by JJ Ellis
“Yep. That’s the one.”
“But why?”
Johnny stopped in front of the Harper’s plots and shined the flashlight on Riley. “Because the day Ben Harper killed himself is the day he saved my life.”
Riley stood quiet and stunned as his uncle knelt in front of the grave he’d sought out. From what he’d heard, they had been bitter enemies and his dad and uncle may even have had something to do with Ben Harper’s mindset on the day he took his own life.
“Hey, Harper. I bet you never thought you’d see me again. Hell, I’m not even sure where to start.” He stayed quiet as his heart raced. “I guess I should say that I’m sorry for what we did to your boyfriend. Beating him up for being gay was part of how we worked back then. It wasn’t right but it’s how things were.
“When you called me, and yes, I was pretty sure it was you, and outed JC I thought maybe I could give you a pass, that maybe you’d changed your mind about being gay. But when we were with JC that night on that deserted street and my brother Terry was holding him while I pummeled him, he screamed your name. I could tell how much you meant to him and I suddenly hated you. I wanted blood. Harper, I wanted you dead.”
Johnny found himself crying with the memories he’d forced to the forefront. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt so much rage but I couldn’t take it out on JC. We headed for where he’d said you were. I actually prayed to God that you were there so I could kill you myself. You see, you were supposed to be one of us but you’d never conformed. And to top it off, you were one of them. You were a ‘no good queer’.”
Repositioning himself, he wiped the tears from his eyes. “I’ll never forget that morning. Me, Terry, and three of our friends, angry as hell, traipsing through the woods from where we had parked to your family’s cabin. We had a plan to make you and all Harpers pay for not conforming to the rancher mentality, our community of power. We all found hiding places in the trees facing your cabin to stake things out. We saw you sitting there on the porch with your shotgun. I kept waiting for you to get up and head into the woods but you just sat there with a serene look on your face.”
He jumped when Riley sat next to him and rested his hand on his shoulder. “I saw you put the gun into your mouth. I tried to scream at you but my voice froze in terror. I tried to run out of the woods but I slid further down the hill I was on. And then in a split second, as I came to the top again, I heard the shot and I saw the explosion. There was so much blood and...God, it was the most awful thing I’d ever seen,” Johnny cried while Riley looked on in horror.
“What did you do?”
“We ran like cowards. I’d gone there to kill someone and couldn’t take the sight of him dead. We went back to Harper’s Rock and never spoke of it again.”
Riley was once again stunned into silence and his uncle turned back to the grave. “I feel so guilty still, Harper. I’ve made amends with JC. He’s a good father to your sons. But I wanted to make amends with you too. In some way, I feel responsible for your death. I know you felt guilt over outing JC and causing him to be attacked. And I am so sorry that I had any part in that. If I could go back...” With a deep breath to keep more tears at bay, he continued. “I also feel guilty because if you hadn’t killed yourself, I would probably be dead or in prison. At first the scene I witnessed was hard to come to terms with but in the end, I chose life because of you. Thank you, Ben.”
Johnny sat quiet for a moment then stood and brushed the dust off his pants. Riley followed. “Harper, you’ve left a strong legacy in Harper’s Rock. So many people can benefit from it. And I’m hoping it can help my...my nephew here to deal with his pain and guilt. In that case, I’ll thank you again.”
Johnny turned to Riley. “You ready to go?”
“I...can I stop by Sammi’s grave for a minute?”
“Sure. I’ll wait for you in the truck.”
“No...I mean, could you stay with me?”
“Of course, I can.” The two men walked down the hill toward the new grave. “Her headstone came in.”
“It fits her,” Riley said with a smile. He sat on the ground and reached out to trace her name. “Hey, Samantha. I miss you so much. And I’m so sorry I dated Aidan while I was with you. I know it was wrong but you had cancer and I thought if I broke up with you...”
He could no longer speak through his tears.
Riley wasn’t sure when his uncle had sat down with him but he welcomed the comforting arm that suddenly wrapped around him. His tears soon slowed. “I know I have no excuse, but I truly am sorry. You will always be my best friend and my first love. And now...I want to live a good life but I find myself pulled into my father’s trap. I guess I always counted on you to keep me free of it.”
“And now, Riley, it’s got to be up to you. Samantha will always be in your heart but you have to use the love and strength she sends you to build yourself up and have the confidence to spring from the trap unharmed.”
“I don’t know if I can do it alone, though,” he cried.
“You don’t have to do it on your own. Your friends and family are here to help you. You just have to find the confidence to go through with it.”
Riley laughed bitterly. “What family and friends?”
“I’m here,” Johnny said softly. “Adella is very forgiving and what about this Aidan?”
Riley’s tears started up again. “You do realize that Aidan is my boyfriend and that I’m bisexual, right?”
“I don’t care, Ri. Twenty years ago, is a different story, but now... I’ve changed.”
“Because of Ben Harper?”
“Yes. His death showed me the way and I found the power within myself when I and Addie’s mom moved to Denver to live with your great aunt Meredith. She was my biggest support”
Riley stood and looked down at Samantha’s grave. “I love you, Sammi.”
