“I thought you worked at the clinic?”
“I’m on rotation right now, so I fill in here at the hospital when they need me.”
“Thank you,” I said, and followed him back down the hallway.
We entered the room. Evie had crawled into his hospital bed. She snuggled into his good side, and Cruz played with her hair. They reminded me of Ryder and me a few years ago: young and hopelessly in love. Not aware of the world and only each other.
“So, the patient is finally awake!” Bones exclaimed as he made his presence known. “Took you long enough, you bastard.”
“Nice to see you too, Bones.”
“Dr. Bones to you,” he joked. “I’m just going to do a quick exam and check your vitals.
Evie jumped off the bed. “I’m going to go get your mom.”
“Oh, I totally forgot about Mom. I’ll go get her,” I said, but got dizzy again, and had to steady my hand against the wall.
“You okay?” Evie asked.
Bones turned an eye in my direction while he checked over Cruz.
“I’m fine,” I said.
“Your vitals look good,” Bones explained to Cruz before turning in my direction. “Evie, go get Mrs. Lennox, and I’m going to take Sawyer here to get something to eat.”
I started to protest, but the sternness in his gaze had my mouth stay shut.
“Cruz, I’ll send a nurse in.”
Cruz smiled. “Thanks, Bones.”
Bones nodded, and then rested a hand on the small of my back as he guided me out.
“I’m fine, really,” I insisted now that he wasn’t giving me the evil eye.
“Just let me do what I do, please.”
“Fine.”
Bones detoured to the nurse’s station, mentioning a few things, pointed down the hall at Cruz’s room to a petite nurse, who smiled and headed in that direction. We stopped at the vending machine, and he popped in two quarters, pressing the button for a bag of peanuts that he insisted I eat.
After finishing off the entire bag, Bones then showed me to an empty room. I sat down on the paper mat as he slid over on a chair. “Just going to do a little blood work.”
I sat there, impatiently, as he took a couple vials of blood. My brother was awake, and I was sitting in here getting drained because I had a few moments of lightheadedness. But, since I was sitting there, I figured now was as good as time as any to ask a few questions that had always been on my mind.
“You’re a doctor.”
He cocked his eyebrow. “I am.”
“So, why the club? You have everything you could possibly need. A steady job with a good income. A house.”
He tied a band on my bicep, and held my arm out. “Family. The club is all I got. My parents died when I was young, and if it weren’t for the Club, especially your dad, I don’t know where I’d be.”
“My dad?”
Bones nodded. “He believed in me when no one else did. I’ll always remember that.”
I didn’t know if it was the emotional leftovers from seeing Cruz wake up, or if it was hearing someone say something genuine about my father, about the way I remembered him, but tears spilled from my eyes and down my cheeks.
I swiped at them. “Sorry. It’s been a day.”
Bones slid on the chair across the room and grabbed a tissue. He handed it to me and smiled. “I’m going to send these down to the lab. Head back to Cruz. I’ll come get you when I get the results.”
I forced a smile. “The results that tell you there’s nothing wrong with me?”
“Yes,” he laughed.
I walked back to Cruz’s room. Mom was crying, hugging his head, holding Evie’s hand, and speaking a mile a minute in Spanish.
“Mija,” Mom cried when she saw me. “My baby is okay,” she repeated over and over again. I joined the hug, so happy to have my family together again. I might have made a life of my own in New York, but this was one thing New York would never have. It would never have my family.
I finally sat down, feeling relaxed for the first time since I got that dreaded call, when Bones appeared just outside the door and gave me a wave. Mom was still holding onto Cruz so I excused myself.
“So, let me guess. There’s nothing wrong with me.”
Bones’s expression went serious, and he nodded for me to walk with him. He came to a stop at the end of the hall. My stomach knotted up as panic slowly crept in. I didn’t like his face. Was I dying? Or, maybe it’s just a vitamin deficiency like he originally thought.
“What is it?” I finally asked unable to wait another minute.
He rested his hand on my shoulder, and gave it a squeeze. “Sawyer, you’re pregnant.”
