I couldn’t believe how low my life had sunk. Here I was, begging a room full of strangers to let my baby’s daddy in the hospital. The funny thing was, I always imagined, if I had to make apologies for anyone, it would have been a black man, not some white football player.
“If he is allowed to return, you do understand security will have to keep him in their line of sight? This is a place of business. People are convalescing. They don’t need someone in here causing a raucous because they’ve had a bad night,” the doctor informed me.
I wish Beck would have punched him in the mouth before they threw him out of the building.
The next several minutes were anxiety-ridden while I waited for the security team to consult with Beck and let him know they were in charge, not him. I knew he wouldn’t take that too well. He liked having full control of every situation, even when he pretended to be the one being led astray, he was in full and utter control.
Having spent as much time with him as I had, I’d begun to see patterns to his behavior. Ultimately, all roads pointed to the fact, his childhood was riddled with drama. I was no expert, but I believed that’s why he lived on the edge of right and wrong. One part of him had his foot planted in what he should have been doing, what was in line with normal conventions, but a deeper, darker side of him, craved thrills, danger, anything and everything that would get him in trouble. I had to wonder which part of his personality I was feeding. Was I good for him or was I providing more bumps in his road? Had agreeing to go along with his game added more stress to his life?
I almost didn’t recognize him. He walked into the room with his head down, like he was ashamed of himself.
“Welcome back,” I teased. “Did you miss me?”
The corners of his mouth quirked up. My beautiful man was still there underneath whatever this was he was presenting himself as. “I miss you all the time,” he answered, looking up at me with dark circles around his eyes.
“Are you okay?” I asked. “You don’t look well.”
He looked behind him at the security guards. “I’m good. I was worried about you. How are you feeling?”
Poor guy.
I waited for the others to clear out of the room before I pressed the issue further. I figured he was holding back because we had an audience. I didn’t believe for a second he didn’t have an opinion about what had taken place.
“Are they going to admit you?” He asked, his voice tentative.
I sat up straighter. “Whoa! What’s with this shy guy routine? What are you up to?” He wasn’t fooling me.
He glanced over his shoulder again, as if he was anticipating someone would walk through the door and interrupt us. “I want to get married,” he said.
“Well, why not! I look and feel like hell; so yeah, let’s get married right now!” I pretended to be excited about it.
“I’m not kidding. I want to get married right here, right now. I called my attorneys; they’re going to find a judge that will marry us today. What do you think? You could be my wife tonight.”
I didn’t know what to make of it. Where had this come from all of a sudden?
“Isla, breathe,” he said. “You’re all I think about. You’re all I dream about. If I’m not with you, I lose my mind. So, let’s make it official; be my wife.”
I had so many reasons to say no. It’s not that I didn’t love him, because I absolutely did. I wanted to spend my life with him, but I didn’t want to get married in the hospital.
“Why now?” I asked. “What has changed?”
He averted his eyes again, his posture changing. “I almost cheated on you earlier.”
I froze.
“I didn’t cheat, but I almost did. That’s why we need to get married. This girl was begging me. I mean, really begging me to bang her and I couldn’t…” he stopped, noticing the horrified look on my face. “Wait, let me explain. Don’t get mad. This is a good thing. Hear me out.”
“Get out.”
He moved closer to my bed, confusion on his face.
“Get the hell out!” I wasn’t kidding. My whole body started to shake with rage. “Get out now!”
The security guards threw the door open and filed in, one right after another. “Is everything alright in here?”
“I want him to leave. Take him out of here and don’t let him back in,” I ordered them.
Beck started to protest, but it was too late. They’d already grabbed his crutches and his arms, ready to help him out the door.
“Let’s go,” one of the guards said.
I couldn’t breathe. What did he say to me? What kind of animal tells you he wants to marry you in the same breath, he tells you he almost slept with another woman?
