‘What hope?’ Zidaan asked dripping with curiosity and I told him what I had kept to myself.
A yearning in the depths of my heart for years...Because yes, I had kindled some hope. Something I was not at all ashamed of admitting.
Therefore, I confessed to him,
‘I have always liked the storm of a girl Sani, whom I had met and come to know about. A walking-talking disaster, I adored. Therefore, as time passed I started hoping, that one day after she completes her college and gets old enough, I will meet her, and without reminding her of us, I will try to develop a friendship with her without our past. See where it goes. See if I fall for her after getting to know her and if she falls for me, and if our friendship turns into something more. I wanted to try it...
If that would have happened then who cares about the dating field, about all the random girls. They would just be a blur of images. Nothing in front of real love, the love that’d be born not from compulsion of being friends, or known strangers which we are. Rather, from knowing each other and a result of sparkling chemistry, if it was present. I wanted to try it.’
I sighed heavily gulping the lump of regret in my throat, ‘Anyway, now everything has whooshed out. She has found someone, as you said. That too not a random relationship, but she claims to be in love. Good for her...Maybe I took a long time to pursue her. Maybe I shouldn’t have waited until she graduated. Maybe then...lots of maybes, nothing solid that I am looking for.’
Now if what I felt from Zidaan’s lack of help was true, then he was crumbling and crushing me, my heart into pieces.
14-Distance made her heart grow fonder.
Aariz
After that day, I stopped talking to Sani completely in college. In fact, if it was not about the topic I was teaching, I barely spoke in the classroom. All the students would look at me scared when I entered the class. They had noticed that their Professor has stopped smiling or having a friendly conversation with them. I remained serious at all times.
What Sani did not know was her words, ‘Why do you care so much?’ kept ringing in my head making me angry and hurt with her more and more.
A few days passed like that. One afternoon, just as I wrapped up with my lectures and was about to go home, I turned around a corridor and— ‘That’s a catchy tune.’ I thought to myself, tapping my foot along with the rhythm.
I glanced inside a classroom; Sani's whole batch was in there. A couple of boys and girls were dancing in all their glory at the song blasting from the music system. Sani and other students were cheering for them.
That is when; Sahil stopped dancing and moved towards her with his hand outstretched. For a second, I stood shocked thinking, he was going to ask Sani for a dance. Probably, he was the one; she was in a relationship with. Then to my utter relief, he asked another girl sitting beside her.
‘This girl is going to ruin me for life. Much as I try to stay away from her, all my efforts go to vain. Always.’ mumbling to myself, I took a last look at Sani, who was now clapping with her friends.
I went away from there, before any of them could see me.
Sani
‘Since past many days, Aariz had been so quiet, especially not talking to me at all. Nor did he irritate me or crack jokes. Then instead of being happy about it, why did I feel like shit? Why was I still feeling bad about arguing with him in the restaurant and hurting him? Today when he spoke informally with everyone like old times, then why was my heart filled with warmth?’ Shaking my head, I told myself, I was thinking too much about Aariz.
A couple of days went by this way, with me unable to stop thinking about him all the time. Soon, we were given topics for two assignments and were asked to make PowerPoint presentations for the same, which we had to present before our classmates and both Prof Philip and Aariz, so that we could be graded on it.
Before that, we had to show our presentation on the first assignment to Aariz, so he could show us our mistakes. It was supposed to happen days before the final presentations and projects submission.
One such day after classes, many of my batch mates decided to go to his office, to show him the first drafts of their presentations. Almost half the girls were going, obviously to ogle and grab Aariz's attention like always, given the fact that they were puffing their hair and redoing lip-gloss.
I went along and as I had told Zee, the whispers had started again-
She is always going to his office. All the time.
I think something is on between...
Oh please! Why would he be interested? He might be having a girlfriend of his own age.
He talks only with her in the classroom.
I think I even saw something once. But, I'm not so sure.
Is it a lovers spat they are going through?
It made me want to yell and it made me want to die out of suffocation all at the same time. Yet I knew I had to keep a level head. If I react, then doubts get an encouragement. They get a push to hike up and destroy me. If I ignore, they would get bored eventually.
The most painful part was I could not even share it with my family. Because what could I say? Aariz being friends with all my cousins, they would think I was pinning over their friend who was elder to me, not to mention was my Professor! They would certify me as a fool. They would definitely worry. I won’t be surprised if Zee offered some therapy advice, playing shrink on me. Oh God...! That would be embarrassing on so many levels.
I could obviously not tell Rose and Mirelle about it. Knowing the hurtful truth, that Rose was a part of the whisper mill around the class and Mirelle might be too for sure. After all, she followed Rose. That is what she did.
We reached his office. Prof Philip was in their too. Busy with some work.
I turned towards Aariz and timidly offered my pen drive, “Sir, could you have a look at my presentation?”
“You guys will have to wait. Right now Prof Philip is using my laptop as there is something wrong with his.” Aariz gave me an apologetic look.
Students who had accompanied me, shuffled out at his words.
