by Sage Arroway
She remained silent, looking into his eyes as he spoke.
“I know exactly how they felt,” he concluded.
“But it wasn’t the most important thing tonight,” Allie reminded him.
It was true; he hadn’t even felt the beast pacing behind his eyes like he always had whenever the moon was full. And even now, with the moon in full view, he still didn’t. If anything, it felt as if it was dormant; content and asleep like the rest of the world was during the night.
“I know,” he began, “but it could come back any time, you know?”
She rolled the rest of the way over until she was draped across him and could look him square in the face. If she wanted his attention, she certainly had it.
“Why do you always talk about it like it’s a thing?” she asked. “Like it’s not you?”
“I don’t know,” he replied honestly. “It just feels like it’s not a real part of me. I wasn’t born this way, it happened, and I’ve just never really gotten used to it.”
“Or accepted it,” she added.
“That, too.”
“It might be time to.” Her suggestion came with a smile and it eased the inevitable solution he ‘d never been willing to face before. “You said you know others - other werewolves?”
He nodded.
“Do they all feel that way about…what they are?”
“I don’t know for sure,” he paused, recalling those of his kind he had encountered along the way. “For some, I guess it’s just their new normal. You’re a human, then you’re a wolf, and you just kind of roll with it. I knew this guy back on the west coast—you’d think he had won the lottery or something. He was always going on about how the wolf was the best part of him.”
“Maybe to him it was. Why can’t it be for you?”
Tyler shook his head. “It’s too dangerous. That guy was killed soon after. Got in the middle of a werewolf gang war or something. Shot dead by a bunch of believers, I heard.”
“Believers?”
“Yeah, you know how people have their myths about werewolves?”
Allie nodded.
“Well, werewolves have their own myths, on top of that. The main one is something they call first-gens.”
Her brow arched and he could tell he caught her attention. “What’s a first-gen?”
“It’s what they call werewolves who are born werewolves.”
Her forehead crinkled. “People are born that way?”
Tyler nodded. “That’s what they say, anyway. Rumor has it that if you’re born into it, you don’t have the curse of it. The moon doesn’t make you change, you change whenever you want to.”
“Doesn’t sound so bad,” she said.
“Yeah, it sounds great. If it were true. But for someone like me, it’s just a fairy tale.”
“So you don’t believe it?”
He leaned his head back against the pillows. “I don’t know. It’d be nice to think it was possible. But…”
Allie smiled at him. “Maybe you don’t know everything about werewolves, yet.”
“I know enough.”
Allie cut him off with a look, “Sure ya do, Rockstar. Because before tonight, you thought you had to change every time the moon was full. But look,” she pointed to the window with her eyes, “it’s full and you’re not a wolf.”
“Touché,” he grinned. He would give her that much.
“So maybe you don’t know everything yet,” she repeated, more confidently.
She had a point, despite her arrogance, and Tyler simply conceded.
She kissed him again at the base of his neck and slid further up his body in the most distracting way. Reaching above his head, she untied his bonds and released his hands. His wrists stiff, he flexed his fingers until the blood flowed back into them and he could feel the tips of them again. Now, able to touch her, Tyler lowered his arms and wrapped them tightly around this woman who seemed to be teaching him so much about himself. And for a moment, he wondered, just how did she know so much.
“Allie?”
“Shhh,” she hushed him, nestling back into his chest. “Get some sleep. Whatever it is, we can talk about it tomorrow.”
Chapter 18
Morning greeted Allie with a surplus of energy, and she managed to slip out of bed without waking him.
She dressed quietly, started a new fire in the fireplace and refilled the generator before settling into the kitchen to wrangle up some breakfast. She grilled up some of the venison while mixing some batter for pancakes. By the time the first cakes were finished, a bleary-eyed Tyler wandered out of the bedroom, pulling his red long johns up over his shoulders and fumbling with the front buttons.
Allie couldn’t help herself and laughed at the sight of him. “You missed a button,” she pointed out, gesturing at one of the loose buttonholes halfway down his stomach.
“Thanks,” he said, eventually getting them sorted out and sitting in a chair near the kitchen. “Is that the deer?” he asked her. He was practically drooling at the smell of it.
She nodded. “It cooks up pretty lean,” she explained. “Moll taught me how to cook it up right.”
“She sounds like an awesome woman.”
“She was.” Allie handed him a strip of meat that had already been cooked and set aside to cool. “One in a million millions.”
He took the meat and bit off a section of it, his eyes rolling with its tenderness and richness, and let out an impulsive moan of delight. “Oh, that’s good,” he said, taking another bite.
A sudden tapping at the window behind Allie startled both of them. She spun, laughing at the sight of the crow perched out on the sill.
“Friend of yours?”
Allie grinned, “Poor guy got left behind.” She pointed over at a bowl on the table. “I’ve been feeding him berries. Mind tossing him a few more?”
He stood up and grabbed up a handful and turned to the door. Allie stifled a laugh at the view of him walking away; the flap at the back hung loose, showing off his well-shaped assets. He stepped outside, came back in a few moments later, rubbing his hands together.