Without putting up a fuss, Beck let them lead him out. I thought I heard him whimper, but I forced myself not to react. It was over. Things had already gone way too far. This had to end and end right now. I didn’t need him.
I pulled my purse off the chair next to me and pulled out my cell phone.
“Hello. Do you realize what time it is?” Cole sounded like I’d woken him up.
“Yeah, sorry, but if the offer is still available, I accept. When can I start?” I asked, resigning myself to being rid of Beck for good.
Cole’s tone changed. “Good. Good. I’ll see you first thing Monday morning. And, by the way, welcome back to the good side.”
Chapter Twenty-Four – Isla
Ithad been the longest two weeks of my life. While I had plenty of work to keep me occupied, there wasn’t enough to make me forget about Beck. Aside from the fact I was carrying his child, all of my belongings were still at his house. Although my office was as far away from the locker rooms or the practice field as they could be without having to move into a separate building, the fact remained that we worked for the same organization. We’d run into each other again. It was inevitable. I had no idea how I’d handle that when it happened. I was barely holding things together as it was.
Cole poked his head in my office. “Hey, we have a meeting at one.”
I nodded, thinking, yeah I know. I scheduled the meeting, jerk!
“We’ll hold it in the conference room upstairs. I don’t want to take a chance of you running into your ex. Today will be his first day back,” he said as if it was no big deal.
The only thing I could think to do was give him the dumb grin I’d perfected over the last couple of weeks and nod.
“Good. Good. Don’t be late. The owners will be there. I hear they have some exciting news for us,” Cole said, sounding giddier than I remembered him ever being.
I watched him walk back down the hallway toward his office. That’s how I spent most of my day - staring down the same hallway.
My cell phone rang, startling me out of my misery. “Isla here,” I answered.
“Miss Johnson?” a woman’s voice asked.
“Yes? Who is this?’
“This is Diana from Dr. Loretto’s office. We have the results of your ultrasound,” she said.
Finally!
“Oh, great. How is the baby?” I asked, bracing myself for bad news.
“Everything looks good. Your baby girl is growing normally. She looks like she’s right on target,” the nurse said.
My hands started to shake. “She? The baby is a girl?” I asked. No one had told me that. I’m not sure I even agreed to find out the sex of the baby.
She gasped. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I thought you knew. Please forgive me. I feel so bad now.”
It took a moment for me to get my faculties back together. I was having a baby girl. “You’re sure it’s a girl?” I don’t know why I asked. I don’t know why it mattered to me, but it felt like the most appropriate question to ask.
The nurse replied, “It appears that way. When you have your amnio, the lab can confirm. I’m sorry to ruin the surprise for you.” I could tell by the tone of her voice she was sincere.
“An amnio? I’m having an amnio?” I hadn’t been informed previously either.
I’d had a number of friends and family members who’d had amnios, so I knew enough to know they weren’t done in all cases. “Why am I having one?”
Another slight shift in tone from the nurse. “Well, the doctor wants to make sure everything is okay with the baby. With all the problems you’ve been having, it’s an extra precaution. I’d like to schedule it now with you if I could.”
Like I had a choice. “Yes, okay. Let’s schedule it. Should I be worried?” Even if she had told me not to worry, I was going to worry.
“No, not at all. Have someone come with you because the procedure might be a little uncomfortable. Invite dad to come along and hold your hand,” the nurse said.
Dad? Crap! How was I supposed to do that when I wasn’t even speaking to him anymore?
After we made the arrangements and hung up, it didn’t take two seconds before I slumped back in my seat, hitting my head on the wall behind me. What did all this mean? What was I going to do now?
I did the only thing I knew to do. I called my mother.
“How are you doing, mama?” I tried my best to sound chipper, as if nothing was wrong. I still hadn’t told her I’d gotten my job back with perks and moved out of Beck’s house. It’s not that I’d been lying to her when we did speak; it’s just I always made sure to fill the conversation with all sorts of other information. She was none the wiser.