But I stayed put bringing my best pleading face on, encouraged by his soft smile,
“Wait?! I'm already getting late for going home. Please, can you keep this pen drive with yourself and tell me tomorrow how the presentation is? I will leave now.” I could not hold back the grin, cheering myself with the solution.
Aariz raised one eyebrow, shaking his head. But, I could see him biting back a chuckle.
“No, I have to check it in front of you. In order to show you, what mistakes you have made. Let’s do one thing, you come tomorrow with this pen drive, and I will see it then, all right?”
He looked at me all deep and warm, making a shiver run down my spine, just by his gaze alone.
I tried my best not to fumble as I managed to speak,
“But by tomorrow I would have made the presentation on second project and got it checked by you. Now this one tomorrow, meaning a few more days for the second one.” I sighed in disappointment and moved to leave.
I had just about turned halfway, when I felt a tug and stopped.
Aariz had caught the other end of the pen drive that I held between my fingers.
“Mr Philip, can you give me back my laptop for some time? I wanna check the student’s presentation?” Aariz asked Prof Philip nicely, while still holding on to me. Well, not to me, but to the other end of the pen drive that was in my hand.
Prof Philip gladly agreed, leaving the office. Aariz turned towards me with a smile and a twinkle in his grey eyes. They once again wrapped me like a soothing blanket in their cosy cloud- like depths.
“Now could you leave the pen drive so I can connect it?” Aariz said softly, winking at me.
I felt goose bumps all over my body.
He checked it and pointed out a few mistakes.
“Now you can make your second presentation without repeating the same mistakes. When you are done, show it to me.” He gave me a crooked smile, which lingered as if
in adoration.
“And Sani...stop getting all sad on small stuff. It makes me do things.” Aariz whispered with a meaningful look in his darkening orbs, that I tried not to dissect.
I like his whispers, unlike that of my classmates.
Why do I feel as if he can make me do anything with just a whisper in the dark?
I exhaled a ragged breath unable to form words.
Aariz straightened up,
“Now go, tell those classmates of yours to come back with their presentations. I will check theirs too.”
“Huh?” I stood mesmerised.
Aariz smiled humourlessly,
“So we can avoid the possible attention on the fact, that how I can't see a sad look on your face?”
I nodded obediently. At least I think I did, before whooshing out of the office, a complete tingling mess.
It felt like; he pays me more attention than others...Oh God! This would have caused more than whispers, had any of my classmates witnessed it. Thank-freaking-Not!
15- A New Loving Friendship
Aariz
Next day I heard a knock on my office door and Sani came in. Thankfully, Prof Philip was not there to disturb us.
“I...I have prepared the second presentation. You said we can choose any country, so I chose Indian Politics.” Sani pushed her pen drive towards me on the desk.
I grinned trying to curb her nervousness and asked her to grab a chair for herself.
This time she had made no mistakes.
“I really have no words. This is perfect! What fascinates me the most is; you have included both emotions as well as the political viewpoint. You have pulled the topic of farmers’ suicide away from Indian economy and have given it a new voice. I specially love the way you have concluded it. Really, this is excellent.”
She beamed, going pink in happiness.
“If you don't mind, can I return you this pen drive tomorrow?” I asked unable to wipe off the proud smile from my face.
She got confused.
Therefore, I elaborated, “After going home, I again wanna see this presentation closely. Study it, and then tomorrow I will be announcing to your batch mates, that they should also watch this presentation and then make their second assignments.”
My words made Sani blush the deepest shade of pink, like the snug top she wore on her white jeans. She looked like a cake to me, which I was more than dying to devour.
“You really like it?” Sani asked as if doubtful.
“I like it very much. And on the day of final presentation, I’ll be waiting to see how you explain it, present it.” I inclined my face with an admiring look, making her flush with shyness.
She stood up to leave.
Uh...Oh! Why so soon?
“Wait!” I blurted without thinking.
She turned around surprised.
I toned down my voice and tried to appear normal as I said,
“I know you all had extra lectures today. So you’re getting late. But its lunchtime and I have ordered food for myself from the cafeteria. You can share.” I shrugged coolly.
She seemed a little taken aback.
“And till the food arrives, you can show me the notes you wanted me to check...um...You mentioned it in class this morning, right?” I offered hesitatingly, scared she would reject, taking the wrong meaning out of it.
Thankfully, it worked. I had remembered well how she was pulling out her notes repeatedly in the classroom, wishing I looked at them.
Grinning, Sani immediately shuffled through her bag for the notes, while I pulled out my phone and dialled to the cafeteria,
“Send one more plate please.”
I started going through her notes, when the cafeteria guy came with two plates of hot sizzling Nigerian Noodles.
Thankfully, I had ordered noodles today by coincidence. At least Sani will enjoy it. I guess it is her favourite. That day in the restaurant, she ate only those.
We started eating in silence and in no time, Sani said she was done!
“Hey, how can you be done so early? Shall I order something else or would you like one more plate of noodles?” I asked gently.
Her eyes widened,
“Excuse me! One more plate?”
