be enough.
“Tanner, you’ve got it all wrong.” He tried to take her in his arms and his voice was low. “I told you we needed to talk in the shower.”
She didn’t hear the rest of what he said because there was a roar in her head like she was under water. And a pressure in her chest that hurt like she was cracking open. Her eyes burned. It mattered that he hadn’t told her. That was character. And it also mattered that he’d been Tucker’s. Her twin’s words came back to mock her. Luke had amazing stamina. He’d wanted more than just a hookup.
“Please, Tanner, don’t cry, baby. I can explain. Just calm down and talk about us.”
“No,” she said. “No talking.” If he talked, she’d forgive him. She knew it, and she’d never forgive herself. “You’re nothing like the man I thought you were.” She said coldly, feeling each word drill into her bones. “Let go of me.”
His hand was warm as he caught hers and for a moment she swayed, weak with longing. But then his touch was gone, and through her haze of tears she saw Colt jerking Luke away and then blocking him with his body.
“Get out of my way,” Luke said in a deadly cold voice.
“She said ‘let go.’”
“Fuck you.” Luke growled. “I just want to talk to her.”
“Walk away if you’re going to go, Tanner.”
Colt’s cool tone chilled her to the bone and she felt a shiver of anxiety for Luke’s safety, and that feeling was what decided her. She’d made a promise to herself as a teen when she’d been alone in the hospital for so many months to be strong, to be independent even as her life as she’d known it was over. To rebuild. To rely only on herself.
Tanner walked away.
*
“Pull yourself together,” Kane said, voice as tight as his features.
“I’m fine.” Luke snapped. “Or I would have been fine if you’d let me talk to her.” He glared at Colt, who leaned against the small fridge in his trailer, arms crossed, bulky body as rigid as a cedar trunk. “I didn’t even know you existed three days ago and now you’re interfering with my life.”
He swore. Double teamed interference like he was some creepy stalker who was going to hunt Tanner down, which he would the minute he got rid of these assholes.
“She wouldn’t even listen.” He ground out, not meaning to say that out loud.
“There was nothing you could have said to bring that boat back to harbor.” Colt said looking completely unaffected.
“Spare me the clichéd analogies. I thought you were army so why the stupid boat comment? Why not no bringing that bullet back to the chamber or gun or whatever?”
“I don’t joke about shit like that.”
“So that’s you being a comedian? Stick to your day job.” Luke groused, and then realized he didn’t even know what Colt did now that he’d left the army—at least Luke thought Colt had.
Luke’s fingers flexed reflexively and he balled his fists, willing them to stay locked at his side. He wanted to hit Colt for interfering. And hit Kane for demanding this dumb ass powwow in his trailer. His space. And Tanner hadn’t answered his texts or calls and he really, really needed to see her. To reassure her that what had happened with Tucker had been a lifetime ago. That his brief affair with Tucker had been nothing more than a blip in his life, whereas Tanner… he walked another tight circle around his trailer, hating his brothers. Hating his own stupidity for wanting to wait to tell her until after his last ride. Tucker was his past. Nothing to do with his feelings. Tanner was his future.
Only maybe she wasn’t.
A soft burr of a cell text had his heart leaping into his throat, but it was Colt’s phone.
“Talon’s ready to go home,” he said, straightening from his lazy pose against the fridge. “Parker’s tired. You good?” he asked Kane, which pissed Luke off. Like he was someone they needed to watch over.
Kane looked at Luke. What the hell did they think he was going to do? Rampage through the town? Start a fight at the Wolf Den? Have sex with the first drunk buckle bunny who said “hi?”
“I’m pissed,” Luke said aware he sounded like a bratty teen so he tried to dial it back so both would get the hell out of there and he could figure out his next move.
Despair swept through him, but he shut it down. God knew what Tucker had said to Tanner because obviously she’d found Tanner before he had and had deliberately poured a pound of salt into that wound.
“Take them home.” Luke pinched his nose and shut his eyes, willing away the vision of Tanner’s soft green eyes sharp with pain.
