by Helen Brooks
Joseph was at the house when they arrived late that night and the sight of his face, strained and white, reached through Katie's grief and made her want to take that much younger Reef into her arms and soothe his distress like a mother with an unhappy child.
'What happened?' It was clear that Carlton had no such feeling as he put their suitcases down in the hall and spoke directly to his brother who had just wheeled his chair from the sitting-room. 'And I want it all, mind, straight down the line.'
'I didn't expect you to come back.' Joseph glanced from one to the other, his eyes red-rimmed and exhausted. 'Carl-ton, this is all my fault; you can't say anything to me I haven't already said to myself,' he groaned desperately.
'I wouldn't bank on it,' Carlton said grimly, but his face had softened somewhat at the younger man's obvious desolation. 'I thought you were going to go for it at long last— forget all these damn stupid ideas about being half a man and unable to give her children and so on? You know she's loved you since the moment she put a foot in the house, dammit. What more of a guarantee could you want for a marriage? You've held her at arm's length, made her as miserable as hell ever since I can remember and still she hasn't looked at another man. If that isn't love I don't know what is.'
'I know, I know.' Joe raked his hair desperately, his eyes bleak.
Katie stared at their faces in stupefaction. Maisie and Joe? Maisie and Joel They had loved each other for years but Joe had refused to admit it to her, she thought helplessly as all the little incidents from the past slotted neatly into place. It was clear that Carlton thought they would be the ideal match and all his gentle concern for Maisie, his encouragement to the painfully shy beauty and, she saw now, fatherly affection had been to compensate for Joe's discouragement and rejection. What a mess. She gazed at the two men flatly. What a terrible, hopeless mess.
'Don't say 'I know',' Carlton bit out angrily. 'We had this conversation a couple of days before the wedding and you assured me that once you and Maisie were here alone you would set things straight with her and put both of you out of your misery. Hell, I hinted as much to her at the reception just before we left, when she looked so damn miserable. Don't you realise what that day must have been like for her, feeling the way she does about you?'
'I told her we needed a year apart,' Joe admitted bleakly, his broad shoulders pathetically slumped. 'I was going to propose to her, Carlton. I even organised a meal with wine, roses, the lot, but then I looked at her across the table and she was so damn beautiful. I couldn't face tying her to a cripple for the rest of her life.'
'So in effect you sent her away?' Carlton asked caustically.
'She asked me why the year apart and I told her she ought to meet someone else,' Joe said flatly. 'Someone who could love her like a real man.'
Carlton ground out an oath as he shook his head in disbelief. 'Dammit, man, you can love her like a real man,' he said more softly now. 'The accident only interfered with your procreative ability; everything else down there is in prime working order.'
They seemed to have completely forgotten about Katie, for which she was supremely thankful as the more intimate aspects were discussed.
'You can adopt, can't you? Private adoption, anything. We aren't exactly short of a penny or two in case it's slipped your mind, Joe. Maisie has faced and accepted that she won't have children of her own, you know that. All she wants is you.'
'What am I going to do?' Joseph stared up at his brother helplessly, 'The last twenty-four hours have made me realise I can't live without her, Carlton. What the hell am I going to do?'
'Pray that I find her,' Carlton said grimly. 'Did she take all her things?'
'Everything personal.' Joseph's voice broke and Carlton bent to hug him swiftly, his own face working for a second before he stood up, his eyes thoughtful.
'There's one place she might be—that friend of hers from the children's home that she's kept in touch with through the years,' he said quickly. 'Have you spoken to her?'
'I tried her number,' Joseph said bleakly. 'She said she hadn't seen her.'
'She's a friend, Joe; she would,' Carlton answered drily. 'I'll go round there myself. If she isn't there it'll be down to private detectives—the police won't want to know—but we'll find her, however long it takes.' He patted his brother's shoulder. 'And when we do just keep your mouth shut and take her in your arms, boy, OK? She had one hell of a life in that children's home from when she was a baby; the only thing she wants from you is love.'