I shrugged,
“Okay then, half a plate. Or do you want to have something else? How can you eat so little! C'mon, let’s order something please.” I think she was more shocked due to my tone full of disbelief.
I was determined. No way could this lunch just get over!
“But I ate my fill! I eat this much only. How much more can I gobble on?! I'm full. Why are you stressing so much over my food intake?” Sani grumbled pouting.
Why is she annoyed? Who the hell eats like a bird?!
I felt like putting this fact in her head, about how much a normal person needs to eat, in order to be safe from starving to death.
Anyway, it was our first lunch together. I wanted it to be special and needed more time with her. So, whatever it’d take to make her sit with me longer, I was ready to do it.
Trying to be nice, I softened my tone,
“I understand my love, but we are friends, right? We became friends in that party. In addition, today for the first time we are having lunch together, that too not in some nice restaurant. Instead, we are having college cafeteria food! So I think a little variety will be good...hmm?”
Hearing me, God knows why the colour of Sani's cheeks intensified deeper. She suddenly looked nervous.
“I...I understand what you’re saying...Yes, we are friends. Trust me, this food was delicious...and... And it was quite enough...I'm really full. Can't eat more...I have to go home now. Bye.” stumbling she rushed out of my office.
Literally ran!
I guess, I said something wrong that she ran off like that... But, what did I...?
God this is frustrating. My girl cannot e...Ohh No! Crap! I called her my love...my...! No! Damn!
I should not say everything that is in my heart. Why can't I keep my mouth shut around her?!
My self-cursing ended as my phone rang. I saw it was Zidaan calling.
‘How is it going?’ He started without a hello.
‘How do you think? I scared her off!’ I paced in anger.
‘Ahh...you want to do something about it?’ Zidaan asked in a voice that reciprocated he wanted no part in it.
Great!
‘Without her getting suspicious of you? No. I will make it up to her somehow.’ I nodded to myself though having no clue as to how I would do it.
‘I have called up to know about your big problem.’ Zidaan stated and I could hear a smirk behind his voice.
I rolled my eyes,
‘Told ya...He is not a problem, or at least won't be in future.’
Zidaan became excited,
‘Have you spoken to him yet?’
‘He hasn’t submitted his assignments yet. But I'm thinking...’
He did not let me finish,
‘Can you fail him?’
‘I hope so. If he is a total dumb, I can.’ I scoffed, unable to believe my own words.
‘I don't think she would be interested in a dumbass.’ Zidaan offered thoughtfully.
‘Hadn’t we agreed she has nothing to do with him?’ I scowled adding, ‘She barely talks to the guy!’
‘Yes. Therefore, our plan stays. He should go from barely to non- existent.’ Zidaan sniggered evilly and I could not hold back my own grin,
‘Exactly. I'm saving her in a way. Besides, since she does not give a crap about him, what does it matter?’
On a serious note I shared,
‘I'm confused about one thing though. Is Sahil the same guy you had told me she was seeing two years ago? Because if it’s him and she is just pretending to ignore him in college...Well then, things might be serious. Two years is a long time.’ I hated even admitting it.
‘Exactly! Two years is a long time. She can't be stuck with him for that long and ignore him in college. He is not a se
rious chap in her life. Otherwise she wouldn’t have waited so long to tell me and also not to forget, she said he bothers her all the time.’ Zidaan said pointedly.
I couldn’t help but remind him,
‘She told you he asks her out.’
‘Yeah...She showed as if he is an annoyance but at the same time did not completely deny being his girlfriend or a close friendship.’ Irritably Zidaan added,
‘Now even I am confused bro.’
I was not.
‘She is not his girlfriend.’ I stated with a tone of finality.
I will not let her be his.
Zidaan cheered agreeably and we hung-up.
With an undoubted belief that she was not in love with anyone, my smile from a few minutes before her runaway, now returned magnified a hundred folds.
I still couldn’t believe I had felt even for a moment that Zidaan was backstabbing me. That he has feelings for Sani, after I had felt he was not helping. Yet I was all for stepping back if he really did like her. Anything for his friendship...
I could not have been happier when Zidaan had called me the minute Sani was out of earshot to inform that he had done the job. He had found out the answer to my recurring doubt of Sani's relationship status. To my utter jealousy, Zidaan had found she apparently was in a relationship with a guy named Sahil. I was quick to let him know, he was none other than her classmate...My student. The jackass who thought he was a God's gift to the sports world. Other than whatever charm she might have seen in him, he had nuts for brains.
We easily deduced he was no good for Sani. Because from the thorough eye I had been keeping on her since day one, it had been clear to me that she was least bit interested in Sahil. In fact, she hardly was friends with any of the guys. And as far as Sahil went, I had seen him around her, but she never looked twice at him. Also, the first time I had seen him talking to her in the cafeteria, it looked like she did not even knew his name. That was enough evidence for us; we were not doing any harm by not counting her nonexistent boyfriend. I considered her single. And even if she wasn’t, I wanted to make sure she does not remain in any close proximity of that douche bag.
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