“Grandpa, when can we cut a Christmas tree?” Stephen asked, his voice croaking a little between a young boy’s voice and a much older boy’s voice.
“Let’s wait about a week,” Jake told him. “We’re taking Tricia and Sadie Mae with us this time. I promised them.”
Both boys rode off, and Tommy watched Big Jake, thinking what a man of contrasts he was. Today he was all grandpa, yet from all he’d heard, he could be as ruthless as the worst of them. He could tell just from his own run-in with the man. This was a strange situation he’d fallen into. He wanted to hate Jake Harkner…but part of him also liked the man, and that made him angry.
Nine
Jake walked into Pepper’s Barn, as the newest barn on the J&L was called. It was named after one of the top hands, who’d died trying to rescue some of the horses when the old barn burned down. It was something the family seldom talked about…and something that haunted Jake. His wife was dragged off by outlaws that night while he and the men fought the fire. He’d damn well found her, and those men had suffered the worst of Jake Harkner’s rage. He’d made sure no one would ever know what happened to them.
It had taken these nearly two years since for Randy to be strong and vibrant again…and for them to get back on solid ground in their own relationship.
Jake walked up to Tommy Tyler, who was cleaning out stalls. He told himself to keep his temper in check because he’d vowed to help Tommy, not kill him, which he sorely wanted to do at the moment.
Tommy paused and turned to see Jake standing there. He backed away a little.
“You don’t look too good,” Jake told him, studying the young man’s battered face. One eye was black and swollen. He had a deep cut on his left cheek and a split lip.
“I don’t feel too good,” Tommy answered. He swept some manure and hay aside. Jake noticed he did so gingerly.
“Bruised ribs?” he asked.
Tommy remained turned away and sighed. “Yeah.”
“Good.”
Tommy paused, then turned to face Jake. “Look, I spoke out of turn, all right? You here to finish me off?”
“I’d love to do just that, but I promised myself I’d give you a chance, so I’m trying real hard not to light into you with a shovel. Cole tells me you were mouthing off about the women—that you said what you’d like to do with my son’s wife. He didn’t tell Lloyd, because I can guarantee we’d be burying you out there in the foothills right now if he knew. He didn’t want me to bring you to the J&L in the first place, so don’t make me regret it. Katie Harkner is one of the finest women and best mothers I know—and yes, she’s beautiful. Don’t think Lloyd doesn’t know some of those men’s thoughts about her, and about my daughter and even my wife. But there’s one big difference between those men’s thoughts and yours.”
Tommy raised his chin defiantly. “How can there be any difference?”
“Because every man on this ranch has a deep respect for all three women, and even for Cole’s wife. Gretta went through things when she was young that she doesn’t like to talk about. When you understand what some people have been through, you start seeing them in a different light. That’s why I brought you out here, Tommy. When I wrestled you down in that alley, you said something that made me want to help you—but not when you insult married women who are nothing short of angels.”
Tommy looked away. “A man can’t help taking a second look and enjoying his thoughts. And don’t tell me you don’t think the same thing when you see a pretty woman.”
Jake leaned against a support post. “Thinking something and saying it out loud or acting on it are two different things. And for reasons it would take me all day to explain, I have a deep respect for pretty much all women, including Gretta. So if I ever hear you’ve been around her and tried to force yourself on her because of what she used to be, I’ll make you wish you were never born, and you’ll go right back to jail after that. You likely know what happened to my daughter back in Oklahoma, because it’s in that book about me. And my wife has been through hellish things you’ll never know about. Lloyd’s wife, Katie, is the sweetest person who ever walked, and it hasn’t been easy for her being married to a Harkner man, especially when Lloyd rode with me as a marshal. And you’d best remember that my daughter, Evie, is the closest thing to an angel you’ll ever meet. It’s her Christian faith that got her through something worse than death, and it’s that faith and her prayers that have got this family through some really rough times. So don’t ever let me hear about you insulting any woman on this ranch. Understand?”
Tommy stared at the dirt floor.
“Look at me, Tommy Tyler.”
