by Tigris Eden
Treat salutes me before heading back towards Joey and my cousins.
I make my way over to an empty picnic table and go about putting my camera together. I take a couple of practice shots of the kids playing on the grass, when I feel him. I don’t acknowledge him right away. That would be too obvious. Plus, I haven’t quite gotten control of my heart yet. My back is to him, and although I want to turn around and drink him in, I don’t. It will hurt too much. I am in the thick of love, and I’m trying to come out on the tail end of it still intact.
I knew pieces of me were going to get lost in the shuffle. That’s with anyone, good or bad. Somehow, I miscalculated the result. In the back of my mind, I kept thinking everything was going to work itself out. Somehow, the fairytale of Jackson had become a reality, and at the end of it all, I still hadn’t gotten the story right. There had been no happily-ever-after. The hero didn’t rescue the damsel. It is dungeons and lonely nights for me now. We argued and fucked more than we did anything else. But doesn’t everybody?
I don’t know which way to go. Do I make the right decisions when Jackson is around? Or is he really steering our entire relationship the way he wants it to go? I want to stay rooted to me, not lose myself and become someone he wants. I just wanted us to be an us. A him and a me. I thought we’d work through all of our issues in time. No real relationship was perfect. If they were, everyone would be blissfully happy. My mother told me his actions were more than enough for me. She was right, but what exactly were his actions saying?
“Are you going to at least look at me?” His southern drawl slides over my skin like a lover’s kiss, and my body shivers involuntary as I shore up what little strength I have, and turn to meet his gaze.
“Jackson.”
He takes a step towards me, and I step back. It’s like he wants to reach out and touch me, see if I’m real. I would have done the same. But I know better. What he represents is an unattainable illusion. A falsity. I was deceived by a promise that didn’t exist. My body, my heart, the very idea of him, was false.
His head tilts to the side and he stares at me, before he takes a step back. “I deserve that.”
You deserve a lot more than that.
“What do you want, Jax?” Stop being spiteful.
His eyes narrow into tiny slits at the use of Vivian’s nickname. “To talk. I just want to talk.”
“We don’t have anything to talk about. I’m here as a favor to your sister and her husband. I’m going to take my pictures. Smile politely, and then I’m back where I belong.”
I can see his jaw working in anger as he stands in front of me. His hands are in his belt loop and he just stares. His golden-brown eyes are laser focused on me. They travel the length of my body from head to toe.
“You look nice. I like the shoes,” he comments. His voice is strange. He wants to say something else. That much I do know. We may not have been together that long, but I know Jackson Storme like I know the back of my hand.
“They are pretty shoes.”
I am trying my best to act as if his presence means nothing to me. I’m acutely aware that everyone is watching what’s unfolding between the two of us. My heart is big, but right now, it’s quiet. If I am anywhere near the vicinity of Jackson, my emotions are hypersensitive to his energy. He fills up any space he occupies no matter where he is. It can be good energy or even bad. What’s coming from him is confusion. I don’t understand what it is he is trying to convey by holding back his anger. I haven’t done anything wrong. He’s the one sleeping with my ex-roommate. He’s the one who has a child with another woman. A woman he was engaged to and failed to mention during our relationship until he had no choice.
He is after all, Jackson Storme. The man about town. The lover of women, near and far. His dick has traversed the seven parishes and clearly, it extended its reach. All the way to New York City. Even before me. He was a conqueror of pussy. I remember asking him last year not to treat me like he did the others, and for my ignorance and stupidity, I had believed him when he said I was different.
I stifle a snort. Even though my mind has wondered off into the past. Jackson and I are still in our stare down. I am the first to break eye contact. I can’t take it anymore. I look down at the camera in my hands and suck in a deep breath.
“Anna.” His voice is pained, and I almost, almost give in to the desperation I hear in his tone. Almost.
“Jackson, we don’t need to do this. Everything is how it should be. You have your life and I have mine. I want it to stay that way. Okay?”
“No. Not okay.”
I see the steely determination in his eyes when I look up. His hand reaches out and grips mine. I hadn’t realized we were standing so close to each other. Either we both gravitated toward the other, or I am sucked in by his masculinity. He has that effect on all women. Young or old. I can’t help but want to be near him.
“I have to talk to you and you’re going to listen to me, Anna. Once I’m done, if you still feel the way you feel, then fine. But I want to put all the facts on the table.”
Facts? He wants to put facts on the table, now?
I laugh.
“You’re testing my patience, Anna.”
“You’re a dick, Jackson.”
“I will accept that last comment, but that is the last one, Anna. The last one. Now sit down so I can talk to you.”
Fine. I’ll sit, but I won’t be sitting by him. Yanking my hand out of his, I walk around the picnic table and sit on the other side. It’s as far as I can get away and still listen to whatever it is he wants to tell me.
“Talk.”
I watch as he walks from one end of the table to the other. He scrubs a hand down his face, paces again, and then put his hands on his hips.
“People make mistakes.”
Understatement.
“Tell me something I don’t already know.” I quip back.
His fist slams down so hard on the table that my camera jumps.
