by Hannah Ellis
Work was the problem, she supposed. She’d put it above everything else, and it was only now occurring to her that it wasn’t a good thing to do.
“I’m not sure what Josie’s idea of fun would entail,” Phil said. She hated the derogatory tone he’d adopted to speak about Josie. Then she remembered it was exactly how she would have spoken about her until recently.
“She was thinking about a weekend at a spa hotel. All very civilised.”
“Well, maybe I underestimated her,” he said. “So that’s where you’ve been today, then?”
“What?” she said, puzzled.
“Checking out spas?”
“Oh. Yes! We checked out a few.”
He paused, and she could tell he knew she was lying. The atmosphere, which was frosty to begin with, turned even cooler. “Did you find somewhere?”
“I’m leaving it up to Josie…”
She moved to kiss him, feeling suddenly nervous at his questions. And her lies. Why was she lying? Kissing him did nothing to lighten the atmosphere, as she’d hoped. Instead, she was acutely aware that when she kissed Phil she felt absolutely nothing. It was as if she didn’t know him any more. It was like kissing a stranger.
She was sure he felt it too.
At least Elizabeth had the luxury of knowing what the problem in their relationship was. If only she knew how to fix it.
Chapter 33
The smell of roasting chicken had an amazing effect on the house. The place felt suddenly homely. Elizabeth searched through the cupboards as though she was in someone else’s kitchen. She couldn’t decide which pots and pans to use for what. Cooking was enjoyable, nonetheless. Something for her to focus on – and far better than rattling around the house with Phil.
“Can I help with anything?” Phil asked when he joined her in the kitchen.
She moved to the stove to check nothing was bubbling over, then adjusted the heat when she saw that nothing was even boiling.
“It’s all under control,” she said brightly. “But you can be in charge of drinks.”
Happy with the task assigned him, he headed to the pantry which he’d converted into a wine cellar. He’d just reappeared with a bottle of white in one hand and a red in the other when the doorbell rang.
“Can you get it?” Elizabeth said, trying not to feel overwhelmed.
“The world has gone mad!” Josie announced, walking into the kitchen a moment later in a pair of faded jeans and a scruffy T-shirt. “I know you said you were going to cook, but I assumed you had a person who’d come in and do it for you. That poor little old lady who cleans for you, maybe…”
“Mrs Wilkinson’s services don’t extend to cooking,” Phil said, following Josie in, their parents right behind him.
Josie raised her eyebrows in amusement and Elizabeth flushed as she moved to greet her parents. She was slightly embarrassed that they’d asked Mrs Wilkinson to cook for them when she first started cleaning for them.
“What kind of potatoes are you doing?” Josie asked, peering into the pans on the stove.
Elizabeth shrugged. “I just put them into the water.”
“Let’s roast them,” Josie said, moving them off the heat. “Where’s your roasting tin?”
“I already used it for the chicken,” Elizabeth replied.
Josie found another in no time and splashed it with oil before putting it in the oven to heat up.
“How long’s the chicken been in?” Josie asked. “It looks like it’s nearly done.”
“It should need another half hour, I think,” Elizabeth said, joining her by the oven. She wished she’d thought of roast potatoes.
“Well, this is really very strange,” their mother said. “My two girls working together in the kitchen and no one screaming at anyone.”
Their dad chuckled beside her. “Give them five minutes!”
But there was no arguing: everyone got along well and it was a pleasant atmosphere. They ate in the dining room, and Elizabeth was surprised by what a success her meal was. Perhaps it had a lot to do with Josie’s help; still, she was pleased with it all.
They’d finished eating and were sitting round the table sipping wine when her dad asked her how work was going.
“Okay,” Elizabeth replied unconvincingly.
“You work too hard,” her mother said.
“I don’t mind working hard.”
“If that’s a dig at me, I’m going to pretend I missed it,” Josie said.
Elizabeth smiled at her. “It wasn’t.”
