by Beth Wiseman
Esther gave Ruth a quick hug and whispered in her ear. “Follow your heart. I’m sure Gideon will be there. Maybe you’ll have a chance to talk to him.”
Ruth wondered how much work Gideon had done at the house. Had he gone through the boxes? Uncovered the furniture?
“I can see the wheels turning in your head, Ruth. Listen for the word of Gott. He will speak to you in ways you might not always recognize.”
Esther smiled. “I’m going to hold out hope that you’ll decide to stay, whatever the outcome is with Gideon. You’re stronger now, and I know you’ve worked hard to get here. So I guess in some ways you have changed inside. But it’s a good change. And, besides, I want Becky to know her aenti.”
“I plan to visit more, but Bishop Lapp might not be tolerant if I’m here too often.”
Esther smiled. “Bishop Lapp has mellowed in the past few years. And you have unusual circumstances. Talk to him.”
Ruth sighed. “Maybe.”
“Ach, well, scoot.” She gave Ruth a gentle shove. “Go see Gideon and John.”
Ruth said good-bye to several people on her way to her car. She hoped she didn’t spook all the horses tethered nearby when she started the engine.
By the time she made the short trip to John’s house, her heart was at it again as she tried to identify her intentions. Yesterday she ran from Gideon. Now she was about to be face-to-face with him again.
John Beiler opened the door and a smile filled his face. Her father-in-law had aged a lot since she last saw him. His beard was almost completely gray, his salt-and-pepper hair thinning, and his jowls sagged in a way Ruth didn’t remember, like he’d been frowning for five years. She was happy to see him smile as she wrapped her arms around him. John held her for a long moment before he motioned for her to come in.
“Excuse the mess.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m afraid cleaning was always Mae’s area of expertise, and I’ve gotten used to things being like this.”
Ruth knew from Esther’s and John’s letters that the house wasn’t tidy, but she was surprised how bad it was. “I can help you clean this place up.”
John chuckled. “I’ve had lots of offers over the years. But to tell you the truth, I wouldn’t be able to find a thing if it was clean. I know where everything is.”
“Sorry if I overstepped.” Ruth cringed as she looked down at her running shoes, deciding she probably didn’t need to take them off.
John shook his head. “No apology necessary. I’ve just turned into a sloppy and grumpy old man.” He grinned before he walked to the couch and moved a blanket and pillow to the floor. “Sit. Tell me about your life in Florida.”
Ruth told him about her job, her apartment, and how she enjoyed living near the beach.
“We had several gut vacations near there when Gideon was growing up.”
Ruth forced a smile. “Ya, I remember him talking about those trips.” Pausing, she glanced around. “Speaking of Gideon, I was surprised he wasn’t at the reunion. I thought that was partly the reason he came back.”
John tipped his head to one side and stared at her. “Gideon left yesterday. I thought he got word to you.”
Ruth bit her bottom lip, willing it not to tremble.
“He said he was going to hire someone to clean the house and do the repairs.” John seemed to be searching Ruth’s eyes, his brows furrowed. “He said he didn’t want anything in the house—except his grandmother’s rocking chair—that he was going to let you have whatever you wanted.” He pointed to the chair in the corner. “He brought the rocker over before he left.”
Ruth blinked a few times and took a deep breath. “I see.”
John stared at her for a long time again, still running his hand over his beard. “Tragedy affects all of us in different ways, mei maedel. But you and Gideon have always belonged together. I thought this reunion might help you both see that. I thought when the two of you saw each other, you’d see Gott’s plan for your lives wasn’t over.”
“Gideon has someone else.” Ruth fought the tears burning in her eyes.
“Do you?” John raised a bushy gray eyebrow.
Ruth shook her head. She’d spent years thinking she wouldn’t love anyone but Gideon, but maybe it was time to rethink that and at least open herself up to the possibility.
They were quiet for a few seconds, then Ruth heard the word stay in her mind as clearly as if someone were standing right next to her, breathing it into her ear. She remembered what Esther said about being receptive to the voice of God. Did He want her to stay here?