He knew she’d felt eclipsed by her sexily flamboyant and self-centered sister over the years and now he’d contributed to that pain in a very public but inadvertent way. He wanted to hold her. He wanted to tell her how much she meant to him. That seeing her smile was more beautiful than any sunrise. Damn, he was getting stupidly poetic.
“See you tomorrow.” He tried not to say it like a curse.
Colt nodded. He left the trailer so quietly Luke had to look up from his contemplation of the wood floor Kane had had installed to make sure he’d truly left.
“I don’t want to ask again,” Kane said. “Are you going to be able to have a clear head to ride tomorrow?”
“I’m not a big stadium draw like you.” Luke drawled. “But I’m not an amateur.”
“Cut the crap and stop feeling sorry for yourself. You brought this on. You’ll fix it.”
“I was trying to fix it, and stop acting so smug. Just wait until one of your past mistakes rises up and fucks up your future.” Luke couldn’t help the bitterness in his voice.
Kane, usually quick with a self-satisfied come back, was silent, and Luke, despite his emotional turmoil looked up.
“Is she your one?” Kane demanded.
Luke wanted to laugh off his brother’s hippy-dippy comment. Kane meditated twice daily and did so much yoga he should probably run his own ashram. Only Luke didn’t feel like laughing. And it would be disrespectful to Tanner.
He sighed heavily, ran his fingers through his hair and walked again around the trailer, unable to stay still. “I’ve only known her a few days, but—” He broke off.
Fuck it. Honestly was the best policy. If he’d been upfront from the moment Kane had told him who Tucker T was, he wouldn’t be in this situation. Or maybe he would be, but at least he wouldn’t feel like a douche.
Probably like his biological father had been over and over again.
“She feels right. We fit. I really like her.”
“That’s a ringing endorsement.”
He flipped off Kane. Typical for him not to get it. Not to get Luke.
“Liking a woman. Enjoying her company is as important as love and sex,” he said. “You ever like a woman?”
“I’ve liked plenty of women.”
“No. I mean really liked. Wanted to spend time with her talking, hanging out, because she makes you laugh, makes even everyday things like going to the grocery store or planning dinner or catching a movie fun, special. You notice and are
fascinated by little things, like the line of her nose in profile or the way the sunlight plays in her eyes, making them look like sparkling pebbles in a stream one moment, new spring, birch leaves the next. You feel what she feels. You want what she wants? Her goals are as meaningful to you as yours are.”
He shut up. Waited for Kane to mock him for being a failed, clichéd, cheesy poet. He and Kane hadn’t had heart-to-hearts over the years so why was Luke trying now, especially when his stomach was in knots? His head felt like it was being squeezed in a vise and his skin felt like it would split open if he couldn’t talk to Tanner, take the pain and betrayal from her stark face.
“Yeah.” Kane shocked him by admitting. “And I fucked that up pretty spectacularly as well.” He laughed without a smidge of humor. “Brothers. Genetics.”
“Blood’s blood.” Luke echoed Sam Wilder again.
Luke could barely wrap his head around the concept of Kane fucking up anything. He’d always been golden with his mom, teachers, neighbors, classmates, girls, rodeo coaches, friends’ parents. Everyone had loved Kane. He’d been the fun, smooth, charming, easygoing guy. Luke had always been so earnest. Responsible. Detailed. Practical. Dull.
“Who?”
Kane brooded.
“How? You’ve never blown anything in your life.”
“The usual way.”
Luke didn’t know what to say, what to ask next, but judging by his brother’s unexpected bleak expression, he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. But Kane’s usual way was sex.
“You thinking of Sky?” He finally asked.
He’d never known what had happened after Kane’s best friend growing up, Wit Gordon, had died in a freak rodeo accident during training. Kane hadn’t talked about it much. They’d lived apart by the time it had happened, but he’d always expected that Kane, who’d always been protective of and close with Wit’s younger sister, would eventually marry that girl only Kane had proceeded to build as massive a reputation for riding as many women as he had bulls.
“Yeah.” Now it was Kane’s turn to be restless as he prowled around the trailer.
Want Me, Cowboy Page 16
