Whatever the reason, Megan was happy for Eggsy’s company. Between Sam’s insane hours interning at the hospital in Dublin and Zander’s disappearing act, Megan was feeling incredibly lonely.
Eggsy was currently sprawled at the foot of Megan’s bed. She had her toes wedged under him against the chill that crept into her room during the late hours of the night. A knock sounded on the bathroom door that adjoined her room to Sam and Devon’s. Eggsy’s tail began to thump wildly on the bed and Megan felt a pang of sorrow. It’s not Zander, she thought bitterly. He’s left us.
“Come in,” Megan called.
Devon poked his head in. “Yer still up?”
Megan shrugged and Devon took that as an invitation to join her.
He sat on the edge of Megan’s bed, scratching Eggsy affectionately. “Whatcha working on?”
“Voice tags,” Megan replied, knowing Devon didn’t really know what that meant.
Devon had been overly smothering lately. It’s not that Megan didn’t appreciate his efforts. She knew he meant well, but his behavior only served to remind her of Zander’s disappearance.
Devon folded his long legs in so he could rest his chin on his knee. “Sam’s staying at the hospital, again,” he muttered, glumly. “She’s a shift in the morning, so . . .” He trailed off with a shrug.
It explained why Devon was in Megan’s room. She knew this trip probably wasn’t everything he’d been hoping for either. His girlfriend was moody and distant, drowning in her studies, his best friend had pulled a Houdini and Megan was hiding in her film project. Not to mention even Eggsy had abandoned Devon.
“Wanna play cards?” Devon asked.
She didn’t, but Zander had bailed on Devon too and Megan couldn’t help feeling it was her fault. Her guilt won out. “Sure.”
Devon grinned and dashed back to his room to find playing cards. Megan sighed and saved her project before putting her laptop away. She couldn’t stop herself from checking to see if Zander had replied to any of her messages before shutting it down completely. He hadn’t.
“So, are ye keen ta get some wild Ireland footage this weekend?” Devon asked as he dealt what felt like the millionth round of cards.
Megan shrugged and Devon stopped mid deal.
“Megs, what’s eatin’ ye?”
She shrugged again.
“Come off it, mate. You’ve been blithering on about camping in Ireland since I met ye, and now ye expect me to believe ye don’t care?”
“No, I’m excited. I just thought . . .” she trailed off.
“Ye thought Zander’d be joining us?”
“Yeah.”
“He’ll be back, Megs.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Well, I know Sam’s father is flying in for a meeting with him at the end of the week and Zander will have his arse handed to him if he misses it.”
Megan collected her cards, still not getting her hopes up.
Devon sighed. “Megs, I don’t know what ta tell ye. I wish I could make sense of things for ye.”
“You don’t have to.”
“But I think I do. Ye see, Zander’s a wee bit squeamish of drama.”
Megan frowned. “I know. He hates drama queens, I get it.”
Devon scrubbed his face. “I’m not saying it right. Maybe trauma is a better word?”
“What do you mean?”
“I think yer asthma attack threw him back to some things in his past that he hasn’t quite dealt with.”
“Did he say that?”
“Not exactly.”
“Devon, what are you talking about? In English, please.”
Devon exhaled and screwed up his face the way he did when he realized he’d said something he shouldn’t.
“Spill it, Devon,” Megan demanded.
“Has Zander ever talked about his parents with ye?”
“Only that they’re not part of his life.”
Devon shook his head. “I don’t feel right telling what’s not mine to tell, Megs. I only know bits an’ pieces anyway. But Zander’s been through some shite. He hates being made to feel helpless, and I think when he saw ye struggling it brought him back to a dark place.”
“But—”
Devon held up his hands. “That’s all I’ll say.”
“So what am I supposed to do with that?” Megan asked aggravated.
“Just know it’s not yer fault if he’s staying away. It’s how he deals with things. Give him space. He’ll come back when he’s ready.”
Megan nodded, digesting what Devon told her. He finished dealing cards and she scooped the rest of hers up, feeling the tightness in her chest loosen for the first time in weeks.
21
Zander
Zander wasn’t ready to face Megan yet. So when he saw her sitting on his desk after he finished up his partners meeting in the Cor-Tec conference room he was caught off guard. If it had been up to Zander he would’ve stayed in London and continued to work from his satellite office, but he knew better than to miss a meeting with Thomas Connors.
“Hey,” Megan greeted warmly. “How was your trip?”
There wasn’t a hint of anger or accusation in her voice. He shouldn’t be surprised. Megan was incredible like that. And that’s why I need to keep my distance, he reminded himself.
“It was fine,” he replied, coolly.
“Good,” she said, studying him with her brilliant blue eyes. “I’ve gotten a lot of great footage for the Cor-Tec film. Let me know when you have some time to look at it with me, okay?” She hopped off his desk and strode toward the door, brushing his arm when she passed. “See ya at home.”
Megan
Megan sighed with relief when she closed Zander’s office door behind her. She’d survived their first encounter. She even dared to think it went well—or as well as it could, considering the chasm that had opened up between them.
