The first time Rusty had logged in to the camera, he’d told himself that it was to make sure things were working correctly. The second time he’d felt ashamed of himself as he’d tracked her every move. The third time he’d sworn it wouldn’t happen again. Now here he sat yet again… staring at the small screen struggling between listening to his conscience or giving in to his need to at least look at her.
He might not allow himself the comfort of her arms or the physical and emotional release he found from giving her such pleasure that she finally had a reason to say his name like it was a bad word. However, he could fucking look… couldn’t he? Looking didn’t hurt anybody… except maybe himself. That wasn’t using her… was it? Hell, she’d be none the wiser.
Besides, if something did happen… if that prick Les got up the balls to come inside the shop and have words with Amy rather than just driving by from time to time… Rusty might actually be an eye witness to it if he was watching via the camera. It was his own strange way of protecting both Danny and Amy. Was that so bad?
He was a sick son of a bitch… and he knew it.
Turning on the camera, he watched as Seth’s brother, Caleb, and Ronnie’s stepdaughter, Addie, were leaving the shop with Danny in tow. They’d come to take Danny out for dinner and a movie. Now that he had a job and his own money… he also had friends to go do things with.
Danny would be staying overnight in Caleb’s basement apartment. Freedom and independence were all his… at least for the evening. Rusty loved how his brothers in arms and their families had taken Danny under their wing, ensuring that he had a sense of community for the first time in his life.
He observed Amy lock the door behind the group and then watch them walk away for a minute before turning off the lights in the shop. Then he watched as she pulled the double doors shut behind her as she headed into the bakery area, closing herself in the windowless room. He found himself sitting forward, wondering what she was doing.
“I know you’re watching me, Rusty. I can feel it,” she said aloud to the empty room. “Now that they discovered it was just kids vandalizing businesses and not Lester Crawford there’s really no reason you need to keep such a close eye on me.”
Oh shit! His finger guided the mouse to the corner of the screen to close out the browser but he stopped when she said, “Don’t even think about stopping your little peep show now… we’re just getting to the good parts… Sir.”
His mouth went dry as she undid her apron and placed it on the work table, turned so she was directly facing the camera and then began unbuttoning her shirt as she seductively looked into the lens. The little she-devil was using his one remaining connection to her against him. And damn if she didn’t look good doing it.
“You like to watch, huh? That’s fine,” she asked and then answered her own question. “However, if I let you watch me… then you have to return the favor. Give me something I want in return. Want to guess what that is?”
She removed her shirt and placed it next to the apron, leaving her in nothing but a lacy looking bra and her pants. Sliding her hands seductively down her ribcage, she allowed her head to fall back on to her shoulders as though enjoying her own touch. He felt himself thicken and harden in an instant.
Then he watched her hands slide further down her body and into the sides of her pants, dragging them so low he nearly swallowed his tongue and hoped that she would keep going. Her head finally came back up as she pulled her pants far enough down that he could see the indent of her hips and her lower belly.
She again looked at the camera and said, “I’m going to tell you what I want, Rusty. I want you… however much of yourself that you are willing to share with me. Whether it’s just about how your day went, or about upcoming jobs you have scheduled, or maybe even allowing me to kiss you, hold you… touch you. You will share something with me… every day. You will not shut me down or shut me out anymore. Agreed?”
Then he watched as she bent forward, slowly slid her pants down her long legs and pulled them off. When she straightened he was given a full frontal view of a matching bra and panty set beautifully showcasing perfect breasts and a pretty good slice of heaven right down here on earth. Again he watched one of her hands slide over her flat stomach and down inside of the fantasy inducing panties.
He forced himself to close the browser and he felt the disconnection like a physical kick to his groin. It would be a cold day in hell before he allowed a woman to order him around but damn he wanted her. Standing up, he forced himself away from the screen… could he give her what she wanted and still maintain control of himself?
It was a ridiculous thought… Amy already controlled him… she could order him around like a dog. The sick part was he enjoyed it. A lot. He was her pet… and by far worse than Grudge.
His mind replayed her stripping down for him on camera as he gathered up his keys, locked up the house, got in his car and headed down the street. From there his mind replayed the first time he’d sank himself inside of her. How she’d looked… the smell of her… the feel of her. Then on to the second time he’d been with her and how she’d tasted and sounded.
Shutting off the car, he looked over at her front porch. He was a full blown addict and he was about to get his fix… no matter what it cost him. Her car was parked right in front of his, which meant right now she was in there waiting for him to get his shit together and go inside.
To take what she offered… for a price. Could he afford her? What she wanted was more costly than money… she was high maintenance alright. Her price tag included emotions and affection… not just sex… and he already owed her from twice before.
He managed to get out of the car and make it to her front door. As he raised his hand to knock , she opened it, just looked at him and said, “Did you like the parts you did watch ?”
Entering the front door, he closed it behind him, turned to her and said, “You know I did so why are you even asking me about it?”
“Because I want to know why you’ve made me suffer for more than a month without you if you do in fact like me…” she said, approaching where he stood and running her hands up his chest and curling them around his neck.