“Dammit, Anna. I’m being serious here. I’ve got shit to say.” He drags in air through his nose and then walks over to stand in front of me. His anger is an icy energy that surrounds us both. He looks down at me while he straddles the bench I’m seated on. He sits so close. I can smell his body wash and feel the heat of his skin. Getting the full effect of all that is him and it's intoxicating. My body wants to sway closer. His eyes warm when he notices that I’ve once again gravitated towards him. Small victory for him, huge loss for me. I need to keep my distance. So I scoot back.
“I know you’re not trying to railroad my cousin, Sheriff.” Lola yells, bringing everyone’s attention in our direction. Leave it to Lo to make it a big to do.
Jackson curses under his breath, and glares at my cousin as she stomps her way over to the table. I know she’s just looking out for me. She has my back, but now isn’t the time to make a scene.
“Lola, you need to leave.” Jackson’s tone is harsh.
“Oh no, I don’t think so. You had your chance to wife her up and you didn’t. Now she’s a free agent, and some other guy is going to do what you couldn’t do.”
That is the wrong thing to say to Jackson. Even Lola knows she’s crossed a line. Jackson stands to full height, towering over Lola’s small frame. He might as well have been breathing fire. His anger becomes the fourth person in our conversation.
“Leave. Now.”
Lola looks at him, and then at me. I nod, telling her I can handle Jackson.
You think you can handle him.
“Yeah. I’m going. But only because Anna can deal with you herself.” Lola turns and power walks her way over to the food table where other people are staring. Those other people include Vivian, Viola, and Talia. All three women are stabbing me with their eyes. Each of them in their varying degrees of hatred. Vivian says something to Margo who nods. Viola is sipping her tea while talking to Stacy, who’d warmed Jackson’s bed three years ago, if the gossip mill was correct, and Talia, well, she was staring str
aight at Jackson as if he’d lost his mind. Was one man really worth all this trouble?
Jackson turns back to me, and grabs me by the arm, pulling me up from the bench.
“What are you doing?” I try yanking away, but he has a strong grip on me.
“We need to talk, and we don’t need to do it here.”
“Here’s good. We don’t need to leave. I need to take pictures of Joey’s shower.”
He pulls me anyway, and because I’m in heels and don’t want to trip or worse–fall. I have to follow.
“Shut it, Anna.”
“Stop manhandling me, Jackson.”
He stops and turns so he can spew his angry fire. “Woman, shut the hell up. I’m trying to talk to you and you’re not making it easy.”
“You’re not.”
“Woman. What I just say!”
“What did I say?” I counter back.
“Girl, I’m in love with you and you’re not making this easy for me. We need to talk dammit, and Annabelle, that’s what we’re going to do. Talk.”
Did he just say he was in love with me?
“What did you say?” I whisper. Shock runs the course of my body, making it hard for me to breathe. I could have pinched myself just to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. But I’m pretty sure Jackson Storme just said he was in love with me.
“You heard me, Anna. I said I’m fucking in love with you. How many times do you need me to say it?”
A gazillion.
That still wouldn’t be enough.
What about Talia?
Right. Focus.
“Jackson, no. You can’t be in love with me. You’re sleeping with Talia.”
The hand that is holding my arm jerks me forward, making me trip right into his chest and then his arms band around my waist.
“I didn’t sleep with her, baby. I swear.” He growls down at me.
My body melts into relief, happiness, and joy at his words. He didn’t sleep with Talia.
Thank God.
“What about Vivian?” I ask skeptically.
“Nope. Didn’t sleep with her either.”
The ice that formed its wall around my heart is slowly melting away. My hands go around his neck, I pull him down to me, but he keeps talking.
“I’m gone for you, Anna. I want you and only you. We have a lot of shit we need to work through. We both made mistakes.”
He’s right. We both made our fair share of mistakes.
“Jackson, I need to say something.”
“Say it. As long as you’re not telling me you slept with some city punk.”
I shake my head no.
“Didn’t even think about it. I was too miserable to do something like that. It’s only been a few months. What kind of person would that make me?”
His arms tighten around me to get my attention. I look up and that’s when I know, we aren’t over. But we haven’t started things back up either. There is something blocking us, and I have an ugly feeling of what that might be. We are trying to get our bearings. There is still a lot of room for the both of us to grow as a couple. Love hurt sometimes, and it would hurt again. I’m just hoping our next tussle will be about something we’re able to overcome together and not apart.
“So are we going to try to make this work?” Jackson questions.
I want to try.
“As long as you promise heaven and not hell.”
Jackson throws back his head and laughs loud. It’s deep and heartfelt. He jostles both of us as he continues to chuckle. “Yeah, darlin’, I like the heaven part. But I promise our hell will all be worth it.”
I grunt. “If you say so.”
“We still need to talk, Anna.”
“I know, Jackson, but right now I have pictures to take.”
His head dips to capture my lips in a kiss that lets me know he did miss me, and so much more. The hands at my waist slide lower and Jackson Storme cups my ass in front of everyone. I moan into the kiss as his hands squeeze my backside. There’s even someone whistling in the background as he continues to devour my mouth.
Reluctantly, I step back, breaking the kiss.
“We need to take this slow. We’ll talk first, and then we’ll take it from there.”
