by K. C. Enders
“Not what I meant, but if you’re offerin’, I won’t deny you.” His sparkling eyes contrast with the low, gravelly timbre of his voice.
Before a response has a chance to form in my head, the door swings open again, narrowly missing my backside. Finn and a couple guys from the pub stumble in, smirk hitching up on the left side of his mouth.
“Am I intererruptin’?” He looks back and forth between us knowing full and well that he might be.
“Nope. I just got here.” I take my bag from Aidan’s hand and stalk to the stairs. “Aidan, why don’t you shower first? I’ll go after you.” And up the stairs I trot to the sound of snickering and mumbles.
Freshly showered, damp hair piled on my head, I walk through the apartment quickly, avoiding the furtive looks from the guys sprawled across the couch. Aidan is out on the small deck with a couple icy glasses of water for us and the noise blissfully dies as I pull the door shut behind me.
“Guess we’re not watching a movie?”
Aidan huffs out a laugh and hands me a glass. “We’re not. Sorry, it’s pretty crowded here at times.” He’s leaning against the railing, arms crossed over his bare chest, shorts slung low on his hips. His gaze settles the four, loud man-children who took over the couch and TV.
With a decisive nod, Aidan straightens up and ducks inside grabbing a pillow and a light blanket from the basket by the couch. “Here, take my glass—” He leans over the railing and chucks the stuff he grabbed to the deck of the apartment below us.
“What are you doing?” I snort out a laugh and watch him scale down the ladder that runs down the side of the deck. “Aidan?”
“Hand down the glasses and come on.” He reaches up and takes our drinks.
Shimmying down the ladder, I step onto his neighbor’s deck. Aidan throws the pillow on a hammock spread between the deck supports. “Aidan, we can’t just use his hammock,” I laugh. The guy who lives here is nice, but this is a bit presumptuous.
“Help me with this. We’ll spread this out and lie on top of it.” He hands me the blanket and opens up the netting. “He’s out of town this weekend. Asked me to watch for a package delivery.” He climbs into the hammock and reaches for me, pulling me in. I yelp as it sways from my weight dropping in. Aidan chuckles, adjusting me so I’m half on top of him.
“He told me I was welcome to use his deck if I needed to get away from the boys. They get to be a bit much sometimes. And you’re the one I want to spend my alone time with.” He trails his fingers down my arm as the breeze blows gently across us.
“This is perfect.” I yawn, resting my hand over his heart. “Tell me about your tattoo—the cross.” I’ve wondered since catching a glimpse of it in the darkroom. I’ve seen it plenty since. Traced it with my fingertip. Studied the intricate knots, the heart, and hands. The crown.
“I got it in honor of Michael.” He places his hand over mine and slides it down so his thumb finds the inside of my wrist. “His passing.”
The shift is subtle, but it’s there. I can feel the tension, like there’s more to say, but he’s not quite ready. I get it.
“I’m sorry. So sorry.” I place a soft kiss to his warm lips and press my hand to his heart, and the tension eases away. My eyes are heavy and everything about this moment feels right. I feel a connection to him that I haven’t truly known before. Our breaths match—our heartbeats in sync.
As I drift off, I hear Aidan murmur, “Codladh sahm—sleep well.”
Chapter 22
Aidan
I lie here in the hammock with Lis’ hand pressed to my heart once again. It’s fitting, her hand resting there. She owns me.
I’ve been waiting for the question about my cross—she’s spent a fair amount of time staring at it, tracing it. And it hits me. Right now—in this moment—my heart is cocooned safely between Michael’s memory and Lisbeth’s presence. The beats evenly match up to the rhythm of hers.
As exposed as we are, swinging in a hammock on my neighbor’s deck, I can’t imagine feeling closer to her—more in tune to her. It feels a lot like love, and I want to stay here. Not just here in this moment, but here—in the States. Thoughts of what I need to do in order to stay here start swirling through my brain. I’ll need to sort my visa to start, an apartment of my own. To talk to Lis and tell her the rest the story. I just don’t know how.
