“’Twould be better if I was given time to woo her,” he said, holding out little hope that he would be granted that time.
“Aye, it would be,” agreed Lucas, “but there is a battle to be fought soon. Though I am reluctant to say it, fearing I may curse us in some way, men die in battle. We cannae wait until ye woo her.” He frowned, looking more puzzled than angry. “And if ye had a liking for our Keira, why havenae ye wed her already? Ye have had o’er a month together with her to get the job done.”
“I am a landless knight, and though my coffers arenae empty, they are nay verra full either. It took me a while to decide I simply didnae care that she can sit higher at the table than I can. Then, weel, a few problems arose, and I had to start all over again.”
“Problems named Lady Maude and Mary?”
“I have never touched Lady Maude!” Liam realized he had shouted that denial and took a deep breath to calm himself. He gave Sigimor a crooked smile. “Though the words fair choke me, I confess ye were right. I am paying dearly for all that scratching.”
“Aye, I feared that may be the case,” Sigimor said. “Howbeit, I ken ye will only scratch that itch with your wife once ye are wed.”
The looks of confusion Keira’s brothers wore as they listened to that small exchange suddenly cleared, and Artan said, “Ah, so ye are one to hold to vows made. Good.”
“What? No threat? No warning?” Liam subdued an urge to curse both men heartily when they just grinned at him.
“No need,” said Artan. “I dinnae think anything we could do will cause ye as much misery as Keira will if ye break with your marriage vows.” He frowned slightly. “Although our wee Blackbird didnae seem quite herself just now. A wee bit of her fire was gone.”
Lucas nodded. “She didnae try to hit us or throw something at us.” He scowled at Liam. “Have ye done something to hurt her already?”
“Nay, although she was a wee bit disappointed in me when my past was exposed ere I could tell her about it. Yet once she ceased brooding on it and let me ken what she thought, there was fire there aplenty.” Liam cast a brief scowl toward the door Keira had just marched through. “Yet she did seem, weel, subdued.”
Sigimor nodded. “She did. When the two of ye first arrived, there was that air about ye that made me comfortable about demanding this marriage as I kenned I must. When she sat down here to sup with us, something had changed in her, and I wasnae so sure anymore. ’Twas as if in donning that fine gown, she had enshrouded herself in some armor.” He shook his head. “I grow fanciful.”
“I think not,” said Ewan. “When she first arrived, I saw a lass like my Fiona. Open, honest, easy to read, even if ye dinnae always understand the words written there. When she came down after a bath and a rest, that lass was gone, and she didnae start to appear again until the talk of marriage began. Instead of looking into her eyes and seeing all sorts of emotions, twists, and turns and mysteries, it was as if ye peered into a looking glass.” He blushed faintly when he realized everyone was staring at him in slight amazement. “’Twas just a thought.”
Liam grinned at him. “’Twas a fine one. Exactly right. Curse it, the lass did some hard thinking whilst she bathed and rested. I will probably drive myself mad trying to figure out what twist or turn that mind has taken now.”
“Ah, aye, Keira is one to do a lot of thinking,” said Artan. “Ye will need to learn the look.”
“The look?”
“Aye, the one she gets when she starts thinking. If ye learn the look, ye will have time to start talking and get her talking instead of thinking. She is a clever lass, but she can think her way into a tangle. As my Da says, ye need to push yourself in there to snip the threads ere she makes a knot ye will need days to unravel.”
It required a long drink of ale for Liam to drown his urge to laugh, especially when he saw the laughter brimming in Sigimor’s and Ewan’s eyes. “Weel, whatever tangle she has gotten into will have to wait until the morrow,” he said. “Mayhap we best decide what little we can about getting Ardgleann free.”
’There is no heir?” asked Ewan.
“Only Keira,” said Artan. “’Twas part of the marriage agreement. The mon was the last of his line. He sought a wife to beget an heir, but if that failed, Keira would be it. He felt she had kinsmen enough to help her hold the land and care for his people. Of course, now she will have a husband. I suspicion the people will be pleased with that”
“I hope so.” And, Liam thought, I truly hope Keira does not think her lands are the only reason I married her.