“What’s the problem, then?” her dad asked.
“I don’t know.” She paused and mulled the question over. “I’ve just been there a long time and I don’t really feel like I’m going anywhere. It doesn’t excite me like it used to.”
“I thought you were aiming to run the place one day.”
“I am,” she said. “I was. I don’t know.”
“Paris is still on the table,” Phil said casually. “If you feel like a change!”
Her brow furrowed and she shot Josie a weary glance while her parents peppered Phil with questions about the possibility of a move.
“We’re not moving to France,” she said finally. Why on earth had he brought it up in front of her family?
“It sounds like a great opportunity,” her dad said.
“But I’m not moving to France,” she said, laughing at the absurdity of it, then glaring at Phil. “I might be a bit fed up with work but it doesn’t mean I want to pack up and relocate to a different country! And what do you think I would do in France?”
“I know, I know,” Phil said. “It’s not realistic.”
“It’d be lovely to visit you in Paris,” her mum said.
Elizabeth shook her head. “It’s not going to happen. Besides, I’ve been working my way up the ranks at the magazine for ten years. I’m not about to walk away now.”
“Of course,” Phil said. “And you’ll soon be editor-in-chief. I’m talking nonsense. I can’t even speak French.”
Elizabeth felt deflated. Talking about becoming editor-in-chief no longer excited her. She’d spent so long aiming for it, it had become ingrained in her. Increasingly, the thought filled her with a sense of dread.
She was grateful when her dad redirected the conversation. “How’s your new intern getting on?” he asked. “It was good of you to get Josie’s friend a job.”
“Emily’s doing fine. I’m not sure it’s something she’ll want to do long term, but it’s good experience for her.” She turned to Josie. “You know she wrote a book?”
“Hmm,” Josie said, picking at a tooth with her tongue. “I was a bit annoyed with you about that.”
Elizabeth’s eyes narrowed as she frowned. “Why?”
“You shouldn’t have read it,” Josie said calmly.
Elizabeth went on the defensive. “She shouldn’t have left it open on my computer.”
“Maybe she shouldn’t have used your computer without asking,” Josie said, fiddling with her wine glass, “but you still shouldn’t have read her book. She’s private about it.”
“She shouldn’t be. It’s very good.”
“You could have just asked her before you read it. She was upset that you’d read it without asking.”
“She was glad I read it,” Elizabeth insisted. “I’m editing it for her. I’ll save her a fortune in professional editing.”
“Well, she might be happy that you’re editing it but she was still shocked that you read it like that. It was embarrassing for me, trying to make excuses for you.”
Elizabeth could hardly believe her ears. “I embarrassed you?”
“Do you always have to argue?” Phil said. “I thought you’d got more civilised recently.”
Josie ignored him, coolly keeping her eyes on Elizabeth. “Why is it so unbelievable that I could be embarrassed by you? You shouldn’t have read the book without asking and I find it strange that you still can’t see you shouldn’t have done it.”
“Josie,” their mum said with a sigh, “don’t argue with your sister. She’s just cooked us a delicious meal.”
“Little Miss Argumentative,” Phil said, doing his best to keep his voice light.
“Shush, Phil,” Elizabeth said.
“Well,” he said, “she knows exactly how to wind you up and she does it every time. It’s very immature.”
“Josie…” Their mother glared at her in the same way she’d done to coax an apology from them when they were children.
“Okay,” Josie said with a shrug. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to be argumentative. I was only saying.”
“Well, let’s get tidied up, shall we?” Phil said, collecting everyone’s plates.
Elizabeth stayed where she was and kept her eyes on Josie. Her sister didn’t seem angry, and she hadn’t looked like someone trying to start an argument. They’d been getting on so well and it was odd that she’d want to argue for no reason.
When Phil rolled his eyes behind Josie’s back, it annoyed Elizabeth.
“Josie’s probably right,” she said thoughtfully.
