by K. I. Lynn
Frantically I moved through the room, opening sheets and peering around others. Why were there so many patients?
Voices caught my ear, and I recognized Julianne’s right away.
I pulled the curtain apart and got my first good look at Emma in weeks. She looked so weak, so frail, her body tiny and pale against the bed sheets.
It killed me to see her like that. Devastated me that something might be wrong and take her from me. I refused to let her go.
I was going to fix this mess, even if I didn’t know how. Emma was mine, she always was, and she always would be.
My eyes fluttered open, both vision and hearing flooding in. “Wha?”
“Emma? Oh, thank God. You scared me.”
My head fell to the side to find Julianne wide-eyed. Everything felt so heavy.
“What happened?” I asked. It felt like I was weighed down, barely able to move.
“Josh said you stood up and then just fell to the ground.”
I’d been short of breath all morning, and I found that was still the case. “Update?”
She shrugged. “No news, but they did bring you back immediately.”
A cacophony of voices filtered in and around me, only a thin piece of fabric separating us.
“How long have we been here?”
“About an hour. Just so you don’t freak out later . . .” She sighed and pursed her lips. “They found that you were bleeding in the ambulance, but there’s nothing to suggest anything is wrong.”
Bleeding? “What do you mean, bleeding?” I lifted the sheet, which took more energy than it should have. I’d worn gray slacks to work, and they were gone. In fact, my whole outfit was gone, and I was in one of the itchy cotton hospital gowns. Flipping the fabric back, there were dark rust splotches staining my skin.
“Bleeding can still happen when you’re pregnant,” Julianne said as I covered myself back up.
The curtain surrounding me moved back. I was expecting a nurse or doctor, but it was Gavin.
His brow was furrowed and his eyes had bags under them. He seemed to be shaking, his breath labored.
My whole body got lighter just seeing his eyes, then was crushed by the reality he’d created.
“What are you doing here?” I spat.
“Are you okay?” he asked as he stepped closer. “Is the baby okay?”
“What the fuck do you care?” The searing pain in my chest reappeared, burning like a hot iron.
“You have got to be kidding me,” Julianne said from beside me. “Gavin? This is your mess?”
“Is our baby okay?” he asked, ignoring Julianne entirely.
“Our? So suddenly, you want us?” My tone was biting. How dare he burst in and plant himself back in my life after weeks of ignoring me.
He shook his head. “I never, for a second, didn’t want you.”
“Bullshit. You flipped out on me! You wouldn’t return phone calls or texts. You moved out. What other conclusion was I supposed to come to?”
He opened his mouth to speak, but Julianne beat him to it.
“I’d hoped you weren’t the motherfucking asshole,” Julianne seethed from my side.
I’d had a feeling she suspected.
Gavin’s eyes went wide. “You knew?”
“I had my suspicions, and you pretty much confirmed them when we came in at lunch.”
“Would you mind giving us a few minutes?” he asked.
“No,” I said. I didn’t want her to go. I needed her as a buffer.
“I’ve got to get back to the office.” She stood and took my hand. “Keep me informed, please. Take tomorrow off.”
“I can’t—”
“I said take tomorrow off.” She set my purse next to me. “They’ll probably keep you overnight anyway. Any days next week, just text me, and for HR, get a note from the doctor.”
“I’ll be back Monday,” I insisted. I couldn’t afford any time off.
“Emma, listen to me,” Julianne said with a sigh. “I know you’re stressed about money, but the health of you and your baby is more important. Listen to your body. Take a little time off.”
“Thank you, Julianne, for everything.”
She squeezed my hand, then turned to Gavin. “Better get some motherfucking knee pads.” She patted his chest before disappearing.
Everything inside me tensed, which exhausted me further. I relaxed back into the bed and struggled for breath. The ceiling tiles were a much more appealing option to stare at than the man I could feel feet from me.
In my periphery, I watched as he moved to take the chair Julianne had vacated and scooted it closer. “Emma.”
“Go home, Gavin.”
“I want to, but that all depends on you.”
“I don’t get it.”
He reached out and tilted my chin toward him. “You’re my home, Emma. Wherever you are is where I belong.”
I had to clench my jaw to keep my bottom lip from trembling. “Stop. Just stop. For weeks, you refused to talk to me, to explain yourself.”
“I’m an asshole.”
“Is that always going to be your excuse for everything? Oh, your dad is sorry he can’t come to your recital, he’s an asshole. Well, that’s even if you’re around,” I sneered.
“You have every right to be angry,” he said calmly. It made me want to slap him, but I didn’t have the energy. “I failed to handle the situation, and failed you.”
“I’m not a goddamn situation, Gavin. This isn’t a business deal. This is love, and you latched onto the first excuse to get out of it.”
“That’s not true,” he argued.
“You sure tried your damnedest.” He took my hand in his, and I wrenched it from his grip. “Why is it when I tell you to leave me alone, you advance?”
“Because I have something you need to know. I fucked up, Emma. I’m an asshole, and I lashed out because I thought I was being duped again.”
I shook my head. “Duped again? What the hell does that mean, Gavin?”