“Cold?” she asked, letting an impish grin creep up her face.
“Lil bit,” he said, closing the door behind him. “I think I scared your little friend away.”
“I can’t imagine why.”
Tyler’s brow furrowed, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Butt flap,” Allie suggested, pointing her spatula in its general direction.
“Oh, good god,” he laughed, struggling to reach around himself to pull up the square of fabric. “No wonder.”
A loud thump came from outside, behind her, as a pile of snow fell off the roof.
“It’s warming up though,” Allie observed. “He probably just decided to head back to the city for better pickings.”
Tyler joined her at the window and wrapped his hands around her waist. “Warming up, huh?” He sounded disappointed.
“Yeah, looks like the storm is over.” She gestured towards the trees where the sun was pushing through.
His grip tightened, “Bummer.”
“Tell me about it,” she breathed, and relaxed into him.
“So, how soon til it’s safe to head back?”
She was surprised by the disappointment that made its way into her voice. “Tomorrow, maybe.”
“Tomorrow,” he echoed and sighed softly. “That soon?”
His hands began to wander, down and around her hips, and Allie felt like simply melting into him. A soft moan slipped from her lips.
“Maybe we should use the rest of our time wisely,” he whispered.
She looked back at him over her shoulder. “What did you have in mind?”
He pointed to the frying pan. “Breakfast?”
They both laughed at that, though there was no denying what had truly been on Allie’s mind. Tyler—his shortcomings and all—was growing on her. She wriggled free from his embrace and finished preparing the food without express
ion, served both plates and joined him at the table.
She watched him as they ate. He was voracious; like he’d never seen food before. She was starving, too, though. Between her appetite and the lack of sleep, she was surprised to find herself so wide awake.
It hadn’t been easy to fall asleep after their lovemaking, even though she’d urged him to. Curled up against him on the bed, her thoughts raced for awhile until Tyler’s breaths gradually became long and deep. Only then, did she allow her mind to be at rest and let the rhythm of his heart play against her cheek. Eventually, it felt like the only thing in the world, and somehow, she finally managed to nod off. For a few short hours, her dreams were a rush of images – lost to her awakened mind now, but she remembered how they made her feel: afraid, excited, invigorated.
They made her feel just like she felt now, looking across the table at Tyler. He was a man, trapped in a monster’s body, or the other way around. Either way, it didn’t matter. She was falling for him, and she knew it.
Breakfast ended soon enough; they cleared off the plates, made small talk and she tried to pretend like she didn’t notice the shyly flirtatious looks he was giving her. It was one thing to give in to fleeting moments of temptation, but an entirely different thing altogether to surrender completely.
Luckily, the lights flickered abruptly and Allie could hear the generator outside sputter. Topping it off gave her the perfect excuse to break the tension, and so she excused herself, hurriedly, hoping the air outside might help her clear her head.
She stayed out there a few minutes longer than she needed to, letting the smell of the aspen trees work their way into her senses as she pondered her deepening feelings for Tyler. She loved these mountains—and maybe him too—enough that if he loved her also, she may consider staying permanently. Her heart grew warm with the thought, and if it were warmer outside, she may have remained and pondered that idea all afternoon. But as it was, a gust of wind blew onto the back of her neck and drove her swiftly back into the cabin.
She stomped her feet at the back door and looked around for Tyler; saw him standing at the far wall, looking again at some of the family photos Grand Moll had hung there.
“Can’t get enough of those pictures, can you?” she asked, half-teasing him.
Unlike before, this time he held a frame as he turned to her.
“These your folks?” he asked.
Allie nodded. She crossed the room to him, torn between wanting to snatch the photo from him and hoping she was strong enough to merely address his question.
“I only saw them in a couple of these pictures,” he said, nodding towards the wall. “This is the only one with you in it.”
“Yeah,” she heard herself say. She reached out towards the picture, and he placed it in her hands. One of her thumbs smoothed off a thin layer of dust that had come to rest on the glass. She stared at it for a long moment, as if the people in the frame were complete strangers. It was so long ago. Another lifetime, it seemed. She set the frame back on the wall.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean…” he began, but she shook her head.
“No, it’s fine,” she said softly. “It’s just been a long time. Moll and I never really talked about it much. I didn’t even realize I missed them until they’d been gone too long for me to actually remember them. I’ve forgotten so much – I can’t even remember what they sounded like.”
“You look a lot like her,” he said, “Your mom, I mean.”
“You think so?”
“I do,” he nodded. “Especially when you smile like that.”
The smile came back to her face, catching her off her guard. Before she knew it, she was kissing him again. She didn’t know who’d kissed whom even, only that she was sure she wanted that kiss just then, more than anything.
She felt light, free; more unbounded and uncaring than she could remember having felt in years. She had to remind herself to breathe, as their lips met and drew the two of them closer still.
The sound of his heartbeat resounded again in her mind, filling her with that same sense of belonging for which she yearned so painfully. It felt as if she were falling off her feet, falling sideways, flying.