My world shifted off its axis, and I backed away from Bones. “No,” I muttered, but suddenly the realization smacked into me. Getting sick on the plane, the lightheadedness, it had nothing to do with nerves. “Oh my God. Not again.”
“Again?” Bones questioned, but I couldn’t speak. Couldn’t think. My back slid against the wall, and I collapsed onto the floor. My breath came in short gasps, as my head fell into my hands.
“Calm down. Breathe. Do you want me to call Ryder?” he asked.
My eyes snapped to his. “No! He can’t know.” Bones gave me a curious look and I sputtered, “I mean, not yet.”
“At least I wore a condom this time.” Ryder’s words echoed in my head. He might have worn a condom that time, but, out on the cliffs, he didn’t.
What the hell was I going to do now?
SIX
SAWYER
A battle raged in my mind for days. The side I feared most kept winning. I had to tell Ryder. I denied him once, and I couldn’t do it again. History was repeating itself, and this time I would do it the right way. The problem was, this time was different, and I was petrified of what he might say or do.
I rested a hand on my stomach, thinking of the tiny life growing inside. There were so many days that I regretted giving up Liam. The pictures and updates his adoptive parents sent me, while comforting, still hurt because I couldn’t witness all his milestones myself. I constantly reminded myself that I made the right decision, and, when he was eighteen, his parents told me they would tell him about me and give him the option to contact me. I held onto hope that he would. It’s all I had.
I couldn’t go through it again. But, it wasn’t my decision alone. It was ours. As I pulled into Raven’s Nest, I drew a deep breath. Bones told me Ryder had been spending most of his time here, so I figured it was a good place to start. I prayed he wasn’t preoccupied like last time. Drunk and belligerent I could handle. Him with another woman… seeing that sluts mouth on him nearly broke me.
It was now or never, I thought as I stepped out of the car, and headed into Raven’s Nest. I had walked through these doors so many times in the past couple of months, I always felt like an outsider, and today was no different. If anything, I felt even more unwelcome than ever before. The feeling didn’t sit well for the conversation I was preparing myself for.
The place, while usually filled with whores and drunks, was empty except for the bartender and Pops. Pops turned when the door chimed as I walked in. It had been years since I had seen him, but other than a few more gray hairs and wrinkles, he looked exactly the same.
“Look what the cat dragged in,” Pops smirked, taking a sip from his rock glass.
“No cat. Came in all on my own,” I joked. “I was hoping to find Ryder.”
“Don’t you think you’ve done enough damage to that boy?”
The corner of my lip tugged. “I thought you all were indestructible.”
“While we like to believe that, you and I both know that isn’t true. Sit. Have a drink with me.”
I accepted his kind offer and slid onto the bar stool, realizing just as Pops held his hand up to the bartender that I couldn’t drink. Shit.
“Where is everyone?” I asked, looking around the bar and stalling.
“Out on business,” Pops said with
a smile and I knew it probably involved something illegal. He tilted his chin up at me.
“What are you drinking?” Pops asked.
“It’s still early. So, how about a water with lemon.”
“Don’t tell me New York made you soft?”
“I have to go back to the hospital. If my mom smells alcohol on my breath at this hour...”
“Avoiding the wrath of Maria. Good idea.” Pops winked. “How’s Cruz?”
I shrugged. “As good as he can be. Should be out of the hospital in a few days.”
“Did you just come from there?”
“I did.”
“You must’ve just missed Ryder, then. He and Axel headed up there about twenty minutes ago to talk to Cruz. Or, I should say, Axel dragged Ryder’s drunk ass up there. After knocking some sense into him.”
I tucked a stray blonde strand behind my ear. “I hear he’s been drinking a lot.”
Pops nodded and took another swig from his glass, as the bartender placed my water in front of me. “Ryder has a big heart. Some say it’s his downfall. For me, I think he’s blessed. To be able to feel and love that much, is a gift. But it’s also a curse. When those emotions turn bad, they consume him, and he spirals into darkness. I only hope that, this time, you two work out whatever it is. Last time, when you left, it nearly killed him. To sit back and watch someone you look at as your own destroy themselves,” he paused, taking another sip of his drink. “It was hard.”
