by Jen Calonita
“The mileage to the dealership is pretty great too,” Dad tells me happily. “I really like the drive. You’re going to love it when you get your license, Kate-Kate.”
“Speaking of which, when are you taking that test?” Laney asks. “I’m getting sick of answering phone calls about your driving exam. Are you ever getting your license?”
“Hey! I was on crutches for a few weeks, if you recall,” I remind them as they laugh. “I’ve had a lot going on. Work, meetings, assistant interviews, college applications. Now that they’re all in and I’m just waiting to hear, I’ll reschedule the test.” I look at Nadine out of habit, but she’s not my assistant anymore. I’m pretty close to finding one, thanks to her, but I haven’t committed yet. Nadine is hard to replace. Mom knows I’ve sent in college applications. She still doesn’t think I need to go, but she said she understands my need to try new things. Like I said—she’s growing.
“We are going to throw a party when you take that test and pass.” Rodney flashes his gold tooth. “And you’re going to pass because I am the one giving you driving lessons.”
“Learn from the best, that’s what I always say,” I joke.
There is a knock at the door, and the Mexican food we ordered for dinner tonight arrives. The scent of enchiladas and melted cheese makes me salivate, but I don’t want to get anything on my wardrobe. Instead of digging in with the others, I walk over to Liz, Sky, and Austin. Austin puts his arm around me. His half-zip green sweater feels soft against my skin.
“I think a party for getting your license is a great idea,” Austin says. “Liz and I are already on the decorations.”
Liz grins. “We’re going to have a big banner made that says ‘It only took me two paparazzi mishaps, a shady driving instructor, and two years to get my license.’”
“I like it. Will you get plastic plates that look like steering wheels?” I ask.
“We can get a cake that has little cars on it being chased by the paparazzi,” Sky suggests and we all groan. “What? Too much?”
“Too much,” I agree. “I don’t want to relive that.”
Not the accident part, not even the dream part, because my life now is just the way I want it to be. I start preproduction on the James Cameron project in late April and am done by July, a few weeks before I go back to Small Fries. Even with SF work, I’ll still have plenty of time to see Liz and Austin before they head off to college. The one thing I know about furthering my education is that wherever I go, it will be close to home. I’m not giving up SF, and I’m not giving up my chance to do college either. Liz applied all over, including NYU (“I’m not heading east, though,” she said hastily. “I’m a Los Angeles girl. Right?”). I think she still adores NYU more than she’ll admit. Austin has several schools on his radar, and his top picks are all in New England, which is pretty far from here. But after all that’s happened the past few years, I’m not about to worry about the long-distance thing just yet.
“What are you thinking about, Burke?” Austin asks, giving me a kiss on the cheek.
“You, me, fall, friends, college, life,” I rattle off the list and smile. “Nothing big.”
“Yeah, you’re not one to worry about anything major,” Austin teases. “You take things as they come.”
“I do now,” I say confidently. “It’s a new year, and I’m just grateful to be here, on this set, with all of you.”
“You’re not going to get weepy on us again like on New Year’s, are you?” Sky asks. “I thought I was going to have to take you and Liz outside and throw you in the pool to calm you down.”
Okay, so on New Year’s I was still a little weepy about what the next year could bring, but I’m allowed to be sad that everyone might be leaving Los Angeles eventually, even if I know we all have to grow up and lead our own lives. “No tears,” I promise Sky. “I’m happy.”
“It’s about time,” she says and smiles a little.
“It’s taken you a long time to get here, so you should enjoy it,” adds Liz and raises her glass of Sprite to me.
“I am,” I say and I really mean it. I lean into Austin, with his arm firmly around me, and he kisses my cheek.
I have all I’ve ever wanted and then some. I’m sure worrying will always be part of my nature—hey, I’m an actress and we tend to be dramatic!—but being happy, having the freedom to do what I want, and looking toward the future with an open mind is the name of the game now. It may have taken me a while, but I think I’ve finally figured out how to have a Hollywood life I can truly enjoy.
