by Katy Kaylee
I supposed there was Chase and Sara, but they were only a few months into their marriage. Who knew what could happen? So, yeah, Grace and I splitting was probably for the best. I would fuck up again because it was in my nature, and I didn’t want a lifetime of her leaving me each time because she didn’t have the guts to tell me how she felt.
I frowned. It was strange that she had no problem confronting me or my brothers on our problems, but when it was her own issues, she scampered like a scared rabbit. I was right. She was as messed up personally as I was.
I did feel bad about her work though. That was the area she strove to excel and achieve success in. I wondered who I could call to see about finding her work during her six months suspension, and then I remembered she didn’t want my help. I’d only make it worse.
“We’re here, sir,” my driver said.
“Great. Thanks. Give me an hour.” I stepped out of the car and headed into the building to my group. One thing was for sure, while in the group, I’d hear from men who had way bigger problems than me. I was looking forward to getting perspective in life.
During the meeting, I did find it hard to feel sorry for myself, but once I left and returned to my office, the pity party began again. For a minute, I thought maybe my life could have been something other than work and fighting to stave off my demons. I was already dreading going to sleep tonight for fear the dreams might come back with a vengeance. Then again, I’d learned a few coping skills, and the group, as hard as it was to go to, did seem to help. So maybe I wouldn’t revert back to my old self just because Grace was gone. I guess, time would tell.
I went through my list of to-dos for the day and was getting ready to start on the linen company info one of my men dropped off, when there was a knock and the door opened.
Sara poked her head in. “Your secretary isn’t here. Do you have a minute?”
I waved her in as I stood. “I fired her.”
Sara gave me a little smile. “I’m glad. I never liked her.”
“Oh?” I gestured for her to sit on the couch.
“Just a bad vibe, I guess,” she said sitting.
“Do you want something to drink?”
“No, thank you.”
I sat in a chair across from her. I was going to ask why she was visiting, but I saw my opportunity to clear the air with her as I had with Chase.
“Listen Sara, I wanted to apologize to you for not doing a better job protecting you.” God, my words sounded so lame and inadequate.
“What? No, Hunter. Chase told me that you felt guilty, but you have no reason to.”
I leaned forward resting my forearms on my thighs. “I do. I could have done better, and if I had…things would have been different.”
Her pretty blue eyes looked at me with pity. “You don’t know that. And even so, what happened to me was all Glen’s fault. I don’t blame you at all. You were there when I was rescued. You were there sticking up for me when my parents were shaming me. Second only to Chase, I see you as a hero.”
I couldn’t stand being called that, so I stood. “I’m no hero, Sara. But it is a weight off to know you don’t blame me.”
“It never occurred to me to blame you. I like how you look out for me even though you don’t have too. I never had a family that truly cared. I feel like I have three big brothers now. They’re a bit crazy and dysfunctional, but I know they have my back.”
I laughed. “We are nuts, aren’t we?”
“A little.” She tilted her head. “Is that why you were having such a hard time over the last several months?”
I sat again, all of a sudden feeling like all the air had gone out of me. “It’s always been hard since getting discharged, but yes, I … I was having a hard time living…and sleeping, with the guilt.”
“You seem calmer and happier now, so the counseling must have helped.”
The counseling made me think of Grace. I dropped my head. Even that was getting too heavy to hold up. “Yes. That’s helped.”
“I hear you do yoga.”
I had a small laugh. “I did. I haven’t been in a while.”
“You should come to my class.”
I shook my head. “Chase would kick my ass.”
“Why?”
“For him, you and yoga is like foreplay, I think.”
“Oh.” Her cheeks blushed. “He does like to join me sometimes.”
“I’m sure you’re not here to invite me to yoga.”
“No. I came because I was bored.”
“And I can help with that?”
She nodded. “I think Raven Industries should start a foundation. It would offer some tax perks, but even better, you’d be helping people in need. Programs like the children’s center I volunteer at are always at risk of having to close down because of a lack of funds.”
“Sounds good to me. How can I help?”
“Chase is on board, but because of the baby, I won’t have a lot of time soon. And I don’t have experience in foundations. I don’t have much experience in work, in general.”
“Chase didn’t say that, did he?” I asked. Sara was young and didn’t have a lot of worldly experience, but she was smart and did have a knack for marketing.
“No, that’s me. I’ve done some reading, and there’s a lot involved. I haven’t found anyone to work with me yet, but that’s not why I’m here. I’m hoping you’ll get behind this idea and encourage Ash and especially Kade to support it.”
“What about my dad? He’s still the head of Raven Industries, and he’s tied our hands in terms of accessing money.”
“I think your dad will be on board.”
I suspected she was right. My father had a soft spot for her. I couldn’t imagine Ash having any trouble. Kade would be snarky as usual, but I couldn’t see him fighting it either. “Whatever you need, I’m behind you.”
Her smile was bright, and I could see why Chase was bewitched by her.
