by Karel Čapek
Busman There, you see; in good old Europe, a loaf of bread now costs two cents; but that bread comes from us, do you see? Two cents a loaf; and the League of Humanity has no idea! Haha, Miss Glory, you do not even know if you are paying too much for a crust. Or too much for society or for anything else. But in five years’ time, dear me, do sit down!
Helena What?
Busman In five years’ time, the price will be a tenth of a cent. We’ll be drowning in wheat and in everything else you can think of.
Alquist Yes, and all the workers in the world will be out of a job.
Domin (standing) Yes, they will be, Alquist. They will be, Miss Glory. But in ten years’ time Rossum’s Universal Robots will be making so much wheat, so much material, so much of everything that nothing will cost anything. Everyone will be able to just take as much as he needs. Nobody will live in poverty. They won’t have jobs, that’s true, but that’s because there won’t be any jobs to do. Everything will be done by living machines. People will do only the things they want to do, they can live their lives just so that they can make themselves perfect.
Helena (standing) Do you think that’s really going to happen?
Domin That’s really going to happen. It couldn’t possibly not happen. There might be some terrible things that happen before that, Miss Glory, that just can’t be avoided, but then man will stop being the servant of other men or the slave of material things. Nobody will have to pay for a loaf of bread with his life and with hatred. You’re not a labourer any more, you don’t have to sit at a typewriter all day, you don’t have to go and dig coal or stand minding somebody else’s machines. You don’t need to lose your soul doing work that you hate.
Alquist Domin, Domin! You’re making all this sound too much like Paradise. Don’t you think there was something good about serving others, something great about humility? Wasn’t there some sort of dignity about working and getting tired after a day’s labour?
Domin Maybe there was. But we can’t always be thinking about the things we lost by changing the world as Adam knew it. Adam had to gain his bread by the sweat of his brow, he had to suffer hunger and thirst, tiredness and humiliation; now is the time when we can go back to the paradise where Adam was fed by the hand of God, when man was free and supreme; man will once more be free of labour and anguish, and his only task will once again be to make himself perfect, to become the lord of creation.
Helena Now you’re confusing me; I’m only a silly girl. But I wish, I really wish I could believe in all that.
Dr. Gall You’re younger than we are, Miss Glory. Just you wait and see.
Hallemeier It’s all quite true. I think Miss Glory might like to have breakfast with us.
Dr. Gall Well of course she can! Domin, make the invitation, on our behalf.
Domin Miss Glory, please do us the honour.
Helena But, how can I, now?
Fabry On behalf of the League of Humanity.
Busman In honour of the League of Humanity
Helena Ah well, in that case....
Fabry That’s good! Miss Glory, please excuse us for five minutes.
Dr. Gall Pardon me...
Busman Dear me, I must send that telegram...
Hallemeier Hell, I nearly forgot...
(All hurry out, except Domin)
Helena Why have they all gone?
Domin To do the cooking.
Helena What cooking.
Domin The breakfast, Miss Glory. The robots do the cooking for us, only, er, as they’ve got no sense of taste it’s not always, er... but Hallemeier is excellent with meat. And Gall does a sort of sauce, and Busman knows how to make omelettes...
Helena This is going to be quite a feast! And what does Mr., er, the builder do?
Domin Alquist? Nothing. He just lays the table and, er, Fabry gets some fruit. It’s only a very modest kitchen, really.
Helena There’s something I wanted to ask you...
Domin I’ve been wanting to ask you something too. (puts his watch on the table) We’ve got five minutes.
Helena What did you want to ask?
Domin No, please, you started to ask first.
Helena Maybe it’s stupid of me, but.... Why do you make female robots when,... when...
Domin... when they don’t have, er, when gender has no meaning for them?
Helena That’s right.
Domin It’s a matter of supply and demand. You see, housemaids, shop staff, typists... people are used to them being female.
Helena And, tell me, towards each other, the male robots and the female robots, are they, er...