EPILOGUE: Eight Months Later
“Yes to Ellen, no to The View. I have an Introduction to Art History class test that afternoon,” I say, walking briskly across the grassy knoll, sidestepping two guys throwing a Frisbee and a group of people reading books on an oversized picnic blanket.
“Apologize and send flowers, though, and tell the ladies I’d love to cohost the next time they’re in town,” I add, hiking my heavy Kate Spade messenger bag over my shoulder. “Uh-huh. Yep. Eight PM. Tell Rodney I’ll be at the southwest corner this time chatting with Larry the Liar.” I laugh. “Kidding! But I will be there.” BEEP. I look at the iPhone screen and practically scream out loud I’m so excited. But I don’t want to draw attention to myself. I’ve done such a good job of not doing that so far. I put the phone back to my ear and say to my assistant, “Shannon? It’s Liz on the other line! I have to take this. Thanks again, Shannon. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I click over. “Lizzie? How’s the Big Apple treating you?”
“Kates!” Her voice comes through loud and clear like she’s standing next to me, not three thousand miles away at New York University. Liz may have thought she was a true-blue California girl, but she realized she had room to love New York too. I’m glad. She belongs there, even if I miss her. “Sorry I missed your call last night,” she says. “I tried calling you back, but Shannon said you guys were in the middle of a taping. How’d it go?”
“Great. Season two, episode four is in the can, and we premiere this week.” I shade my eyes from the warm California sun. Everyone on campus is in shorts, tees, and flip-flops, and my green Alice + Olivia tank dress sticks out like a sore thumb. I just came from an eight AM table read for the next episode. The rest of the day I’m here, at University of Southern California, taking college classes. The studio has been so accommodating; sometimes I still can’t believe it. We worked it out so that I get to take day classes in the afternoon on Tuesdays and Thursdays, after putting in five early-morning hours on set.
“They’d rather make it work with you than lose the hottest star on the planet,” Seth explained when he and Nadine put the deal through back in May. “They know how lucky they are to have the George Clooney of current TV on their network.” Seth winked. “I’m not exaggerating! Everyone who knows anything is talking about your work with James Cameron, and you being on the network makes them look good. Your film is the most groundbreaking project Cam’s had in years. Dare we say Oscar territory?”
“We dare not,” I said with a laugh, even though the thought makes my skin tingle. “It’s too early to speculate.”
“Maybe for you, but EW is already saying it, and the film won’t screen for months,” Nadine pointed out. “Sky forwarded me the article and—don’t tell her I said this—she actually said she wants to be on your career path now.”
“Wow,” I marveled. “After spending months telling me what a mistake I’m making, she’s doing a one-eighty.” Sky’s got me helping her with her admissions application to USC now. She’s hoping to take a few classes in the spring now that we have this Small Fries schedule that works with coursework. “She told me the two of you are meeting with Peter Jackson about his next project.”
“You’ve really inspired her, Kates,” Nadine told me. “Even if she won’t tell you that herself. ”
“She does in her own way,” I said with a smile.
Nadine continues to inspire me too. She’s kicked butt as my manager, not only pass
ing along the best scripts for me to read but filtering through everything Shannon gets offered to make sure I do what’s necessary to make it in Hollywood and yet still have time to be a college coed. Nadine’s business is doing great. She has four clients, including me and Sky, and has hired her own personal assistant.
A text interrupts my conversation with Liz and pulls me back to the present.
SKY’S CELL: Bored! Thx to U and UR new sched! Meet later for coffee? SOS w/my admission essay. U up to help college girl?
“Guess what my roommate asked me to see tomorrow night since she got student rate tickets?” Liz is saying. “Meeting of the Minds! I feel like I should check it out and see how they’re faring without you.”
“Last I heard they had a proper trained stage actress doing my part, so they should be fine,” I say. “I wish I were going with you, though. Promise we’ll get tickets to something when I’m in town in a few weeks to do the morning show rounds for Small Fries?”
“Already on it,” Liz informs me. “Sky wants tickets to—don’t laugh—Rock of Ages.”
