His body had been on fire and yet so alive all at the same time. Alive with a need for her that nearly had him calling her and begging her to come back for more. Then when she hadn’t shown up yesterday to visit with Danny and had instead just called, he’d prayed that exhaustion would force him to sleep and therefore keep him from more of the same mind torture.
However, last night had been even worse. She’d told him that she could still feel him an hour after the first time they’d been together. Well he could still feel her two days later. What did that mean?
Sighing he punched in the number for her cell phone and was surprised when she answered, “AmyCakes.”
He took a deep breath and said, “It’s me… Rusty. Is now a good time or do you need to call me back?”
“I’m all alone right now, Rusty. Is that what you mean? Is this a private call?” she finished in a throaty whisper that he felt as surely as if it were her warm breath on his...
Seeing that Danny was watching his every reaction he turned his back and walked a few paces away and said as quietly as possible, “Why do you have to be like this? Are you trying to make me even crazier than I already am? I told you… I’m not… I can’t…”
“I bet you’ve missed me… haven’t you?” she replied, ignoring his struggles to convince her that what they were doing wasn’t right. “I’ve missed you… especially at night.”
“I just called to ask if you would come with Danny and me to my friend’s cookout this evening… after the shop closes,” he said, attempting to get himself in check. God… she could turn him on with just a few words. Hell, he was painfully aroused and she damn well knew it.
“I know. I know. You don’t want to use my body… Well, what if I were to just use yours instead? Would that be okay?” she asked as if contemplating a way to make this whole thing less emotionally ugly.
“Just answer the damn question, Amy. Danny says he’s not going if you don’t go. Do you want your brother to miss out on time with his friends?” he choked out.
“Speaking of friends… if I come tonight… what should I wear? Just shorts and a tank top to cover up my skimpy little bathing suit… or should I just wear my bikini instead? That way I don’t have to worry about what your friends might see. Or what you will see, for that matter?”
“That mouth of yours…” he threatened with a groan he hadn’t meant to let escape.
“My mouth? What about your mouth? Mmm… your mouth is pretty wicked sexy and feels… amazing. I know. I shouldn’t think it… let alone say it. So you’ve said. But guess what, Rusty? I can’t help but think about it. In fact, I’ve thought of nothing else,” she sighed.
“Seth gave you his address. I’d like you to be there but this thing between us… No more, Amy. I mean it this time. This will never work and will only lead to heartache for one or both of us. Please just trust me on that,” he said, strangling on his own words. “I’m not the kind of man you want to get emotionally attached to.”
“If you don’t want to give me orgasms anymore… then what do you want out of all this?” she asked.
“I’m just trying…” he started. Her uniquely sexy, matter of fact way of saying such erotic things, was really good at reminding him of how she looked all glistening from his attentions. Her hair sticking to the sides of her face… Jesus he needed to get off the phone with her. Now.
“I know that too. You’re just trying to help me and Danny out,” she interrupted in a derogatory tone.
“Yes… I’m trying to be… a friend… to Danny,” he replied. “In fact, I hope that you will consider letting him stay here instead of at the home. I also hope we see you at Seth’s.”
Then he hung up the phone on her. He sensed that he was again losing a battle with her… against her. She had him whipped. He’d slept with her twice and already she had his number. Conversations he remembered having with his brothers in arms when they’d been dating their wives came back to punish him. Amy was too pretty, too sweet, too young and way to sexy for an old worn out veteran like him.
He’d once asked God for just a fraction of what his buddies had and was instead being punished with Amy… a woman who turned him inside out and turned him on when he was at his absolute worst… when he was low as a person could get and still be breathing.
If he wasn’t so much older than her or so fucked up he’d see this as his chance. But he was a nightmare… especially for a woman like Amy. A wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Turning around, Rusty prepared himself to lie to his friend by telling Danny that Amy would in fact be at the cookout when he wasn’t sure if she would be or not. Part of him prayed she wouldn’t be because he didn’t have it in him to turn her down. He knew it and so did she. Tuesday and Thursday night were proof of that. The other half of him… the demented part… wanted nothing more than for her to show up at the cookout and tease him mercilessly… until he was so hard that he was willing to beg her for it.
“She’ll be there… so best go get your swim trunks and pack a bag of things to take,” he advised Danny before heading to his room to get his shit together. Damn that woman… with her warm hazel eyes… and that pretty smile. Shit…
An hour later he found himself sitting poolside with a beer in his hand, watching his friends, their wives and families laughing and having fun. Even with Danny there, he felt like the odd man out. Ronnie’s stepdaughter was keeping an eye on Tori’s son, Zach, who was swimming and encouraging Danny to step down in the water instead of just sitting on the side of pool with his feet in the water.
Rusty had no wife, no children, and no real career. Just as he thought to go into the quiet of the house for a minute to pull his shit together, here came Courtney, waddling over to his table, looking like she’d read his tormented thoughts even all the way across the yard.
“Mind if I sit down?” she asked, rubbing her large belly in such a way that it looked like she was trying to hold it up.