“You seem to be the man who knows people, and I was wondering if you knew anyone who would be able to help me?”
“Start a foundation?”
“Not a lawyer. We’re not there yet, but with the planning and deciding how we want it to run and the types of organizations to support, that sort of thing,” she clarified.
“I’ll have to think on that. My area of expertise is along a different line.”
“What about Grace?”
The mention of her name made my heart clench in my chest. Would that organ ever stop hurting for her?
I cleared my throat and stood to get some water. “I don’t know. You’d have to ask her.”
“Is everything alright? Chase told me that you and her were together. I was so happy to hear it, Hunter. I want you to be happy.”
I pulled out the water bottle and took a drink. “Turns out, I’m not very good at relationships.” The minute I said it, I wished I hadn’t. Sara would want to talk about it, and the last thing I wanted was to talk about Grace.
“I don’t believe it, Hunter. You’re such a caring man. Maybe a little rough on the outside, but deep down, you have so much love to give.”
I shrugged.
“Is this about her license? Chase told me he’d gotten a call about her. He told them he didn’t know anything about you two.”
I nodded, remembering that was what he told me. “I know. It was Yvonne who reported her.”
“I told you I didn’t like her.”
“I wish you’d told me sooner,” I sighed.
“So, what happened? She’s upset because your secretary told on her? That’s not your fault.” I loved how Sara stuck up for me. She was a Raven now, through and through.
“She’s upset because I tried to fix it. It was my fault—”
“Not everything is your fault, Hunter. No wonder you have a hard time if you go through life feeling like you’re responsible for everyone and everything, and to blame when it goes bad.”
“It was my fault. I pushed her to be with me even though she to
ld me it could hurt her career. I tried to support her at her hearing, but they still suspended her license, and when we left, she told me I made everything worse.” When did I become so chatty, I wondered as I looked down on Sara. She didn’t need to hear my woes.
She stood and walked over to me, setting her hand on my forearm. “Then she doesn’t deserve you. Any woman who doesn’t appreciate a man that would fall on the sword for them doesn’t deserve him. I’ll admit, it can be hard to have an overprotective Raven brood, but I know what it’s like to not have anyone and I’d rather have you four oafs any day.”
I laughed. “I’m glad Chase found you.”
She grinned. “Me too.”
I inhaled a deep breath as it seemed like a century had passed since my last. “I’ll keep my eyes open for someone who can help you.”
“Thank you. And maybe you shouldn’t give up on Grace. If you care for her.”
I nodded only because I didn’t want to go into all the reasons continuing to pursue her was a fruitless endeavor.
After Sara left, I went back to work. This was my life, I decided. I was in charge of security for Raven Industries. While I failed Sara, I knew I could be good at this work, and so that was where I needed to focus my time. I’d already decided I was going to forfeit my inheritance by not marrying and procreating at the time my father made his crazy plan, so making the decision to focus my life on work wasn’t anything new. Now I’d just work to do it better.
32
Grace
Friday
After the hearing, I went home, had a couple of glasses of wine and then went to bed. I allowed myself that one night of wallowing in self-pity. I didn’t care that this was my fault. I didn’t care that Hunter was right, and it was my own insecurities messing things up with him. Instead, I felt sorry for myself in my own pity party.
The next morning, I still didn’t want to face the fact that I was to blame for all my professional and personal problems, but I went through the motions to move to the next step. I went to my office and began calling my clients. I’d already told them that it was a possibility that I was going to need to take a leave of absence. I didn’t tell them why. While most were surprised, they all seemed to take it okay, especially when we discussed things like loss and change as part of their therapy. So, as I made the calls, they weren’t caught off-guard, and I had a list of other therapists or programs I thought would work for them.
When I finished, I felt completely empty. My first instinct was to want Hunter. His strong arms could support me and give me comfort. But I’d ruined that too. I scoffed at myself. I was in this position because my wanting him led me to break a rule, and then instead of holding on to him, I was a bitch to him. It turned out I was the one who made everything worse.
I’d hated that he was right about me. I’d wanted him, but I never fully went all in. I didn’t trust him, not because of anything he did. Sure, his reputation caused me concern, but he was right in that he’d never done antyhing to make me question him. In fact, he’d been surprisinginly open with his feelings.
It was my own issues around what happened with Mike that really made me hold back. I’d been looking for proof to distrust Hunter, and when it came, I used it as an excuse to bolt. It wasn’t fair to him, which made me feel even worse. No, what made me feel worse was learning that he was all in. A man like Hunter didn’t give himself easily, and he had given himself to me. Instead of recognizing what a gift he offered, I’d pushed it away. What an idiot I was.
I was still upset that he didn’t listen to me and let me handle my hearing, but he had good intentions. Now, I had no job and no Hunter.
“Well done, Grace,” I said as I lay my head on my desk, ready to wallow in self-pity. I wondered what he was doing.