“You deserve better, Amy,” he explained, while grasping her waist to try and hold her at bay. If she pressed herself against him, it would be all over.
“But I want you…” she replied, trying to get closer to him. “Why is that so bad?”
“You want me to make you feel good and that you do deserve… and I want to make you feel like that. I love watching you enjoying my touch. The problem is that making you feel good makes me feel good too. Really good and I’m not used to that… I’ve spent decades tired, afraid, too hot, too cold, and lonely while on constant alert. Living that way for so long has taken its toll on me and that you don’t deserve and shouldn’t have to put up with. It’s a shitty way to live,” he said.
“That should be my choice, Rusty,” she said, as she finally managed to push through his resistance and press herself against him.
“Unfortunately, if I allow this thing between us to continue on there will come a point when great sex will no longer be enough. Honestly, I’m amazed that I’ve even been able to do that without any issues… both times… but again there may come a time when my mind overrules my body. That will leave you wanting what I can’t provide. You’re already there… with wanting to hold me and stay with me. I see it in your face but I’m afraid of what will happen when you see what a bad day looks like for me. Once you experience my personal hell, you will run for sure and that terrifies me beyond all else… because if I keep having sex with you… I will start to care. At some point I will… I won’t be able to stop myself. So for my sake, please stop tormenting me with that sweet body of yours… Especially on camera! Jesus, you shouldn’t tease a man like you do. I’ve tried repeatedly to tell you that.”
The sad truth was he already had grown to care for her and that feeling had grown every time he saw her. If he had any
thing to compare it to he would say she was likely the first person he’d ever fallen in love with. Ending the week long affair with her had hurt but he’d done it in an effort to save her the trouble and eventual heartache that he brought along with him.
“Then stop watching me with that camera,” she said, her tone matter of fact. When he looked away from her, she leaned to the side until she again captured his gaze. Then she continued, “I can feel that hungry stare of yours across the internet. It makes me crazy to know that you want me so much and to know that I want you in return and yet not be able to have you. So, really, who’s teasing who?”
Chapter Thirteen
He could barely look at her. Guilt was boiling in his stomach. She was right… she was calling him out for watching her while at the same time holding back from her. Looking down into her beautiful face, he held her gaze for a moment before seeing her expression change to one full of need.
Then she leaned forward and licked his neck. The moan he let escape told him that he was done for.
Where before he’d somehow managed to keep himself in check, now he was once again lost in her and completely out of control. Between her talking about how much she wanted him, feeling her softness in his arms while she was wrapping around his body and his heart, and her fiery little tongue setting his skin ablaze, he knew again he’d failed to maintain his distance from her. In that way of hers she was ordering him to love her… and he was unable to disobey a direct order.
“Why do you want me so bad, Amy?” he whispered. “Why?”
Backing up from him a step she took his hand and led him down the hallway to her bedroom where, after closing the door, she began pulling his shirt off. Once she’d removed that barrier and he kicked off his boots, she immediately started on his jeans. Then her hand was down his pants stroking him and he found himself clutching her face in his hands and begging for mercy.
“God… please. That feels so good… you have to stop now, Amy. Please?”
“Please, Rusty? Let me touch you… just one time. Let me make you feel the way you make me feel,” she whispered against his neck just below his chin.
God… could he allow it? Would he be able to just stand here or lie on the bed and accept her giving him pleasure? Without his mind and memories taking him on a ride he didn’t want to participate in.
Tucking his chin in, he managed to kiss her a couple of times and was just about to tell her no when she backed up from him, leaning her forehead against his.
Staring in his eyes, a mischievous grin spread across her pink lips and she said, “Please?”
He managed a quick nod because he still didn’t have it in him to deny her anything. Then she kissed down his cheek to his mouth, while pushing his pants further down his hips. He helped her strip him bare. Then she again took his hand and led him over to her bed where she pushed him to lie down.
When he was sprawled naked across her bed she began taking off her clothes once more, revealing the bra and panties that had forced him to drive all the way over here in the first place.
She crawled over him and dipped her head to lick along his lower belly, making him jump. Her hair tickled his stomach and thighs, keeping his mind from going anywhere and forcing him to remain in the moment. Then, much like he’d done to her, she kissed him, bit him gently and sucked on his skin all around his lower abdomen, including his hips and the crease of his legs.
Taking him in her hand and looking up at him once more, she covered him with her mouth. He was left panting and seeing flashes of light behind his eyes as she sucked him. The pleasure was so intense he had a hard time staying still and found himself gently thrusting up seeking more of what she offered.
“Damn… if you want me to make you feel good too… you are going to have to stop that now,” he managed to choke out after a few more moments of her lips wrapped around him.
She finally released him and moved over him. The next thing he knew she was sinking down the length of him and he was groaning out her name. Rocking against him, using her hands on his chest for leverage, she slowly drove him insane.