Tommy sighed again and raised his gaze to meet Jake’s eyes, eyes that told him he’d better take note…or else.
“I asked if you understand what I’m telling you.”
Tommy nodded. “I understand.”
“Those men over at the bunkhouse gave you just a hint of what I’ll do to you if you step out of line again. And that goes for teasing or scaring my granddaughters too, or trying to pick a fight with any of my grandsons or Ben. I told you all of this when I brought you here. I won’t repeat any of it a second time, and you don’t want to know what will happen if you force me to. Overall you have it pretty good out here.”
Tommy rubbed at his sore jaw. “Except for shoveling shit.”
Jake grinned a little. “Just part of the chores, Tommy. You make trouble and you’ll be eating that shit instead of shoveling it. And don’t think I won’t shove some into your mouth if you insult a woman. Got that?”
Tommy just stared at him a quiet moment. “Yeah. I got it.”
Jake took a cigarette from an inside pocket on his fleece-lined jacket. He struck a match and lit it, taking a deep drag. “You’re a smart, good-looking young man who can have a damn good life if you want it. You can’t begin to know how much I’d like to do things different if I could go back in time, but we only get one chance at this life. I’m giving you your chance to make the best of it.” He kept the cigarette between his lips as he turned to go.
“Jake,” Tommy spoke up.
Jake turned.
Tommy looked at the floor again and shuffled his feet a little. “I don’t know why in hell you care, but nobody has ever cared about me before. It makes me mad, because I’m afraid to believe it’s true. So I do things and say things…” He shrugged.
“You do and say things to hurt those around you because you want to make sure you don’t get hurt. Do you think I don’t understand that? My wife could tell you a hundred stories. It took me years to truly realize she really did care and wasn’t going to leave me the minute I did something stupid.” Jake took a drag on his cigarette. “And I care about you, Tommy, but I don’t tolerate bad behavior from my sons and grandsons, and I sure as hell won’t tolerate it from you.”
Tommy nodded. “I’ll watch it after this.”
“Is that your form of an apology?”
Tommy shrugged, smiling a little. “I guess so.” He finally met Jake’s gaze again. “Will you tell the men I apologized? I kind of like most of them. It’s no fun having all of them give me the cold shoulder. I was starting to enjoy their company.”
Jake nodded. “I’ll tell them.” He started to leave again.
“One more thing,” Tommy asked.
Again Jake paused and turned. “What is it?”
“I, uh, my ma ran out on me when I was little, and you know what my father was like. There was never any Christmas for me growing up. We never had a tree or anything like that. I was just wondering if…” He sighed and looked away again. “I’d kind of like to go along when you cut down a Christmas tree. I know it’s probably a family thing, but I’d just like to see what it’s like…hunting for just the right tree and dragging it back home.”
Jake studied him a moment. There he was…the little boy, Jake Harkner, who w
anted nothing more than a real family. “Fine with me, but I’ll have to walk it by my grandsons and Ben and Lloyd.”
“Sure. If they don’t want me to go, I’ll understand.”
Jake nodded. “Finish what you’re doing here. The men will be eating out at the bunkhouse soon. You’ll want to be there while the food is good and hot.”
“Sure.” Tommy picked up a shovel and walked back into one of the stalls. “You’ll tell those men before that, won’t you? About me being sorry?”
Jake grinned. “I’ll tell them.” He left, trudging out into a recent heavy snowfall. He’d never admit it to anyone else, but it felt kind of good to put out a helping hand to someone like Tommy, instead of a mean fist.
Ten
“Grampa, don’t let go of me. Buck is so big!” Tricia snuggled her back against Jake, who held her close with his left arm while guiding the big gelding with his right. The horse had a black mane and tail and black feet and was otherwise a solid doeskin color.
“You know I won’t let go, baby girl,” Jake told her.
Strands of Tricia’s bright red curly hair stuck out from under her stocking hat, and her cheeks were a ruddy red from the cold.
