Counting Goodbyes

by Whitney Cannavina

  “What about me?”

  “You are the first guy I’ve ever wanted something more with. I actually think of my future and you being in it. We haven’t known each other long, and only just started dating, yet you make everything better without even trying. It’s scary and exhilarating at the same time.”

  “I know exactly how you feel.”

  By the time an hour flies by, I know I should get home before my dad worries. Austin walks me to my truck, helping me in with ease. My truck isn’t as tall as Austin’s and it’s an older model, but I still have to climb in due to my short stature. I’m just grateful my dad didn’t spend a fortune on a new vehicle for me. An older model truck is perfect.

  “Thanks for the lift.” I laugh at my own joke.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow, beautiful.” Austin leans in and kisses me lightly on the mouth before closing my door tightly and hopping into his truck parked behind me. As we both head in separate directions to our homes, I wonder idly if this fairytale will end in tragedy or if I’ll be like Cinderella and we’ll live happily ever after.

  ****

  As the week progresses, Austin and I grow closer and learn even more about each other. I learned that Austin’s favorite color is green, he loves chocolate cake and hates cream cheese. He loves football, baseball, and hockey but hates to watch basketball. He loves country music, though he listens to a mix of genres but will trade it out with blues when he is getting in the zone before every game and during his work outs, which I find weird because usually you’d want to listen to an upbeat kick butt song to pump you up.

  It’s definitely been a great week for us and I can’t wait for our date Saturday. But since it’s Friday night and the game is homecoming, I requested the night off, so I can watch my boyfriend play. Normally I wouldn’t care if I missed the game, but now that I am dating the star quarterback, it wouldn’t be right if I missed it. My boss had no problem with me taking the night off and told me to have fun.

  Putting on my favorite pair of skinny jeans with jeweled back pockets, my knee high black buckled boots that you would see a biker chick wear pulled over my jeans, a midnight blue long sleeved shirt that fits tightly to my body, and my black leather jacket to keep me warm, I take a look in the mirror and feel satisfied with my look. Now that the nights are cool, I need a jacket to keep me warm.

  “You look nice, dear.” Sarah remarks. My stepmom has helped me purchase many of the items in my closet and drawers including the boots and jacket I have on now.

  “Are you sure I look ok? It’s not too much?” My nerves get the better of me. Normally I wouldn’t worry so much about what I wear to a game or in general, liking to dress simple yet cute, but I am trying to look good in the hopes that Austin will appreciate it.

  “You look beautiful. Be careful tonight, and make sure you’re home in time for curfew.” Sarah reminds me but so far, I haven’t been late, and I don’t plan to change that now just because I have a boyfriend. But I think Sarah worries I’ll forget.

  “I won’t. Thanks Sarah.” I pull her into a hug, catching her off guard before stepping back with a smile on my face. Sarah has been great to me and I haven’t said thank you enough. I’ve heard horror stories of step-moms hating their stepchildren and I feel as if Sarah loves me like her own, for which I am grateful.

  “Oh. You’re welcome honey.” Sarah says in surprise. Hearing the horn of Bobby’s car alerts, me that my ride is here. I would have taken my truck but after the game, I’ll hitch a ride with Austin to the bonfire for the weekly celebration party after the football game. No matter if the team wins or loses, a party is inevitable either to celebrate or try to forget the loss. Either way, the atmosphere is always relaxed and friendly with kids just trying to let loose for the night.

  “You ready to attend your first football game as the star of the team’s girlfriend?” Bobby inquires just as I slide into the passenger seat.

  “I’m nervous.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I am the star quarterback’s girlfriend. What if I mess up and totally embarrass him?”

  “How in the world would you do that? Girl, you think too much.”

  “I don’t know. I just want to make him proud.”

