“Then what is the matter?” I softened, but she did not meet my eyes.
“There is no problem. Lectures are about to begin. I have to go Sir.” Sani said in the same cold robotic voice.
Brushing her arm away from my grip, she went leaving me stunned.
She had never called me Sir when we were alone. Then now, why did she, when we are in relationship?
During the lectures, I tried many times to get her to talk. I asked her several questions about the topic I was teaching, but she pretended not to know any of the answers. She barely even looked at me in the class.
Classes for the day ended and I rushed towards my office disgruntled and furious in my heartbroken state. This couldn't be it. I had to know what was causing this. I had to.
30-Scared
Sani
“Hey, Sani!” came Rose's voice as she ran to catch-up with me outside the library. “You’re being summoned at the registrar's office.”
I raised my eyebrows in puzzlement, asking her to continue.
She rolled her eyes,
“I don't know why, do I? Maybe you did not complete your paperwork during the admissions this year.”
“And they remember it now after months?” I gave her a look of, ‘you have got to be kidding me.’
She just shrugged her shoulders.
I sighed in resignation,
“Who told you I'm called?”
“Some guy...Who was told by someone else in passing. Whatever...Just go already.” Rose huffed in displeasure, as she had to do something so tedious for me.
I did not care about her. My only anxiety now was; what if it was Aariz behind all this vagueness. I couldn’t afford to be alone with him. No! I would break. I certainly would.
“We'll come with you.” Mirelle smiled at me good-naturedly.
“Thanks.” I beamed in relief.
If they came, I’d be safe from Aariz's questions.
“Yeah...But do we really have to?” Rose muttered with an apologetic expression.
I remained silent, so she continued, “Actually we were going to the library.”
“Were we?” Mirelle asked confused.
Rose clasped my hands,
“Please. This is boring.”
I shrugged my hands away, “I will go.”
I did not say it was okay. Because it wasn’t. We were friends. She should have come along with me.
“Sorry.” I heard Rose say when I turned my back to them and started walking.
I did not stop to reassure her anything or accept her apology that I know was forced.
I reached the floor where Aariz’s office was located along with other offices including the Registrar. That’s why I found this thing suspicious. Aariz might be on this floor.
Since classes were long over, the corridor was deserted. Seeing his office door coming near, I walked fast.
It all happened in a blur of moment. A door opened and to my utter horror, I was pulled inside one of the rooms. I did not even see which, until the door closed behind me, and a warm body pushed me to a cabinet.
My terrified scream died down before it had even erupted, when I saw the person who had me pinned against his body. Just a soft gasp escaped my lips. That was of shock. I did not feel surprised, as somewhere I knew it was Aariz behind all this. But I was stunned to see he would go to this extent.
Aariz's hand held my shoulder in a tight grip as the rest of his body pressed hard against mine, holding me captive, while his free hand cupped my cheek gently.
Aariz gazed deep into my eyes, murmuring with all the love in the world,
“Have I done something wrong? Did I hurt you somehow? Please sweetheart just tell me, what’s going on?!”
His grey eyes looked so troubled and longing, that it killed me to even think about pushing him away. But I had to, if I wanted to save my heart in the end.
My already ragged heartbeat almost stopped for a moment as Aariz pressed his weight deliciously on me.
His breath fanned my face, as he leaned in on the side of my neck.
Our cheeks touched when he spoke softly over it, as if kissing,
“Please tell me, what have I done baby?”
Somehow finding a voice in my breathlessness, I stammered,
“I...I have to go to the Regis...Registrar.”
Aariz shook his head curling his lips cutely,
“It was me. I lied to get you here.”
With that, he nuzzled my cheek. His fingers cupping my face were now caressing it softly. Grazing my shoulder, rubbing down my arm, his hand settled on my waist.
In a heated voice that caused my eyes to open wide, Aariz murmured, “But I'm not sorry. Because you’re mine and I need to know what you’re hiding.”
“Please let me go. We are in college. Anyone can come. You are scaring me now.” I whispered in my attempt to wiggle out of his grip.
It was the last thing I ever wanted. Yet the only thing that seemed right for both of us in the end.
On my last sentence, Aariz abruptly left me. I heard his sharp intake of breath, when I had whispered,
‘You are scaring me.’
Now I could see his shocked eyes swimming with immense hurt in them. I had broken his heart. But wasn’t it exactly what I wanted? Then why did I feel the pain too?
I ran out and did not stop running until I was on the road a few blocks away from college. That’s when I exhaled my first breathe and bent on my knees to gulp some air. To let out my cry...To pour some tears.
I thought my tears had dried up from crying since past couple of days. But I was wrong. I cursed myself over and over as Aariz's hurt look flashed in front of my eyes. I knew I couldn't ignore him forever. This had to end. But it couldn't in the way he wanted. We couldn't have our happy ending. It was impossible.
If I wanted to stay in this college, I needed to end it amiably. But the question was how, when just looking at him all the words died in my throat. How would I say to his face all those things I wanted to?! No, I don’t want to. I have to.
