by S. J. West
“May I have one last kiss, dearest Lilly, before I make my heart let you go?”
I nodded not trusting my voice to not betray me.
Malcolm leaned down and pressed his lips to mine but not before I saw the sparkle of his own tears in his eyes.
Malcolm phased me back to Brand’s home soon after. We found Brand starting supper in the kitchen.
“Any luck with Samyaza?” Malcolm asked him.
“Yes, he said he would help us find a way to locate the ring, but he said it would probably take him a week or more to gather the information he needs to find it.”
“Well, at least that will give you and Lilly time to get married and enjoy something of a honeymoon afterwards,” Malcolm said with a melancholy smile. “I’ll leave you two alone. I’m sure you have a lot to talk about.”
When Malcolm phased, Brand came up to me and took me in his arms.
“How did it go?” he asked.
“I think I broke his heart,” I cried, burying my face in Brand’s chest and letting my own heartache over my friend’s pain come out.
When I had finally exhausted my supply of tears, Brand brought me a box of Kleenexes. I saw him watching me as I blew my nose over and over. I was sure I looked a hot mess.
“Stop watching me,” I said, sniffling.
Brand smiled. “I can’t. You’re just too cute.”
I looked at him like he’d lost his mind. “I’m a complete basket case and you think I look cute? You must really be in love with me,” I laughed.
“Yes,” he said coming up to me and cradling me in his arms. “Yes, I am definitely in love with you Lilly Rayne Nightengale. I love you for a lot of reasons but your loyalty and compassion for your friends is at the top of the list.”
I took in a deep breath and asked, “Do you want to know what happened today?”
“Only if you feel like I need to know. Otherwise, I’m not that worried about it. You did what you had to do today. You finally proved to Malcolm that you love me more than him. I don’t think he will try to seduce you as often anymore.”
“As often?” I asked.
“He will always want you. I have no illusions about that. But now he knows your heart belongs to me and that he doesn’t have a chance of ever winning it. I saw that in his eyes before he left. He had the look of a defeated man.”
I began to cry again which only made Brand chuckle harder.
“Stop crying, my love. You proved yourself to be a true friend to him. You let him go.”
I leaned into Brand and found strength in the comfort of his love. I truly hoped one day Malcolm would come to a place in his life where he found that one person who made him whole. I knew without a shadow of a doubt I had only been a transient visitor to that part of his soul. I felt sure Malcolm would one day find his own soul mate. I just hoped I lived long enough to see him find his happily ever after.
That night I got a phone call from my mother.
“Sweetie, Lucas told me he asked how you would feel about me moving in with him. Thank you for giving us your blessing. It means a lot to me.”
I didn’t know what to say. I certainly hadn’t given them my blessing, and I sure as hell didn’t want my mother shacking up with Lucifer.
“Are you sure you’re ready to move in with him?” I asked, hoping to plant some seed of doubt in her mind that what she was thinking about doing was wrong. “You haven’t known him very long, Mom. It seems like your rushing things.”
My mother laughed, not politely. “You’re one to talk, Lilly. You’ve only known Brand for less than three months and you’re getting married. I’m not marrying him for God’s sake. We’re just moving in together. Weren’t you the one who told me I should date a better class of men? How much better can someone like me get than a doctor?”
“You shouldn’t sell yourself short like that, Mom. You’re a good person. Is it because you’re in love with him?” I braced myself for her answer.
She sighed. “I don’t know, Lilly. He makes me feel good about myself which is something I haven’t felt in a long time. You know, he reminds me a lot of your father. He made me feel like someone special too even though we were only together a few days.”
It was the first time my mother freely gave up any information about my father. Whenever I asked her questions about him, she would shut down and refuse to say anything. I felt like this might be my only chance to learn more about him from her.
“What was his name, Mom? What was my father’s name?”
“Mick,” there was a long pause and I heard my mother sniff like she might be crying. “His name was Mick, Lilly.”
“Do you know where he is?” I asked breathlessly as a hollow part of my past was finally being filled. “Is there any way I can contact him?”
“I have no idea where he is, sweetie. The last time I saw him was in his apartment in Chicago on South State Street. When I learned I was pregnant, I went back there and found out he had already moved away. He didn’t leave any forwarding address, and I only knew his first name. It was like your father completely disappeared off the face of the planet. I was young and impressionable at the time, not worldly at all. But when I was with Mick, he made me feel like I was the only woman on the planet. I wish I could tell you more but that’s all I know about him. His best friend was the person who helped me the most when your grandparents threw me out of their home.”
It wasn’t much to go on but at least I had a name and a street. It was two more pieces of information than I’d had all my life.
“Just promise me you’ll be careful when you’re with Lucas,” I said, knowing there wouldn’t be anything I could say barring the truth to reach my mother. “I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“I’ll be careful, sweetie. Don’t worry about me.”