“Best we rid the place of vermin first,” said Sigimor, turning everyone’s attention to the battle they would soon face.
Keira nearly slammed the bedchamber door behind her, but she decided that would be childish. She was just starting to pace, desperately trying to think of some way to get free of the plans everyone was making for her future when Fiona entered the room. The sympathy in the woman’s expression was both comforting and irritating. Keira appreciated the sympathy, but what she really needed was a solution.
“He will make ye a good husband,” Fiona said as she poured them each some wine.
“A reluctant one,” Keira said as she accepted the drink Fiona served her.
“I am not so certain he is reluctant. He put up no real fight.”
That was true, but Keira quickly beat down the hope that stirred within her heart. “He was sadly outnumbered.”
“Dinnae ye want him?”
“Of course I want him. How can any woman nay want him? How can she nay like him? How can she nay want to climb to the top of some high mountain and yell out to all the women of Scotland, ‘Ha! I have him now and ye dinnae!’” She smiled faintly when Fiona laughed, but then she sighed. “But so many have, havenae they? Had him, I mean.”
“Aye. Any mon that handsome will ne’er reach his marriage bed untouched, Keira. E’en my Ewan, who was so appalled by his own father’s licentious behavior that he controlled his passions with an iron fist, couldnae be chaste all the time. Sigimor, too, was verra careful in his habits. Then we have my brother Connor who wed your cousin Gillyanne. He had three women in the keep itself whom he bedded whene’er the mood took him.”
Keira nearly choked on the wine she had just drunk. “Och, nay, please dinnae tell me that I must face that!”
“Nay. As far as I can tell, Liam doesnae take lovers amongst the women who work or live within Dubheidland, or here, or e’en at his cousin’s keep. Mayhap he always kenned he would take a wife some day and didnae want the trouble that can bring. Or mayhap he didnae want the trouble it could bring him whene’er he went home or visited his kinsmen.”
“Or mayhap he just needed to give it a rest.”
Fiona laughed so hard she had to set her drink down on the table. It was an infectious laugh, so much so that, despite her somber mood, Keira laughed a little as well. It was perhaps foolish to fret so over the past, yet she could not ignore what Liam’s past said about him. The man had bedded a lot of women. Worse, he probably had not had to do much to gain those favors. Women were driven to hunting him down. It did not promise a happy future.
“Keira, the mon was, mayhap, a little quick to accept all that was offered,” Fiona said, growing serious again. “And it was offered. I wouldnae be surprised if e’en those who require a coin or two for the giving would have bedded down with him for free. I truly doubt any mon would refuse such, er, gifts. Ye must forget it as, I suspect, he has. He ne’er wanted to marry any of them, was ne’er betrothed, and was ne’er faithful.”
“And, mayhap, he ne’er can be faithful.”
“Oh, aye, I think he can be. He behaved himself at the monastery for five long years, didnae he? He also held fast to rules few men follow—no innocents, no lies or false promises, and no wives or promised women. He believes in holding to a vow. Many of these Camerons do. As my brother Connor once told me, a mon seeks out a woman because he has an itch and wants a wee bit of warmth. If the wife gives a mon that,
why look elsewhere? It simply isnae worth the trouble it can cause. Nay verra romantic, but ’tis the way most of these men think. I believe the men in your family are of the same ilk.”
“They are.” Keira finished her wine and frowned into the empty tankard. “Do ye truly think Liam will hold to his vows?”
“I do. Why, once Sigimor thought my Ewan had a mistress and followed him, intending to beat some sense into him.”
“And Sigimor has reared most of his lads, hasnae he?”
“He has. And Liam didnae spend five years training to be a monk because he had no place else to go. He has a deep belief, just nay a true calling to cloister himself. Such a mon takes vows spoken to a priest verra seriously. Come, I doubt there is any woman alive who weds a virgin.”
Keira almost said she was pretty sure she had, but hastily bit back the words. It might not be true. It was just one of far too many excuses she had made for her husband’s lack of desire for her.