  “Makayla, I have no doubt you’ll make him proud. He already is proud of you.” Bobby turns the music up to some pop song about wanting to be her too. By the time we make it to the parking lot, my nerves have gone away, and I start to feel excited to watch my boyfriend kick some butt tonight. Showing my school ID at the gate, we make our way to the front of the bleachers and watch the cheerleaders perform as the seats begin to fill.

  The announcers begin their little spiel about who we are playing, our standings, the opposing teams standings, key players, yada, yada, yada. It’s all gibberish to me. Then he announces our team as they run onto the field and through the paper with our school’s name on it eliciting shouts of excitement and whistles for our boys of fall. The atmosphere is alive with exhilaration for our homecoming game. Everyone in the stands rise to their feet, put their right hand over their hearts, and listen to the national anthem being sung by a little girl before cheers erupt at the end. Just before I sit down, a player wearing their helmet runs toward the stands; toward me before pulling the helmet off revealing the gorgeous smile of my boyfriend, Austin.

  “Hey beautiful. I need a good luck kiss.” Jumping through the bars in front of the bleachers, Austin strides close and plants a firm, delicious kiss on my mouth before ending it with a final peck. “I’ll see you after the game.” Winking at me, Austin hops down and runs back out onto the field, as I stand there stunned into silence sporting a lazy grin while cheers erupt around me.

  “That was hot.” Bobby quips.

  “Ok, Paris Hilton.” I joke back even though I agree.

  I take my seat next to Bobby and watch as the teams go back and forth tackling each other for the ball in the hopes of making a touchdown and winning the game. The cheerleaders continue to amp up the crowd even more during every play with ‘go team’ type of cheers. Occasionally, I catch Evangeline’s eye as she glares menacingly at me. I know she hates that I’m now Austin’s girlfriend, but I could care less. She had her chance and he chose me. Even though she’s crazy and they obviously have a past, I feel confident in our relationship to know that Evangeline is just that; Austin’s past.

  The game ends with a score of twenty-three to seven with our team as the victor. The crowds quickly disperse with students rushing out to go the bonfire party and parents heading home to relax or go to bed. Bobby and I head out to her car and wait for Beau and Austin to exit the locker rooms.

  “Did you see Evangeline? She couldn’t stop glaring at you.” Even though I noticed Evangeline’s glares, I had assumed Bobby hadn’t.

  “Yea. I’m just going to ignore them. Unless she says or tries something, I don’t want to poke the bear, so to speak.”

  “Just be careful with her. She thinks her, and Austin belong together, and I have a feeling she will do anything to break you two apart.”

  “I figured that. I guess we will just have to wait and see what she does before we react.” Bobby nods in agreement.

  “There’s Beau.”

  “Hey you guys. Austin and I will meet you at the bonfire. Coach has a long speech so he’s giving us a five-minute break to let our families know we will be late for celebrations. So, family, I’ll be late for our celebration.”

  “Ok. Tell Austin we will see him there.” Beau leans in and kisses Bobby’s cheek before a look of disbelief crosses her face.

  “What the…” Before Bobby could finish her sentence, Beau kisses my cheek quickly before running back to the locker room while Bobby and I stand there in stunned silence.

  “Um, is there something I should know, Bobby?” We both look to each other before we bend over in a fit off giggles.

  “No. I mean, not really. Beau and I have been talking a lot lately and he flirts aimlessly as usual. He’s said I was prett
y a few times. But nothing more.”

  “I think Beau likes you.”

  “Really?” The giddy surprise in Bobby’s voice gives away her true feelings. She likes the thought of Beau being into her.

  “Yeah, really. I think maybe you should make a move on him tonight. If you like him of course?” Raising an eyebrow in question, I wait to see if she confirms what I believe.

  “I…I guess I could make a move.” Hesitancy tinges her words.

  “So, you do like Beau.”

  “Shh. Not so loud.”

  “I knew it.” Gloating, Bobby and I hop into her car. She starts the engine, puts it into gear, and heads out to the bonfire staying quiet for the first five minutes before finally adding her two cents.