“It was like déja vu. My ex-wife said almost the same words to me once.”
“Okay, what the fuck does your ex-wife have to do with anything?”
“Everything,” he said before continuing. “After three years of marriage, I was done and talking with my lawyer about a divorce. One night, I came home and she announced that she was pregnant, and that put me filing for divorce on hold. She was my wife—of course I believed the child she was carrying was mine.”
Believed the child she was carrying was mine. Suddenly, things started to make sense. The strange things he kept saying. It didn’t make it any better, but understanding was a starting point.
“How did you find out it wasn’t?” I asked with genuine interest.
“The day she gave birth.” I watched as his jaw clenched and unclenched. “He had milk-chocolate skin. It was obvious then that she’d not only been cheating on me, but I knew the child wasn’t mine. My knee-jerk reaction was thinking the same about you.”
“Thanks for the trust,” I said through clenched teeth.
He took my hand in his and wouldn’t let go when I feebly tried to remove it. “I failed you, utterly. And I continued to do so for weeks, but I never stopped loving you, Emma. I’m so sorry for what I did, what I said. I’ve been miserable without you. Would you consider giving me a chance to make up for my mistakes?”
He killed me with his words, twisted my insides. Part of me wanted to say yes, but part of me wanted him to suffer like I had. He was trying to give me an understanding of why he had reacted the way he did. It was his turn to have an understanding of what he had done to me.
“You crushed me, Gavin. I’m not sure I can just sweep that under the rug and be all lovey-dovey again.”
He nodded. “Let me take you home and show you how serious about this I am.”
The curtain moved back and a doctor stepped in. “Hello, Emma, I’m Dr. Michaels.”
I couldn’t have been happier for his arrival, a reprieve from responding to Gavin
.
“Hello.”
“What’s wrong with her?” Gavin asked, butting in.
“I’m sorry, you are?”
“The husband and father.”
I glanced over to him, wide-eyed. What did he just say?
“Ah, right. Well, from your intake information, I want to run some tests, but the bleeding—”
“Bleeding?” Gavin interrupted again.
The doctor looked from me, then to Gavin. “Yes, Emma presented with some bleeding between the legs.”
“Is everything okay? Is the baby okay?”
The doctor held his hand up. “May I speak?”
“Yes. Excuse me.”
He looked back to me, clearly annoyed at Gavin. “The bleeding was nothing abnormal, but I want to do an ultrasound and check on the baby.”
I nodded in agreement. “What’s wrong with me?”
“I’m not sure, but we’re going to find out. I’m going to have the OB on duty come check you out after we get you admitted.”
“Admitted?”
He nodded. “We’re going to keep you overnight.”
“Overnight? Why?” Fuck. There was no way I would ever be able to pay off an overnight stay.
“For observation. You fell pretty hard, and I want to find out what’s going on. I don’t think you’ve miscarried yet, but that will be the first thing they’ll check upstairs.”
The blood in my veins ran cold.
“Miscarriage?” both Gavin and I asked at the same time.
Dread washed over me and panic spiked, causing tears to fill my eyes. “I could lose the baby?”
It wasn’t planned, but I’d already grown very attached to the little peanut inside me.
“There is definitely a possibility,” he said with a somber expression. “Someone will be over shortly to transport you.”
With that, he was gone and on to the next patient.
“Everything will be okay,” Gavin said from beside me.
“How do you know?” I spat.
“Because it’s our baby.”
I scoffed and shook my head. “Do you know how many women miscarry in the first trimester?”
“No, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be optimistic.”
“I’m surprised you aren’t optimistic for me to miscarry.” It was a low blow, but I just needed him to hurt like I was hurting, just a little.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” he growled.
“That way you wouldn’t have to pay child support and add me to the list of women who duped you.”
“Dammit, Emma!” he yelled out. “It would devastate me if our baby didn’t make it. Stop trying to fight me.”
“At least you’re fucking fighting.”
“Emma?” a voice called.
We both turned to look, finding a young guy in scrubs standing at the end of the bed, a wheelchair in front of him.
“I’m Andre, here to be your wheel man upstairs,” he said with a brilliant smile. Walking backwards, he was able to swing the chair right next to me before releasing the side rails, letting them drop. “Do you need help?”
I nodded and slowly moved the blanket back.
“Where are my clothes?” I asked.
Andre bent over and pulled a bag from beneath the bed. “Got them right here.”
“Jesus,” I heard Gavin mutter.
The gown had ridden up, and he was staring at the space between my legs. Andre stepped forward and pulled it back down as he helped me to sit up with my legs hanging off the bed before standing and, with his hands under my arms, dropping down into the chair. It took another minute for him to get me situated before handing off my belongings to Gavin and pulling the blanket off the bed and setting it over my lap, tucking it around my legs.
“Ain’t nobody’s business.”
The gown covered all of it, but somehow, the blanket added a level of comfort and protection, even if it was psychological.
I gave him a small smile. “Thanks.”
When we got to the room, Andre helped me up onto the bed, then moved to a cabinet. “Here’s our lovely, hospital pageant footwear to keep your toes toasty warm and compliment your gown.” I couldn’t help but smile. He was making the process so much less stressful. “You can just set her clothes bag under the bed. Someone will be in shortly.”
