HOLDEN (Billionaire Bastards, Book Three)

by Ivy Carter

  And ever since it happened, I’ve kept my door unlocked intentionally, in the hopes that he would come see me, but he hasn’t. In fact, he’s barely been home. It’s like he’s purposely avoiding me, and again.

  I should be grateful not to see his heartless face. I should be glad he’s not there to tell me how to do my job. I wonder if he micromanages his people at work the way he micromanages me. I should be happy I only have Wilson to watch over me for a few hours each day. He says he doesn’t come every day anymore, but he has, simply because he likes watching me and Lilly Belle interact.

  Wilson makes me smile.

  Ethan Townsend does not.

  Ethan Townsend can kiss my ass for making me wish he’d slip into my room again, take my into his arms, and lay a soul-wrenching kiss onto me. A heart-stopping, breathless kiss that weakens my legs like I’m some baby giraffe standing for the first time.

  The evil bitch moms are still tittering, and that’s my cue to go. I stand, nod at them, because unlike them, I am polite, refined, and un-full of shit. I push the stroller along the route. Lilly Belle bangs her little hands on the stroller tray over and over, going, “Ba, ba, ba, ba…” loving the sounds of children playing on the jungle gym.

  “Yes, Lilly Belle, those mommies were bad, bad, bad girls. You and I are not. You and I rise above. We’re survivors. Especially you, sweet pea. You’re the bee’s knees.” I laugh to myself. The bee’s knees, like my mom always says.

  I love my job. Despite it all, I really do.

  The rest of our park time goes well. I pick up an orange fall leaf and hand it to Lilly Belle, who stares at it like it’s a sparkly diamond in a dark, dark world. But then, figuring pretty things must also taste delicious, she crams it into her mouth, and I pluck the crispy pieces off her tongue. “Silly, you can’t eat that,” I say. Silly nanny, for giving it to her.

  “Can’t you just get the kid a burger?” It’s a man’s voice I recognize. When I look up at the angled afternoon sun, I see Robert Ellis, a friend of my family. In running gear, he slows down, smiles, leans in for a short hug. “What’s up, Penelope? Still doing the nanny thing, I see?”

  I smile. It’s nice to see a familiar, friendly face. Robert was just a skinny kid in high school the other day, but now he’s about nineteen and looking like an adult--almost.

  But compared to Ethan, he looks like a goofy young boy still.

  “Hey, you! Nah, I married a billionaire and gave birth to a seven-month-old since you last saw me,” I joke.

  “Aww, don’t break my heart, Wallach. You know I always had a crush on you.”

  We laugh and make small talk, chatting about what we’ve been up to. I tell him about the PR website and the small, freelance jobs I’ve been taking just to get things going while I save enough money for winter semester, but how being a full-time nanny is taking up most, if not all, my time.

  “But you get breaks, right? Days off?” Roberts sort of jogs in place a bit.

  “No, not with this family. I’m pretty much on all the time.”

  “Wow, that sucks. I’m sorry. Must be hard for you.” He says this like someone who knows what my family has always gone through, my mom’s struggles to keep up, to raise five kids. “But good for you. You’ve always been diligent.”

  “Diligent,” I repeat, thinking hard on that word. Yeah, I guess diligent would be correct, but I also do it out of need. I would love to relax like other women my age, but it’s just not in the cards.

  “Anyway, what about you? What have you been up to?” I ask Robert. Lilly Belle stares at him, as she would like to know as well. This kid is attuned and smart, I tell you.

  A deep registered voice booms out from nearby. “Yes, do tell us. We’re dying to know.”

  I turn and see Ethan coming up the walk, hands in coat pocket, looking super fucking handsome as always. He’s in a suit and coat, wearing a hat. A hat, like one of those old-style bowler hats men used to wear when there was a world war going on, like he owns both Boardwalk and Park Place.

  “Mr. Townsend,” I say, catching my breath before looking away. I can’t look into his eyes, or he’ll know that I think he looks amazing. Robert will know it, too, and the whole thing will be over-the-top weird.