“Isn’t that a little commercial for her?” I ask. “Not that I mind seeing it.”
“I think Josh is going to drive down from Rhode Island and meet us,” Liz says. “I wish Austin could be there. Then we’d have a real party.”
“I know,” I say sadly. “I talked to him about it, and he can’t miss lacrosse practice. They’ve got a few big games coming up.”
“I miss that boy,” Liz says wistfully. “And you. Bet you don’t have time to miss any of us.”
I laugh. “I’m not that busy! Not anymore.”
“True,” Liz agrees. “Matty’s the one on overload.”
“And loving it,” I add. “Mom booked him two movies for his hiatus and he’s doing the Thanksgiving Day Parade and has a guest judging spot on American Idol this winter. Mom is elated. She told him he has to mention Dad’s dealership and the Darling Daisies at least once during the broadcast.” I giggle.
“You mean she’s not going to be there with cue cards offstage telling Matty what to say?” Liz asks dryly.
“Actually, she and I are going to be at the Canyon Ranch Spa that week,” I tell Liz, checking my bag for one of my assignments that is due today. I thought I printed it out, but if not, I can just plug my MacBook Air in at the computer lab and make another copy. “We’re having a girls’ weekend. It was her idea.”
“She’s really come around,” Liz marvels. “If I didn’t know any better, I would say she’s a clone.”
“Lizzie!” I admonish. Although I can’t say the thought hasn’t crossed my mind. I just thought it was because I watch too many Clone Wars reruns.
“Okay, sorry, sorry.” I hear her apologize to someone talking in the background. “Kates? My roommate’s here, and we’re going to grab some coffee before philosophy. I’ll talk to you tonight, though, I’m sure.”
“I talk to you more now than while you were here!” I tell her. “Of course we’ll talk tonight. Love you!”
“Love you too,” Liz yells back.
I hang up and quickly text Sky.
KAITLIN’S CELL: U win. Coffee at 8:30. Coffee Bean on Melrose. TTYL.
SKY’S CELL: Took you long enough. :)
KAITLIN’S CELL: Did U just make a :)?
SKY’S CELL: UR fault! If U tell anyone, I will deny it! TTYL.
I laugh and put my phone in my bag, setting it to vibrate. If anything urgent comes up, Shannon can always text me. She knows not to while I’m in class unless it’s an absolute emergency, and she’s never had to yet. Only Mom has—to ask me what Matty should wear on The Tonight Show. Mom still wins most improved, though.
I check my watch and see it’s almost two. I still have a ways to walk, so I pick up my pace and hike my bag on my shoulder. I feel guilty not using the ruby red one I love so much, but it doesn’t really go with my green dress. Besides, I hate throwing it on the floor when I’m in a lecture hall. That red bag is still my favorite, and it deserves to be used for special occasions, like the Golden Globe Awards.
Before I know it, I’m walking toward my usual table at the outdoor coffee bar. My date is already waiting.
“We need to get you Rollerblades, Burke,” Austin says with a huge grin. I throw my messenger bag onto the waiting chair and lean over to give him a kiss. “You take way too long to get across campus.”
Austin was thisclose to taking a partial scholarship at Boston College when he got a full scholarship offer for University of Southern California. He couldn’t pass it up. “I’ve been thinking of taking up surfing,” he told me, explaining his decision to stay on the West Coast. “I can’t do that in Boston in January. And besides, I like the warm weather. I think I’d miss it too much if I went east.” He didn’t add, “And I’d miss you,” but he didn’t have to. I knew. I always know when it comes to Austin.
Can I just say how relieved I am that he’s still here? Forget just being my boyfriend, Austin has been the best campus tour guide any girl could ask for. A few months at Clark Hall was not enough training for me to fit in on a college campus. Austin showed me around, helped me buy textbooks, and stayed by my side at freshman orientation. I was worried that people would treat me differently because I’m a celebrity, but so far, it doesn’t seem like a big deal. Well, other than the fact that everyone on campus has seen my admissions essay. It was leaked and ran in Hollywood Nation. (Laney made USC donate a huge chunk of money to the Darling Daisies committee for that slip-up, which made Mom happy.) That sort of mishap is part of the price of being me, and I’m okay with that. Finally.