As the pair walked back to the truck, Riley thought of one more thing he needed to know. “Do you think they heard us, Uncle Johnny?”
They were forced to stop and stand their ground as a strong gust of October wind pressed against them. As quickly as it began, it stopped and they were wrapped in a brief warm current.
“Yes, son. I’m pretty sure they did.”
10
PEACE – TEMPORARY OR PERMANENT?
THE MONTH OF NOVEMBER brought a sense of peace to Riley. He had apologized to Adella and Ben who were starting to become people he could count on instead of his enemies. During his week-long suspension from school, he was able to do a lot of thinking and repair a lot of broken ties.
Aidan was actually the first in the relationship to apologize and they both agreed that they had made mistakes and should try again. They also agreed that Riley would work on telling his dad the truth.
By December first, Riley decided he needed to tell his dad about Aidan and start proceedings to allow him to live with Johnny until he turned eighteen in June. But first, he had to talk to his uncle.
“Hey, Addie, where’s your dad?” he asked walking into the kitchen from the garage.
“In the living room.”
“Thanks, cuz.” He smiled slyly. “Have fun on your ‘study date’.”
“Brat,” she chuckled as she left through the back door.
“Uncle Johnny,” he called pushing through the swinging doors between rooms. “Can I talk to you about something important?”
“Sure,” he answered. “If you don’t mind doing it in the garage. You can help me find the Christmas decorations.”
The pair walked out to the garage together to find the door partially opened. “Damn thing must be sticking again,” Johnny murmured. “Let’s find the decorations then I’ll fix it.”
As they worked, going through boxes and setting stuff aside to take in, Riley talked. “Would, uh...would it be okay if I...uh, if I asked the courts to live here until I turn eighteen? I can’t go back to my dad.”
Johnny stopped digging and looked at Riley. “Is that what you really want?”
“Yes. Uh, if it’s okay. I don’t want to pressure you.”
Johnny smiled. “No pressure kiddo. If that’s what you want, we’ll make it happen. Addie and I would love to have you here.”
Riley plopped down on a nearby toolbox his legs fairly giving out on him. “Oh, thank God! Dad just keeps getting worse and he started to get physical.”
“The black eye you had this summer?”
“Yeah, and some bruising on my arms.”
“God, I should have known it wasn’t just you and your buddies horsing around. I should have intervened earlier. I would have if I’d known for sure. He could have picked on me instead.”
“You didn’t know. There’s not much you could do.”
“Yeah,” Johnny mumbled setting another box aside.
“Can I ask you another favor?” Riley inquired.
“Of course, what’s up?”
“Could you take me to see him. I...I want him to hear it from me. And I’m going to tell him about being bisexual and that I have a boyfriend.”
“I can do that. Whenever you want.”
“Thank you, so much!”
“Okay, I think we got it all. Stay here for a sec and I’ll run in to grab the lubricant for the slider. You can help hold the ladder.”
“It’s on the counter by the back door,” Riley called. “I fixed the screen back there yesterday.” As Johnny stepped inside, Riley’s back was to the garage door while he looked at the tools and treasures his uncle kept there.
“So, you’re betraying your own father?” came a snarl from behind them.
Riley whipped around to be face to face with his father. “Dad...what are you doing here?”
“I was released early for good behavior. And I came straight here to get my son back from my traitor brother.”
“It smells like you stopped at the bar first.”
Terry pulled his son close by the lapels. “Don’t you ever talk to me like that you little queer. Yeah, I heard that my only son likes getting dicks shoved in his ass.”
“Let go of me!” Riley growled, prying his dad’s hands from his collar.
“Go get your shit so we can go home. I’m going to teach you what happens to queers.”
“Stop calling me that. And I’m not going anywhere with you.”
“I said go get your stuff, faggot!”
The first blow landed on Riley’s jaw, knocking him to his knees. He got back up and grabbed his dad by his shirt, pushing him hard up against the wall. “Don’t ever touch me again.”
“You’re my son!” Terry snarled. “And it’s my job to teach you a lesson. When I’m done with you you’ll wish you’d never seen a dick before.”
Riley saw white powder residue seconds before he flew backward, landing with a big thud on the concrete floor. All he remembered after that was pain caused by a series of kicks and punches to what seemed like every part of his body. And then he heard his uncle and the pain stopped. When he opened his eyes, Johnny was holding on tight to a flailing Terry.
“Calm down, brother,” Johnny yelled. “Now.”
Riley managed to get to his knees and look up at his father. “I swear to God if you ever touch me again, I’ll kill you.”
As his world blurred, he collapsed to the ground. His next memory was waking up in a sterile white room surrounded by beeping machines. “Uncle Johnny?”
“I’m here, Ri. You’re going to be okay.”
“Where am I?” he managed to get out in a hoarse whisper.
Johnny held out a cup of water with a bendy straw in it. “Take a sip. You’re in the hospital. At Harper’s Rock Memorial.”
The water he drank tasted better than anything else he’d ever had. He was so parched. “Where is my dad?”
“When you passed out I tossed him aside and he took off. The police are looking for him.”
Tears streaked down Riley’s face. “I’m really done with him. I don’t want him in my life.”