Finally her movements gradually picked up pace and seeing her over him with her eyes closed in bliss, her hair all around, he knew he wouldn’t last long. Then she forced his hands that had been around her waist up to cup her breasts. As he thumbed them her head fell back. Unable to hold back, he let himself go, bucking up into her, and finally she gained release as well.
Collapsing across his chest, she lay there panting. So he wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled her neck. She gently ran her fingers up his biceps and across his shoulders and he returned the affection by stroking his fingers gently down her back.
He couldn’t contain his smile when she shivered and let out a small squeak. He made note of yet another way he could bring her pleasure and again stroked his fingers lightly against her soft skin until he felt the signs of goose bumps where his fingers caressed.
“See. This isn’t so bad is it?” she whispered.
No… not bad at all. Not once while his eyes had been closed had he been tormented by the images in his head or thoughts of those things he’d done or fear of what might be hidden around him… beneath his feet even. Nothing had existed in his world but her… it was like floating between heaven and earth with her there coaxing him on with her unladylike desires and beautiful smile.
In the next moment he realized, had she not called him that night, he wouldn’t be here now… with her pretty little body draped across his… worn out from giving him the most pleasure he’d ever experienced.
As once more he fought the emotions she forced out of him, she suddenly whispered, “Bathe me, Rusty… and then love me again.”
Sometime later, after having done as she had commanded. He jerked awake. Looking at the alarm clock next to her bed, he realized there were still a few hours before it would be morning. He also realized that yet again, he wanted her.
Carefully, he rolled over and studied her sleeping face. She was just so precious… like a priceless gem. Reaching out he gently pushed a blonde lock of hair off her face so he could better study her.
Then, to his dismay, she rolled over away from him. He felt her loss like a cut to his heart until slowly she scooted up against him, nestling her bottom right against his erection. Unsure if she was just seeking warmth or comfort in her sleep, he tried to lay still. Then he felt her grind against him.
“Sorry… if I woke you,” he whispered, with a grin. “This is why staying over isn’t a good idea.”
Without a word she reached back, found his hand and guided it around her waist and pushed it down and in between her legs. Once more he loved her… this time gently… on their sides… from behind. Her leg draped over his while his free hand roamed her body only for her to eventually find it and guide it back between her legs. And each time she did so it was like a reminder that she wanted him… badly… him… Master Sergeant Russell Hawkins.
This time when she finally dozed off again, he leaned in and smelled her hair and whispered, “I love you, Ms. Carlton.”
The following morning, she dragged him into the shower with her. Then, long before he was ready to leave her, he found himself hurrying to get home in time to change and make it to his first cleaning job.
Later, when he picked up Danny from the cupcake shop, he could barely keep his eyes off of her. Sleeping alone that night was the loneliest he’d ever felt in his life. He found himself awake and drinking coffee at two in the morning, praying for the light of dawn.
When Danny finally got up and came in the kitchen, Rusty was never so happy to see another person in his life. After making a bowl of cereal, Danny sat down at the table. After a couple of bites he finally looked at Rusty and said, “I want to go see Amy’s mom today, can you take me?”
Rusty’s gut told him that somehow this wasn’t going to work out well for him but he found himself agreeing to it anyway. After Danny got cleaned up, Rusty drove him over to the condo where Amy’s mothe
r lived. Pulling up and parking out front, he looked at Danny and said, “Did you want me to go in with you?”
“Yes. I want her to talk to Amy about letting me live by myself. I can’t live in your house forever, Rusty. I need a house of my own. I’m a grown up now,” he said and then got out of the car.
Rusty groaned as he realized that his earlier gut reaction to Danny’s request had been right on the money. He adored Amy, but Danny deserved to be happy too. Danny having asked for his help was the only reason he was in the middle of this. He knew she would be angry when she found out about this but it was too late now.
Following Danny up to the door, he was surprised when Amy’s mom opened the door without them even having to knock. Almost as if she’d been expecting them.
“Good morning, Danny. Rusty. Come on in guys,” Diane said with a pretty smile, opening the door wide for them.
After sitting down on the couch in Diane’s living room and having been offered drinks, Danny finally looked at Diane and said, “I know you said to be patient with Amy and I’m trying to be a good big brother but I don’t want to wait anymore for her to learn to let me go.”
“Have you talked to her anymore about helping you to find your own apartment?” Diane asked.
Rusty realized that Danny had apparently been working on getting Diane on his side of this argument long before today. He felt a small measure of relief that this wasn’t the first conversation between the two of them. Perhaps that would help save his ass when Amy found out about this.
“Yes, I talk to her about it all the time when I work at AmyCakes. She always says ‘soon’ but then she doesn’t help me. Can you take me to find my own apartment, or can you make her take me?” Danny replied, clearly frustrated with Amy not allowing him some measure of independence. “I can cook five meals all by myself and make sandwiches too. I do my own laundry and I can keep my room clean. I can get a bus pass so that I can go to the store if she’s busy working at AmyCakes. I’m a grown up now and I can take care of myself. She can come for visits at my house instead of at Rusty’s.”
Maid to Order (Man Maid Book 4) Page 18