He quickly stood up and held his chair for her which was more in the shade than any of the others. Her cheeks were flushed and she looked hot. Yet her smile was the warmest thing about her. He braced himself for what he knew would end up being an uncomfortable conversation since she had an unusual knack for seeing through the bullshit that came out of his mouth and then voicing what he couldn’t say.
“Ian told me that Danny’s staying with you this week?” She began digging into his business with a blunt spoon.
“Yeah… just for this week,” he replied, taking a sip of his beer.
“He seems like a happy man, content with where he’s at…” she again prompted. “Are you enjoying having him at your house? It probably beats the quiet, especially now that Ian’s out of your hair.”
“Yeah. Danny’s pretty easy going,” he tried again to deflect.
“He seems pretty self-sufficient too from what Ian told me… he really installed a window?”
“Yeah, he did. He actually wants to try and get a job but Amy… his sister… doesn’t want him to,” he said, hoping she would take the bait he offered and focus on Amy rather than him.
“You don’t think that’s fair of her to not allow him to get a job?” she questioned.
“She’s concerned about his health. He has some heart issues and she worries about him,” he replied.
“Have you talked to her about finding work that he could do that wouldn’t be physically demanding but yet allow him some feeling of independence. Maybe you could offer to train him yourself… maybe that would ease her mind,” she said. “You seem to have a real talent for finding what people are good at and making them even better. Perhaps training men… whether it’s in military warfare… how to take over and run a household… or how to live and work on their own… is what you should be doing now that you’re retired from the Army.”
Thinking back over the past week, he’d taken to showing Danny how to actually cook rather than just how to make a sandwich and how to do his own laundry. Things that were probably making S
ylvia roll over in her grave even now. But to do that for other men… besides Danny… he couldn’t do that. Could he?
“I’m too old and set in my ways to do anything besides the Army or clean houses and businesses,” he finally replied.
She looked at him as though she could see the tightness in his throat from the fear that was choking him. To even attempt to do something different with his life… he just couldn’t. The fear of finding a purpose and finally learning to live again was by far worse than the fear of dying, whether in combat or by…
“I’m not that much younger than you, Rusty. And for the first time ever… I’m really living. Enjoying my life, learning to truly trust and love someone, getting ready to experience the wonder of becoming a parent… so many things and I have to say… It’s scary as hell but so worth it,” she said. “At least consider it… you have so much to offer to a soldier like my husband… or to someone like Danny… to anyone.”
He’d never run from anything in his life. Not from a fight or a tough situation, but right now he wanted to run from this conversation. Yet again, Courtney had looked inside his chest and uncovered his darkest reservations, voiced them and then encouraged him to keep going.
She and Ian would make great parents but he didn’t need a fucking mother or a father… and he certainly didn’t need Amy if that’s what she was getting at.
***
Amy could hear laughing coming from the backyard so, rather than ringing the front doorbell, she followed the sound around back. As she approached a gate leading to a swimming pool she was met by a man who had to be related to Seth. They resembled each other enough that they could be twins except this man was slightly taller and thinner and walked with a cane… and a pretty harsh limp.
“Hey, Rusty… your date’s here,” the man shouted over his shoulder and then turned back to smile at her. His eyes twinkled with mischief. Holding his hand out to her, he then said, “I’m Seth’s brother, Caleb, it’s nice to meet you. I’m assuming that box contains cupcakes so you should just take them right on into the kitchen… most of the women are in there.”
A pretty young girl came bounding over to stand next to Caleb. A very large German Shepard trotted along behind the girl every step of the way. A boy around the same age as the girl followed behind the dog. The girl smiled up at Caleb and then said, “At least open the gate for her, Caleb. Geesh!”
Caleb’s smile faded upon seeing the boy stop next to the girl and instead of opening the gate he limped away. The girl unlatched the gate and held it open for her saying, “Don’t mind him… he’s being hateful for some reason. I’m Addie, and this is my boyfriend, Chase. Come on in and I’ll show you to the kitchen.”
As soon as she entered through the gate she could feel Rusty looking at her and her gaze immediately found him. He was sitting at a table with a very pretty… and very pregnant woman. Ignoring the way her heartbeat increased at his hungry stare, Amy followed Addie inside the house. There were three women in the kitchen and all three of them immediately stopped talking and stared at her.
“She brought cupcakes…” Addie offered at their sudden silence. Then, taking the box from Amy’s hands, Addie placed them on the counter. Then the girl and her trusty dog went back outside, leaving her as the center of attention.
“Oh… I’ve dreamed about these things,” a tall blonde woman said, sliding the box of cupcakes Amy had brought over closer to her. Opening the lid and peering inside she then glanced back at Amy and said, “I’m Jess Reynolds and I have to say… I think I’m in love with these things.”
“I’m Tori Stewart, Seth’s wife and this is Kayla Brown, Ronnie’s wife,” a tiny woman with curly hair said while holding out her hand. Amy shook her hand and then shook Kayla’s hand as well. Kayla had to be Addie’s mom as she looked like a slightly older version of her daughter with darker hair but less freckles.
