“Tonight?” Ben asked surprised. “That’s sudden.”
“I know it’s sudden. But I also know it’s something I need to do. You’ve been badgering me for the last week to get out of this hospital, to try to find some way of moving forward. I found a way, and I need to do it now. I don’t want to risk lying back down in that bed and never leaving it again. I’m asking for your help Ben. I know you’re busy, but I’m asking you to find the time to discharge me now.”
“You’re in luck,” Ben said with a chuckle. “After you left, Beth said that there was something between you two. I wasn’t sure but now I see it. You’ve changed, Jordan, which makes me think that Skyla really is your mate.”
Jordan closed his eyes and took a breath. Was he ready to admit this to anybody? Skyla should be the first person to know, but he didn’t know when he would ever feel right telling her. He had a lot of work to do before he was ready to let her know about his feelings. As for claiming her, that was something that might prove impossible. The stirrings he had felt earlier had given him hope that one day, he might be able to regain enough feeling to make love to her. But at the moment it was a distant dream.
“I am still your patient, so we still have doctor-patient confidentiality, don’t we?” Jordan asked.
“We do. And you don’t have to answer. I think if you’re even asking me about doctor-patient confidentiality, I know that she is your mate. Come on, Beth made me fill out the forms. She said that you wouldn’t be coming back to stay with us. And I must admit, I’m so glad that she was right.”
Chapter Seven – Skyla
Skyla felt like a contestant on a game show, where you had to throw as much stuff into your shopping cart as you could. As she loaded the bags filled with everything from food to sheets to shampoo, she realized they would struggle to get Jordan’s wheelchair in too, which wouldn’t do. She spent five minutes carefully rearranging everything, until she was satisfied the shopping would not spill everywhere, and she would be able to fit the chair in. Organization was one of her strong points, sometimes verging on OCD, but it was what made her good at her job.
Right, running around like a headless chicken, trying to kit a house out with everything they needed in one hour just smacked of calm organization. So why hadn’t she talked him out of it?
Because he was the patient, and she had to go with what he wanted, within reason. Was his need to move in tonight reasonable? Yes.
When he had turned to look at her as he wheeled himself off across the parking lot, she saw a different man to the one whom she had met earlier. He had hope, he had strength; he was ready to try to be something more than a man in a wheelchair who had decided his life was over.
All she had to do was nurture that new sense of self and allow Jordan to see he was as capable of any other person on this planet. If he could get over his feelings of inadequacy, and see he was not to blame for his comrades dying, he might just be able to trigger his brain into unblocking the connections that were preventing him from using his legs.
If not, he would be OK. The strength in him would carry him through, would make him find a role for himself in this world. Would allow him to tell her she was his mate.
That thought snuck in. Fanciful dreams. He hadn’t really given her a sign she was the woman for him. Now that she was away from him and her head had cleared, she thought back over the looks he had given her, and compared them to what Donnie had described. They were a shadow of that. She had misread the looks, and she had to accept that, and keep everything on a professional level, for both their sakes.
One of the many lessons she had learned in her career was that she couldn’t be anyone’s crutch. Jordan had to learn to stand on his own two feet, literally, if she had her way, and then she would move on, her job to help the next person who had been injured and was in need of her.
A glance up at the mountains told her this would be the hardest job to move on from. Maybe one of these men leaving the store would be the one for her. However, Jordan’s face flashed in front of her eyes and she knew that if he wasn’t the one, she would be moving on, because if she lived here, she would always feel a connection to him.
There she was, back to her fanciful dreaming again.
“OK, time to head back to the hospital and pick up my patient.” She emphasized the word patient in her head; would she ever see Jordan as just her patient?
The hospital was a short drive away. Parking the car, she ran across to the main building, and looked around. No sign of Jordan. Going to the receptionist, she asked, “Hi, I’m looking for Jordan Williams.”
“Oh, yes, he’s with Dr. Ben. One moment.” She picked up the phone and dialed a number, waiting for a moment and then saying, “There is a Skyla Martin here for Jordan Williams.” A pause. “OK, I’ll send her up.”
The receptionist replaced the handset and then said, “They are collecting Jordan’s belongings. Room 6, second floor.”
“Thank you, I know where it is,” Skyla said and took the steps two at a time. She might be a little curvy, but she was fit.
Finding the room, she pushed the door open, to find both Ben and Jordan staring at her. “There you are, Skyla,” Ben said, and she got the feeling they had been talking about her. She glanced at Jordan, but he looked away. Confusion filled her again.
“Ben. Does Jordan have the all-clear to go home?” She could see his few belongings were on the bed, and Jordan was placing them in a paper bag the hospital had provided. Why hadn’t she thought to bring the duffel bag with her?
“He does. Now, you’ve been in close contact with the physical therapist from the hospital?”
“Yes, the equipment is due to be delivered in three days’ time. They’ll set it up and then we can begin. In the meantime, we can improvise.”
“OK, so they’ve talked to you about massage, and the areas to concentrate on.” Ben was reading through a checklist which he held in his hand. “I’ve discussed bathroom access with Jordan. I think you are good to go.”