Domin Simply indifferent to each other. There’s no sign of any attraction for each other at all.
Helena Oh, that’s horrible!
Domin Why?
Helena It’s just so... so unnatural! You don’t even know whether you’re supposed to loathe them or... or to envy them... or...
Domin... or feel sorry for them?
Helena Most likely, yes! No, stop it! What was it you were going to ask?
Domin I’d like to ask you, Miss Glory, if you would marry me?
Helena What?
Domin Marry me.
Helena No! What are you thinking of?
Domin (looks at watch) There are three minutes left. If you don’t marry me you’ll have to marry one of the other five.
Helena Oh for God’s sake! Why would I marry any of you?
Domin Because they’ll all ask you one after the other.
Helena How would they dare?
Domin Well I’m afraid they all seem to have fallen in love with you.
Helena Well I don’t want them to do that! I’m leaving.
Domin But surely you wouldn’t do that, Helena, you’d make them so sad.
Helena I can’t marry all six of you, can I!
Domin No, but you can marry one. If you won’t have me maybe Fabry would do.
Helena I don’t want to.
Domin Doctor Gall.
Helena No, no, be quiet! I don’t want any of you!
Domin There are two minutes left.
Helena This is awful! Marry one of the robots.
Domin A robot isn’t a woman.
Helena And that’s all you want, is it! I get the impression you’d... you’d marry anyone who turned up here.
Domin Enough have been here already.
Helena Young?
Domin Young.
Helena Why didn’t you marry any of them?
Domin Because I didn’t lose my head over them. Not till today. As soon as you took off your veil.
Helena... I know.
Domin One minute left.
Helena But I don’t want to, for God’s sake!
Domin (putting both hands on her shoulders) One minute left. Either you look me in they eye and say something quite repulsive so that I drop you, or else...
Helena You’re just a ruffian!
Domin That doesn’t matter. A man is supposed to be a bit of a ruffian, that’s part of being a man.
Helena You’re mad!
Domin People are supposed to be a little bit mad, Helena. That’s the best thing about them.
Helena You’re... you’re... Oh God!
Domin There, you see? Are you ready now?
Helena No, no! Please let go of me! You’re crushing me!
Domin Your final word, Helena.
Helena (defending herself) Not for anything in the world... but Harry!
(Knock at the door.
Enter Busman, Dr. Gall and Hallemeier wearing cook’s aprons.
Enter Fabry with flowers and Alquist with serviette under arm)
Domin Everything finished in the kitchen?
Busman (triumphant) Yes.
Domin Here too.
Act One
(Helena’s living room. Stage left, wallpapered door to music room, right, door to bedroom. Centre, window overlooking sea and harbour. Dressing table with sundry items, table, settee and armchair, chest o’drawers, desk wi
th standard lamp, fireplace to the right, also with standard lamp. Whole room, in detail, of modern and purely feminine character)
(enter Domin, Fabry, Hallemeier from left on tiptoe carrying armfuls of plants and flowers)
Fabry Where do you think we should put them?
Hallemeier Ouf! (puts down load and gives blessing in a large cross at the door, stage right) She’s asleep, asleep! She who sleeps knows nothing.
Domin She doesn’t know a thing.
Fabry (puts flowers in vase) Let’s hope, at least, today’s not the day it happens...
Hallemeier (likewise puts flowers in vase) Oh don’t keep on about it, for God’s sake! Look at this, Harry, this cyclamen is beautiful. A new species, my latest one-Cyclamen Helenae.
Domin (looking out of window) No ships, no ships-it’s hopeless, lads, we’ve had it.
Hallemeier Quiet! What if she hears you?
Domin She doesn’t know a thing. (Yawns, as if ill) At least the Ultimus docked on time.
Fabry (leaving the flowers) Do you think it might be today when...?
Domin I don’t know. These flowers are lovely.