For a moment, she seriously considered telling Fiona the truth, but her vow to Duncan stopped her. It had been wrong of him to make her swear to live a lie, but she had accepted that burden. She would not break her word now simply because it was inconvenient. The only one she felt she could tell the truth to was Liam—after he became her husband. She just could not think of a good way to do so or even begin to guess what his reaction might be. Keira greatly feared he would think her the worst of liars, that she played some cruel game with them all, or that she was so greedy she was willing to make fools of everyone just to claim Ardgleann.
“Do ye still grieve for your husband?” asked Fiona. “Is that what troubles ye?”
“Oh, I do grieve for him, but only in that he was too young to die and that he didnae deserve such a cruel death. I liked him and thought we could have a good marriage, but nay more than that. Howbeit, he at least chose to marry me. Liam is being forced to.”
“Nay, not forced. Persuaded. I have known these men long enough to ken that not one of them can be forced to do anything they dinnae want to. As I said, Liam didnae protest much at all. In truth, I cannae help but think he had already decided to make ye his wife if ye would have him.”
“Fiona, we have only kissed twice, and we didnae e’en do that until we left the cottage. He certainly ne’er said or did anything to make me think he wanted to marry me.”
“Of course he didnae. Ye have money and land. He has naught Ye are higher born than he is as weel. I cannae explain how or why I believe it, but I truly do think he already had marriage in mind. I think he was slow to give ye e’en a tiny hint because he thought it wrong to reach so high, then thought to woo ye.” Fiona grimaced. “I havenae got a gift for such things as our Gilly does, but she told me that I do have a verra strong intuition about people, and I have kenned Liam for many years. I just feel certain that at least a part of him wants this and that he will make ye a fine husband. Dinnae ye care for him at all? Is that it?”
There was one truth Keira felt she could entrust Fiona with. “Aye, I love him. I think the seed was planted when I first saw him, and he certainly wasnae verra bonnie then. I havenae told him, and I probably willnae for a while. Unless I feel certain there is some scrap of the same emotion in him, I cannae risk it.”
Fiona nodded and gave Keira a brief, tight hug. “I understand that verra weel indeed. ’Tis that fear that ye might cause him such discomfort by confessing it that ye ruin what ye do have. Or e’en more chilling, all ye get in response to baring your heart is something devastatingly mild like, ‘That is verra nice, wife. Thank ye.’” She smiled when Keira chuckled. “Dinnae fret o’er what cannae be changed. Ye will be married on the morrow. Ye will also begin that marriage with more good than bad, I am thinking. So, as I told Sigimor’s wife when she was fretting, just love the fool. ’Tis all ye can do. ’Tis my feeling that ye will end up with something as fine as Sigimor’s wife and I have found.”
Except that the two of ye didnae go to your husband still holding true to a vow given a dead mon, Keira thought. A vow that makes ye a fraud. A vow that has chained ye to a huge lie.
“So, let us prepare for your wedding,” said Fiona, grasping Keira by the hand and tugging her out of the bedchamber. “A feast, some music, and all of that. But, first, we will find ye a verra fine gown to wear.”
Keira was more than willing to fall in with Fiona’s plans. Preparing for the wedding would keep her too busy to brood on what would happen after it.
CHAPTER 10
“Mayhap she fled in the night.” Liam ignored Sigimor’s laughter as he stared at the doorway of the great hall, wondering why Keira had not yet entered through it.
“I ne’er thought ye would be nervous at such a time,” Sigimor said. “Not Liam, the greatest lover in Alba.”
Liam cursed and scowled at his cousin. “I am nay the greatest lover in this land.”
“I think a lot of women would disagree.”
“Mayhap, but mostly because they dinnae ken any better. I like the bedding. What mon doesnae? I like the feel of soft skin and womanly heat. I e’en liked most of the women I bedded, but that was easy enough, for it was often a fleeting alliance. I can string pretty words together, and I ken where to stroke them to make them ready. That is the sum of it. No great skills. No wondrous secrets. ’Tis this cursed face they bed down with, nay the mon behind it. My sin is that I kenned that weel yet still took whate’er was offered.”
