This time the tears did come, and she let them fall, blinking so hard they stuck to her lashes. A deep, trembling breath sounded in her lungs and she closed her eyes, wishing the empty feeling away.
She was being stupid. She should go to him. Maybe after the holidays, after everything settled down, she would visit Chris, see if he’d hear her out. Tell him how much she loved and missed him. But the thought of him spending the holidays alone broke her heart. She should go to him now. Or tomorrow, before she went to her parents…
The doorbell sounded, chiming “Jingle Bells,” and then Mindy’s voice rang in greeting, bright and cheery. Way too cheery. Jane knew her sister was barely holding it together. The first Christmas without Marty, the first Christmas Eve without her boys. Despite that they hadn’t gotten along, Mindy still loved and missed Marty.
Well, now the both of them were in a fine mess.
Composing herself, Jane followed the chatter to the kitchen where she found Mindy unwrapping a plate of various cookies, the children diving in and grabbing them by the handful.
“Hey, hey, two each and that’s it.” Jane swatted their hands away, making them drop the fistful of cookies they’d grabbed. She glanced up at Mindy, who was already nibbling on a red frosted star-shaped sugar cookie. “How many of these have you made?”
Mindy shrugged. “Too many. I can’t stop. I’d rather bake than think about what a crappy Christmas this is.”
“Min.” Jane glared at her, flicked her head toward the kids who watched the adults with wide eyes. “It’s not so bad, remember?”
“Right. Not so bad at all.” The sarcasm was extra thick. “What’s for dinner?”
“Tacos.” Jane smiled when the kids groaned. They hated the idea of tacos on Christmas Eve.
“How—festive.” Mindy didn’t look too thrilled with it, either.
“I know, right?” Jane feigned ignorance and snatched a cookie from the plate. “I’m all about the easy tonight.”
The kids ran out of the kitchen once they’d finished gorging on cookies and Mindy shot her a speculative glance. “Are you all right?”
“Never better.” The smile grew, bright and false, and it hurt the corners of her mouth.
“Liar.” Mindy shook her head. “Why don’t you at least call him?”
“I thought about it. But he probably won’t listen to me.”
“You’ll never know unless you give him a chance.”
“Why should he give me a chance? I flipped out, Min. I stomped all over his heart and said the worst, the rudest things imaginable. If I were him I would never want to see me again.”
“He’s in love with you.”
“I’m sure he got over that real quick.” But Jane didn’t know if she’d ever get over it.
“People can’t turn off their emotions like a switch,” Mindy pointed out.
Jane arched a brow. “Marty seems to have done a good job of it.”
Mindy winced. “Nice one.”
“God, Mindy, I’m so sorry.” Jane pressed her trembling fingers over her mouth. “See? I’m even rude to you, my own flesh and blood. Maybe I should spend Christmas completely alone. It’s what I deserve.”
“No, you definitely don’t have to spend this holiday alone. I think you need us more than ever.” Mindy went to her and enveloped her in a hug. “See? If I can forgive you for that callous remark, certainly Chris can forgive you for stomping all over his heart.”
“Yeah, but you’re my sister. We offend each other constantly.” Jane held onto Mindy tight and closed her eyes. “I’m really sorry. That was uncalled for.”
“You’re forgiven. And unfortunately, you’re not too far off the mark. Marty seems to have forgotten we were together for almost twelve years.” Mindy moved away from her and grabbed a piece of fudge from the plate. “I love fudge.”
“My butt loves your fudge, too.” Jane gave it a light slap. “I swear I’ve gained five pounds with all the goodies you send our way.”
“Good, you need it. I, on the other hand, am turning into a fat pig. New Year’s resolution number one—go on a diet and start exercising.” Mindy made a checkmark in the air.
Jane didn’t believe in New Year’s resolutions—she never followed through with them anyway—but she wasn’t about to rain on her sister’s parade. Instead, she took a small piece of fudge and popped it into her mouth, letting the rich chocolate melt on her tongue.