His compassion, his understanding rent Katie's heart into ribbons as she stood in the shadows to one side of the hall, watching them. And he had loved her. The only trouble was that she had the sick feeling that the past tense was right. Had.
She sat and listened to Joseph talk through the next few hours in between making them endless cups of coffee and forcing him to eat some sandwiches she prepared. She didn't mention the situation between Carlton and herself; it wouldn't have done any good, and the younger man looked on the verge of collapse as it was.
Dawn was just breaking and Joseph had fallen into a light doze by her side when she heard Carlton's car pull up outside. She rose quickly, careful not to brush against the wheelchair and wake him, and walked out into the hall just as Carlton opened the front door and stood aside to let Maisie walk in.
The lovely brunette looked shattered, drained, and without even thinking about it Katie walked across and hugged her tight, and after a moment of startled surprise Maisie hugged her back. 'He's in there,' Katie said quietly as she gestured towards the sitting-room. 'He's been asleep for a few minutes.'
'I won't wake him.' Maisie looked at her with eyes that were swollen with crying. 'I'll just stretch out on the sofa in there and then I can be around when he wakes up.' She smiled at them both before walking into the room and shutting the door softly after her.
'You found her, then,' Katie said nervously even as she thought what an inane remade it was.
'Yes.' He stood looking at her through shuttered eyes and Katie thought he had never looked more attractive, or more unapproachable. 'She was with her friend. It took me a while to persuade the girl to let me in, but once she realised I wasn't going to go she obliged. She's not too thrilled with the Reef name; I can't blame her.' He shook his head slowly. 'But she is a good friend to Maisie and good friends don't happen too often in a lifetime.'
'No…' She felt glued to the spot and then forced herself to speak quickly before she lost her nerve. 'Carlton, about us—'
'Leave it, Katie.' The armour was back in place instantly. 'I'm damn tired and I don't want any post-mortems right at this moment I'll move into one of the other bedrooms and I suggest you get a few hours' sleep yourself; you look done in.'
'But I don't want you to move into one of the other bedrooms,' she said rapidly. 'I—'
'I don't care what you want, Katie,' he said flatly, his eyes cold and remote. 'Later on we can discuss how best to handle this—whether you want a divorce straight away or a separation for a time to give your father time to reconcile himself to the situation—but right now I'm going to bed—alone. OK?'
'A divorce?' Somehow, in spite of all that had happened, she hadn't been expecting this and his words hit her like a physical blow. She put a hand to her mouth in protest.
'Don't worry, the financial side will remain as I promised,' he said coldly, misunderstanding her gasp of shock and white face. 'Whatever else I am I don't welsh on a deal. All your father's debts will be cleared and I'll continue to support his business with a nice healthy bank balance to keep him thinking he's winning. Your settlement we can discuss separately, but you won't have to work again or do anything else you don't want to for the rest of your life.'
'I don't want a divorce,' she said numbly.
'A separation, then.' He was already turning and walking up the stairs as he spoke. 'You can play this exactly how you want to. You kept your end of the bargain after all— you married me and fulfilled all your marital duties.' His voice w
as derisive and tight but even through the cynicism her new awareness of him heard the agonised pain he was trying to hide.
'You won't listen to me, then?' she asked quietly, moving to stand at the bottom of the stairs. 'Hear how sorry I am?'
'I accept your apology, Katie.' His eyes were narrowed and veiled as he looked down at her from the first floor. 'And I absolve you of all guilt, all blame; how about that? You are free to leave if that's what you want or stay until the legal formalities are completed. I probably got exactly what I deserved after all in forcing you into a situation I knew you didn't want. But it's over now.' There wasn't a shred of indecision in his voice. 'Finished.'
For one more moment he watched her standing, pale and small, in the hall below, then turned without another word, and as she heard the door to one of the bedrooms close a few seconds later it was as though it was synonymous with all she could expect from the future.