“I’m not sure how welcome I’ll be here by Bishop Lapp, but I’d like to stay and do the cleaning and repairs on the house myself or contract out the things I can’t handle.” Suddenly the thought of others trampling through her old home caused her to shudder. The house had served as a part of her healing, and her return visit hadn’t been the tormented experience she’d expected. Not until she fled from Gideon. Maybe more time in the house by herself was what she needed.
John smiled. “I’d enjoy having you around for a while. What about your job?”
Ruth hadn’t thought anything through, but she wanted to stay and work on the house. Shrugging, she smiled. “I have no idea. I didn’t know I was going to stay until just now. Did Gideon leave you the key?”
John stood up. “Ya, I’ll go fetch it.”
When he returned, he walked to the rack by the front door and put on his hat. “I suspect there are a lot of repairs you can’t do by yourself.”
“Nee, I can’t let you do that. I’m sure Esther and Amos will help. Mei parents both have back troubles, but I’m sure they’ll lend a hand too.” Having less traffic and fewer strangers in the house sounded appealing.
John smiled. “It would get me out of the house.”
That did it. Ruth smiled and stood. “Ok. Let’s go.”
John put an arm around her as they walked onto the porch. “Welcome home,” he said softly.
Ruth helped him down the steps. She had no clue what she was doing. She had belongings, friends, a job, and a life back in Florida. She had a rental car to return and a flight booked—
“You are home,” the voice whispered in her mind again.
She looked at John, smiled, and said, “Danki.”
Following the long drive home and a night to decompress, Gideon went to see Cheryl. He’d called her and asked if she wanted him to come over with a pizza. He needed to see her, to clear the images of Ruth he couldn’t seem to shed.
Cheryl met him at the door wearing jeans and a purple blouse. Her long red hair was pulled into a ponytail, the same way Ruth had worn hers the last couple days.
Gideon kissed her on the cheek and then handed her the pizza.
She set it on the coffee table and went back to him, hugging him tightly. “I missed you,” she whispered. She kissed him as if she hadn’t seen him in months. It seemed a bit excessive since they’d only been on a few dates.
As Cheryl kissed him, all Gideon could see was Ruth. He eased away from her and tried to smile.
“I’m exhausted from the long drive, but I wanted to see you.” He wanted normalcy, distractions, anything to keep him from thinking about his wife. Ruth had assumed he was serving her with divorce papers. He hadn’t realized it at the time, but the finality of such an action disturbed him. He snapped back to the present.
“Well, I was happy to hear that, and I’m glad you’re here.”
They cozied up on the couch. Cheryl had two paper plates already set out, along with some grated parmesan and napkins.
She tucked a leg beneath her and turned to face him as she handed him a plate. She blinked slowly, her long lashes brushing against her high cheekbones. She was a beautiful woman, and she had a look in her eyes that made Gideon wonder if pizza was the only thing on her agenda.
CHAPTER 10
Esther put her hands to her hips in the middle of Ruth’s den. “I absolutely cannot believe how much you’ve gotten done in here in a week.”
She glanced around the room. “Unbelievable.”
“Well, I’ve had a lot of help.” Ruth looked over her shoulder when a drill started up. “John insisted on being here every day and taking care of little things, like the loose knob on the back door.” She pointed to the front window. “And he replaced the glass in that window.”
Esther frowned, grunting a little. “I hate that I haven’t been able to help you. Becky is still sick with a terrible cold. Amos caught it from her, and I heard Mamm and Daed coughing when I went to see them this morning, so I told them to stay in and rest. But I couldn’t stay away any longer.”
“No worries.” Ruth leaned closer to her sister and whispered, “This has been gut for John. The house seems to have a healing effect on him too.” She grabbed her sister’s hand and pulled her into the kitchen, then let go and smiled before she walked to the counter to the left of the sink. “This is where Grace and I made bread and baked dozens of cookies together.”