“I saw Chloe earlier at the store. Said you gave her one of your aprons as an early Christmas present and she loved it,” Mindy said, her voice deceptively casual.
Jane shrugged. “I’ve made a few.” In truth, she’d been sweating over them late into the night, yet pleased with the results. All the women in her family were getting one as a present.
“That’s great, Jane. You should consider opening an Etsy page or offering them to the gift shops to sell,” Mindy suggested. “I remember the ones you used to make. They were amazing. You’re really talented.”
Her sister’s words meant more to her than she could say. And she did need a focus besides cleaning the house and taking care of the kids. Maybe…
The doorbell chimed again, its annoying rendition of “Jingle Bells” clanging away, and Jane brushed her hands together, heading toward the front door.
“Who’s that?” Mindy asked.
“Probably Patrick and Lyssa,” Jane called over her shoulder. She walked by the living room, saw that the kids were congregated once more around the television. Watching yet another Christmas movie, this one involving Disney characters. She absolutely could not wait for December twenty-sixth.
Opening the door, she sing-songed, “Merry Christmas!” as loud as possible to her brother and sister-in-law in greeting.
But it wasn’t Patrick and his wife standing on her doorstep.
It was Christian, so gorgeous it was hard to look at him. She drank him in greedily, her gaze doing a quick sweep. The bandage around his head was gone, though she caught sight of a healing gash across his forehead, and his left wrist was in a cast.
He had something slung over his shoulder—a giant red velvet bag. And such a serious expression on his face, though his eyes glowed with appreciation when they lit upon her.
“Merry Christmas to you, too, Jane.” His husky voice wrapped all around her, making her shiver, and she blinked once, twice.
Yep, he was real. And still standing on her doorstep.
“Christian.” She hesitated. “How are you?”
“I’m good. Gotta wear this cast for a couple of weeks but I’m doing a lot better.” He waved his left hand at her, showing off the plaster.
“I…I’m so glad.” She didn’t know what to do or say next. Beg his forgiveness, throw herself at his feet, and ask for mercy? Send him away?
No. He had come to her, which must mean he wanted to see her. Maybe talk to her. And maybe he’d become consumed with the Christmas spirit. He was, after all, carrying a sack that rivaled Santa’s.
“Can I come in? I’m letting in all the cold air.”
“Oh. Yes.” She opened the door wider and he walked inside, his rich, masculine scent making her nose twitch, her body yearn for his.
Chris turned to face her, watching as she slowly shut the door. “How are you, Jane?”
She decided to be honest. “I’m…not so good.”
His eyes flickered, the golden color darkening to a warm honey, and he pressed his lips together. “Me neither.”
“Christian, I—”
The kids chose that moment to run into the entryway, all three of them excited to see him. Even Lexi, her reluctant Lexi, shot Jane an odd look before she called a soft greeting to Chris.
“What’s in the bag?” Logan shouted. He had presents permanently on the brain.
“Oh, I have a few Christmas gifts. Nothing special.” Chris shrugged and his attitude drove the children even crazier.
Mindy stood in the living room as all five of them made their way in. The surprise at seeing
Chris was written all over her face. “Well, hi.”
“Hey, Mindy.” He went to the tree and set the bag down. The kids all surrounded it, making lots of ooh and ahh noises. Apparently it was taking everything they had not to dive into the bag and dig through.
“Uh, yeah…” Mindy glanced around the room and clapped her hands, summoning the children. “Hey you guys, let’s go to the kitchen for a few minutes and let your mom and Chris talk.”
“But I wanna open the presents,” Logan wailed. Sophia started to whimper right along with him.
“They’re not going anywhere. I promise,” Chris said and the children silently, reluctantly headed toward the kitchen with their aunt.
“Captain Nelson? Will you stay for dinner?” Lexi asked.
Chris’s expression softened and he nodded, his gaze turning to look at Jane. “I will if your mom doesn’t mind.”