“I am more than ready,” Jordan said, placing the bag on his lap and turning his wheelchair around.
“Are you sure?” Ben asked, making Skyla frown.
“Is there a problem?” she asked outright, hating that the two men seemed to have a secret she wasn’t aware of. A secret about her?
“No problem.” Ben looked at Jordan, who huffed, which seemed to give Ben permission to speak. “Jordan asked me to take out his catheter. He has some sensations, now he’s up and about. A pressure that tells him when he needs to use the bathroom.”
“I’m back to feeling like a child, whose parents are talking about his bathroom habits in public.”
Skyla laughed. “That is amazing news.”
“That I can pee on my own?” Jordan asked.
“No, that you have some sensation. Any sensation. It’s great news.”
“If you tell me you’re proud of me for being able to pee on the potty on my own, I will be looking for another nurse,” Jordan said grumpily, but she could see he was pleased.
“Good bye, Ben. I am going to take Mr. Grumps here home. I am sure your hospital is going to seem much happier now his own dark cloud is drifting off into the distance.”
“Have fun. Remember what I said, Jordan. And if you need anything, call me. I’ll pop by in a couple of days to see how you are.”
“Thank you for everything, Ben. Thank Beth too.”
“You can thank her yourself, when we stop by.”
“Bye, Ben. It will be good to have you visit. Jordan says he can cook, he can make cookies.”
“It’s not a play date,” Jordan said sarcastically.
“Come on…”
“Don’t call me Mr. Grumps again,” he warned.
She laughed. “I won’t.” Then couldn’t help adding, “Unless you deserve it.”
“You are fully qualified to look after a man in my fragile mental state?” he asked.
“Oh, so you’re going to mess with my qualifica
tions now?” she asked. “Well, too late, buddy, you’re stuck with me.”
“Great, I’m going home alone with a woman who may, or may not, be qualified to look after me.”
“I got most of my training on the job,” she said. “They chose me to look after you, because you have a special quality.”
“A special quality. Other than my unique sense of humor?”
“No, they left that one off your records.” The elevator arrived and she pushed him inside. When the door had closed, she said, “I was talking about the animal side of you.”
She sensed the shift in his mood. “That’s gone too.” He stared straight ahead, and the sadness rolling off him was almost tangible.
“What exactly do you mean by gone?” she asked.
“Not there. Like gone usually means.”
“I don’t know how these things usually work, but can you feel him at all?”
“No. Nothing. When my legs went, so did my bear.” His voice caught in his throat, and her heart squeezed in pain. She wasn’t supposed to get so emotionally attached to her patients, but she couldn’t help it.
“We’ll find him, Jordan.”
“What if he’s dead?” His body trembled as he said the words.
“Is that possible?” she asked.
“I don’t know, but if he’s not dead, why isn’t he with me? Why can’t I feel him inside me anymore?”
Skyla had no answer to that question. But she was determined to find one if she could. Bear Bluff had been a place for bear shifters for a long time; someone would have an answer, surely. All she had to do was start digging around.
Chapter Eight – Jordan
“Dinner is ready,” Jordan called. He could not believe the enormous feeling of achievement those three words held.
“Coming,” Skyla answered. She was upstairs making up the guest bedroom, which was where she would sleep, while Jordan used the downstairs bedroom. There was a stair lift he could use to get upstairs, so it wasn’t completely out of bounds for him, but sleeping downstairs was the most practical solution. Even if he would rather be sharing a bed with Skyla.
He put a plate down on the table, and turned back to retrieve the second one. He had to stop thinking about her and their relationship. At least until he tested his body to see how much response he could get from it. He smiled wryly, he made it sound as if his body was a machine that simply needed a tune-up or repair, but what was wrong with him went much deeper than that.
“That smells wonderful,” Skyla said, coming in and sitting down at the table, while he drew his wheelchair under at the opposite end. “And I am starving.”
“Good. Eat up. I don’t think I have ever wanted to taste a meal so much in my life. The hospital food was OK, but nothing like a meal you’ve prepared yourself.” He picked up his knife and fork, and began to eat, savoring each mouthful.
“Oh, I nearly forgot.” Skyla got up from the table and went to the fridge. “I thought we could have some wine to celebrate. I checked with Ben to make sure you are allowed alcohol with your meds.”
She opened the bottle and poured the chilled wine into two glass tumblers. “I guess wine glasses are on the list of things to buy tomorrow,” he said, and took a sip of the Sauvignon Blanc. “That tastes good.”
“I’m glad you approve. It doesn’t exactly go with the steak, but I’m not big on red wine.”
He put his glass down and picked up his knife and fork, wanting to eat while the food was still hot. “I served in the Army for six years. Any alcohol goes with any food.”
“Good. I like non-fussy clients.” She raised her glass to him. “Here is to a new start.”
“A new start.” He sipped some more of his wine. She’d called him a client, was that all he was to her? Could she feel the bond at all? If she couldn’t, it would make it far easier for her to walk away. “Why did you take me on?”
“As a client?”
He wanted to wince every time she used that word. “Yes. Why come to Bear Bluff?”