CHAPTER TEN
Katie remained standing staring upwards in the dimly lit hall for a long time. There was no sound from the sitting-room where Maisie and Joe were or from the bedrooms upstairs. All was quiet and still. She fingered the locket at her neck, her mind too heavy and dull with exhaustion and pain for coherent thought.
She found herself in the sleeping garden almost without being aware of getting there, sinking down on to a wrought-iron bench beneath the sweeping fronds of an old weeping willow tree as her trembling legs finally gave in.
The June morning was just beginning to stir, the birds twittering and calling in the trees surrounding the green square of lawn and a few insects buzzing quietly on their early morning call to the flowering bushes and plants perfuming the summer air. She sat there as the last of the dawn's shadows were banished by the sun overhead, its mild heat gentle on her arms already browned by the fierce Spanish sun.
'What am I going to do?' She spoke her thoughts out loud, her voice flat and slow. 'I love him. Doesn't that count for anything?' As her gaze wandered round the hushed, tranquil garden she touched the locket again, unfastening it suddenly and opening it to peer at her mother's face.
'Help me, Mum.' She felt like a little child again, tiny and alone. 'Tell me what to do. I can't let him go; I have to do something.' The tears were raining down her face; it was probably that which gave the minute face a different expression for a moment, but suddenly she heard her mother's voice in her mind as clearly as though she were in the garden with her.
'Tell him.' The tone was urgent. 'Tell him how you feel.'
'He won't listen,' she answered wearily. 'He's finished with me; he's had enough.'
'He'll listen.' The voice was persistent. 'He loves you. Did you have enough of your father over the years? Did you finish with him because he was wrong, cruel even? You loved him and love is stronger than disappointment and bitterness and hurt—yes, and even betrayal. He'll listen. You have to make him listen and then he will understand. He loves you, pumpkin; he'll never love anyone else. You owe it to him to make him see how you feel, how wrong you were.'
'Pumpkin'. The old pet name, forgotten through the years, brought her to her feet. 'Mum?' But there was no answer, no soft hand on her brow or fleeting shadow that she could touch, just the silent, peaceful garden and her own tears.
He was sleeping when she slipped in beside him after shutting the bedroom door quietly, her heart in her mouth. The strong, hard face was younger, boyish in sleep; the harsh lines of experience and life had eased and mellowed. He stirred very slightly, murmuring her name, before his breathing regulated and quietened again.
How could she have thought him capable of what she'd accused him of? she thought as she lay propped on one elbow, watching him sleep in the same way he had done with her only the morning before. First Penny and then Maisie…
She shut her eyes tight as she groaned in her mind. He had given her so much and she had thrown it all in his face, and if she had to debase herself now, crawl and plead and beg, she would. Pride and self-preservation had no place in her feeling for him any more—they couldn't have.
She had intended to keep awake, fighting the warm blanket of sluggishness every time it descended on her as she lay curled up by his side, knowing she had to stay awake to confront him the moment he woke, but when something heavy brought her out of a deep inertia she knew by the length of the afternoon shadows that she had slept.
Carlton's arm had landed across her middle and a moment or two later his eyes opened slowly, their lids heavy with sleep. As he saw her by his side he smiled lazily for a split-second and then, as realisation hit, sprang upwards so violently that the bed bounced.
'What are you doing here?' he asked harshly, but she had seen him glance at her naked breasts, seen the hunger in his eyes before he'd swung his legs over the side of the bed, intending to move away.
'Don't go.' She flung her arms round his neck as she pressed herself against his back. 'Please don't go, Carlton, please.'
'Let go of me.' His voice was thick and husky. 'I don't know what you think you're doing but I'm fully aware that this is beyond the call of duty.'
'Carlton, I love you,' she gabbled rapidly, keeping her arms tight round his neck although he had made no move to stand once she had touched him. 'I've loved you for ages but I thought you didn't love me—'
'Katie—' his shoulders tensed, the muscles hard and tight against her soft nakedness, but still she wouldn't let go, hanging on to him as though her life depended on it. '—what is this? Some extreme form of guilt? You don't have to lie. I know how you feel and I can handle it. I'm a big boy now—'
'You don't know how I feel,' she said desperately. 'Every time I try to tell you you walk away, and I don't blame you, not after what I thought. But you have to listen.'