“How are you going to ask me how I’m doing when you’ve been hiding the truth from me for weeks?” she asked, anger evident in her voice.
Uh-oh!
“I… What… Mama…” I couldn’t get the words out of my mouth. I was busted.
“Guess who called me last night?” she dared me.
I swallowed hard. Damn!
“I was awake all night long thinking of ways to tear into you and give you a piece of my mind. Just what were you thinking? Here I am thinking you’re doing good. The two of you are doing right by your relationship and your child, but no, you broke it off with the man and went to live who knows where,” she spoke with sarcasm riddled all over her words.
I messed up! What could I do? It was time to fess up and let whatever happened happen.
“Mama, I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to worry. There was nothing to worry about really. I had a backup plan,” I explained.
She laughed a hearty laugh. “Oh well, you had it all handled. Oh, I get it. You’re some sort of superwoman and you don’t need your mother anymore. I’m just nobody. Yeah, I get it. You do you then.”
Why was this woman so stubborn? Lord, help me!
This was going to take some time. Experience had taught me my mother didn’t calm down quickly. She did everything in her own time. When it came to me and something I’d done, she loved to drag things out. This was her ‘wailing in the street’ moment. Nothing I said was going to stop it. When it began, it was like a freight train that had gone out of control. I either had to get off the tracks or bear the brunt of the force.
“How in the world are you supporting yourself? Who hired a pregnant woman? Where are you living? Oh, please, tell me you’re not in one of those women’s shelters sharing space with a bunch of strangers who come from who knows where,” she said, panic in full-force.
“I have a job. I got my job back. They even gave me an apartment and a spending account. It’s great! You should see it. I have a nice view of the park. I have a company credit card and a clothing allowance. You should see the cute, new clothes I bought. They’re sharp. You’d like them,” I said, hoping she’d be impressed.
“You sold out for some clothes and a nice office? You gave up the man you swore you loved for some extra cash? I don’t even know who you are anymore because no child of mine would be so pathetic. Who knew you could be bought! I hope you feel really good about yourself because one of you should.”
What did that mean?
“I’m sorry Beck called you. I didn’t think he’d do that,” I offered.
“Well, he did. He sounds like he’s all broken up about it too. He said you won’t take his calls. What’s that about? Did you up and decide you’re going to raise this child alone now?” she asked.
I hung my head in shame. My hands began to shake. “Mama, I don’t know what I’m going to do.” Tears welled in my eyes. “I have to have an amniocentesis. I’m scared. I’m so scared. What if something is wrong with the baby?”
The anger in her voice turned to concern. “When is it? I’m going with you.”
I was so relieved. I needed her with me.
Before we hung up, we made plans for her to fly out and spend some time with me. I felt a little better about things. At least, I wouldn’t have to go through this alone.
My new assistant knocked on the door.
I wiped the tears from my face and opened the door. “Yes?”
“Coach Lawson wants to see you if you have a minute. He’s in his office,” she said. If she noticed my red, swollen eyes, she didn’t say anything. The last thing I needed was to have people think I was weak. When I accepted this position, I swore to them Beck wouldn’t be a distraction. I promised I’d stay clear of him, other than when we were in a professional capacity. So far, I’d succeeded. Granted, it took Herculean effort sometimes, but I’d managed.
“Here goes nothing,” I told myself as I stepped out of my office.
Thankfully, the hallway was empty when I walked through it. I made sure to check the practice field to make sure the team was still practicing. From what I could tell, they were hard at work and there was no sign of Beck yet. I wasn’t expecting to see him on the field, but I figured he’d at least be nearby. He wouldn’t have been okayed to play yet.
“Isla! How are you doing today?” Coach Lawson had toned down his disdain for me after about a week of me being back. “Are you feeling okay?”
I nodded. “Yes. You wanted to see me?” I asked.
Motioning for me to take a seat, he replied, “I have some news for you.”