When I got off the phone, I told Brand what I learned.
“It’s not much to go on,” he said. “I’ll contact the private investigator who found your mother’s parents in the morning. Maybe she can dig up something.”
I tossed and turned that night, finally finding sleep sometime around 2am.
When I found myself back in the house Malcolm built for me, I instantly knew I wasn’t in a regular dream.
“You seem to be changing my children for the better.”
I turned to find the owner of the voice. A girl of around the age of eight with long straight brown hair and large hazel eyes stared at me. She wore a simple blue sun dress which fluttered against an invisible wind.
“How can you have any children? You’re a child yourself.”
The little girl looked down at herself and then back up at me.
“I thought this form would please you most. If it just confuses you, I can be whatever you want.”
The little girl began to morph into a variety of different people from men to women of different races and ages. The longer I stood there the faster the form changed.
“Stop,” I finally said, not really caring what form the creature in front of me took.
The final form was of a black man in his late forties with a shiny bald head and serious, penetrating eyes. He wore a thin gray sweater underneath a black pinstripe suit.
“Is this better?” He asked in a low masculine voice.
“It’s fine,” I said, not really having an opinion one way or the other. “Am I having a dream?”
“Yes,” he said, cocking his head to the right, “and no.”
“How can it be a dream and not be a dream at the same time?”
“You’re body is sleeping but your mind has traveled to this place,” he said looking around him. “You feel safe here. Malcolm did a good job building something which brings you comfort.”
“How do you know Malcolm?”
“He’s my son. They’re all my children.”
I felt my blood begin to race causing my heart to pound inside my chest at the implications of his statement. I swallowed hard finally realizing who it was I was talking to.
> “God?”
He smiled. “Like I said, you’ve been good for my children, Lilly. They’ve felt more connected to me since you came into their lives. Even Will has changed for the better, and I never thought I would see him willingly go against Lucifer. Thank you for showing him a different path. I have hope for him now.”
“How could you abandon them like that?” I asked, having a hard time reconciling a benevolent higher power with someone who could basically do what my grandparents had done to my mother, shun them. Cut them out of His life completely just because they made a mistake.
“I never abandoned them,” God said. “I’ve always been with them.”
“How can you say that? Look at Malcolm. He became a vampire because he didn’t see the point in denying what you made him into.”
“Yes, but look at Malcolm now. He’s grown so much since meeting you. The Malcolm I knew would have never let you see him so vulnerable. Even though you turned away from the love he was offering you so freely, he still remains loyal to you. He’s learned to swallow his pride because he loves you.”
“Why do I have such an effect on them?” I asked. If anyone could give me the answers I needed, who better than God?
“They see your father in you. They sense his essence inside you.”
“Who was he?” I asked taking a step forward. “Who was my father?”
“You’ll learn the answer to that on your own soon.”
“Why can’t you just tell me?”
“Because only through learning the answer yourself can you awaken your true potential.”
“Why did you let me be born at all? If you knew Lucifer was going to try to use me, why let me exist?”
“All life is important to me, Lilly. Yours is no exception. Plus, I felt you could help bring my children back to me. You’ve shown them how precious life really is. That it’s not to be taken for granted. Their pride was their downfall in the past. You’ve given them a chance to show how much they’ve changed. They care about you more than they do themselves.”
God began to fade, his body becoming completely transparent.
“I will help guide you when I think you need it,” God said. “Don’t loose faith.”
And then I woke up.
Chapter 6When I first woke up, I immediately told Brand about my dreamscape visitor. He wanted to know what God said word for word so I talked him into waiting until Will and Malcolm could be with us. I didn’t want to have to repeat the same story three separate times.
I phoned Will to invite him over for breakfast but felt I owed Malcolm an invitation in person.
When I phased to his house and called out for him, he was instantly at my side.
“Good morning, dearest,” he said, a genuine smile of surprise on his face. “Don’t suppose you came to tell me what a horrible mistake you made yesterday and how you’ve left Brand to pledge your undying love and loyalty to only me?”
The twinkle of amusement in his eyes told me he was joking. I breathed a little easier knowing our relationship would forever stay as it always had been: him making suggestive remarks and me gently turning them down. Even though I knew in his heart he meant them to a certain extent, I also knew he now understood our relationship could never go beyond the love of friendship.
“I had a talk with your father last night,” I told him, immediately wiping the smile from his face.
“What did He say?”
I held my hand out to Malcolm. “Come on. We’ll all talk about it over breakfast.”
I told my angels what God said. They all sat transfixed by my retelling of the conversation and didn’t attempt to interrupt me until I was completely done.
Malcolm sat back in his chair at the table crossing his arms over his chest letting out a deep sigh. “He’s still as obtuse as ever,” he grumbled.
“So He didn’t tell you exactly how you’re supposed to find out who your father is?” Will asked.