You and I both were sour on relationships. My method of dealing was meaningless sex. Yours was avoiding intimacy.
Oh, how right he’d been. Had he gone out trolling for women last night now that I’d soured him on relationships again?
I lifted my head, wiped my tears, and worked to pull myself together. The therapist in me started with the basics. What could I do now?
Apologize to Hunter and win him back?
I shook my head. Not yet. I needed to get my professional life in order. I wanted to show him that I could solve my own problems, not because I didn’t want his help, but so that we could grow together. He could see he didn’t need to be a knight in shining armor. For my part, I’d need to trust him, which I did. What I really needed was to let go of my insecurities, and trust in us.
I poked the button on my laptop to wake it up. I closed out my client contact database and went on to the Internet doing a job search. I applied to the non-profit jobs, and the one at the foundation. Then I looked at housing in one of the other boroughs that might be more affordable.
I was getting ready to pack up and go home, when there was a knock on my door.
“Come in,” I said, wishing, hoping, and praying it was Hunter.
“Hey.” Sara Raven poked her head in the doorway.
My heart dropped, but I tried to hide my disappointment behind a smile. “Hi. Come in.”
“I’m sorry to drop in on you like this.”
“No problem.” I stood and went to shake her hand and offered her a seat on the loveseat. “I have no clients today.”
Sara sat. “I heard about the licensing thing. I’m very sorry.”
I lifted my chin, determined to be strong. “I broke the rules. I have to suffer the consequences.” I sat in a chair across from her. “How can I help you?”
“Do you have any experience with foundations?”
I shook my head. “No. Why?”
She blew out a disappointed breath.
“I did just apply to one. Something about helping them assess the social programs to determine grants.”
Sara’s eyes lit up. “I want to do that.”
“Assess social programs?”
She shook her head. “I want to start a foundation. Or, actually, I want Raven Industries to start one. To help with social programs. I need someone to help me plan and run it. Once the baby comes, I won’t have time, but it’s a project that is important to me.”
“I’m sure your husband can help you find people for that.”
“He could, but this is mine, you know?”
I nodded, commending her for her desire to be her own woman. “I’d be happy to help. I have time now, but I’d need to do it around job hunting and moving.”
“So you have to stop your work all together and leave?”
“I have to stop my practice for six months. It’s a long time to go without income, especially in Manhattan.”
“I once lived in an apartment the size of a coat closet.”
“Where and was it affordable?” I was joking. Sort of.
“Raven Industries has residential properties, I bet Hunter could—”
“No.” I held up my hand to stop her. “I don’t need or want his help.”
Sara’s eyes narrowed, and I thought I saw a bit of a mama bear attitude. “Hunter is a good man.”
I nodded.
“A good man who’s been through hell and back. Who never cared about anyone…until you.”
I closed my eyes, hating that she was adding to my guilt.
“It’s not his fault, what happened to you,” Sara said, her voice chastising me.
“He thinks so,” I said.
She nodded. “But do you?”
“No. That’s why I asked him to stay out of it, but he couldn’t.”
Sara’s eyes softened. “Hunter carries too much of the weight of the world on his shoulders. He’s also honorable and will fight to fix anything he feels responsible for.”
Yep, that sounded like him.
“And you’re using that beautiful trait against him.”
Again with the stabbing me with guilt. “Like you, Sara, I want to be able to do things on my own. I’m a capable woman. I’m where I am
because I broke the rules, not Hunter.”
“You can do things for yourself, but you don’t have to be by yourself. I’m doing this foundation on my own, but I have Chase’s support. I’ve asked Hunter for help. I’m here asking you for help. You can be both independent and supported.”
I sat back, knowing she was right.
“I’ve never seen Hunter so calm and happy, Grace. He can be over the top in wanting to make things right for everyone, but is that really such a bad thing?”
“No,” I said. “But like you and your foundation, it’s important to me that I take care of my career.”
She studied me for a minute. “Can I hire you?”
“For what? I can’t do therapy now.”
“Not therapy. To run my foundation.”
I swallowed. “I don’t have experience in that, and you don’t have a foundation yet.”
“Yet,” she said with a glimmer in her youthful eyes. “But I will.”
“I don’t need your charity—”
“Grace! Seriously, you need to stop. This isn’t charity. It isn’t charity when Hunter tries to help you. It’s people helping people they care about.” She frowned. “As a therapist, how do you not see this? How do you not know that people get ahead through a community, not through solo acts.”
Once again, Sara was right on in her statement. There was an expectation that certain people in certain professions, like counselors, had their lives together. But like everyone else, for therapists, it was easier to see issues in others more than oneself. I was no different. I had baggage and insecurities that had messed up my life. It was time I dealt with them.
“I need help, and you need a job.” She shrugged like it was clear as day.
I was initially excited until I remembered she’d said she’d asked Hunter for help. “Did Hunter send you down here?”