Interestingly enough, Sadie Mae had chosen to ride with Tommy Tyler. When she heard he’d never known a real Christmas or had a Christmas tree, she actually felt sorry for the very same young man who’d scared her to death in the alley back in Brighton. She was so, so much like her mother in spirit, with an angel-like ability to love the unlovable.
Which is probably why that damn old rooster in the henhouse leaves her alone, Jake thought. It was as though that demon bird recognized the special goodness about Sadie Mae, which made sense, because the wicked beast hated Jake and attacked him every chance it got. As much as the ornery, strutting cock saw the goodness in Sadie Mae, he saw the outlaw in Jake. In fact, the kids had named the rooster Outlaw. Jake dearly wanted to shoot it or twist its head off, but he didn’t dare because it would break Sadie Mae’s heart. The situation was a matter of wonderful jokes among the family. Even Tommy had laughed about it when Sadie Mae told him the story of the conflict between Jake and the rooster on their ride out here to find a Christmas tree.
Forgiveness. Sadie Mae had the ability to forgive, just like Evie. His beautiful, Christian daughter had forgiven the men who’d so sickeningly abused her back at Dune Hollow in Oklahoma. That was one of the darkest times in Jake’s life, and when he got through rescuing her, there weren’t many of those men left alive for Evie to forgive. But forgive them she did. How he’d produced a daughter of such faith and beauty he would never understand, other than it all must have come from Randy’s blood, not his.
Bells jingled as they rode, Tricia having insisted that jingly bells be tied around several of the horses’ necks. Their “hunting party” consisted of Jake and Tricia, Tommy and Sadie Mae, Stephen, young Jake, and Ben. They brought plenty of rope to drag a tree back with them, and the boys all carried rifles “just in case.” Young as they were, they all knew how to use them. A man never knew what he might come across out here in the Colorado foothills.
The girls giggled and sang Christmas carols, but the boys refused to join them, sitting tall in their saddles as though grown men didn’t sing songs. Jake quietly studied young Jake, who rode a bit ahead of him and to his left. The boy had Jake’s own spirit, which worried him a little. He was extremely defensive of his mother and father and siblings, and easily angered to the point of putting up his fists. Since he was old enough to talk, he’d made it very clear that he was proud to be a Harkner and hoped to be “just like Grandpa” when he grew up.
No, you don’t, Jake thought. Nobody wants to be just like me. Young Jake had always all but worshipped him, which had turned out to be dangerous more than once. Back in Guthrie, when he was only three and still called Little Jake, he’d run right down the street thinking to defend his grandfather when Jake was in the middle of a shootout with wanted men. Jake had taken a bullet in the thigh while shielding the boy.
Of all three boys, young Jake yearned the most to be a man, even though he was the youngest of the three. Stephen and Ben were a little more accepting of the gradual process that took, although Stephen was already tall and strong for his age, and Ben already had a man’s build. He’d exploded in growth at around eleven, and Jake was beginning to wonder if the boy would ever stop growing.
“Grampa, look at that one!” Tricia yelled then, pointing to a huge pine that was far too big for a Christmas tree. “Can we have that one?”
“Tricia, that tree would never fit in Grandpa’s house. We’d have to cut a hole in the roof.”
“But you have a big, high ceiling!”
“Not that high!”
They did have a big house—a huge log home Jake had had men build for Randy, with enough bedrooms for grandchildren to stay over any time they wanted…and a loft bedroom where he’d made love to his beautiful, faithful wife too many times to count. Randy deserved that house. It was the first home they’d owned and settled into in all their years of marriage…years of being on the run, working different jobs, time in prison. At last his wife had a “forever” place to settle.
“That one!” Sadie Mae shouted then, pointing to a scraggly tree barely four feet high. “It looks sad, Grampa.”
“Trees don’t have feelings,” young Jake scoffed.
“Yes, they do,” Sadie Mae argued.
“Sadie Mae,” Jake called to her, “that tree isn’t lonely. It’s growing right beside its mother tree. See? We’ll let that tree get bigger and stronger before we cut it down, okay?”
“Okay.”
They moved into thicker pines, dismounting and separating to look for just the right tree.