She walked over to the kitchen table and climbed up on a chair.
“What are you doing?” Esther arched an eyebrow.
“This is where I stood when a huge mouse was loose in the house.” She pointed to the chair across from her. “That’s where Grace was standing.” Ruth laughed. “We stayed on these chairs squealing until Gideon finally heard us and came to our rescue.” She waved her arms. “I feel Grace everywhere, Esther. My heart isn’t full, but the emptiness I’ve carried for so long is slowly filling.” She hung her head. “I stayed away much too long.”
Esther stared at her for a minute before she climbed up on the chair Ruth had pointed to and squealed. Ruth squealed along with her. John rushed into the room, his wild eyes ping-ponging between them.
“What is it? A mouse? Where?” John looked around for the culprit.
Ruth and Esther laughed. “We were just playing.” Ruth stepped back down on the floor.
Esther lost her footing and almost fell. “I guess I shouldn’t be standing on a chair.” She eased herself back to the wood floor. “I have a hard enough time keeping my balance on the ground.”
John rolled his eyes, chuckling and shaking his head. “Silly maeds, I tell you.” He went back to the bedroom where he’d been tightening some screws on the windowsills.
“I haven’t seen him laugh like that in a long time. The few times I’ve seen him, he was so sullen.” Esther walked to Ruth and touched her arm. “It’s nice to see you laugh like that too.”
Ruth smiled. “Bishop Lapp might not accept me back into the community, but he can’t kick me out of mei haus.”
Esther’s eyes filled with tears. “Are you staying for gut?”
Ruth put both hands to her forehead for a few seconds. “I haven’t thought things through, but I feel happier here than I’ve felt in a long time. I’m going to roll with it and keep listening to God. Maybe I’m here for a month or two, just to get the house ready to sell. Or maybe God led me to the decision to return home so I would feel His healing hand on me.”
She shrugged, then laughed. “I don’t know, Esther. But I called my boss and quit my job this morning. Yesterday, I returned the rental car and took a cab back here.” She chuckled again. “It’s all crazy behavior, but Gideon and I had a nice nest egg when we split up. I had to spend some of it to get set up in Florida, but I have enough left to live on for a while until I figure everything out.”
“Becky is going to be so happy.” Esther latched on to Ruth’s hands. “I have something to tell you.”
Ruth’s pulse sped up. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong.” Esther paused as a smile filled her face. “I’m pregnant.”
Ruth raised a hand to her chest and smiled as her eyes welled with happy tears.
“I’m not very far along. I haven’t even told Mamm and Daed yet.”
Ruth threw her arms around her sister. “I’m so happy for you and Amos.”
When they released each other Esther sighed. “Becky says if we don’t name the baby Beatrice she will run away from home.”
Ruth laughed. She could picture Becky saying that.
“Go ahead and laugh.” Esther grinned, but then took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “She wants us to name her Beatrice Grace.” She lowered her eyes. “I know it doesn’t even go together, really, and I wasn’t sure how you would feel about it . . .”
Ruth brushed a tear from her cheek. “I think it would be wonderful.” They shared another hug, then Ruth stepped back. “What if the boppli is a boy?”
Esther shook her head. “Ach, she still wants Beatrice.” Her sister held up a finger. “But Amos and I are pushing for Benjamin.”
Ruth gazed at her younger sister, pregnant with her second child. She heard the voice in her head again, and she repeated the words aloud.
“I’m home.”
CHAPTER 11
Ruth rode with John to Annie and Ben’s wedding. Last month she purchased a car, but it was a lovely fall day, and she missed riding in a buggy. She’d dressed conservatively in a long skirt and white cotton blouse, not the traditional Amish clothes that were still in her closet.
She longed to wear the kind of clothes she’d worn most of her life and have her own horse and buggy. But it was up to the bishop to decide if and when Ruth could be rebaptized and become a member of the district again. Until that time hopefully came, she chose to respect the fact that she’d been shunned.