The hammock is a romantic idea, and certainly better than the sauna of my room, but I want more. I need to have a space for just us. For us to be together, maybe live together. The thought washes over me as the soft breeze ruffles her hair, blowing wisps of it across my chest and I relax into sleep, feeling like I have a plan, a purpose, and someone to share it with. Not someone, Lisbeth.
Morning comes way too early, the sun streaming through the trees barely filtering it before it hits my eyes. This is how I want to wake up on the regular. Wrapped up in this woman, feels like the definition of home.
There’s no way I can pull myself out of this thing without waking her. Instead, I squeeze her and tickle my hand from her hip, up to her waist and back down until she starts squirming.
“Why? Why would you wake a person like that?” she grumbles while planting her hands on my chest and pushing up. Her hair is a wild mess, her cheek is red where it was pressed against my skin all night, and she couldn’t be more beautiful.
“I couldn’t wait to see you. It was selfish.” My smile stretches wide across my face as I slide my hand up her arm and try to tame her wild hair away from her face.
Much as I love this moment, I need to get things moving. “Come on, love. Let’s go back upstairs.” I swat her arse and try to sit up, but the hammock sucks me back in. The motion making us swing way too hard, the ropes creaking as we rock.
After another failed attempt and both of us almost falling out on our heads, we’re out of the damn thing and back up on my deck.
“What’s the plan today?”
“Go get dressed, we’re going to get you some coffee and breakfast. I like you better when you’re fed and properly caffeinated.” I drop a kiss on her forehead and head up to my loft to grab my laptop and get ready for the day.
LIS
We round the corner to the diner, the bell jingling, and find a booth toward the back. I slide in and Aidan scoots in next to me. “Uh… What are you doing? Something wrong with that side over there?” I smile and nod at the other side of the table. “You know Gracyn and I make fun of people for doing this at the bistro. Right?”
“I do. You’ve both shared that with me many times, but we have to work on our to-do list, for today, yeah?” He pulls his laptop from his bag as the waitress comes to the table, coffee pot in hand. Bless her. I flip my cup on its saucer and push it toward her eagerly.
“What can I getcha?”
I dump in a dollop of creamer and inhale a healthy dose of the life-giving liquid. I look up to order and both the waitress and Aidan are staring at me. I might have groaned as I drank half my cup down. The waitress refills my cup for me while we order a mountain of food and Aidan pulls up a website for apartments in the area. “So, your plan?”
“Right. It’s time for me to look at a different living arrangement. And I would love for you to help me. Would you look with me?” He turns his very serious eyes to mine and holds his breath.
“Okay. I can tag along. Do you know where you want to look?” I lean into his shoulder and wrap my free hand around his arm, for a better view of the screen. Yup, just for a better view of the screen.
“What do you think? You’ve lived here longer, I’ll trust your guidance.”
“Okay.” We haven’t really had the talk yet about how long he’s staying. I bite my bottom lip and lean back to get a better look at his face. I’m taking Gracyn’s words to heart and much as it makes me feel squishy, I ask, “Are you looking for something short term? Month-to-month?”
The air stills as I wait, searching his face. I want him to say he’s staying. I do. I really do, but this is scary as shit.
There’s no way I could ever ask him to stay, so feeling him out is the safest for my heart. With the rest of his family still in Dublin, he has no reason to stay.
“Erm. Maybe three months to start. Just to make sure the location works.” That tells me nothing. “Or maybe an Airbnb. That would make more sense since they’re already furnished.”
I pull back, dropping my hands to my lap, wiping sweaty palms on my shorts.
“So, just for an extended vacation, or…?”
“Lisbeth. Truly, I don’t have any furniture, it would be smart to move into something furnished.”
Our food arrives and we scroll through the site between bites. This is so far out of my comfort zone. Asking questions of someone, trusting them not to hurt me. And true to everything he has shown me, Aidan senses it, my nerves.