I shook my head. “He seems to think I have to learn that on my own to awaken something inside me. What that is? I have no idea. I hope it’s not anything bad.”
Brand covered one of my hands with his underneath the table. “There is nothing in you that could ever be bad.”
I smiled at him and looked away feeling shy all of a sudden from his praise. I met the gazes of my two other fallen angels and noticed them staring at me like they completely agreed with Brand’s statement.
“Who besides me makes you feel like you do right now?” I asked them, hoping the question would spur an answer which would help me figure out who my father was.
“I guess,” Brand said, “I feel like I did when I was with my brothers in Heaven. When you’re around, I feel a calm and happiness I haven’t experienced since then.”
“He’s right,” Will said. “I’ve always felt it around you but could never quite put my finger on it until now.”
“You bring out the best in us, dearest. We would do anything for you no matter how outrageous of a request you might make.”
“He still loves all of you,” I told them. “And He’s proud of how far you’ve each come trying to right the wrongs you’ve done in your lives. He seems to want to forgive you and bring you back closer to Him.”
No one said anything. They each seemed to consider my words and how they related to each of their stories.
“If you’ll all excuse me,” Malcolm said, “I would like some time alone to think about things.”
“Me too,” Will said.
They both phased away.
Brand and I decided to try and keep things as normal as possible for the rest of the week. There really wasn’t anything else for us to do until Samyaza contacted us with new information on the whereabouts of King Solomon’s ring. We met all our classes during the day and came home in the evenings to spend time with one another. I think I was averaging two cold showers a night and desperately prayed for the ability to warp time to make Saturday come more quickly. Unfortunately, time is a stubborn thing and moved at its own irritatingly slow pace.
On Thursday afternoon, I received a phone call from Will.
“I was talking to Malcolm today,” he told me. “He said you spent a whole day with him not too long ago and I was wondering why I wasn’t given the same opportunity to spend time with you before you got married.”
“He asked me to,” I said in way of my defense. The idea Will would want the same thing as Malcolm had never even occurred to me quite honestly.
“Well, I’m asking you. Can I have some time with you alone before the wedding?”
“Of course,” I said, silently wishing Malcolm had kept his big mouth shut. All I needed was to have another emotional day with someone who proclaimed they were still in love with me. “When would you like to get together?”
“Considering your wedding is the day after tomorrow, I would like to do it now if you have the time.”
I didn’t have a good excuse to not go but did ask him to give me half an hour to get ready.
“How should I dress?” I asked.
“Casual, bring a light jacket. The wind might get cold.”
When I told Brand, he seemed to take it all in stride.
“So you don’t mind?” I asked him.
“No,” Brand answered. “If I were Will, I would probably feel a bit slighted if you refused to do for me what you did for Malcolm.”
“Does it make me a bad person to say I don’t want to go?”
Brand smiled. “No, it doesn’t make you a bad person. I know this will be hard for you because you don’t want to hurt Will anymore than he already is. But, apparently he needs this just as much as Malcolm did. You were able to let Malcolm know the two of you can only be friends. I think you need to let Will figure that out too. It’ll be better for all of us in the long run.”
When Will picked me up in his car, he instantly phased us to a spot I never thought I would see again.
The sun glared off the water of the gulf coast almost blinding me with its
brilliance. There was a man and a woman on the beach flying a box kite on the ocean breeze coming off the water. Will got out of the car without saying a word, and I followed him.
He stared out over the water while I came to stand beside him.
“Do you remember this spot?” He asked me.
“How could I forget it?” I said, remembering this was where Will had given me my first kiss. The kiss which had broken my heart with its tenderness before Will shattered my heart by acting like it never happened afterward.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t stronger back then, Lilly,” he said in a low voice. “To be honest, you scared me a little.”
I looked at Will. “I scared you? How?”
“I’d been feeling something grow between us for a while before we kissed but just chose to ignore it. I told myself it was ridiculous to think I could be in love with a human. I think Lucifer knew my feelings for you were growing too and he would make condescending jokes about how I must think I was a human. After we kissed, he told me that if I ever tried to do it again, he would force me to leave you and put another demon in my place to watch over you. By that time, I couldn’t afford to lose you or Tara or Utha Mae from my life. You had all become too important to me.”
“That’s why you stopped talking to us?”
“I had to. Even if I couldn’t be with you all like before, at least I was able to share in your lives from afar. It was better than not being near you at all. I thought I should tell you the real reason I acted the way I did before you married Brand.”
“Thank you for telling me,” I said, knowing it had been hard for Will say. “But it doesn’t change anything. I still love Brand. I’m still going to marry him.”
Will nodded his head. “I know. But, I thought you should have the whole truth. I hoped it would make it easier for you to understand why I can’t give you away at the wedding.”
We both stared across the calm ocean surface not sure what to do next.
“Hey,” he said, “do you remember old Ms. Cane? The principal’s secretary back at Dalton Elementary?”