Meeting his gaze, in that moment, the pain of not having Chris in her life superseded her fears, her worries. He’d become such a part of her, she literally ached from missing him. If Jane had her way, he’d stay with her family forever.
She could only hope he felt the same.
…
It had taken what felt like a million self–pep talks for Chris to actually work up the nerve and come over to Jane’s house. Besides the constant pain he was in, which had mellowed to a steady ache, his broken ribs still made it hard to breathe and his entire body was bruised and scratched. But it was worth the pain to see her again. The gifts for the children were just an excuse. He’d bought them before the accident, and he’d planned on giving them to the kids regardless.
Regardless of the fact that their mother had run out on him when he’d been laid up in a hospital bed, half out of it on pain meds and in agony. His cracked ribs had ached like a bitch. Hell, his entire body still throbbed, even despite the pain medication. But he’d taken one look at Jane’s face when he found her standing over his bed and knew she’d been close to losing it.
And boy, had she. A major meltdown had been more like it. She’d run out of that hospital room, never to be heard from again. That had hurt, more than he cared to admit. Especially when they’d confessed their love to each other just hours before. But it had also felt like a dose of his own medicine. Hadn’t he been the one to run out on her before?
So he’d been angry—both with Jane and with himself—and he’d sulked. Confused, sad, he’d experienced the works in a matter of days.
And then he’d realized he’d be a damn fool to let her go. Not without a fight, an explanation from her, a convincing argument from him.
He might end up looking stupid and he might get dumped for good, but he had to give it at least one more shot.
She stood before him now, fidgety, shifting from one foot to the other. Looking fragile, unsure of what to say or do. And despite everything, he wanted to make it easy on her, didn’t want to put her through this any longer.
Jane was, after all, the woman he loved. The woman he wanted to marry and spend a lifetime with.
“Christian.” She cleared her throat, stood up straighter, as if gathering strength. “You must hate me.”
Her broken voice broke his heart. “I could never hate you.”
“Well.” She sniffed and shook her head. “What I did to you, how I reacted, was uncalled for. Saying I’m sorry could never make it right; I know this. I only hope that someday, you might forgive me.”
“Jane.” He waved at the couch. “Let’s sit down.”
Chris took those few extra seconds to gather his thoughts. Let what she’d just said sink in. He needed to hear that apology, but he also wanted her to admit why she’d freaked out so badly in the hospital. He needed her to come clean, for him. And for herself.
“I can’t lie to you, Jane.” He sat close to her, so close their knees bumped and he reached out, grabbed her hands, and held them in his own. “My job is dangerous. You’ve had to face that in the worst way so quickly, and I hate that. But it’s my reality.”
“I know.” She nodded, gave a little sniff as if she were near tears. He didn’t want her to cry. “You’re right.”
“If we’re going to make this work, you have to realize the dangers of my job. But there are dangers in every job. They’re everywhere. You can’t live your entire life in fear of what might happen.” He squeezed her slender hands, so small, so cold in his big, warm ones. “You have to let go and trust that everything’s going to be okay.”
He was asking a lot of her. She’d done that with her late husband and look what happened. Maybe he asked for too much.
“It’s hard,” she admitted. “So much has happened…I don’t know if I could handle something else. I’m so sorry. Can you forgive me for being scared?”
“Yes. But I need you to believe that I’m going to be okay. I need you to stand by me no matter what. Can you believe that we’re going to be okay?” He drew her closer, so tempted to kiss her. But not yet. “Believe in us, Jane.”
Jane nodded, the movement so subtle he almost didn’t see it, and then she was reaching for him, leaning in, her lips poised and ready for his. He took advantage, kissing her, showing her how much he loved her, missed her.
Needed her.
He needed her ready-made family, too. He’d grown to love her children. They made him smile, made him frustrated, made him proud. It wouldn’t always be an easy road, but he was prepared.
For everything.
“I love you, Jane,” Chris whispered against her lips. “I don’t want to imagine my life without you any longer.”