“Surely not,” Josie said with a mocking ring to her voice.
Elizabeth couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re right,” she said. “I should have asked before I read it. I thought I was doing her a favour.”
“You are,” Josie said. “I didn’t say you didn’t have good intentions.”
“Sorry,” Elizabeth said sincerely.
Their mother patted Josie on the shoulder and beamed at both her daughters.
They all drifted through to the kitchen together, carrying plates and dishes, then started to tidy up. Phil topped up wine glasses, then perched on a barstool.
“So you have the hen night all planned, Josie?”
Josie squinted at Phil in confusion, but recovered as soon as she caught Elizabeth’s horrified look. “I don’t think it’s appropriate to discuss with men in the vicinity.”
Phil’s smile didn’t reach his eyes. “You stole my fiancée away for half the weekend. You can at least tell me what you’ve been plotting.”
“Sisters are allowed a secret or two, aren’t they?” Josie said.
Phil tensed in annoyance. He was playing games, Elizabeth thought: using Josie to try to catch Elizabeth out. It was unnerving. Once again, Elizabeth reminded herself that it wasn’t Phil’s fault. He was muddling through and trying to figure out what was going on.
“I told you,” she said quickly. “It’s just a spa weekend. Nothing wild!”
“That’s a good idea,” her mum said. “I like the sound of it.”
Elizabeth wandered back to the dining room to collect the last of the dishes.
Josie followed her. “What was that all about?” she whispered.
“Long story,” Elizabeth replied, glancing nervously at the kitchen.
“Next time you might want to give me a heads-up so I can follow the lies.”
“Sorry,” Elizabeth said, feeling completely and utterly exhausted.
Chapter 34
Karen knocked on Elizabeth’s door shortly after she arrived at work on Monday.
“How’s things?” she asked.
“Fine,” Elizabeth said. Since their chat about Max, she’d been pretending that Karen’s little pep talk had worked and she was now back to her normal self. Everything was great – or so she kept telling Karen. She didn’t want to hear again how she should make more effort with Phil. Making more effort with Phil was killing her.
“I’m glad you’re doing better,” Karen said. “Just a pre-wedding wobble, I’m sure.”
“I guess so,” Elizabeth agreed. “All okay with you?”
“Yes,” Karen said, then sighed as she sat. “But Heidi’s causing problems again. You’re going to have to step in with your tact and diplomacy. I thought it might be easier if we went back to writing the horoscopes ourselves. That used to be fun.”
“No way,” Elizabeth said. “I’m not doing it. What’s wrong with Heidi?”
“She’s so inconsistent. Hang on…” Karen tapped at her tablet then held it up for Elizabeth. “That’s Sagittarius.”
Elizabeth glanced at the page of writing. “It seems a little long.”
“It’s far too long, and very specific.” Karen skimmed it. “If you’ve been thinking of buying a new pillow, now is the time. Seriously? Where does she get this from? Wear yellow shorts for luck. This will be in December’s issue. Who wears shorts in December?”
“I’ll talk to her,” Elizabeth said. “But it’s quite funny.”
“Except some people take this stuff seriously. Some poor love is going to freeze to death going out to buy a new pillow in yellow shorts!”
“Nobody takes horoscopes seriously,” Elizabeth argued. “Except maybe Heidi.”
“What are you? Aries?” She dragged a finger over the tablet. “Let’s see…”
“I don’t want to know.”
“Oh!” Karen said dramatically. “Heidi has six words for you. Six! It’s like it’s the last one she wrote and she got bored.”
“Go on then,” Elizabeth said, amused. “Hit me with it.”
Karen adopted her best mysterious tone. “Take a chance. Make a change.”
“No,” Elizabeth said adamantly. “It does not say that.”
“Seriously. Look.” Karen turned the tablet and Elizabeth shook her head.
“That’s crazy,” she said.
“I know. So you’ll talk to her?”