“The bears. Seriously. I had a friend, and that friend was a shifter. I was always so intrigued by him. We used to go out in the local woods and he would shift into a bear, and there was something about that. I don’t know, it was as if he was touched by magic.”
“What happened to him?”
“Nothing. He’s still living in my hometown. But he met his mate.” She smiled and then looked down at her plate.
“What?” he asked wanting to know every detail about her life.
“This all makes me sound like some sad woman who wanted to find herself a bear Prince Charming.” She took a bigger gulp of her wine. “One day he met his mate. And the look on his face… Sorry, you don’t want to hear about it.”
He sat up straighter, giving her his full attention. “I do. Please.”
“I don’t know how to explain it. He loved her, in an instant. I’ve always been in love with the idea of love at first sight…” She looked at him, with an unfathomable look. At least to anyone who wasn’t experiencing the exact same feeling as she was trying to explain.
“And you came here to see if you could find a man, a shifter, who was your mate?” He finished her sentence. “I can see the appeal.”
“You haven’t met your mate. Is that something that you crave?” Her question made him a liar. He had met his mate; she was here, right in front of him, and he couldn’t deny her, so he avoided the question entirely.
“Your friend. Were you in love with him?” Jordan asked.
“Donnie? God, no. We were best friends through school, played, fought, and studied together, but that was as deep as our relationship ever went.”
“Why?”
“Aren’t you the nosy one?” she asked. She looked down at her lap, and then placed her knife and fork down on her plate; he hoped he hadn’t ruined her appetite. “I’ll be honest, I liked him, but when he told me about the whole mate thing, I realized that if I wasn’t his mate, then our relationship would never last. Not if it got physical. I couldn’t allow myself to risk getting hurt like that. Not when I had seen what it did to my father.” She smiled sadly. “More family secrets.”
“Tell me,” he said softly, encouraging her to open up to him. “I have been starved of true human contact for months, and before that the closest I got to talking about relationships was with men who had a girl in every port.”
“Did you?” she asked.
“No. That’s not to say I haven’t… I was young.” He shrugged, and suddenly felt as if he was exposing a part of himself to Skyla. “But then you reach a point when you know you just want to settle down with the right woman.”
“With your mate?” she asked softly.
He nodded. “You want to find her, and make a life with her. I’d already handed in my papers. When my current tour was over, I planned to leave the Army, come home and begin to set down roots.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“You may have read my file, but those words on a page don’t tell you who the man is.”
“I know.” Skyla ducked her head and began to eat, and Jordan decided to do the same. This was a weird situation for them both to be thrust into, and they had both bared their souls a little. He needed time to process the feelings she evoked in him.
After dinner, she offered to do the dishes, while he relaxed. An impossible thing when she was only two rooms away, and the stirrings in his body grew frustratingly stronger. This was going to be hell. He wanted her, emotionally, but physically he couldn’t be with her.
Maybe fate was a joker, and the biggest joke was on him.
“I think I am going to have to go to bed. The long drive this morning took it out of me,” Skyla said, coming into the sitting room.
“OK.”
She hesitated. “I’d really be happier if you were in bed too.”
He laughed. “Now I’m back to being the child.”
“I have responsibilities.”
“I understand. I can read a book
, if it makes you happy.”
“It does.”
He moved himself back into the wheelchair, and headed to his bedroom. There was an adjoining bathroom and he was relieved to find parts of his body were working as they should. That made him happy; he hated the idea of Skyla having to supervise his bathroom routine, but it frustrated him that no matter how hard he tried to concentrate on his legs, nothing moved. The lines of communication were down. How the hell was he supposed to repair them?
“Damn it,” he said, his fists clenched as he punched his legs, wishing he could feel something, anything. This was worse than if they had told him he was irreparably damaged, at least then he would be able to move on. But this? Being stuck in limbo was killing him.
“Everything all right in there?” Skyla asked.
“Perfect,” he answered, and finished up quickly before going back to the bedroom.
Skyla was sitting on the side of the bed, and the man in him wanted to reach out for her, and kiss her, lay her on the bed and make love to her. If only.
“Want me to leave the room while you undress?” she asked. “Or do you need some help? You must be tired after today.”
“I can undress.” He thought for a moment and then said, “You can stay.”
She got up off the bed, walked across to one of the dressers, and took out a clean pair of pajamas. “I know you might have felt more at home in hospital gown, but I figure you might be fed up with everyone seeing your ass.”
He chuckled. “Thoughtful.”
“That’s what I’m paid for.” She handed them to him. “Want to get on the bed first? It’s pretty neat.” She went around to the bedside table and lifted up a remote. “This lets you put the bed up and down. Makes it easier for you to get on and off.”
“Thanks.” He took the remote and made the bed go down lower; then he positioned the wheelchair and made sure the brake was on before he lifted himself up and shifted his weight towards the bed.
He had not anticipated the quilt, and where he thought the edge of the bed was, well… it wasn’t. But before he could slip to the floor, she was there, her arms around him, lifting him as he struggled to regain his dignity.
Black Bear Down: BBW Bear Shifter Paranormal Romance (Return To Bear Bluff Book 3) Page 4