He agrees, but brings me back for another kiss. “I love you, Anna.”
My heart melts.
“Say that one more time.”
He grins and winks at me, turns and walks away. Before he’s too far out of hearing distance, he tosses the words back at me over his shoulder.
“Jerk!” I yell, with a big dorky smile on my face.
He doesn’t turn back around, but I know he’s laughing at me by the way his shoulders are shaking when he walks away. There is a Band-Aid holding us together. Nothing has been agreed upon, except for one thing: we’re going to try and work things out. My heart’s still mending from the disasters prior to today, but it’s a different kind of healing. It’s a healthier kind, and as I try to see my way clear of all the bullshit, I allow forgiveness to make its way inside where it belongs. I know there’s bound to be more shit to come out of this. But I have to be strong enough to deal. I turn my attention back to the shower, and start snapping pictures.
Joey’s party is a blast. Jackson and I don’t keep our distance, but we’re not all over each other either. It’s refreshing to say the least. I think it’s because of his little girl Ava. She clings to her father when she isn’t playing with the other kids. I understand that. It’s still new for both of them, and I don’t know how to handle the initial introductions. I leave that for Jackson to decide. I take plenty of pictures, including Vivian and her daughter together as they eat pie. I am doing my best to be the bigger person. Knowing that he didn’t sleep with Talia or Vivian puts several of my worries to rest.
I am standing over by the rest rooms when Talia shores up the nerve to finally come and talk to me. She’d been quiet for most of the party, and I knew that had everything to do with Lola and the twins. They’d made it clear that they were doing all kinds of damage control.
“You enjoying your visit home?” Talia asks sweetly. I know her game. She’s trying to find any chink in the armor I’d erected to deal with today’s festivities.
“Yup.”
“I like it here. But with Jackson moving to Texas, there’s no real reason for us to stay. Joey and Treat can come and visit us anytime. Ava’s going to live with her mom, so I gather we’ll have her on holidays.”
Talia is a piece of work. Even after our public display, she still wants to act as if they’re still a couple. But I let her run her mouth. There is no reason for me to make a scene. Not here. Not at Joey’s party.
“That’s nice, Talia.”
“It is. It’s very nice. That kiss he gave you meant nothing. I’ve already told him once we’re married; there will be no more booty calls.”
On any given day, what Talia had just said to me would have triggered my insecurities. Jackson and I hadn’t made it official. Words were exchanged, and we both agree to take things slow. Work through our issues. I realize as Talia is still going on about how happy her and Jackson are, that it isn’t me that is insecure. It’s her. In the beginning I was, yes. But now, no. And it had nothing to do with Jackson telling me he was in love with me, either. I was miserable while we were apart. But I also found I had the strength to go on. I fully admit and accept my part in the break in our communication. I kept telling myself that even though it was me, it was also him. However, not once did I doubt my inner thoughts. I didn’t put myself down, and I didn’t think that I was the sole problem. It’s not something that is cured overnight, but I was beginning to see what values I needed to put in place in order for my quality of life to get better. If it was going to include Jackson, I had to admit my faults in our issues and accept the facts. I was worth it, not only to another human being, but also to myself.
I was part of the problem, but I was also the solution. Jackson was his own man, just like I was my own woman. Sitting he
re listening to Talia go on and on with her fictitious life is time I don’t have to give her.
“Sorry, Talia, I’ve gotta go.”
I walk away mid-rant. I was so lost in my own thoughts I wasn’t worried about what she had to say. There would come a time when something like this would happen again. It would be another ex, or maybe even Vivian trying to use Ava to her advantage. If it was something I couldn’t handle, then there was no reason for me to try to work it out with Jackson. Because that in itself was going to be a consistent issue. We’d have to deal with Ava and her mother as a couple, and anyone else that felt a need to disband our relationship.
Got your big girl panties on now.
That I did.
I walk to my cousins and ask them if they are ready to leave.
“Girl, we been ready. We’re stopping off at Harry’s. Did your mama tell you?”
Yeah, she did. But I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to go. What I really want to do is talk to Jackson, but I do want to see my uncle. I haven't seen him for a long while. What Jackson and I needed to talk about could wait until later. I wasn’t going anywhere, and neither was he. This was the true test. Could I be secure in our relationship to not incite more drama? It was about trust. I needed to trust Jackson would always do what was right, no matter what. He would need to do the same, and if we ever had concerns regarding the other’s decision, we needed to have a conversation to come up with the best course of action.
“Yeah, let me grab my purse and camera and then we can leave. I’m just going to go and let Jackson know.”
“Alright, girl. Go check in with your man.” India teases. I stick my tongue out at her and make a face.
I find Jackson talking to his daughter and clear my throat. I don’t want to barge in, but I also want to let him know I’m leaving. He turns and smiles at me, grabbing his daughter’s hand and bringing her to stand between us.
“Ava, this is Daddy’s good friend Anna. She’s special to Daddy. Be a good girl and say hello.”
It had only been a few months since I last saw Ava. I’m scared she is going to remember me as the woman who hit her mother. Little kids have solid memories. I bend low at the waist and try to be as non-threatening as I can.