Her predicament fell into a gray area since her people didn’t believe in divorce. For now, she would continue to accept Bishop Lapp’s grace, by allowing her to resume communication with others in the district. She’d chosen not to have electricity installed in the house to show the bishop she was serious about making a new life here and living the Amish way. The car was a necessity for now, but she’d happily sell it.
Ruth awoke every morning at four o’clock to bake bread. She’d purchased four chickens and a milking cow. In many ways, she’d resumed her old life. There were large voids, but slowly her heart was filling in other ways. Tending to the yard, working outdoors, collecting eggs, and continuing to fix up the house kept her busy.
Slowly, she’d been able to recall more and more good memories about Grace, and while there would always be a level of grief, she was finding joy again. She thought about Gideon often and envisioned him here with her, but she hadn’t heard from him, so she was forced to face the fact that he had truly moved on. Whatever spark she’d thought they had was only that—a spark that ignited in Ruth’s heart, but apparently not in Gideon’s. At some point, she would have to figure out a way to pay Gideon for his share of the house.
She wasn’t sure what the future held, but she had something she didn’t have prior to coming here. Hope. She had a hopeful heart that she prayed would be full and at peace. It was a process, but as long as she kept moving forward, she would be closer to that peace.
The biggest question would be how the elders and Bishop Lapp decided to handle her return home. Even if she was rebaptized into the community, she wasn’t sure if romantic love would be in her future. She didn’t believe in divorce, and she didn’t think she would love anyone the way she loved Gideon.
John turned on the road to Annie’s parents’ house, and Ruth saw dozens of buggies with horses tethered to the fence. She was sure Esther and her mother had already been there for hours preparing food for the wedding. Knowing there would be plenty of help and not wanting to push Bishop Lapp, Ruth chose not to join them.
“I’m surprised you aren’t riding to the wedding with Barbara.” Ruth grinned at her father-in-law. John had been seen around town eating out with Barbara, a woman his age who had recently become widowed. It was customary for an Amish person to remarry soon after the death of a spouse. John had repeatedly said in letters that he would never remarry, customary or not. But then Barbara became available. He’d even returned to church. Ruth had been attending Amish worship too. Bishop Lapp, once again, chose to look the other way.
“Nee, no one knows ab
out me and Barbara.” John winked at Ruth, and she smiled back at him.
“Don’t kid yourself. They know. People have seen you together.”
John chuckled. He glowed with an expression Ruth hadn’t seen since before Mae and Grace died. It was a gradual transformation. First, he stepped out by helping Ruth with the house. Then he started going back to church once a month, and now every two weeks. John said it was a start and that he still had some things to work out with the Lord. And then there was Barbara, who seemed to propel him toward the same goal Ruth had—peace. But if romantic love was the answer, Ruth worried if she’d ever find the peace she longed for.
“There’s mei daed,” Ruth said after John had tethered the horse. “I’m going to talk to him before the service starts.”
John nodded, and Ruth walked to where her father was washing his hands at the pump by the fence. The men had set up a large tent outside the Millers’s house with a lot of tables and chairs. Normally there wouldn’t be a tent, but rain was in the forecast, and even the Millers’s wraparound porch couldn’t hold all the guests.
“Wie bischt, Daed?”
“Gut, mei maedel. Nice to see you. It’s been a few days.”
It had been over a week, but Ruth didn’t correct him. “I’ve been getting ready for winter. You know, stacking firewood in the mudroom and making sure I have enough propane, things like that.”
“A woman needs a husband to take care of those things.” Her father scowled.
Ruth brushed the wrinkles from her blouse as she sighed. “Well, I’m making do.”
It started to drizzle as she walked across the yard with her father. The service would be inside the Millers’s house. When she and her father walked into the room, people were packed like sardines, some sitting, many standing. There were probably three hundred folks. Panels that divided the rooms had been removed to accommodate the crowd.
It had been a long time since Ruth attended a wedding. She tried to recall if Esther and Amos’s had been the last one, but she couldn’t remember.