  “Excuse me?” Robert turns to him, holding out his hand, wondering if he knows this man.

  Ethan doesn’t shake it. “Never mind. Miss Wallach, time to go inside now.” He swooshes me up the steps like I’m a child. I don’t appreciate it. But I’m not in the business of looking uncomfortable at work, so that Robert can blab about it, and then next thing I know my mother is calling me asking me if everything is alright.

  So I smile and tell Robert, “It was great running into you. Hope to see you again soon…around here, or wherever.”

  “NYU,” Robert gives me a secret look. It’s almost as if his deep brown eyes are saying, don’t listen to that guy. You can stay and talk to me all you want. “I’m at NYU, studying film, and everything is great. See you around, Penelope.”

  “Not if I can help it,” Ethan mutters behind me, as I step into the brownstone and he closes the door. “Who was that?”

  “A friend. Who did you think he was?”

  “I ask the questions here, Miss Wallach.” He plucks off his hat and hangs it on a hook by the wall, then he takes off his coat and hangs it on the coat rack. He smells delicious, like spice and fall highlighted with masculine undertones that bring me back to the other night. I can’t believe I slept with this man.

  And I want him again—damn it.

  “I took Lilly Belle for a walk and just ran into him. You know, running into friends on the street. You do have friends, right?” Shit, it comes out sarcastically. I have to remember to keep quiet and just do what he says. It’s a job, and it’s for money, and if only I can get past his holier-than-thou attitude, I’ll be fine.

  “Miss Wallach, you can’t bring strange men around the baby.”

  “Strange men?” I gawk at him. Now, this is getting ridiculous. “How is a friend on the street a strange man? I’ve known that kid since he was in Kindergarten, and he was just being friendly, saying hello.”

  “Well, I don’t know him. And I can’t have you and the baby around men I don’t know.”

  “Are you serious?” I gasp. Stay calm, Penelope. Jesus. But then, I realize why he’s doing this. Maybe I’m crazy or delusional or both, but could it be that Ethan is jealous just now? Jealous of me talking to another man?

  No way.

  “I’m completely serious,” Ethan replies. “How do I know you’re not giving him too much information? What if he’s a common criminal looking to break into my home, putting the baby at risk. You wouldn’t want to put the baby at risk, would you, Miss Wallach?”

  I almost choke on my laughter. “I’m sorry…I just…you’re talking about little Robert Ellis here. He used to dance outside my house in his Spider-Man underwear and pillowcase cape to get my attention.”

  “A class act,” Ethan blurts and then heads for the kitchen.

  I extract Lilly Belle from the stroller then fold it up, putting it away inside the foyer closet. I can’t imagine any other reason for this parole officer mentality, which reminds me… I follow him into the kitchen. “By the way, are you stalking me online?”

  He stiffens a moment before reaching for a decanter and pouring himself a drink of amber liquid. Reaching for ice from the fridge, he simply says, “It’s an employer’s right to see what activities his employees are engaged in. I also do not wish you to be focused on your social media accounts while living here, and I wanted to make sure everything was to my liking on that front.”

  “Mr. Townsend, I do nothing but take care of Lilly Belle. When she’s sleeping, I work on other things, such as my schoolwork and things related to it, but that’s my future, and I have the right to work.”

  “I see no problem with that. It’s the male company you keep that concerns me. As you know, Lilly Belle is my niece and my sister entrusted me wi
th her life. I would be remiss to break that trust by endangering her.”

  “Endangering her? He was just a friend, and you’re being silly.” Yes, I said it. And now I’m walking away from him. Because he’s being stupidly overprotective, though I’m almost sure it’s because he got jealous seeing me talking to another guy.

  I’m glad he’s rarely home, because I can’t imagine having him watch over me like a hawk, meddling in my life, twenty-four hours a day. I also can’t imagine wondering where he is, if he’s going to come back to my room for more sex like he did the other night. I’m not even sure that my yearning body could resist him. I hate that I want him and hate him at the same time.