Hallemeier (approaching him) This primula is one of my new ones, and this is my new jasmine. In fact I’m right on the threshold of a whole new Garden of Paradise full of new flowers. I’ve found a wonderful new way to accelerate development, and all sorts of new species! Next year I’ll be performing real miracles with flowers!
Domin (turning) Next year?
Fabry Well, let’s see what happens, anyway. Any news from Le Havre?
Domin Quiet!
(Helena’s voice off, right) Nana!
Domin Everybody out! (everyone leaves on tiptoe through the wallpapered door)
(enter Nana through main door, left)
Nana (tidying up) Cor, wha’ a mess! What a bunch of ‘eathens! God forgive me if I don’t...
Helena (back to stage, in doorway) Nana, come and zip me up.
Nana Alrigh’, comin, comin. (zips up Helena’s dress) God almighty, they’re a bunch of animals!
Helena The robots?
Nana Give over, I don’t even wanna say the word.
Helena What’s happened?
Nana They caught another another of them. Started smashing up all the moulds and models he did, grinding ‘is teeth and foamin’ at the mouth-just went crazy. Ugh! Worse than animals, they are.
Helena Which one was it they caught?
Nana That, that... Christ!, it ‘asn’even got a proper Christian name! That one in the library.
Helena Radius?
Nana Yeh, that’s the one. God, they make me sick! Not even a spider I don’t hate as much as I hate them heathens.
Helena Don’t you even feel sorry for them Nana?
Nana Well you hate them, and all. What d’you bring me right out here for anyway? And why can’t any of them even touch you?
Helena I don’t hate them, Nana, not at all, I just feel so sorry for them!
Nana You hate them. Everyone hates them, it isn’t possible not to. Even this dog hates them, won’t take a scrap of meat from them; sticks out his tail, he does, and howls as soon as he gets the smell of them.
Helena A dog doesn’t have reason.
Nana He’s better than what they are, Helena. He knows perfectly well it was God what made him and that he’s better than they are. Even the horse takes fright when he comes across one of those heathens. They don’t have children, but even a dog has children, everyone has children.
Helena Nana, do me up here, please.
Nana Alright. It’s against the will of God, that’s what I say; work of the Devil, itis, making scarecrows like that with machines. It’s blasphemy against the Creator, (raises hands) it’s an offence against the Lord who made us in His own image, Helena. And you’ve dishonoured the image of God, that’s what you’ve done. You’ll suffer a terrible punishment from God for that, you will, just you remember that, a terrible punishment.
Helena What’s that nice smell?
Nana Flowers. The master put them here.
Helena Oh, they’re lovely! Nana, come and look! What day is it today?
Nana I don’t know. Must be the Day of Judgement, I should think.
(knock at door)
Helena Harry?
(enter Domin)
Helena Harry, what day is it today?
Domin Guess!
Helena My name-day? No! My birthday?
Domin Better than that.
Helena I don’t know. Tell me, tell me!
Domin It was ten years ago today that you arrived here.
Helena Ten years, already? On this day?-Nana, please...
Nana Alright, I’m comin! (exit right)
Helena (kisses Domin) And you remembered it!
Domin Actually, I’m ashamed to say, I didn’t remember.
Helena But...
Domin It was them who remembered.
Helena Who?
Domin Busman, Hallemeier, all of them. Reach into my pocket, here, will you?
Helena (puts hand into his pocket) What is it? (takes out case and opens it) Pearls! A whole necklace of them! Harry, is that for me?
Domin That’s from Busman.
Helena But... we can’t accept it, can we?
Domin Course we can. Reach into my other pocket.
Helena Let me see! (takes revolver out of pocket) What’s this?
Domin Oh, sorry. (takes revolver from her and puts it away) That’s not it. Try again.
Helena Oh, Harry-why are you carrying a revolver round with you?
Domin Well, I just am, it got in there somehow
Helena You never used to carry a gun!
Domin No, you’re quite right. Here’s the pocket, look..
Helena (reaching in) A little box! (opens it) Cameos! And they’re... Harry, they’re Greek cameos!