  “Ok. Fine. I like Beau. But I wasn’t even sure if he liked me. He’s always so flirty and so hard to read.”

  “I think Beau likes you. Why would he have kissed your cheek?”

  “He kissed yours too.”

  “Yeah, but I think he did that because he got embarrassed after kissing your cheek and you didn’t swoon.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Make a small move, if he reciprocates, go from there. If he doesn’t, no harm no foul.”

  “Ok. I guess I could try that.”

  As Bobby makes the turn down the long dirt road to the empty field where a fire has already been lit and other student’s mill around, I start to feel anxious. Last week I was single when I arrived, this week I am the star quarterback’s girlfriend. I know it may not seem like a big deal to anyone else, but to me it’s a huge deal. I’ll be expected to mingle with his friends and teammates. On any other night I’m fine with this since my new found look on life, but tonight I want to make the impression that I’m good for Austin.

  I’ve come to rely on him so much in this last week and in some ways that scares me and in others it just feels right. But right now, I need him to reassure me that everything is going to be fine and that his friends will love me as his girlfriend. He needs to hurry up and get here.

  Bobby and I head to the bonfire and make our rounds saying hi to our friends and to others whom we only usually talk to at the bonfire. We grab our drinks, water for me, beer for her and head back to our lunch group and chat about the game. I still don’t know much about football but I’m learning that goals are referred to as touchdowns, and a sack is when the quarterback gets taken down, among a few other terms for the game. I don’t realize how much time has gone by until a set of strong arms wrap around my waist and a pair of warm lips kiss the side of my neck.

  “I’m sorry, sir. But I have a boyfriend who will be here any minute and I would hate to see what he’d do to you if he caught you with your arms around me.” I joke as I turn in Austin’s arms to face him.

  “Oh really?”

  “Yes, really.”

  “Hmm.” Austin’s lips find mine, slipping a tongue between my lips, ending any further retorts from me. We continue to kiss slow and steady until a loud clearing of the throat interrupts.

  “Are you two going to make out all night or will you actually mingle with your friends?” One of Austin’s teammates jests. We pull apart with a quiet chuckle.

  “Alright, alright. Let’s mingle.” Austin slips my hand in his and we begin to make the rounds through the groups saying our hellos, giving high fives, and making small talk. By the time we make it back to where Bobby and Beau are sitting in front of the bonfire chatting close, we decide to spend this time with just us.

  Taking a seat in the grass, Austin leans against a tree stump while I take my seat between his legs, leaning back just as Austin wraps his arms around my chest keeping me safe and warm. We stay like this for the rest of the night just watching the flames flicker off the logs in the bonfire and listen to the sounds of quiet chatter of students that mill around the field. Everyone’s smiles match with enjoyment over tonight’s win against a tough opponent. With tonight’s game being on the home field and the homecoming dance happening tomorrow night, everyone’s excitement is on full blast, but the atmosphere is still relaxed.

  “The win tonight felt good but having you here in my arms feels even better.” Whispering in my ear for only me to hear, the shiver that runs through me at Austin’s words can’t be helped. I love hearing Austin’s husky voice telling me how happy he is that I am here with him. As much of a star as he is to everyone else, to me he’s the sweetest man who is quickly stealing my heart with his declarations and kind gestures.

  “I love being here in your arms.” Tilting my head back, I lay a kiss to his jaw before snuggling even closer and wishing this night could last forever. Too soon, Austin helps me up, then drives me home just in time for curfew. Giving me a light kiss on the lips that is parent approved, I watch him through the porch window as he pulls away.

  “You guys have fun tonight?” Startling me, I whirl around to see my dad standing in the doorway of the kitchen with a mug of something hot. The steam is still rising from the contents of the mug and I wonder if he waited up for me or if he just couldn’t sleep.

  “You scared me.” Following my dad into the kitchen, we each take a seat at the table where another mug is placed in front of me with hot cocoa steaming inside.