  No, it’s better that he’s never here. Thank God for Townsend Enterprises and the long silences in this big mansion.

  “Well then, since I’m so silly, and because I have some time open in my schedule,” he says, taking his drink to the kitchen doorway leading to his living room where he’s going to sit in one of his sterile, gray armchairs. “I’ll be working from home starting tomorrow. Take more of an interest in home matters. Go ahead, be thrilled.” He lets loose a smirk, and my insides turn to jelly. “Goodnight, Miss Wallach.”

  You’ve gotta be shitting me. He’s going to start staying home every day? Shit.

  Shit, shit, shit. Now I’m really in trouble.

  Ethan

  Being closer to the source of my obsession will only make it worse.

  I knew, when I opened my mouth to say I’d be working from home, that was the case, but I couldn’t stop myself from saying it. Normally, I look forward to going to the office. Staying home makes me feel uneasy. Finding things to tell Wilson makes me feel uneasy, filling the silence makes me feel uneasy.

  But here I am, and I’m not entirely sure why.

  I told her to stay away from the downstairs area near my office. I can’t exactly work if the baby is crying. Ah, screw the baby. I can’t work knowing that Penelope is wandering around, swaying that sweet ass and sending me the softest, slightest of fragrances. Probably undetectable to most, but for me, it’s like blood to a shark. Still, I can’t afford that douche-y Robert guy coming around here.

  If he danced in his underwear for her when he was a kid, what would he do now for her attention?

  That’s how it starts, conversation on the steps. Smiles. Before you know it, she’s inviting him in when I’m not here, and no way, I can’t have that. Why can’t I have it? Because I don’t want guys I don’t know around Lilly Belle? Because I don’t want my nanny to have a social life, or because I want her all to myself?

  “Looks like the young lady has been banished from the west wing.” It’s Wilson standing at the doorway to my office, folded newspaper under his arm.

  “Banished? Wilson, you know as well as I do that I can’t have any distractions while I’m working. It’s a big enough house. Don’t give me that shit.”

  He ignores my cussing, the way he always has. “You don’t want them near you,” he says in that tone. That all-knowing fatherly tone I hate. Love. Hate. “However, you can’t act like a beast in your own castle either, demanding that the princesses remain locked and out of your sight. They’re free individuals.”

  “Yes. Yes, I can, Wilson, and that’s what I’m going to do. It’s my house.”

  “Oh,” he says, eyes wide with mock surprise. “I forgot. Your house.” Then, he walks off silently, leaving me in a swirling mist of my own thoughts. I hate when Wilson does that—talks to me like I’m a moron. I wish he’d go bother someone else. Then, I remember…I’d have no one if he did.

  After a few days, I’m working in my office, going over numbers when I hear the refrigerator door open nearby. “Wilson?” I call out. I could use a tall glass of cold water.

  A gurgly goo-goo sound is my only reply. Knowing that most babies cannot come down the stairs and open refrigerator doors at nearly eight months, I wait for Penelope to explain why she’s down here. “It’s me, Mr. Townsend.”

  “Lurking around, breaking rules, are we?” I step out of my office and stand in the kitchen doorway. She’s wearing pink leggings with clouds on them, her hair up in a messy ponytail, looking as adorable as ever. The leggings are a mistake. They outline every curve on her lower body, her toned calves, and that ass I can’t get out of my head. Now I know I won’t be finishing my work for today, and that pisses me off. The baby sits in a bouncy chair with a wire frame on top of the counter.

  “I’m sorry. Lilly Belle needed a snack, and we’re out upstairs. I should’ve asked Wilson to get me some before he left. Sorry.”

  The baby stops bouncing in her chair to examine me. I feel awkward that she doesn’t know me very well, even though that’s entirely my fault.

  “I’m sure I asked you to keep the baby upstairs while I’m working, didn’t I?” I say, unrelenting.