With just my trying to ignore him, he was breaking apart right in front of me, I wondered what would happen when I finally....
My inner conflict came to a halt as a car stopped beside me with a screech.
Aariz stared at me as if he was in no mood for any crap. He looked dangerous with his grip tight around the stirring wheel.
“Get in the car.” His hard voice came from the window as he glared at me.
“No thanks, Sir. I’ll be fine. Thanks.” I muttered hurriedly and started to walk away when I heard a loud bang behind me.
I turned to see Aariz had gotten down from his car, shutting the door mercilessly behind him.
“Stop right there Sani!” He yelled angrily as if not caring who saw us.
I had no way to stop him. I feared I might do what I had planned to and crush his heart or he would give-up on me after the way I behaved with him. He would end it. Either way, I would lose my heart.
Aariz came to stand just a step away from me, with clenched jaw and a formidable look on his face.
He threw his hands in the air,
“What the hell is wrong with you? Unless you don't tell me how I would know why you are upset with me?! Please tell me Sani. Is it me or there is some other problem?”
Aariz clasped my shoulders shaking me, “Did you have a fight with your friends? Just tell me damn it! I have a right to know why the hell you are avoiding me.”
He shouted in my face. But his tone did not sound like it had anger in it, rather it was longing. Extreme longing.
Keeping my gaze on the road and mustering all the courage I could, I spoke in a small timid voice,
“I'm sorry. I know you’re right. You deserve to know everything. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have avoided you. Instead, I should have clearly told you...”
“Told me what Sani?” He asked desperately, cupping my face.
I kept my focus on the road and gulped down a sob before answering him
in what I hoped was a firm enough tone,
“The thing is I don't like you that way. I don’t have any feelings for you at all. I have never had them. I just thought I did. But I was wrong. There is nothing like that. In fact, I think we have both made the mistake. You also thought that you love me. But it’s not so. We barely know anything about each other. This is not love. Please forgive me for hurting you like this. I really am very sorry. You should start your life afresh with someone you would love for real, and who could love you back the same way. But I'm not that someone for you.”
While saying all this I did not even glance once at Aariz's face.
Aariz's hands had fallen from my sides while I was talking. He was still silent as I finished.
Wiping off the fresh tears that betrayed me on his silent acceptance of my words, I turned to leave.
Suddenly, I felt a pull on my arm and in another second, roughly jerked to a hard chest and caged in the firm grip of arms.
31- Feelings
Aariz
I lost my temper on this behaviour of Sani's.
Pulling her in my arms, I could see her face reflect fear looking into my eyes.
But I did not care. I was furious and hurt.
“Do you think it’s funny? Some sort of a joke Sani? And if you are serious right now, I can't tell you how angry I am!” I clutched her so tightly that she flinched in pain, yet I did not soften my tone and went on infuriated,
“You are breaking up with me, when we have just about started dating?!” I shook my head bewildered, “What all we know about each other is enough for now Sani. Slowly with time we will get to know everything about each other, it’s no big deal and you know that. We developed feelings for each other without having every detail of one another. I know this is not the reason for you avoiding me. Now tell me the real reason and don't you dare lie that I don't like you and all that crap. Because, I know you do! Just tell me what the hell has happened all of a sudden?! Tell me the truth. Till you don't say it, I won't let you move from here.” I threatened keeping a strong hold around her arms and waist.
My complete disbelief on her lies and my shouting made Sani helpless. I could see her facade crumbling and the strength she had gathered, melting away with tears. A sob escaped her throat and she finally nodded, “My family will never agree to me being in relationship with my Prof. I know they won't. And I can't go against them. I don't even know how serious you are about this relationship and if you see any long term future for us. Because I don't want this to be a passing fling if that’s what you are habituated with, in your past relationships. This is my first time and I know absolutely nothing about what you want from this! So how can I fight my family, which I honestly don't want to.” She stared at me with pleading teary eyes, “And what about Zee? God knows what will be his reaction after knowing about us. I'm scared to tell him anything and loose him, because he might hate me for screwing with his best friend. He is very important to me Aariz.” She started looking everywhere but at me as she continued after a pause, “That’s why I started feeling insecure, thinking how can we move forward with this relationship when we don't know things about each other. I felt that you would be better off with someone your age and liking. As mature and qualified as you are. And most importantly, I can't continue with this even though I want to, because I know what my parents reaction will be. In fact, if they come to know that I'm in a relationship with my Professor, they will be extremely upset with me. They might take me out of college. They would hate me forever. I’ll lose their trust. Please try and understand.”
I fell for her all over again.
“Oh Sanu...” Pulling her closer, I took her in my embrace and cupped her face tenderly,
“First of all, I want you and only you. I don't want to start a fresh life with anyone else. I just want you and I'm happy with our life. Secondly, I'm very serious about our relationship dear. Had I not been serious, I’d have never told you my feelings when so much is at stake. And don't worry about Zee. We'll handle him...hmm?” She gave me a timid nod.