  “Sorry. I just wanted to make sure you were ok. Now that you have a boyfriend, I worry. I don’t want anything happening to you and I needed to make sure that you don’t shirk on your responsibilities just because of a boy.”

  “Do you not trust me?” The irritation is evident in my tone, but I can’t help it. I’ve done everything my dad asked and yet here he is, checking up on me.

  “I trust you. I just worry. I don’t want to hold you back from living life and having fun being a teenager. This isn’t about me not trusting you. This is just reminding you.”

  “Well there is no need for that. I know perfectly well what the rules are. I promised to obey them, and I have.” I scoff.

  “Kayla, this is new to me. I don’t know how to raise a teenager. I’m just doing the best I can.” Instantly feeling bad for my attitude, I know this can’t be easy for my dad either. Having me thrust into his life like I was and having to accommodate me, his daughter whom he’d never met before, couldn’t have been easy.

  “I’m sorry. It’s just that I feel like you are waiting for me to screw up or something.” Bowing my head, I pull the mug close and stare into the dark brown color of its contents.

  “I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. This is a learning experience for me too. Having boys was easy because I don’t have to break a boy’s neck for taking advantage of them. Having a teenage daughter, I have to worry about whom to kill and where to bury the bodies.” Chuckling, I peer at my dad as he stares into his cup with a smile on his face, which contradicts the worry lines around his eyes.

  “There’s no need to go on a murdering spree.” Dad snorts. “I promise to be careful and always abide by your rules.” He nods his head before bringing the cup to his lips and taking a sip as I do the same. We stay like this, in companionable silence just drinking our hot chocolate and enjoying the sound of crickets chirping right outside the window. It’s not often dad and I get to sit like this with just us two and it feels nice.

  In some ways I wish my mom had never ran away while she was pregnant with me. What would life have been like if she hadn’t left? Would she and my dad still be together? Would they have separated like many other kid’s parents have these days where I’d have to pack a bag every other weekend to visit my other parent? I wonder if my dad and I would have been close. Would my mom and I have been as close as we were if she stayed?

  I love my mom more than anyone and I miss her more than anything. I wish she were here to answer some of my questions. Maybe even answer some of my dad’s questions. Just thinking about it all has my heart breaking a little so before I fall apart, I finish the last of my drink, kiss my dad on the top of his head saying goodnight, and tuck myself in. It takes me a while to finally fall asleep because I can’t
stop imagining all the what-ifs, but when I finally do, I dream about the future and what it holds.

  Chapter 17

  When you meet your person,

  trust me, you will know.

  So please my dear,

  Do not settle for less.

  -ohnatalierose-

  “What are you wearing on your date? What about your dress for the dance?” Bobby plops down on my bed with an eager stare after rapidly asking her questions.

  “I don’t know about a dress for the dance. I didn’t buy one yet.”

  “But he will be here in an hour?” Bobby cries.

  “I know when he’ll be here. But I have been working almost every day after school except for Monday and Friday. I just haven’t had time to go shopping.” Am I freaking out about my predicament? You bet. But at this point I have no other options because I can’t go and buy a dress in an hour with as far as I have to drive and the time it will take to pick one and then arriving here in time to get ready for my date before the dance. Instead I am just going to grab my summer dress and hope he doesn’t notice it’s nothing fancy. Who am I kidding? Of course, he’ll notice. It’s a dang summer dress!

  “I’m just going to tell him I’m sick. I can’t go. He’ll believe it right?”

  “Oh no you don’t. There is no way you are getting out of this date.” Bobby rummages through my limited amount of dresses hanging in my closet looking for something that could work, but they are all out dated and simple dresses that don’t scream fancy, more like, ‘I had nothing to wear so I threw this thing on’.

  “Makayla?” There is a light knock followed by my step-mom poking her head in with a sparkle in her eye as if she knows something I don’t.