Elizabeth covered her mouth but the laughter bubbled up and she couldn’t stop it.
“It’s not that funny,” Karen said.
“It is.” She swiped at tears. “It’s hilarious.”
Karen went serious. “I’m worried about you.”
“Don’t be,” she said, taking a deep breath and trying to get herself under control. “I’m fine. I’ll talk to Heidi.”
Karen left the office quietly but her words floated in Elizabeth’s head: Take a chance. Make a change. The hysterical laughter came again in an uncontrollable wave. She wasn’t sure when it switched to crying, but she felt pathetic and it took a while before she composed herself enough to get on with some work.
The words niggled at her all day. She thought horoscopes were nonsense, but at the same time it felt like the universe was giving her a sign. It was exactly what she wanted to do: make a change. How long could she keep going as she was? It felt like she was fighting for something she didn’t even want.
She struggled to focus on work and instead found herself mulling over the practicalities of leaving her job. And leaving Phil. She had money saved. He could buy her out of the house and she wouldn’t ask much more from him. Financially, she was in a good position. If Josie knew how much money Elizabeth had stashed away, she’d wonder why she worked at all, never mind at a job she didn’t enjoy.
For the first time she could remember, Elizabeth left work early. She headed straight for Josie’s place.
“What’s wrong now?” Josie asked when Elizabeth marched in.
“Well, I hate my job for a start,” she said, moving to the living room. “I really hate it.”
“There’s an easy fix to that.”
Elizabeth took a seat on the couch with Josie. At some point on the drive over, she’d changed her mind again, the rational part of her brain telling her that she shouldn’t leave her job and Phil. That she was being crazy.
“I know! Quit my job! But it’s not that easy. I have a great job. And in a few years I’ll be editor-in-chief. How can I just leave?”
Josie pulled her legs under her. “I’m not saying it’s not a great job. But maybe it’s not the right job for you…”
Elizabeth tried to interrupt but Josie talked over her. “And I’m not saying it’s easy to leave your job, but maybe you still need to do it, even though it’s hard.”
Elizabeth pouted. “When did you get so wise?”
“Probably about the same time you went crazy!”
They smiled at each ot
her and Elizabeth wished that all her problems could be solved sitting on her little sister’s couch. “It’s not just the job,” she said quietly.
“Phil?”
Biting her lip, she realised she needed to tell Josie the truth. She had to force the words out. “It’s Max.”
“Max?” Josie threw up her hands. “Who on earth is Max?”
“A guy I met. Remember the week I went to Hope Cove?”
Josie nodded.
“Well, I met someone.”
“Okay,” Josie said, clearly surprised by the revelation.
“I thought it was just a fling. Not even that – more like a crush. But I can’t stop thinking about him.”
“What about Phil?”
“Well, Phil’s great, isn’t he? And clearly I’m a horrible person!”
“Oh, Liz,” Josie said with a sigh, “don’t be like that. Phil’s a good guy, but that doesn’t mean he’s right for you. If you’re not happy—”
“You’re simplifying everything,” Elizabeth snapped. “It’s all so easy for you, isn’t it? Don’t like your job? Leave it! Fed up with your fiancé? Leave him and find someone else!”
Josie glared at her, her eyes wide.
“I’m not sure why I came here,” Elizabeth said, getting to her feet. “I don’t know why I thought you could give me advice.”
“Oh, sit down,” Josie said, her voice light. “You knew exactly what I would say, and it’s what you want to hear. If you’d wanted someone to tell you to stop moaning and get on with things, you’d have gone to Mum or Karen. But you came here, so sit down and let’s make a plan!”
“I can’t.” Elizabeth’s face crumpled and the tears came. “I’m not like you. I can’t give up everything I always wanted because I suddenly want something else. It doesn’t make any sense.”
Josie pulled her back to the couch. “What’s your biggest worry? That you’ll quit your job, leave Phil and end up alone and homeless?”
