by Toni Shiloh
“Thanks, Holly.”
With a nod, she closed his office door behind her.
Guy stared at it for a few minutes. He couldn’t put a finger on it, but she made him uncomfortable. Was he reading too much into her play date offer? Did she want more than a work relationship? But why should it matter. He didn’t want more than a work relationship. She wasn’t Michelle.
His mouth dropped open, startled by his line of thinking. Did he want a relationship with Michelle? Why, when he had run from it in the first place?
Not, the relationship, but your guilt.
Guilt was a funny thing. It had run him out of the state, and then quickly became inconsequential. Yet, now that he was back in Freedom Lake, he was forced to face it. He didn’t want to make the same mistakes he had in the past.
But you’re human. Fallible. And now God doesn’t guide your steps.
He gulped. God no longer guided his steps.
Beads of perspiration popped upon his upper lip. It was time to get out of the office. He glanced at the clock, thankful to see lunch time staring back at him. He grabbed his keys and left his office behind, without a backward glance. “Holly, I’m going to lunch. I’ll be back in thirty.”
“Sure, Sheriff. Enjoy.”
The Sheriff’s department was located downtown, directly across from LeeAnn’s Bakery. Normally he would eat there, but he just didn’t want to. He needed a breather. He needed the lake.
Guy glanced at the bakery, trying to determine if he should get lunch to go. If he went in there, chances were some citizen would stop and ask him a question and lunch would be over before he knew it. He shook his head. Lunch could wait. Peace called in the form of his bench at the lake.
Within a few minutes, the sight of the bench greeted him. It was empty. He shoved his hands into his pockets as the spring breeze caressed his face. Hopefully the perfect temperatures would last before an Indian summer kicked in.
As he neared the bench, he looked up to take in the surroundings. He stopped short as a figure hustled toward his bench.
Michelle.
Why couldn’t he stop running into her? He glanced back toward his car, the need to escape pressing against him. He needed solitude. Being around Michelle wouldn’t grant him any kind of respite.
He turned back around and then flinched as the sound of crying reached his ears. In record time, his feet had propelled him forward, moving on their own accord. In a heartbeat, Guy was by her side, guiding her toward the bench. Her soft cries tore at his heart. “What’s wrong?”
She shook her head as the tears continued to stream down his face.
“Chelle Belle...”
The name broke through and she met his gaze, her hazel eyes luminous with tears. “Rough day at work.”
“It’s only...” he glanced at his watch. “12:10. How could you have such a bad day already?”
“Someone came in seeking representation.” She stared at the lake.
What was she thinking? Even though she sat right next to him, Michelle was miles away. Did he even want to pry? Should he leave her alone?
Aren’t you always doing that?
Ouch. “Why does that make you cry? Isn’t that good for business?”
A sigh escaped her and he winced. It sounded like it carried the weight of the world.
“She killed someone.”
He understood her tears now, but wondered if there was more to it. This couldn’t be the first time she was asked to represent a person like that. There had to be more to it. Question was: would he dig deeper or keep it strictly on surface level?
“Are you going to take her case?”
She shook her head vigorously, her hair swinging with the movement. Even in tears, she was still a classic beauty. “How can I defend someone when all I can think about are my parents?”
Good question. How did you move forward when you were stuck in the past? Like you are with Charlene? Guy closed his eyes momentarily. Some counsel he made.
“Do what you think is best. If you can’t defend her, then refer her to someone who will. You can’t be expected to do something that goes against who you are.”
“But what if God orchestrated this meeting?”
He raised an eyebrow. “Did you just say God?”
She rolled her eyes. “A lot has changed since we...since high school. I’m kind of on speaking terms with Him now.”
“Kind of?” What had happened to the girl he used to know?