Ever since Devon told her Zander might be keeping his distance for reasons that weren’t her fault, Megan had been trying to curb her panic. She wanted to give Zander his space, hoping he’d open up when he was ready.
She couldn’t deny that for all her confidence she was still hurt by the fact that Zander had seemingly dumped her because she had an asthma attack. Megan was still kicking herself for letting it happen. She hadn’t had an episode that severe since she was first diagnosed as a child. She normally stuck to her preventative routine, rarely worrying about her less than perfect lungs. But apparently the damp chill of the Irish air combined with the way Zander took her breath away with his bedroom skills had proved to be a disastrous combination.
Megan was desperate for an opportunity to explain that she wasn’t always a wheezing train wreck and apologize for scaring Zander half to death. It was hard for her to give him space. She was someone who liked to speak her mind, and she wasn’t used to having to sensor herself around Zander. It was one of the things she loved most about their relationship—she always felt they could talk about anything.
When they’d first started their cyber flirting affair, Megan had been repeatedly shocked that Zander seemed to find her overzealous personality endearing. She kept waiting for him to outgrow the strange infatuation that kept him calling her day after day. But he never did. Maybe that’s why this was so hard?
Megan thought things would be better once they were on the same continent. But doubt had begun to seep in. Maybe their relationship had only worked because they were thousands of miles apart? Maybe Zander had only wanted a convenient distraction? Maybe in person, Megan was too much? Maybe Zander preferred her in small doses? It wouldn’t be the first time Megan’s enthusiasm had overwhelmed one of her love interests. But she’d been so sure Zander was different—that they had a real connection. Either way, a myriad of maybes flooded her thoughts.
It didn’t help that Megan was faced with seeing photographs of Zander and Tabitha all over the gossip sites. She’d been prepared for the ones from the gala, but it was the recent paparazzi photos tha
t stabbed her self-confidence. The grainy photos of Zander and Tabitha spotted all over London were hard to ignore.
Tabitha’s words started to take root. ‘Why would he ever choose you when he could have me?’
Megan had to admit Tabitha had a point. Why would Zander want to be with Megan when he could have Tabitha?
“I’m sure Tabitha doesn’t forget how to breathe when they’re having sex,” Megan muttered to herself bitterly.
Megan’s inner warrior perked up. ‘You don’t want a man who can’t accept you, flaws and all.’
Megan squared her shoulders and held her head high. Worrying wasn’t her style. Zander was back. She just needed to be patient and enjoy the moments she could. She was determined to make the most of her semester in Ireland, with or without Zander O’Leary.
22
Zander
“Mr. Connors, I’m so glad ye decided to extend yer trip,” Devon said as he buttered a roll.
“Please, Devon. Call me Tom. And I couldn’t resist spending some time with my daughter,” Thomas replied, smiling warmly at Sam.
Zander had been surprised to see Thomas Connors in attendance at dinner. They were all sitting around the formal dining table at the James’ Estate, and of course Zander had been seated next to Megan. His heart seemed stuck in his throat being so close to her. The last thing Zander needed was the added stress of sitting through a dinner with his boss while trying to control his clashing emotions.
“So Zander, we didn’t get to talk much about London today,” Thomas said. “Were you able to nail down the BEA account?”
“Dad,” Sam interrupted. “No work talk at dinner.”
Thomas held up his hands in surrender. “You’re right, honey.”
“Besides,” Sam added glaring at Zander. “I think Zander was busy exploring old habits while he was in London, isn’t that right?”
“Oh?” Thomas asked.
Zander didn’t respond.
“How is Tabitha?” Sam pressed.
The table jolted suddenly as Megan tried to kick Sam beneath it. Zander watched the silent exchange between the women, feeling like even more of a wanker than he had while he was with Tabitha. He’d been foolish to think his slip up wouldn’t catch up with him. He hadn’t even wanted to get together with her, but his head was a mess after what happened with Megan and Tabitha’s offer to distract him was impossible to resist.
Zander had thought they’d been discrete but the London paparazzi were relentless. And he wouldn’t put it past Tabitha to tip them off. She was a fame-whore, and she certainly wouldn’t mind the added bonus of hurting Megan in the process. She’d basically admitted as much after their unexpected reunion in London. That’s how Zander knew it had been a mistake.
“I didn’t know she’d be there,” Zander said quietly.
“I’m sure,” Sam shot back.
“Can we not do this right now?” Megan pleaded.
Thomas looked around the table in confusion. “Who are we talking about?”
“No one,” everyone replied at once.
“Okay . . .” Thomas replied, obviously uncomfortable he’d stumbled onto a sore subject.
“So how long are ye staying, Tom?” Devon asked trying to steer the conversation into safer territory.
“Just until tomorrow.”
“Ah, too bad,” Devon replied. “You’ll be missin’ our weekender.”
“What have you got planned?” Thomas asked.
Devon beamed. “The four of us are heading out to do some camping.”
“That’s right. Where are you headed?”
Megan perked up. “We’re driving part of the Wild Atlantic Way so I can get some shots for the film. I wanna see the Burren, Torc Falls, the Ring of Kerry, Moll’s Gap.” She continued to list destinations ticking her fingers with each one.
Thomas laughed. “So everything, then?”