Domin Clearly. At least that’s what Fabry says.
Helena Fabry? It’s Fabry who gave me these?
Domin Course it is. (opens door, left) And look at this, Helena, come over here and have a look!
Helena (at the door) God, that’s so beautiful! (runs on) I’ll go mad with happiness! Is that from you?
Domin (standing at door) No, that’s from Alquist. And this...
Helena From Gall! (appears in the doorway) Oh, Harry, I’m so happy I should be ashamed of myself.
Domin Come here. This is what Hallemeier got you.
Helena These lovely flowers?
Domin This one. It’s a new species, Cyclamen Helenae. He developed it in honour of you. It’s as beautiful as you are.
Helena Harry, why... why did they all...
Domin Because they’re very fond of you. And I got you... er.. I’m afraid my present might be a bit... er... come and look out the window.
Helena Where?
Domin Down in the harbour.
Helena There’s... there’s a new boat down there!
Domin That’s your boat.
Helena Mine? Harry, that’s a gunboat!
Domin A gunboat? What makes you think that? It’s just a bit bigger, that’s all, a good solid boat, see?
Helena Yes, and fitted with cannons!
Domin Well, its got some cannons, course it has... you’ll travel like a queen, Helena.
Helena Why a gunboat? Is there something wrong?
Domin God forbid! Look, try these pearls on! (sits)
Helena Harry, has there been some kind of bad news?
Domin On the contrary-there hasn’t been any post at all for a week.
Helena Not even a fax?
Domin Not even a fax.
Helena And what should we make of that?
Domin Nothing. It means we’re on holiday. A wonderful time. We all just sit in the office, put our feet on the desk and do nothing. No post, no telegrams (stretching himself out) Wonderful!
Helena (sitting beside him) You’re staying with me today, aren’t you. Tell me you are!
Domin Yes, that’s quite certain. Well
, I expect so. We’ll see. (takes her hand) Ten years to the day. Do you remember? Miss Glory, what an honour it is for us that you’ve come.
Helena Oh, Mister Managing Director, I’m so interested in you factory!
Domin I beg your pardon, Miss Glory, you see it is strictly forbidden to... you see making artificial people is a very secret process...
Helena But what if it’s girl who’s asking who’s slightly pretty....
Domin But of course, Miss Glory, we have no secrets from you.
Helena (suddenly serious) Are you sure about that, Harry?
Domin No.
Helena (again in earlier tone) But do be careful, sir; this little girl has frightful intentions
Domin Good heavens, Miss Glory, what could that be? Are you thinking of getting married?
Helena No, no, God forbid! Not in my wildest dreams! I’ve come here with plans to start a revolution among your horrible robots!
Domin (jumping up) A robot revolution?!
Helena (standing) Harry, what’s wrong?
Domin Haha, Miss Glory, you’ll never manage that! A robot revolution! You might more easily start a revolution among the nails and bobbins in the spinning mill than among our robots! (sitting) You were a wonderful girl, you know, Helena, you enchanted all of us.
Helena (sitting beside him) But I felt so daunted by all of you in those days! I felt like a little girl who’d got lost among... among...
Domin Among what, Helena?
Helena Among enormous trees. You were so confident, so powerful! And you know, Harry, even after these ten years I’ve never lost that feeling of... that anxiety or something. And did younever have any doubts? Not even when everything was going wrong?
Domin What was going wrong?
Helena Your plans, Harry. When there was that uprising against the robots by the workers and they started smashing them, and the robots were given weapons to defend themselves and the robots killed so many people. Or when governments started turning robots into soldiers and there was so much war, and all of that. You know.
Domin (stands and walks up and down) We were expecting that to happen, Helena. Don’t you see, that was just a transitional stage before things would be... different.
Helena All the world admired you-(standing) Oh, Harry!
Domin What do you want?
Helena (stops him) Shut down the factory and let’s go away somewhere. All of us!
Domin Now what’s that got to do with it?