“We talk, but I find it hard to believe that He’s so good. Jo is trying to convince me of it.” Michelle crossed her legs and leaned back, wiping the last vestige of tears. “I went to church with her and Bible study to point out the faulty logic, only I couldn’t. The idea of being forgiven for every wrong I’ve ever committed is like a glass of water in the middle of the dessert. I’m desperate enough to drink.”
His jaw clenched. He’d once held the same beliefs. Believed in a God that was good. Then Charlene died. No, He let Charlene die.
How could He be good?
“What about you?” she asked.
“What about me?”
“Do you believe? Do you buy into Jesus as your Savior?”
“I used to. But then life happened.”
“It always does.” She sighed. “Are you going to come to another Bible study?”
“I’m not ready to. I can’t...I just can’t.”
“I get that,” she replied softly.
He stared at her, amazed. It was surreal to have a calm conversation, without bitterness or anger entering in. It almost reminded him of when they were younger. Back then, Michelle had been an attentive listener, as if her whole being focused in on the speaker. Guy had felt loved and valued. But now, the scene pushed against his comfort. Did he deserve happiness after all he put her through?
Chapter Sixteen
Michelle hung her coat in the closet. All she wanted to do was crawl into a tub full of warm water and stay there until she came out looking like a prune. The day had mentally drained her. Despite her overwhelming vehemence where Tanya was concerned, Michelle had told the young woman she would think about her request. Time was of the essence. The quicker Tanya got representation, the better her chances for fighting the charges brought against her. Fortunately, she knew a couple of attorneys who would take Ms. Bledsoe’s case.
So why was she hesitating?
Will they do as good of a job as me? Michelle closed her eyes, exhausted from her churning thoughts. Climbing into her bed, pulling the covers over her head, and forgetting about the day sounded like a wonderful way to end the day.
But then you won’t remember your time with Guy.
“Do I need to?”
“I see you’re up to your old tricks.”
This time, she managed not to jump. Instead, she turned and glared at her roommate.
“What?” Jo shrugged. “How do you expect me not to commentate on your form of crazy?”
“Talking to yourself is not crazy.”
Jo snorted. “Yeah, right. I can find a million shrinks who would argue that fact.”
She crossed her arms. “Whatever, Jo Ellen.”
“Wow, someone’s feeling a bit persnickety.”
“Only you could get away with that term. Does anyone talk like that anymore?”
“I do.”
“Obviously, Jo.” She headed into the kitchen for a much-needed cup of joe.
The aroma of the blonde roast danced around her senses. Cautiously, she took a sip, then sighed. It was better than a bubble bath any day.
“You want to tell me what’s got you so upset?”
She peered at her friend over the rim of her mug. “Not particularly.”
“Why not?” Jo met her gaze. No condemnation, just open curiosity.
“I’ve already relayed it once today, don’t feel the mental stamina to do it again.”
“What advice did Chloe give you?”
Crap. She froze, a comeback out of range.
/> “You did tell Chloe, right?”
“Actually no. I haven’t talked to her since I relayed the news about a possible candidate for her father.”
“Whoa, what?”
Michelle set the mug down. Wow, she really needed to bring Jo up to speed. How could she when the girl was always over at Evan’s house lately. “You’ve missed a lot, JoJo.”
Jo sat at the dining table. “I know. Evan’s finally decided to give up wearing a prosthetic. I just wanted to make sure he was mentally okay with the decision.”
Michelle sat down across from her. “Is he?” She took another sip, feeling a little better as the liquid warmed her.
“Yes. He’s right with God and says that He’ll see him through it. He found the perfect forearm crutches, so he’s good.”
“Are you?” Michelle chuckled inwardly at the look of love on her friend’s face. Guess that’s a yes.
“As long as he’s happy, I’m good.” Jo slapped the table. “But tell me about Chloe and what’s up with you.”
“Guy gave me a lead and long story short, John Davenport may be her father.”
Jo stared at her, her mouth wide open.
She reached over and closed her friend’s mouth with the tip of her finger. “Lovely fly trap, JoJo.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously. I wouldn’t joke about that.” The memory of Chloe’s tear stained face glared in her mind.