“I know, Ri. We’re going to do everything we can to help you. There’s an official police report now which should make things easier. I want you to leave it all to me.”
Riley wiped his tears and nodded to his uncle. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Now just rest and get better. Would you like some pain meds?”
“Yes, sir. Please.”
The next time Riley woke, someone was holding his hand and he could hear two familiar voices. “Aidan?”
“Yeah, man. I’m here.”
“I’ll leave you two alone to talk,” Johnny said patting his nephew’s arm before he left the room.
“So, I see you met my uncle.”
“Yeah. He’s really nice. I like him.”
“Good because he’s going to be my guardian now.”
“I know, he told me. It’s such a relief.”
Riley squeezed Aidan’s hand and finally opened his eyes. “Did he tell you why my dad did this?”
“Yes. I’m so sorry. I knew he’d probably smack you around but I never once thought he’d do this much damage. I shouldn’t have pushed you so much to tell him.” His voice shook as he tried to hold back tears.
“It’s not your fault,” Riley assured him. “The decision was mine alone. I kind of figured that if I went to the jail and told him I didn’t want him in my life and that I was bi, he would have an easier time accepting everything. I didn’t plan on him getting out early.
“He’s one messed up fucker.”
Riley nodded in agreement. “I know. I told him if he ever touches me again, I’ll kill him.”
Aidan’s head shot up and he stared into his boyfriend’s eyes. “Please don’t say that. It scares me.”
“Why?” Riley whispered.
“Because I know you have enough anger in you to be capable of it.”
“I still don’t get it!” Riley exclaimed. “It’s not like I’m a serial killer.”
“No, but lately you’ve proven you have violent tendencies. I don’t want to lose you because you can’t control your temper.”
“I said I was sorry for hitting you. I wasn’t in a good place.”
Aidan brought Riley’s hand to his cheek. “I provoked you so I take part of the blame, but I remember just six months ago it would have taken a lot more than that. You’re just so angry lately.”
“I’m sorry. I guess I don’t have an excuse but things will get better now. My uncle loves me and will take care of me.”
The boys sat silent for a while holding hands. Riley was pretty sure they were both having the same thoughts. How were they going to make things work when their personalities were so different and their plans for the future might not include the same things. At this point, Riley wanted to stick close to home for a couple of years and Aidan wanted to head south to the University of Wyoming. The plus side was, the physical relationship was amazing.
“Hey,” Riley murmured sleepily. “Could you hand me that remote. I’m tired of lying flat.”
“Hey, Ri. Can I come in?” He yanked his hand out of Aidan’s at the sound of his cousin’s voice. “Uh, yeah. Come in.”
Aidan grabbed his hand and held it tight. “You don’t have to hide anymore.”
Riley smiled. “Adella, this is my boyfriend, Aidan. A, this is my cousin Adella.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” she said shyly. “I’ve heard absolutely nothing about you but I look forward to getting to know you.”
“Same here.”
“So, how are you feeling?” Adella asked.
“Sore as hell but not as bad as I thought I would. I’m ready to get out of here.”
“Daddy says it will be a couple of days. They want to keep you for observation.”
“Great,” he grumbled. “Have they found Terry yet?”
“No,” Adella answered. “Not yet. But the police will be coming to take your statement soon.”
“Okay,” Riley said falling silent.
“ARE YOU READY TO BLOW this popsicle stand?”
Ben Croft asked as he ducked into Riley’s hospital room.
“I was ready two days ago,” Riley answered with a smile. “Where’s your other half?”
“She has a doctor’s appointment downstairs. She’ll be here soon.”
“I know I haven’t acted like it recently, but I used to be pretty protective of Addie.”
“She told me.”
“So, do you love her?”
Ben couldn’t help but laugh. “I take it you feel protective again?”
“Yeah, I do. She’s absolutely amazing.”
Ben had to agree. “She is. I think I fell in love with her the first time I saw her. There was just something about her.”
“Be good to her, please.”
“You don’t have to worry about that. I love your cousin.”
“Autism and all?”
Ben chuckled. “Yeah, man. Sometimes those aspects of her are what I cherish the most.”
Johnny walked in so Riley didn’t say anything else. “Hello, Benjamin. Are you joining us for dinner tonight?”
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world, sir. Addie and I will meet you at the diner after her appointment. Speaking of which, I should get back down there.”
After Ben left, Johnny sat down to wait for the nurse to bring the discharge papers. “You and your cousin’s boyfriend seem to be getting along better.”
“Yeah. He’s actually a great guy. All of my reasons for hating him were my dad’s.”
“The rancher’s curse,” Johnny murmured.
“What’s that?” Riley had a feeling but wasn’t completely sure.
“You’ve heard the men in this family say, ‘we’ve ranched this land for over a hundred years, they owe us something’?”
“Yeah, of course. I’ve heard my dad say it, Uncle Joseph and Grandfather, too.”
“That’s because it’s been passed down from generation to generation. Ranchers made this town what it is today and by God, you’d better thank us for it and worship the ground we walk on.”
“I think it’s time we stop living like that,” Riley said. “We’re automatically pegged as bullys even if we don’t want to be.”