As the women helped themselves to a cupcake, Amy tried not to feel awkward and had almost succeeded when Jess finished a bite of her cupcake and said, “So are you and Rusty an item?”
Before she was forced to answer the question, the pregnant woman who’d been sitting with Rusty outside came inside and upon hearing Jess’ question, said, “Jess… at least let her relax before you pump her for information.”
“Sorry… but this may be our only chance… where is he by the way?” Jess replied.
“He’s outside sitting near the pool with Danny. He’s fine at the moment,” the pretty woman smiled. Then approaching Amy she said, “I’m Courtney Hamilton… Ian’s wife. Please forgive them. We’re all just worried about Rusty.”
At the woman’s admission, Amy could feel tears choking her. Just a few days ago she’d held Rusty as he’d sobbed all because she’d dared to show him affection. They’d known Rusty a lot longer than she had and they also knew that he had some serious issues.
They were his friends and they were worried too. Should she say something to them? What could she say? How could she possibly explain to his friends that she may have broken him simply by touching him?
“He’s pretty intense and I…” she started to say. “I haven’t known him very long but he… he has…”
“He suffers from PTSD, Amy. We know. Our husbands deny it because it’s a reminder of what they’ve all faced in the service. It’s not something they talk about to each other or even to us very often… but Rusty suffers with it the most and doesn’t talk to anyone. Ever,” Courtney said, pulling over a chair and sitting down.
“Are we right to worry, Amy?” Jess asked.
This was her chance. She either spoke now or potentially lost the chance. Regardless of what, if anything, ever became of this thing between her and Rusty, he needed help.
“Yes. You should be very worried. The thing is, I’m not sure if I’m helping or hurting him more… but I’ve never met anyone like him. I don’t know how to help him… honestly,” Amy replied.
Kayla walked over to the kitchen window to look outside as though checking that he wasn’t going to walk in on them discussing him. Then she said, “We all owe him our happiness. Ronnie told me that he’s been worried about him since before they all got out of the service. It was one of the reasons he came here instead of going back home to his family in Georgia. If he hadn’t followed Rusty here… I’d never have met Ronnie.”
“The same goes for Seth… he would have went back to Phoenix where his mother lives,” Tori replied.
“Ian thinks that Rusty’s behavior is his fault so if anything happened… it would crush him… all of them,” Courtney said. “However, I’ve been studying this for months now and watching Rusty’s reaction to things. I feel like you need to know that being with someone who suffers from depression and PTSD can be very difficult. You need to know that before you even think about getting involved with him. We’re not trying to scare you but we don’t want to see you get hurt… or him.”
“It’s too late… we’re already involved. At least… I am,” Amy said.
“Well, we are here… if you need support in how to deal with the issues you are bound to face with him. We just wanted you to know that,” Jess said.
Looking at the group of women… strangers, Amy believed them. It was in Kayla’s teary smile, Tori’s steady gaze, Jess’ sympathetic half-smile and in Courtney’s words. This was what Rusty had meant when he’d told her to run from him. Should she run? Could she run?
The feel of his strong arms as they’d locked her within their embrace quickly came to mind. Rusty had made a series of rapid decisions for her and prioritized her life so easily when Danny had rode the bus downtown. He’d been there for her… steadfast and unbending. Somehow he’d helped these women as well in one way or another… even now he was outside helping her brother. How could she not be there for him when he obviously needed someone so badly? But was it her that he needed or just strong medication?
“Just keep doing whatever it is you’re doing. You may experience some oddities in his behavior from tim
e to time, but he’s changing… or at least he’s considering it now. I see hope in his eyes… where a couple of weeks ago there was… absolutely nothing. He’s been emotionally dead inside for a very long time and learning to breathe again can be a scary and painful process, but at least he seems willing now. So I have to believe that something has given him a reason to lift his chin and look up… and I think that something is you, Amy,” Courtney said. “All we ask is that you know these things going in and consider them heavily before just diving right in. Take it slow with him or he’ll run.”
Is that what she’d done? Had she tried to dive in… head first even? Was that why he always pushed her away as soon as it was over? Sex was great but nothing more… no real affection was allowed. His friends and their wives had known this. Was that the real reason he hadn’t wanted her to come today?
He feared they would give her insight into how to reach him. Their advice was needed and had given her a lot to think about. The bigger question was, would she ever be able to reach him or would Rusty always remain closed off… be the heartache he warned her of?
“From the things I’ve read and research I did on the subject in college, many soldiers turn to alcohol or even drugs to cope,” Jess offered. “From what I know of Rusty, his moral code won’t allow him to seek relief in any way, shape or form and that can be just as dangerous. Finding ways to help him cope is necessary… we’re kind of hoping you can help with that. Just know it won’t happen overnight… but you have us here… in the background. Helping where we can… just ask.”
“He doesn’t know how lucky he is to have you all as friends…” she finally managed to say, fighting back her emotions.
“He doesn’t know how lucky we are to have him as a friend,” Courtney smiled.
“The cavalry is charging across the field… heading this way,” Kayla said turning away from the window.
Maid to Order (Man Maid Book 4) Page 16