“Nobody go too far!” Jake told them as he lifted Tricia down. Tommy led Sadie Mae around a small hill of mostly boulders, and the boys began their own search in another direction, each one keeping a rifle in hand, as did Jake. Tommy had no rifle because Jake wouldn’t allow him to carry a gun yet.
“Grampa, we found one! We found one that’s just right!”
The shout came from Sadie Mae, who was with Tommy on the other side of a huge, rocky mound that hid them.
“Come, see, Grampa!”
“I’m coming.” Jake took Tricia’s hand and kept his rifle in his other hand as he led the girl toward the boulders. It was then he heard it—the growl of a cougar. And Sadie Mae’s screams.
Eleven
“Run, Tricia!” Jake ordered, letting go of her hand. “Run back to Stephen! Everybody stay back!” He headed around the boulders, ignoring the pain in his bad leg as he plowed through the snow, horror filling him at the sound of the deep-throated growling of a cougar and the hideous cries of Tommy Tyler. His gut tightened at the realization that Sadie Mae’s own screams had stopped.
“Sadie Mae!” Jake screamed her name as he made it around the other side of the small hill. He couldn’t see or hear her. All he saw was Tommy, curled up on his knees against one of the boulders, a cougar clawing at his shoulder. Jesus, where is Sadie Mae! He had to kill the cougar, but the bullet could go right through, into Tommy. Was Sadie Mae under him?
Sonofabitch! The memory of the young girl he’d loved at fifteen flashed through his brain in a millionth of a second…his filthy alcoholic father raping her. He’d shot John Harkner to stop him from hurting Santana, but the bullet had gone right through his father’s neck and killed the girl too. That could happen again. He could kill both Tommy and Sadie Mae.
“Grampa! Grampa!” he heard someone screaming behind him. The boys must be watching.
“Don’t shoot!” Jake ordered them.
Screams everywhere—the boys, whinnying and frightened horses, Tricia, Tommy.
Jake knew he had no choice. He cocked and raised his .30–30 Winchester. A six-gun might not do the job…but the risk! The risk! The big cat was moving viole
ntly over Tommy. Sadie Mae must be under him! One of the other kids could be next! He aimed…and prayed…and fired…cocked it again…fired again.
Finally, the cougar quieted and stopped moving. It collapsed on top of Tommy. Jake tossed his rifle and ran to the bloody scene. “Sadie Mae!” he screamed. “Boys, help me!” He tugged at the heavy cougar, one of the biggest cats he’d ever seen. Ben and Stephen helped drag the big cat off of Tommy while young Jake dug at the snow and dirt under Tommy, looking for his little sister.
“Sadie Mae!” The boy screamed her name. “She’s underneath Tommy! He was trying to protect her! Sadie Mae!”
“Be careful, Jake,” Big Jake warned. At the moment he felt removed from reality. That couldn’t be his Sadie Mae lying there looking dead when he rolled Tommy’s body off of her. Not Sadie Mae! Not any one of his grandchildren! He couldn’t bear losing them. What if he’d shot her!
Tommy groaned, blood pouring from a huge tear in his right shoulder, so big that the sleeve of his coat was completely ripped away.
“Ben!” Jake shouted as he pulled the sleeve all the way off Tommy’s arm and then used it to press against the gushing wound.
“What should I do, Pa?” Ben asked.
Young Jake knelt beside his little sister. “She’s dead! She’s dead!”
“Don’t be so sure, Jake!” Big Jake told him. She can’t be dead! She can’t!
The boy lifted Sadie Mae a little, and Jake immediately guessed what had happened. The rock under her head was stained with blood. “Tommy must have tackled Sadie Mae to cover her and protect her. It looks like her head hit that rock,” Big Jake told the boy, struggling to stay calm himself. “She’s probably just unconscious.” God, let me be right. The girl’s eyes were closed and she looked so tiny and limp. “Stephen, get a blanket off any horse that didn’t run off, and wrap it around Sadie Mae. And bring me one for Tommy!”
“Yes, sir!” Stephen ran to get the blankets.
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