I continued, “Your fear about your parents reaction, I completely understand sweetheart. But we will have to tell them anyway, before they come to know about it from somewhere else. If you’re scared to face them, then let me do it. Otherwise, we’ll convince them together somehow. I promise. Don't worry love...hmm?” I smiled resting my forehead on hers.
“Because of all these things you got so disturbed that you started avoiding me, without thinking how would I feel. That’s not fair Sani.” I complained with utmost affection.
“Sorry. I'm so so sorry.” She cried, hiding her face in my chest.
Pressing a kiss on her hair, my smile lit with mischievous ideas.
“It’s okay, if you say how you feel for me. Please say it for me. Please.” I said in a voice that she often used for being cute, which always made me want to do anything for her.
I wished to lift her mood and finally hear those words from her.
“I like you...a lot. I like you more than a friend does. More than anyone in this world ever can.” Sani whispered on my neck, her lips caressing my skin in the process and burning me in desire.
But every other feeling took a back seat as she faced me and spoke again, staring at me with eyes dripping in honesty,
“I really do feel deeply about you. Please believe me.”
I had never felt so special, so cared before.
“I do too.” Were the only words that came out of my mouth just as softly.
She felt like the purest thing in the world to me in that moment. Like a prayer.
Nuzzling her, I murmured,
“C'mon, I will drop you home.”
I smiled wholeheartedly, wiping off her tears with my thumb, as I opened the car door for her.
“You really forgave me?” Sani asked in a small voice, looking at me from under her lashes as I started driving.
I caressed her face with the back of my knuckles,
“Of course sweetheart. But you’ll have to bear a punishment.”
I winked at her amused, while her jaw dropped in outrage,
“If you have forgiven me, then why punishment?!”
“You are apologizing, this way?” I tsked at her.
“I already apologized! Mind you, I'm not gonna do sit-ups. HafreakingHa! Nor am I pulling my ears. Remain furious for all I care!” Sani grumbled, crossing her arms tightly.
She looked so cute that all I wanted to do was stop the car and kiss her senseless. But I knew she was not ready yet.
“I was about to say you’ll have to go out with me.” I chuckled, unable to control my laughter anymore.
I glanced at Sani, to see her blushing furiously, opening and closing her mouth again and again,
“I...uh...wha...but...You mean, I?...With you?...We...uh...But...?”
She kept glancing at me, then at her lap.
“Yes, exactly what you are thinking. All those things.” I nodded, trying to sound sincere.
“Someone might see us.” She whispered, still blushing.
Gently I took her hand in mine,
“Leave that worry for me.”
Seeing her unable to form coherent words, I took mercy and tried to lighten the mood saying,
“Sanu, you do know I can make you do things more difficult than sit-ups right? After all, I'm your Professor. All your quizzes and exams...”
Before I could complete, she stated in a serious meaningful voice,
“You can leave me and that will be like death. Nothing can be more punishable than that.”
“But I won't. It will kill me too, because I feel for you just as deeply.” I told her firmly.
“Promise?” Sani smiled through her tears.
Instead of answering, I asked,
“Trust me?”
She nodded giving me the brightest of the smiles.
“So we are going out.” I winked, making her chuckle melodiously.
“No arguments. Your family, and fr
iends, are not the only people in this city, to find us wherever we go. Relax!” I grumbled moodily.
I was all for taking her to a date forcefully, if that’s what it took.
Sani did not say anything, making me wonder if I said something wrong.
Just as I was about to ask, she murmured in a low tone, “Please stop the car.”
I did, and she turned towards me. Her hand came up to my cheek as she traced her thumb along my jaw softly,
“Just tell me when you wanna take me out.”
32-It’s a Date
Sani
“God this is sticky.” I murmured as I pulled at my top again while applying mascara on my eye lashes.
I was wearing a classy, I- do-hope-it-looks-since-it-caused-me-enough, deep red top. It was of sweater like material, yet very thin, and supple, under the fingers. It fitted me like a glove, hugging me in all the right places. Hugging me in all the places, I should say. Yes! That was the problem. It was sticking to me and I did not want that. Because it made me look somewhat hot and that wasn’t the look I was going for. I did not wish to give Aariz any wrong ideas.
Yesterday, when I cupped his face with a wildly beating heart and dared to ask, when was he taking me out, he looked like a kid in a candy store. His eyes glinted as if I was his favourite chocolate.
What if, on seeing me in this outfit he thinks that I am coming on to him. On the other hand, his smouldering look might have just been my imagination and now when we meet, poor guy would run for the hills thinking I was getting too desperate. God!
But I can't change now. It would take me hours to decide again and I’ll be late! This was the only top I had that was not too funky or too cute girl types. Fine! It was the prettiest thing in my wardrobe. I wanted to look different kind of good looking for him tonight, so I wore it. Sue me!
Other lovely things I had were dresses and no matter what, I was not going to wear a dress or anything else stickier. He would actually think I was taking this thing...this date. No! This going out thing, whatever it was, way too seriously.
Keeping my makeup light and subtle, I had just about worn my red sling purse on my shoulder, when-
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