As he leaned back for just a moment, her hands reached up to unfasten the top button of the ridiculous long johns she had made him wear, but he caught her hands at the wrists.
“Allie,” he began, his voice thick with passion. “It’s okay. You don’t have to. Last night was the last full moon, I’m not going to change.”
In spite of his resistance, she saw the desire reflected plainly enough on his face, as well, she felt his body’s arousal. She slid her hands inside the thin fabric of his undergarment and sought him out, pulling the remaining buttons free. As she took hold of him in her hands, she leaned closer. Her lips met his again, kissing him until he gasped in response to her urgent touch.
“I don’t care about the wolf,” she whispered against his cheek. “I want the man.”
Chapter 19
The bed was nearly too far.
They stumbled in the intensity of their kisses and eager fondling, laughing themselves silly when they collided with the wall and almost fell into the bathroom. Allie kicked herself free of her shoes and jeans somewhere along the way, and Tyler lifted her up to carry her, but she swung both legs around his waist and pressed the warmth between her hips intently against him.
Each step across the floor was a clumsy affair, with a small trail of discarded clothing marking the way. She ran her fingers through his hair, keeping his head close enough so that she could continue to kiss him. The roughness of his face tickled her lips and her chin, and added the faintest glimmer of pain to her pleasure.
By the time they reached the bed, they both were past the point of talking, letting their hands, their lips, their bodies speak for them. His eyes devoured her, stealing glances of every bit of her flesh as he laid her down gently and crawled beside her. She felt exposed, naked, yet delightfully gorgeous as he marveled at her body. Still, his obsessive gaze lingered only seconds upon each curve as he followed them back to her face, where he greeted her with a smile.
“You’re beautiful,” he breathed, leaning in as he climbed on top of her to steal yet another passionate kiss.
She opened to him defenselessly, her lips parting to savor the fierceness of his tongue as it slipped inside her. The warmth of his body against hers, and the raw power with which he took her, drew a soft moan from her mouth.
His hands explored her – eager fingers caressing the softness of her skin, seeking out each untouched place, each ounce of her body that craved their contact. Her own hands found their way about him, loving the play of his firm muscles against her fingertips.
She had not feared him as a wolf – not truly – it was only now, as a man, hardened and hungry for her, that she felt helpless. She thought she might be paralyzed by that fear, but it was just the opposite.
Her fears were dissolved by his kisses, by his determined caresses. They were worn down by her desire for him. With each breath, they faded until all that was left was wanting him. Wanting more. Wanting it all.
She pulled him closer, kissed his lips, his face, his neck, felt the shivers race along his skin as she did so. He responded with a stream of his own kisses, each one tantalizingly closer to where she wanted him, each one agonizingly too far away.
His lips dropped from her neck down to her breasts, cupping and caressing them with his fingers. He caught her tender nipple between his lips, and when his breath escaped past the cooled skin, she thought she might lose her mind.
She couldn’t remember her skin ever being so sensitive – every touch, each breath, each gentle caress was driving her closer and closer to the edge of madness. She felt like delicate paper, kissed by flame, consumed, ablaze. It was a welcomed burn, and she could tell by his breathing that she was having the same effect on him.
As he moved to her other breast, she heard herself moaning plaintively. Why wouldn’t he hurry? Coul
dn’t he see how much she wanted him inside her?
Finally, she could bear it no more, and she reached down in desperation and took hold of him in her right hand. She moved him deliberately against the core of her sex, feeling the warmth they each gave off and smiled in brief satisfaction as he groaned in pleasure.
“I want you so bad,” she whispered.
There was still too much space between them; too much light, too much air, when there should be nothing more than two bodies, connected as one.
His eyes met hers, and she nodded, her lips finding his again to whisper a deep and abiding yes into his mouth as she welcomed him into her.
A rush of pleasure, relief and total surrender hit her all at once, and Allie gave herself to him, completely. Her skin warmed as the blood flushed through the veins of her body. Her muscles flexed and relaxed simultaneously and she quivered with excitement; the expression on his face told her that he shared in the same overwhelming joy.
“You’re too far away,” she breathed, clawing at his back and drawing him closer still.
He fulfilled her tangible desires with a slow, deep stroke, but the torment of having physical bodies, unable to just melt into one another, was killing her. She longed for total togetherness, linking her to him in essence—spiritually, cosmically.
“Oh god, you feel so good,” she moaned, savoring every inch of his flesh inside her.
His reply met her every satisfaction, “I can’t get enough of you,” he confessed, his breath heavy with exhaustion as if he had been holding it in. “I want all of you, like this, every moment, everyday. It’s been driving me insane.”
“Me too,” she sighed, all walls between them crumbling before her very eyes. She never expected to feel so free—so vulnerable, yet so easily emancipated—from worry, responsibility or regret. In that moment, the only accountability she was willing to take was for the emotions that were so generously pouring from her lips. “It’s all I can think about,” she admitted. “You’re all I can think about.”