“I can only imagine. Seeing Cruz in that hospital bed, unable to do anything, it was…” My words faltered as tears pricked my eyes.
Pops rested his hand on mine. “He’s tough like your dad.”
Already too clogged with emotion, the mention of my dad caused the tears to slip from my lids. As a little girl, my dad was the strongest man in the world. I honestly believed there was nothing that he couldn’t do. I idolized him. When he went to jail, everything I thought, everything I made myself believe, suddenly felt like lies. This imaginary world I had created came crashing down.
I violently swiped at my tears, but they wouldn’t stop. Damn pregnancy hormones. Pops handed me a tissue, and I blotted the streams.
“You and your brother were the most important things in your father’s lives.”
I shook my head. “That isn’t true. The club was. He chose it over us.”
Pops turned toward me, his eyes determined yet sincere. “That is not true. You were his world. The day he found out your mother was pregnant with you? I’d never seen him that happy. From that moment on, he was a changed man. He stopped living for himself, and started living for you. What happened to him, it was just a lot of bad choices catching up to him. You can’t fault him for that. We all make mistakes. But, don’t you think for a second that he didn’t try to do right by you because that’s all he ever did.”
Pops swiveled back in his chair, and finished off his drink. His words spun around in my head on rotation. All this time. All these years, I’ve held so much pain and resentment toward my father, and no matter what anyone said, it never changed anything. But Pops was right. We all made mistakes. I made more than my fair share.
“Another?” the bartender asked Pops.
A smile spread across his face. “Why not, Larry?”
Larry walked over to the wall, and held up the nearly empty bottle. “We’re running low. I have another bottle in the back. I’ll go grab it.”
Pops nodded, and Larry strolled in the back, disappearing from view.
I took one last sip of my water, setting the empty glass back down. “I better get going. Thanks for the talk.”
“Anytime. And remember, you’ll always be a part of this family, Sawyer. Maybe one day you’ll stop hating us, and accept us for who we are.”
I walked up to Pops, and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “I don’t hate you. I never could.”
Pops wrapped his big fingers around mine, halting me. He smiled. “So... when are you going to tell Ryder you’re pregnant?”
My mouth dropped open and my eyes popped wide. “How’d you…?”
A hearty laugh rumbled up his throat. “Water?” He raised an eyebrow.
I moved my lips, but nothing came out.
“Plus I’ve known you for a very long time, Sawyer, and I know you aren’t one to turn on the waterworks. When I found out I was going to be a father, it was the best damn day of my life. I expect Ryder will feel the same.”
I lowered my eyes, playing with the wrapper from my straw.“I don’t know. It’s complicated.”
“Complications are what you make them. It doesn’t have to be.”
I let his words sink in. He was right. I only hoped that Ryder felt the same. “Thanks, Pops.”
All of a sudden, the front door flew open, causing both Pops and I to turn. A figure stood in the doorway: Victor fucking Velasquez, the FBI agent who tried to blackmail me. I squinted against the sunlight streaming in, not believing my eyes. Velasquez stormed in, raising a gun, and pointed it at us. I barely had time to gasp before shots flew past us, shattering the glasses on the wall. Pops reached for his gun, but Velasquez turned the gun on him instead. His eyes were possessed, pure evil pouring out of them.
“Don’t fucking think about it, old man.” Pops put his hands up, but I knew he wouldn’t surrender so easily. He was forming a plan. I just wish I knew what it was.
“What the fuck are you doing here? Are you arresting us? What are the charges?” I demanded.
“Charges?” Velasquez spat his laugh, more of a cackle, reminding me of a psychopath or something. “Haven’t you heard, girly? Thanks to you and these other assholes, I’m no longer employed at the FBI. I’m no longer employed anywhere! And, for that, I’m going to make you pay.”
My hands shook in my lap, wishing I’d kept that pepper spray in my purse. I needed to stall, hopefully long enough that Larry could call the cops. Or the rest of the guys. “Me? What did I ever do to you?”