“Since when should walking around campus be a sprint?” I place my hands on my hips in mock indignation. “Some of us don’t get to spend all afternoon outdoors, so we walk slowly and take in everything around us from the birds to the noise of the students, to the architecture of the buildings.”
Austin gives me a look, his classic bangs falling across his big, blue eyes with a small gust of wind. “English was definitely the right major for you, Miss Drama. I smell a screenplay in your future.”
“Maybe,” I say with a smile and let Austin pull me toward him and onto his lap instead of my own seat. “I have time to decide. I’m only eighteen.”
“Yeah, but you’ve already lived a lifetime,” Austin semi-jokes. “You could probably write an autobiography at this point. It would be juicy too.” I laugh.
“Nah. Some of my secrets should stay secrets.” I kiss him lightly on the lips. “I think I’ve shared enough of mine already, don’t you?”
“That’s for sure,” Austin says with a grin and kisses me right back.
I’ve got my whole life ahead of me to tell more secrets. For now, I’m going to enjoy keeping some to myself.
Acknowledgments
Cindy Eagan, I will forever be grateful to you for taking a chance on someone who had a big idea, but no clue how to put it down on paper. Thank you for helping me create Kaitlin’s world and for letting me follow it through six amazing adventures. Who knew coffee at the Rock Center Café would completely change my life? I couldn’t have done any of the heavy lifting without my incredible editors, Cindy, Kate Sullivan, and Phoebe Spanier. Phoebe gave Kaitlin her voice all those years ago, and Kate kept it going and has made it stronger. Whether it was cupcake debates or questions over alternate realities, Kate, you cared as much about getting it right as I did. And here we are at the end of the finish line (on this one at least). I think it’s time we had a good cry now.…
My wonderful agent, Laura Dail, also gets kudos for taking chances on a complete unknown. Thank you for walking me through every detail and offering feedback where it’s needed most. Tamar Rydzinski, you rock too!
To the entire Poppy and Little, Brown Books for Young Readers team, you’re the most incredible cheering squad an author could ask for. Thank you to: Andrew Smith, Elizabeth Eulberg, Ames O’ Neill, Melanie Chang, Lisa Ickowicz, Andy Ball, our incredible Secrets cover girl, Tracy Shaw, and her sidekic
k, Neil Swaab.
My family and friends have been the Secrets pep squad since the very beginning. You guys have always showed up at my events (in the beginning, you were the only ones!) and you’ve practically hand sold hundreds of books with your kudos and praise. Special attention must be given to my mom for helping me out with the boys; my grandfather, Nick Calonita, who loves to tell people he has an author in the family; and to my official go-to girl, Mara Reinstein, who is always just a phone call away when I need her expertise on retail therapy and dining hot spots.
Finally to my boys, Mike, Tyler, and Dylan (and Jack, of course), you make this whole thing possible. Thank you for being such an incredible support system and inspiration, especially Tyler, who was the reason this whole journey started in the first place.
Jen Calonita
on the Secrets of My Hollywood Life series finale,
There’s No Place Like Home
How did you come up with the title There’s No Place Like Home for the last Secrets of My Hollywood Life novel?
I always knew that when it came time for Kaitlin’s journey to come to a close, she needed to make a decision about what she wanted from life and stick with it. Kaitlin tends to be very wishy-washy! It’s hard for her to stand up for herself because she has people advising her from every possible angle. She has this incredible career, but she’s always secretly longed to be a normal teen too, and in Hollywood she’s found it’s sometimes hard to do both. This book gave me a chance to explore the fantasy life Kaitlin has always dreamed about—and to show how she reacts to the change. It was hard keeping track of all the details, but I loved squeezing in people and places that have been with her from the very first book. I always knew exactly how I wanted the story to end, but I still get a little choked up when I read the epilogue. It was the most fun book to write in the whole series, and I hope readers will enjoy reading it as much as I did working on it.