'I didn't understand before—about you loving me, I mean. I thought you were talking about Maisie, not me. You never made it plain. You never said,' she added breathlessly as she tried to fight the sobs that were constricting her throat. 'You'd said at the beginning that you wanted me because I was suitable, that you wanted children, but you never said you cared about me, I know you wanted me physically but then I started to care about you and it wasn't enough. I could see how you were with Maisie—so gentle and protective…'
'Joe was ripping her apart,' he said gruffly without turning his head. 'She was an emotional mess.'
'I now that now.' She was frantic. 'But at the time, when you admitted there was someone you loved, it seemed only logical that it was her.'
'Katie, I don't believe you.' He took a deep breath and tried to raise himself but she was a limpet round his neck. 'I've seen the way you look at me, for crying out loud. If all this is through some misguided sense of pity—'
'I won't let you go,' she said brokenly. 'I won't. I love you; I'll always love you even if you hate me. I loved you when we made our marriage vows and they meant exactly what they said to me.' Her arms tightened around him as she covered his neck in desperate, frantic kisses and when he stood he raised her with him, her arms clinging round his neck.
'Let go, Katie,' he said softly. 'This is doing neither of us any good.'
'No, you have to stay with me.' She began to sob even as she fought to stay in control. 'If you leave me, if you make me go there will never be anyone else for me, Carlton. I'll grow old all by myself and I've been by myself so long…' Her voice ended in a wail that wasn't in the least attractive but there was nothing she could do about it.
As he loosened her hands from about his neck, forcing her arms apart as he turned to face her, she couldn't see his face for the tears blinding her eyes. But he was going to go. That thought was uppermost and with it went the last of her fragile control. 'Don't you dare leave me!' she stormed through her sobs. 'Don't you dare. I can't live without you—'
'Shush, my formidable little wife, shush…' And suddenly, miraculously, she was held close to his hard, strong body as he joined her on the bed, pulling her to him as he kissed the hot, salty tears before taking her mouth in a deep, long kiss,
parting her lips and exploring its full sweetness with his tongue. 'No more. No more tears.' His hands cupped her face as he raised himself slightly to look down into her drowning eyes, his voice husky and not quite even.
His hands moved over her body slowly and sweetly and he kissed where they lingered, his lips warm and sensual as they made her nerves quiver and melt with a flood of tiny, intimate caresses that were delicate and skilfully erotic.
There wasn't an inch of her body that he left unexplored, his hands and mouth taking their time as they slowly brought her to fever pitch, and then the need was raging, overpowering, taking control of her thoughts and senses and burning away the agony of the previous twenty-four hours with its fire. And for the first time endearments and sweet, intimate phrases of love were spoken as they touched and tasted and enjoyed.
As molten fire burnt in the moist, warm centre of her being her body began to tremble and shudder for the release only he could give, and he moved over her, entering her fiercely and possessively, murmuring her name against her lips, and the universe shattered into a million blinding fragments for them both.
When it was over he held her close for a long, long time without speaking, stroking her hair as she lay entwined with him, her eyes shut and her mouth content. 'Don't leave me!' Her voice was urgent and intense when at last he stirred, her eyes opening wide and shooting to his to read his expression, displaying her vulnerability for him to read.
'I wouldn't dare.' His lazy smile held both tender amusement and rueful wistfulness as he kissed her mouth gently. 'I can't remember the last time I was shouted at like that. You have no respect for your husband, Mrs Reef.'
'Carlton?' She nestled into his shoulder, wrapping her legs round his as though to anchor him to her side forever. 'You believe me? You aren't going to send me away?'
'I don't think I would have been able to let you go in the final analysis, Katie.' The dark face was very serious. 'It does me no credit but the thought of another man touching you makes me want to commit murder.' She moved to look into his face and saw that he wasn't joking.