Now what?
His gaze floated to the door behind me. “Here he is now. Welcome back, Beck!”
My heart sank to the bottom of my stomach. I held my breath.
“Hey Coach, miss me?” Beck teased.
I could feel his eyes on me. It’s like we were connected. His emotion was mine and mine was his. We both waited for the other to make the first move.
“Isla,” Coach Lawson started, “Beck is back. We need to make some sort of announcement explaining his return and informing them about his restrictions. We need to make it big. Do it with Beck’s signature style -- more decorum. Do you think you could handle that for us?”
I exhaled slowly, biding my time. “Yes, let me know what you want me to say. What are his restrictions?” I refused to turn my head and look at Beck. I couldn’t. I knew how dangerous that would be. I feared I’d never recover if I looked into his eyes.
The coach was either dense or simply didn’t care how difficult it was for us. “Ask him yourself. Why don’t the two of you go back to your office and talk? The press knows there’s an announcement coming today, so figure it out soon. After the conference with the owners, it’s game on for the two of you.”
Game on.
Coach Lawson sat in his seat, a smug grin on his face. I got the feeling he enjoyed watching us squirm.
Beck spoke first, still standing out of my line of vision. “I brought the doctor’s orders with me,” he said, his voice low and tentative.
I looked at the coach, trying to get him to empathize with me and the awkward situation. “If you’ll make a copy for me, I can handle the press release on my own.”
Coach Lawson leaned forward, his fingers drumming on the desktop. “It’s not a press release we’re asking for, Isla. The two of you are going to hold a press conference.”
“Together?” Beck and I asked at the same time.
“Yes, together. Now, get to work.” Coach Lawson said.
I had to say it. There was no going around it. It was the elephant in the
room. “What about my contract? You made me promise to stay away from him, remember?”
He cleared his throat. “That’s neither here nor there. What you need to focus on this minute is your job. Part of your job is to make our players look good. Now, go on and type something up and earn all that money they’re paying you.”
Beck stepped forward, next to me. “Don’t talk to her that way! You offered her money to stay away from me? What kind of bullshit…” His eyes on me. “And, you agreed? That’s what all this is about? You left me for a damn paycheck?”
I shut my eyes, willing myself away from here. Away from this life. “I didn’t do it for money. I… I didn’t… I couldn’t....” my voice trailed off. How could I defend my decision without sounding selfish?
He glared at me, pain in his eyes. “Let’s get to work then. I have shit to do.” He turned and stepped out of the office.
I looked at Coach Lawson. “Are you happy? Does this make you feel good?”
“It’s not about my happiness. It’s about what’s right for the team.”
Asshole!
I rushed out of his office, humiliated and horrified by what I’d allowed to become my reality. Behind me, I could hear the sound of Beck following behind, the cast on his foot pounding on the floor underneath us.
When we reached my office, we stood in silence for a couple of minutes, both averting our eyes from each other. The pain we felt piled on top of each other like bricks on a wall.
“Why?” he asked, his voice shaking. “Why would you leave me like that?”
Tears streaming down my face, I forced myself to look into his eyes and explain myself. “You scare me. You do things without thinking about who it hurts or what it will do to your life or anyone else’s life. I can’t risk that. I can’t risk my heart and I can’t risk having you hurt our child. You were going to sleep with someone else, Beck.”
A low whimper escaped his lips. “I didn’t cheat on you. I’d never cheat on you. That’s what I was trying to tell you. You changed me. You made me feel something I’d never felt before in my life. When I told you the story, it wasn’t to hurt you. It was to show you how much you mean to me. I’m a fuck up. That’s who I am. You make me want to be better. When she was begging me, all I could think about was you. You’re the only one I want. You’re my whole world. I’m broken without you. I don’t know who I am without you. The last few weeks have been hell. I hate myself for hurting you.”
Bedding the Bad Boy (Bad Boys of Football Book 1) Page 18