By the time we’re done, we have forty minutes to make it to the first appointment.
AIDAN
We spend most of the day trekking around town looking at different flats. Nice ones with no furniture, crappy ones with too much furniture and the stink of cats that will last far longer than the building will be standing. And a few that would be just about perfect.
Lis points out the things she likes and doesn’t in each of them and I file that information away as quite important. I want her to like the place I get. I want her with me.
“I have a test to study for, again. It’s the last one before my final and then I have like three weeks off before clinical rotations start. Do you want to order food and come hang out with me? And watch me study?”
“Much as I would love to watch—or help you study,” God I love the blush that creeps up her neck at that, “I have some calls to return for work, for photography. And, I don’t want to distract you.” Her thoughts have gone straight to our first study session.
I park behind her car, really not wanting to let her go, but knowing I have to. Much as I would love to spend the evening with her, with nowhere to go and nothing to do but watch her work, I know I need to say no.
I press my lips tight together and step out of the car, rounding the front to open her door.
“So, you don’t want to come over?” She leans into me wrapping her arms around my waist and tilts her head up. Her wide eyes bouncing back and forth between mine.
“I want nothing more than to come over—and over, and over.” I push my smile as wide as I can while running my mind through all things I’d love to do with her—to her.
She smacks my chest, laughing while pushing away from me. I open the door to her car and tuck her inside. “I know this—school— takes priority right now. Your test is tomorrow?”
“Yeah, and my final Wednesday. But, then I have time. I can breathe for a bit—I can be all yours.” Her hand hovers above her eyes, blocking the few rays of sun as I angle my body to shield her. It’s the smile that squinches her eye almost closed.
“Can we do dinner after your final? Maybe make some plans for that all mine idea?” I’m already making plans and lists and more plans.
“Yup. That’ll give me something to look forward to. Is there an incentive for grades? A sliding scale, maybe, better rewards for better grades?” It takes nothing for her to wink since her eye is about shut already, but it’s adorable when she does it. She darts her gaze to the sky, mentally running through her schedule. “Wednesday?”
“That works. Study hard and I’ll check in with you.” I lean in her open window for the kiss that will have to get me through the longest stretch we’ve spent apart in weeks. Hands wrapped in her hair as she strains to get closer to me. It’s not near enough, but I let her go. And bound up to my flat to put my plans in motion.
Chapter 23
Lis
Relief washes over me as I walk my final exam to the front of the classroom. I’m almost done. I made it through this set of classes and it starts to settle in just how close I am to graduating. Oh. My. God.
My drive home is full of windblown, wild hair and blaring music. This feeling, there’s not much better. I drop my bag under the table by the door and chuck my keys into the dish. I’m exhausted.
Gracyn promised to help me get ready for dinner tonight, but I can’t resist crawling into my bed for a little bit. I close my eyes and commit to this nap.
“Hey. You need to wake up, Lis.” Gracyn jolts me from a dead sleep. I sit up, throwing the covers off and rub the sleep from my eyes.
“What time is it?” My phone lights up with a couple missed calls and a voicemail.
“Yeah, I tried calling to let you know I’d be a little late, but you didn’t answer. Go, jump in the shower and hurry.” There’s no point in arguing or pointing out that there’s plenty of time. Gracyn has a look in mind, and I am at her mercy.
This thing with Aidan has grown, changed. He’s found his way into my heart as much as that scares me. This date tonight is different. It doesn’t just feel like a simple dinner out, it feels like more.
As soon as the shower is warm enough, I get to it. Our hot water situation has gotten worse over the past couple months and I have a very limited amount of time before I freeze. Shampoo, shave, shower gel. It doesn’t take long for the water to cool, so I wrap up and think about moving to a nicer place once I graduate.
“You ready for me?”
“Does it matter? You’re coming in regardless.” Gracyn lost all modesty living in the dorms her first year of college. Sharing a community bathroom with fifty girls gave her that as well as the desire to move out as soon as the semester was done. I, however, had put up with digs from my mom and Maryse about my ass that was too big, my boobs being too much—my mom even suggested liposuction. So, I’m used to covering up as much as possible. I grab my robe and throw my towel around my hair.