…
“I love you, too.” Jane opened her eyes and stared up at him in wonder. She still couldn’t believe he was here, looking at her with so much love shining in his beautiful eyes. He was ready to forgive her so easily because he loved her that much.
And she loved him, too. More than she could say. It was a miracle he could forgive her so quickly. She was so thankful, ready to forget living in fear and embrace living in the now, with Chris and her children surrounding her.
Chris dipped his head, his mouth so close it touched hers as he spoke. “So I can count on you to stick around?”
She deserved that, after what she did. “Only if you’ll let me.”
“Absolutely.” He smiled, the sight of it making her skin tingle. “So what’s on the agenda tonight?”
How easily he fit into their lives. She loved it, loved him. “Taco dinner. Early bedtime because, trust me, we’ll be getting up extra early tomorrow.”
He grimaced. “Tacos? Is that some sort of family tradition?”
She laughed. “It’s a new tradition I started this year.”
“Interesting.”
“The kids and Mindy reacted the same way.”
“I’m sure it’ll be great.” He gathered her close, pressed a kiss to her cheek, her lips, lingering. How she loved his positive attitude. He made her feel like she could do no wrong.
His eyes dark, his expression grew serious. “Jane, I—”
Her children burst into the room, Logan yelling for his Christmas gift. Lexi sent Chris a shy smile and Sophia turned circles in the green velvet dress Mindy had just put her in.
“Are you ready for this?” Jane asked after Logan had tackled Chris and nearly sent him sprawling with a grunt of pain.
“I think so.” He grinned.
“When can we open our Christmas gifts from you?” Logan yelled yet again, and Chris sent Jane a heated look. One that said he’d be unwrapping her much later that evening.
“I—I didn’t get you anything.” Her heart sank as it dawned on her. She’d planned to buy him a gift but had no clue what to get, hadn’t found anything special enough. And once she’d had her meltdown at the hospital, she didn’t think he’d want anything from her anyway.
“Sweetheart, I already have my Christmas gift. You. The kids. All of you are my gift.” Chris drew her down onto the floor so she settled in his lap, in his arms. “You’re everything I need.”
Jane clung to him, her hands curling around his broad shoulders. “You’re everything I need, too.”
And when he kissed her, held her close to his steadily beating heart, she knew he’d always be there for her. No matter what.
Chapter Eighteen
The McKenzie household was jam-packed, full of adults and kids alike. Relatives from all over had come for Christmas day, bearing too much food and gifts, eager to spend time with the ones they loved.
Chris had never seen anything like it. Thanksgiving had been busy enough, but there were even more people here today. So many names to learn as Jane introduced him to an endless stream of relatives and friends. He simply nodded and smiled. Hoped like hell she’d give him a rundown later.
He’d been wanting to ask Jane to marry him since last night, but they were constantly interrupted and the timing never seemed right. So he still waited for the right moment, which might never come. At least, not today.
Her parents embraced him as if he were their long lost son. Her oldest brother Patrick and his wife gave him a hearty greeting. The only one who still seemed skeptical was Cameron. But he knew Cam was protective of Jane. Quiet. He didn’t share much, was standoffish, but Chris took it in stride. Jane had explained her brother’s past to him, and he knew the guy had been through a lot as a war photographer in Afghanistan.
“Want something else to eat?” Jane stood before him, beautiful in a simple forest green dress that brought out her eyes. Her cheeks were flushed and the smile she wore reminded him of an angel. She was happy, in her element.
He loved seeing her like this.
Groaning, he shook his head. “I’m stuffed.” He’d eaten enough to feed three men. And considering how nervous he was, that had been a mistake.
“Don’t let my mom hear you. She might get offended.” With a laugh, she scampered off, stopping to listen to Lyssa compliment her on the apron she had made her for a gift.
Pride flowed through Chris. Jane had admitted she’d secretly worked for weeks on those aprons, and they were turning out to be the hit of the day. The women loved them and all the little girls whined over not receiving one. When Jane had confessed on the ride over that she was seriously thinking of pursuing a small business creating them, he’d encouraged her.
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