“Everything!” Megan confirmed; her excitement coloring the apples of her cheeks.
“Isn’t it a bit cold to be camping this time of year?” Thomas asked.
“We’ve got the proper gear,” Devon assured him.
“Plus, I really want to film the same locations multiple times as the weather progresses. I think it’ll be a perfect segue to the growth and change I want to show in the Cor-Tec film.”
Thomas grinned. “I knew we picked the right candidate for our film.”
Megan was practically glowing as she smiled back at Thomas. It made Zander unreasonably jealous. But he couldn’t control the envy that unfurled in his chest. Seeing Megan smile that way at someone else made him crazy. He wanted to be the one to make Megan smile.
Zander swallowed back the ache in his chest. He’d never survive a weekend sharing a tent with Megan. He could barely handle this dinner. He cleared his throat. “Actually, “ Zander said. “I don’t think I can make the trip this weekend.”
Devon stopped eating. “But you’ve got to come, mate. Ye know the trails better than anyone.”
“Ye know them just as well,” Zander argued.
“You really can’t come?” Megan asked, her words slicing through his resolve.
“I’ve got a lot of work to do with the new proposals,” Zander replied.
“Nonsense,” Thomas interrupted. “They can wait. Go enjoy the long weekend. You’re only young once, son.”
“There will be other camping trips,” Zander said. “I want to have some new accounts for ye by the next board meeting.”
“Zander, you’ve more than proven yourself at Cor-Tec,” Thomas replied. “I don’t want you burning out. Take some time off, that’s an order.”
Zander sighed. He knew arguing was pointless. He resigned himself to nod at Thomas.
“Good.” Thomas turned his attention back to Sam. “So tell me how interning at the hospital is going?”
Megan
Megan spent the rest of the night packing her film equipment for the camping trip. She was relieved that Zander agreed to go. Although if Sam’s father hadn’t practically ordered Zander to attend Megan was sure he’d have found a way out of it. He seemed determined to avoid her.
It stung to be shunned by the man she’d opened her heart to, but Megan had been dreaming of exploring Ireland for far too long to let Zander ruin the experience for her. It might be awkward at first, but she was confident they’d get past whatever this was.
So what if Zander decided he didn’t want her? It wasn’t the end of the world. Megan’s heart had been broken before. She knew from experience how resilient the organ was. Megan had learned at an early age that she was the master of her own destiny.
Her father abandoned her mom and her when Megan was only four.
Rather than let it crush her, Megan’s mom had dug in and found a way to provide a good life for Megan. Her mom worked three jobs to keep a roof over their heads, showing Megan that if she wanted something in life she needed to go after it with everything she had.
Megan was grateful she’d had such a strong role model in her life. Her mom taught her it was a waste of energy to complain and worry, and that most problems could be solved with positivity and persistence.
Thinking about her mom made Megan strangely homesick. She finished packing for her camping trip and crawled into bed, dialing her mom once she was settled under the warm covers.
“Hello?”
“Stan the man!” Megan said, cheerfully greeting her step-dad.
“Meggy!” he yelled. “Honey! Megan’s on the phone!”
Megan grinned as she held the phone away from her ear while Stan shouted to her mom.
She loved her step-dad dearly. He’d come into her life when she was eleven, another example of the power of positivity. Megan loved that her mom had never given up on love despite what she’d been through.
“Megan?”
As soon as her mom’s voice reached her ears, Megan felt her heart swell. “Hi Mom.”
“Hi sweetheart! How are you?”
“Great,” she said, le
tting her mom’s cheerful spirit fill her with strength. “Just wanted to hear your voice.”
“It’s good to hear your voice too, baby. Now tell me everything! Especially about that Irish hunk of yours.”
“Hey!” Stan yelled in the background. “At least pretend you don’t want me to overhear.”
Megan laughed. She loved the honest humor her mom and Stan shared, but Megan couldn’t deny the dull ache she felt, realizing she thought she’d found that for herself with Zander.
23
Megan
Megan finished dragging the last of her camping gear into the foyer at the crack of dawn. She pushed her glasses into her unruly hair and rubbed her eyes. It was too early for contacts. She’d stayed up entirely too late talking to her mom and Stan last night. But it had been worth it. They’d renewed her strength, reminding her that all her worrying wouldn’t stop the bad stuff from happening, it would only stop her from enjoying the good. And Megan had a lot of good in her life. Two parents who loved her, great friends and an opportunity of a lifetime to make a film in Ireland.
She settled down on a comfy chair near the fireplace and checked the time on her phone. Megan was surprised to be the first one ready. She wasn’t known for her punctuality, that was more Sam’s specialty. Megan was in the middle of tapping out a text to Sam when Devon came jogging into the foyer.
“Hey,” she greeted. “I was just getting ready to text you guys.”
“Megs, I’ve got some bad news.”
“What’s wrong?”
Devon rubbed the back of his neck. “Sam’s sick.”
“What?” Sam never got sick. “Is she okay?”
“I think she’ll be fine. Just a touch of dicky tummy, I suspect.”
“Excuse me?”
Devon sighed. “It just means she’s been up all night retching.”
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