“Thank you,” I said as I took them from him.
He smiled. “Feel better.”
Once the orderly left, I wanted to open my legs and see just how bad it was, but I noticed Gavin looking at me.
“Turn around,” I said.
“Why?”
“I said turn around, and you will respect that request or I will have them kick you out of here right now.”
The blood drained from his face, and he did as I requested. “Who’s the demanding one today?”
“I don’t have to let you be here, you know. And I’m demanding because I have every right. You have none.”
Each movement was draining and aggravated my breathing as I leaned over, spreading my legs. There was more than just the dried splotches, and suddenly I was very worried about my little peanut. I drew in a shuddering breath, which caught Gavin’s attention. He turned back around, and I covered back up before he saw.
“What are you doing? Let me help,” Gavin said as he sat on the end of the bed and picked up the socks. He pushed the oh-so-attractive hospital socks with their grippers onto my feet.
“Thank you.”
“You’re right,” he said softly. “You do have every right. I was so messed up, and I’m so sorry I left you thinking I didn’t want you.”
“You hurt me, Gavin. Deeply. Apologizing isn’t going to make it all go away.” I was trying to make him understand that apologizing didn’t fix it. “I still had hope you’d come back and talk to me until I came home and you’d picked up all your stuff.”
“I thought a couple of days away would clear my head, but every time I started to think about it, my heart started racing and panic set in, so I stopped.”
“How nice for you,” I sneered. I couldn’t help it. While he was busy not thinking about me, I was busy doing nothing but thinking of how I was going to take care of an unplanned pregnancy without him.
“I buried myself in work, and before I knew it, two weeks had passed and I didn’t know how to come back. I didn’t know how to make up for all that I’d assumed.”
“So while I was worrying about how to support myself and a child, even thinking of selling the gifts you gave me, working overtime, you just decided to forget?”
He flinched at my words. “Selfish to the core.”
“But you’re not,” I yelled, sitting up. “Which is why I don’t understand what happened. Even with the whole ex-wife-screwed-you thing, which I get, why did you wait so long? Why did you make me suffer?”
Yelling took a lot of energy and air, which were in short supply. I was getting light-headed.
“Fear. I love you more than I ever thought was possible. I’m so in love with you that it would destroy my heart for the rest of my life if it was true.”
“But it’s not true! You wouldn’t even talk to me . . .” The room began to spin, and I fell back down to the bed.
“Emma?”
Everything was a blur, my vision unable to focus. I managed a few, long, slow blinks, then everything went dark.
“Ah, I think she’s waking up,” an unfamiliar voice said.
“If I could stop doing that, it would be nice,” I groaned.
“Good news, Emma. We know why now.”
“Yeah?” I looked up into the soft, kind features of what I assumed was my new doctor.
“I’m Dr. Andrews, and we should have you on the road to feeling better soon.”
“What is it?” Gavin asked from the other side of me.
“Well, you have iron-deficiency anemia,” she said, but it didn’t mean much to me. “It’s common in pregnancy, but yours is a pretty bad case. We’re going to give you some i
ron intravenously today and put you on a 120-milligram supplement every day. I still would like to run a few more tests to rule out any other issues.”
“Is that why I’m so weak?”
She nodded. “Weakness, paleness, difficulty breathing, all of your symptoms are a result.”
“All of those?” I had thought a lot of it was due to the baby.
She nodded. “Now, I’d like to do an ultrasound to check in on your little bundle.”
“Oh, it’s my friend again,” I said in regard to the wand in her hand.
She let out a laugh. “I see you’ve met.”
“Your friend?” Gavin asked.
I nodded. “I got real up close and personal with his brother a few days ago.”
“I saw the picture,” he said. His thumb stroked the top of my hand.
I looked at him to gauge his reaction. “You did?”
He nodded, his brow furrowed. “I’m sorry I wasn’t with you, but I promise I will never miss another.”
The way he said it, the conviction in his voice, made my chest clench. I believed him.
The uncomfortable pressure invaded me again, and I focused on the screen to try and block it out.
“What’s that sound?” I asked. There was a soft whooshing that wasn’t there days earlier.
“That’s the baby’s heartbeat,” she said. “Good and strong.”
“The heartbeat?” I asked in awe.
“It’s so fast,” Gavin said beside me. He took my hand in his. I glanced over and found his mouth was open, eyes wide as he stared at the screen. “Our baby.” He turned to me, his brow furrowed, jaw tense.
Without warning, his lips crashed to mine, which made me squeal and tense around the rod.
His lips . . . I’d forgotten how wonderful they felt. How soft and sensual they were. A warmth spread through me that I hadn’t felt since he left.
“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I questioned your love, your loyalty because I wouldn’t be able to handle that situation again. I love you so much, and I love our baby, I promise you.”
I was struck by his eyes, by the pure desperation in them. They beat me down, showed me, reminded me, of the strength of our love. The fire that burned in his eyes was the fire that burned for me. It was the first major punch to taking down my wall of pain.