“Is she okay with that?”
“No. She hasn’t talked to me since I told her.”
“I’ll call her tomorrow. Maybe we need another girl’s night.”
“Definitely.” Silence descended. She really should have checked on Chloe a lot sooner. Her own chaotic life wasn’t a reason to forget about a friend.
“Okay, so why are you upset?”
“Rough day.”
“Do tell.”
How much to tell? She stared into her mug, her thoughts swirling around. It was exhausting carrying her secret, but would Jo remain her friend if she told the truth?
“I’m waiting, Chelle.”
“Someone came in today seeking representation.” The sense of déjà vu was overwhelming, but she pressed forward. “The person has been charged with an OWI and vehicular manslaughter.”
Jo’s low whistle pierced her ears. “To which you said no.”
“I said I would think about it, but yeah...most likely I will say no.”
“Wait,” Jo said holding a hand in the air. “Why would you think about it? You hate drunk drivers. That’s been your crusade since you graduated from law school.”
“Yes. I know. Let’s just say I can identify with her.” She frowned. Should she have said it was a woman?
“What could this person have possibly said to make you sympathize with her?”
She drew a ragged breath. She could do this, tell the truth.
“Chelle?”
She heard the question in Jo’s voice but it seemed to be far away. The roaring in her ears drowned it out. Her heart beat out a staccato rhythm. “I had an abortion.”
The déjà vu of the moment pierced her. Michelle pinched herself to make sure it was Jo in the room and not Tanya Bledsoe.
“What are you talking about, Michelle?” Jo’s voice had gone quiet and become hesitant sounding.
Tears fell and she wiped them away. How do I have any left? “I had an abortion and my potential client had an abortion. She regretted it the moment it was over, got drunk, and then drove. She ended up hitting a woman who wasn’t in the crosswalk. I know none of those are excuses, but I know her pain and that’s what makes me hesitate.”
Jo laid a hand on her arm. Michelle kept her eyes on the tabletop. She didn’t want to see the condemnation in her friend’s eyes.
“When did this happen?” Jo asked softly.
“A month after Guy left.”
“Wait, what? You and Guy slept...”
If the topic wasn’t so heart wrenching, she’d laugh at the sputtering coming out of her friend’s mouth. Instead, it made her cry harder.
“Oh, Chelle, why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was so ashamed,” she cried out.
Jo wrapped her arms around her, but for once, the hug did not bring comfort. She was afraid nothing would.
GUY OPENED HIS FRONT door and waited as Evan maneuvered inside. He was thankful the girls were asleep, because he had a feeling this conversation would require his undivided attention.
“Hey, Ev, how’s it going?”
Evan smiled at him and held out a crutch. “Surprisingly, well. I’ve decided to embrace the crutches.”
He nodded, unsure what to say. What did you say to a man who wasn’t able to use a prosthetic? Evan seemed to be in good spirits, but Guy knew how easy it was to fake the funk.
“Did you eat yet?”
“Yeah, JoJo made dinner tonight. I just wanted to come over and see how you’re doing.”
Guy rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m here.”
“I get that. You mind if we sit?”
“Oh yeah, sorry ‘bout that.” He led the way into the living room.
The cushions enveloped him as he sat down, tempting him to lean his head back and close his eyes. Instead, Guy sat up, knowing he needed his wits. Evan would bring up Bible study. It was a given. Even though he promised to keep an open mind, his feelings still felt too raw. Too close to his hurt and angst.
Guy watched as his friend settled into the recliner and leaned his crutches against it.
“The girls sleeping?”
He nodded, wariness seeping into his bones. He hated that he was no longer 100 percent comfortable with Evan. They had been best friends since childhood but now, Guy constantly guarded his words to figure out which to let free.
“Missed you last Friday.”
“I’m sure you guys did fine without me.”