“As any mon will if the lass is fair enough and doesnae stink too badly.”
Liam laughed and shook his head. “Sadly true, and if we are itchy enough, we will probably ignore the stink.” He sighed. “She doesnae want to marry me.”
“No one wants to be told to get married, but most are. Marriages are most often arranged by the elders for gain or alliances. I think ye and the lass start out with more than most. Ye lived together for a month and are still talking to each other.”
“More or less. That cursed Lady Maude sorely hurt my cause. And that maid at Denny’s alehouse has a verra loose tongue. Aye, the lass is talking to me again after she brooded for a while, but she doesnae trust me to hold to my vows. I dinnae mind a wee bit of possessiveness or jealousy, but I am nay sure how long I can patiently stomach my wife thinking that I cannae control my lusting at all, that I will be betraying her at every turn.”
Sigimor nodded. “That would cause trouble. It could be that she is uncertain of ye and of herself. ’Twill take time to cure her of that. I fear that for a while, ye willnae have much time to work upon strengthening your marriage or easing your wife’s qualms. There will be a battle to plan and to fight. When ye are settled at Ardgleann, working side by side to mend whate’er damage that swine has done, ye can sort it all out. As ye prove yourself a good laird to the people there, ye can prove yourself a good husband.”
“Aye, true enough. I do wonder how she feels about my gaining so much by this marriage, mayhap e’en usurping a place she wanted for her own. Her husband claimed her as his heir yet we both ken that once the people there ken she has a husband, they will see me as the laird, nay her.”
“Of course they will. Much better a strong mon with fighting skills than a wee lass. I would think she has the sense to see that for herself and understand it.”
“She probably does, but it doesnae mean she has to like it.”
“Then make sure all understand that ye are equal, that she speaks for ye and ye for her.”
Liam was about to compliment Sigimor on that very good idea when Keira entered the great hall and he forgot everything he was going to say. She wore a gown of a deep wine red that complimented her every gentle curve. Her hair flowed over her slim shoulders in a river of soft, shining black waves, its rich depths decorated with cream-colored silk ribbons. The dress and her hair combined to make her skin look an even richer creamy color, soft and, at the moment, touched by the hint of a blush as everyone turned to look at her. Liam was moving toward her before he had even finished thinking about doing so.
“H
ere he comes,” whispered Fiona.
“How do I look?” asked Keira. “I shouldnae have worn my hair down. I am a widow, nay an unwed lass.”
“Cease your fretting. The mon cannae take his eyes off you.”
“That doesnae have to mean he likes what he sees. He could be stunned with horror.” She smiled faintly when Fiona laughed, but was too nervous to join in.
Then Liam was at her side, looking breathtakingly handsome in his black and gold doublet. Keira suspected this was some of the finery he wore when at court, and she could easily understand how it would affect the women there. He bowed to Fiona, then turned toward her, and Keira drew her breath in so sharply she nearly choked. His eyes were that warm blue color that appeared whenever he kissed her. Liam certainly did approve of how she looked.
That sign of approval, however, made Keira think of the night ahead of her, and she shivered. She had lain awake until far too late last night trying to think of a way to tell Liam her secret, all to no avail. Finally exhausted, she had fallen asleep telling herself that he would not notice. In the light of day, steps away from exchanging marriage vows with the man, she knew that was ridiculous. Liam may not have bedded any innocent maids, but she suspected it was something a man noticed, especially when the woman was one who had been married for three months.
“’Twill be alright, lass,” he whispered against her skin as he kissed her cheek.
Keira smiled and nodded as he took her by the hand and led her toward the priest standing at the far end of the great hall. She wanted to believe his words of reassurance, but even she could not tell herself that big a lie. The foolish part of her liked to think that he would be pleasantly surprised tonight, but her good sense scoffed at that. Before or after, she was going to have to tell him the truth, and that would mean exposing her humiliation. Keira knew that was one reason she could not spit out the truth, could not simply say, Excuse me, but although I am a widow, I fear I was ne’er really a wife.
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