Once my hair is dry, my body is moisturized and my toes are painted, Gracyn pushes me out to her room. “Tonight’s big? This date?”
“It feels that way. I mean, we’re celebrating the end of my summer classes. G, I’m gonna make it. I’m going to graduate; the hospital wants me. I’m gonna be okay. I won’t have to struggle anymore. We can move to an apartment with two bathrooms, and hot water.”
“What about Aidan? Didn’t you guys look at places over the weekend?” Gracyn still hasn’t talked to me about Gavin, and we’ve been kind of dancing around each other. Her helping me get ready for a date would have been nothing before, but now it feels like a big deal “Close your eyes, Lis—thanks. So, you talked to him, right? About what this is, how long he’s staying?”
“A little? Not really. We looked at some furnished places, three-month leases, that kind of thing, so he’ll be here into the fall.” I shrug, not wanting to give this more weight than it already has. “But his whole family is in Dublin, G. His parents and his brothers and sisters. He’s got nieces and nephews there. This, I mean, I don’t know. I think I’m falling in love with him, but what if I do? What if I fall completely, head over heels, can’t live without him in love and he goes home? What if he decides I’m not enough and he leaves me too? I don’t know that I’ll survive.” It feels safe talking about all of this with my eyes closed, like I’m in my own little bubble.
“Lis,” Gracyn sighs as she pulls my hair back over my shoulders, curling it as she goes, “look at me. You can’t go through life so guarded. Rob, your sister, even your parents have been shit, but that doesn’t mean you stop trying. And it sure as hell doesn’t mean that Aidan is like them. Ask him tonight, just ask him. You’re not making demands, but if you’re worried about your heart, and you have every fucking right to be, then ask the question. Knowing where things stand is the only way, you can’t ostrich this anymore.”
“God, you’re right. I hate it.”
A few curls tumble down the side of my neck as she works her way through the rest, pinning my hair low at the back of my head.
“I don’t hate it that you’re right, I hate that I’m so stupidly scared of getting cast off again, that I get all tongue tied and nervous.”
I r
each up to pull at one of the loose curls, but Gracyn takes my hand, squeezing it gently. Her voice going soft. “You have nothing to worry about. Have you seen how he looks at you? Have you seen the fire in those stormy blues? That boy has it bad for you, Lis. Do what you have to do, ask what you need to ask and know that you are enough. You really are.
“Okay, let’s get you dressed now.” Gracyn pushes me out of the chair toward my room. “So he can think of undressing you all through dinner.”
The dress she has laid out for me is unreal. “Where did you get this, Gracyn?” I know this dress.
“Do you remember trying it on? When we went shopping for the party at my dad’s firm, and you were trying for funsies? I went back a couple weeks ago and it was still there.” She’s waiting for me to blow up, because this dress cost almost half of my rent. “Just stop. It was the only one left and on the clearance rack. Obviously, this was meant to be so just put it on.”
I slip into the navy fabric, settling it just off my shoulders. It takes a little wiggle to get it over my hips, but once I do, the side zips right up.
With a deep breath, and tears threatening, I look up blinking. “Gracyn, what…”
“I said stop. It’s not that big a deal. Here, put your shoes on.” She hands me my maroon patent leather peep toe heels and drops my phone, keys, and lip gloss into her clutch. “You look amazing. Lis. Absolutely amazing.” She’s like my very own fairy godmother.
“I don’t know what to say, Gracyn. Thank you…” Three knocks at the door and my head whips around.
“Go get him, Lis.” I turn to open the door and hear her mumble something that sounds a lot like, we’ll see if he can leave the fucking country after he sees this.
AIDAN
The door opens and my heart stops. It stops and I can’t breathe. I brace my hand on the doorjamb, and pray that I remember how to breathen before I pass out.