His lip curled in a snarl. “You told me you’d find a way to destroy me, and that I shouldn’t underestimate you. Now, it’s your turn not to underestimate me, bitch.”
He aimed the gun at my temple, cocking the trigger. My heart battered my chest, and I swallowed down the panic. This wasn’t how this was supposed to end. There were so many things left unsaid. So many things I needed to do to reconcile the mistakes of my past. For me and my baby.
“Please, don’t!” I begged and pleaded, clutching my stomach. “Please. There has to be—”
He lifted his hand higher, the gun a beacon to what was to come. “Shut the fuck up!” his finger twitched.
“No! The baby,” Pops yelled, shoving me to the floor just as the loud bang of the gun echoed throughout the bar.
His body crumbled to the ground. A scream tore from my mouth as I realized the bullet struck him right in his chest. I stared at his eyes as they dulled, so full of light only moments ago. In the blink of an eye, they were now lifeless and absent of any reminder of Pops. My heart shattered into a million tiny pieces. I couldn’t manage to catch my breath. “No! No! No!” Tears poured out of me, sobs strangling my throat.
Blood spilled from Pops’ chest. He was motionless, unresponsive, but I refused to believe he was dead, and pushed my hand to his chest to try and stop the bleeding. My arm was ripped away though.
I tried to pry Velasquez’s hand off of me, and get back to Pops, but his death grip was unbreakable. “Get off of me!” I screamed. “I need to help him. I need to—”
“I don’t give a fuck what you need. You’re coming with me, bitch,” he snarled, as pain exploded behind my eyes, and the world went black.
SEVEN
RYDER
Axel and I finished our conversation with Cruz, and headed back to Raven’s Nest. What a fucking mess he’d gotten himself into. The kid was lucky that Chubs was no longer a problem. As far as we knew, after speaking to El Presidente, Chubs had been taken care of. Permanently. But, just to be sure, Rogue said he’d make a call to El Pr
esidente himself. If Cruz had just waited, even an hour, before going to Chubs, this whole mess would’ve been completely avoided.
My buzz had worn off, and I was craving another drink, but I’d promised Axel I was done, and I was. If I had been sober, maybe I would’ve picked up on the bigger hole Cruz had dug for himself. We pulled our bikes into the parking lot and removed our helmets.
Axel took his phone out, and a stupid ass grin spread across his face. I punched him in the shoulder. “What are you so happy about?”
“Paige sent me…never mind.” A sinister smirk tugged at his lips, and I shook my head with amusement.
“At least one of us is happy,” I sighed.
“Never thought I’d see the day.” He slid his phone back into his pocket, and turned to me. “You’ll be next. You and Sawyer will work your shit out.”
“Some things you just can’t fix,” I stated. “Come on, I’ll buy you a drink.”
“I thought you weren’t drinking?”
I patted his back, and pushed him forward. “Just because I’m buying you a drink doesn’t mean I’m drinking.”
Axel and I continued to bullshit as I pushed into Raven’s Nest. We were both laughing at something stupid when, in the next breath, the laughter was sucker punched out of us.
My eyes scanned the bar, taking in the shattered bottles and overturned stools. I reached for my Colt, and stepped in farther, surveying the rest of the place. I checked down the back hallway then scanned the bar before landing on…Oh, God, no!
“Pops!” Axel cried. He ran to the lifeless body on the floor, and gathered him in his arms. Pain and agony etched his face as tears poured from his eyes. “No, no, no. Dammit! No! Not Pops. Not like this. No!”
The gun in my hand suddenly weighed too much for me to hold up, and my hand fell limply to my side. My legs shook, and could barely hold me up, but I needed to be strong, so I pushed my own pain and heartache aside to comfort my best friend.
My legs felt like lead as I walked over to him. I rested my hand on his shoulder, wishing there was more I could do. Axel began to rock, holding Pops’s limp body as his tears fell, mixing with Pop’s blood. Time seemed to standstill in that moment; as if we were trapped in this hell and we’d never get out.
Forgiven: Ryder and Sawyer 3 (Fallen Idols Motorcycle Club Book 9) Page 3