Evan nodded. “Of course we did okay, but that doesn’t mean your presence wasn’t missed.”
Guy leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees. “Look, Ev, I know I said I would consider going to Bible study, but I just can’t.” He ran a hand across his stubble, picturing Michelle’s tears as she sat on their bench.
Their bench. Talking about the goodness of God had stuck with him since.
“Penny for your thoughts, man.”
He let out an audible sigh. “Man, I’m just tired of struggling. Whether it’s struggling to get out of bed, struggling to be sociable...” Guy shrugged. “You name it, it’s a struggle.”
Evan leaned forward, matching his pose. “G, I feel what you’re saying. I really do. The only reason I keep bringing it up is because I don’t want you to go down the same path I did. It’s so much better with God by your side instead of you fighting Him every step of the way. It’s exhausting to purposely ignore Him when your being wants to align itself with the Creator.”
He looked away, emotions threatening to slip out of his control.
“Please, turn to Him, G. Let Him help.”
Guy swallowed, the rising tide of his emotions threatened to overcome him. “He let her die, man.” He sniffed and stared at his hands, but instead of his palms, Guy saw Charlene being carted away on a gurney.
“But she’s not gone forever, G. She’s free of pain. She’s received her new body and is with God now. The best place to be.”
He sniffed harder, trying to keep tears away. “I still need her.” He couldn’t meet his friend’s eyes, but he knew Evan was listening.
“G, you need to surrender to God. God is able to be all we need. He knows you need help with the girls. He knows you need a partner here on Earth. But until you recognize that He should be first in all things, you’re going to continue to struggle. Not because He wants to punish you, but because denying Him goes against what we were made for. Think of it like a swimmer going against the current. He will exhaust himself. All his efforts are futile. But when he goes with the current, he gains more speed and covers more space than he ever imag
ined. Right now, G, you’re going against the current and it’s wearing you down.”
Guy nodded and tried to swallow, but it was like all his emotions had lodged themselves in his throat. He was so tired. If he trusted in the Lord again, how did he know God wouldn’t fail him again?
“Because, God promises never to forsake us nor leave us.”
Surprise jerked him from his thoughts. Had he voiced his thoughts aloud?
“He will not forsake us nor leave us. Remember that if you don’t remember anything else, man.”
Guy sat motionless, too overcome to speak. He watched as his friend gathered his crutches and then rose to stand.
“We’re meeting this Friday. It’s an open invitation, G. We’ll welcome you whenever you chose to come and we’ll be waiting.”
He watched as Evan made his way to the front door. With a silent click, he was left alone with his thoughts.
Chapter Seventeen
Michelle knocked on the door. How she had managed to slip out of Jo’s house was beyond her, but she needed to talk to Guy. Desperately. Especially after last night. She couldn’t believe they had broken their rule and gotten carried away.
She knocked again.
The door opened and Guy’s mother stood at the door, a frown covering her face. “Yes?”
“Good morning, Mrs. Pierre. May I speak to Guy?” She held her breath hoping the woman wouldn’t slam the door in her face. Guy’s mother never cared for any girl who expressed interest in her only son.
“He is probably sleeping. Can’t you come back?”
“I’m sorry to disturb you. It’s just that, my parents...” her teeth started chattering as she thought about the previous day’s events. “My parents were killed last night and Guy...I just...please can I speak to him?”
Mrs. Pierre’s eyes widened. “Come in.” She closed the door behind her and tightened the sash around her robe. She opened her mouth and then snapped it shut. Finally, she spoke. “I’ll go get him.”
Michelle felt guilty for insinuating that Guy didn’t know about her parents, but judging from Mrs. Pierre’s expression, he hadn’t told her. Standing there in the foyer, she looked around the place. She had never been inside their house before. Choosing to keep their relationship a secret meant no home visits. Sometimes they would go to a movie, sometimes they would drive into the city. And sometimes, they would just sit on their bench and talk about their days, lives, and dreams.