  Closing a drawer shut, Penelope lets out a frustrated sigh. “You can’t keep a baby locked away, Mr. Townsend. And it’s Lilly Belle. You should try saying her name. She’s your niece. She was hungry, so I’m looking for the baby crackers.”

  “Are babies supposed to eat crackers at this age?”

  “Yes, Mr. Townsend. They’re not super crunchy or anything. They dissolve on the tongue and are perfectly safe.” She continues to rummage through the cabinets while Lilly Belle continues to stare at me like I’m the beast Wilson said I was.

  I walk up to Penelope and peer into the cabinets with her. I know what crackers she’s talking about. They’re inside of a gallon zipped bag in the back row. So close to her, I smell her scent wafting off her skin. It’s an earthy, feminine scent, way better than all that fake shit women put on. Suddenly, my blood races through my body. I’m immediately hard.

  Slowly, she backs up, aware that we’re so close. I can almost hear her heart beating through her skin and shirt. Her hazel eyes flash at me, with flecks of gold, as she holds her breath. I reach in and pull out the zipped bag. “Is this what you’re looking for?” I hold it near her chest.

  If the baby weren’t here, I might throw her against the counter and suck her tits before fucking her hard.

  Clutching the bag close, she nods without a word, staring at me as though she’s heard my thoughts.

  “Ah, the sassy one has lost all ability to talk back. Maybe I should stand close to you more often.” I arch an eyebrow and then move over to Lilly Belle, shoving my hands in my pockets and staring at her. She’s actually a really pretty baby. My sister and her husband did good.

  “You can, um…” Penelope clears her throat. “You can pick her up, you know.”

  “I can see her from here.”

  “She’s not going to bite you.” Penelope laughs, reaching into the box and pulling out an octagon shaped pale wafer that looks like it would taste awful and stale. “In fact, why don’t you give it to her?”

  I know it’s all innocuous. Giving a baby a cracker isn’t going to bond us everlastingly. But for some reason, I hesitate. Penelope stares at me with the softest of smiles on her face. The baby stares at me, too, like give me the damn cracker already. I know I said they needed to keep their distance, and they do, but I don’t want Penelope to think that I’m completely heartless. I want her to know that I’m sensible, practical, that it’s not a good idea to form bonds that will only be broken later on, but for some reason, I want to see her smile right now.

  Taking the cracker, I hand it to Lilly Belle who slowly reaches out, big blue eyes fixated on my face, and snatches it out of my hand. Except she doesn’t eat it right away. She stares at me and gurgles. “Look at her. She likes you,” Penelope laughs. “Pick her up, Mr. Townsend. You’ll see she’s really yummy.”

  I’ve never picked up a baby in my life. From the moment Lilly Belle arrived here, I’ve had someone, whether Wilson or the cleaning lady, Luz, or one of the fired nannies to hold her. I’ve treated her like a nuclear explosive.

  But I do know how to compartmentalize. I know how to keep feelings separate from affecting my ev
eryday life. I’m a professional.

  I can do this.

  Suddenly, Lilly Belle throws the cracker on the floor and cries out, laughing and giggling and acting totally loopy.

  “Why did she do that?” I ask. I’m not used to anyone rejecting my gifts, even if the gift is a bland cracker.

  Penelope laughs hard. She loves seeing me confused and befuddled by the tiny troll. “She must have the midnight crazies. Plus, I think she’s just surprised that you’re here, looking at her…” She shifts to pick up the cracker, eyes pausing on me, as she slowly makes her way back up.

  The filthy areas of my mind imagine her doing numerous things in that position. Not with the baby present, of course, but my body wants what it wants, and suddenly, the hardness is back, as I imagine her on her knees, bent over. That door better be locked tonight if I decide to go check on it.

  The baby’s coos bring me back front and center, and my hard cock melts away. Now I’m looking at my niece pumping her arms and legs like an energetic doll.

  “Oh, yeah. She’s definitely smitten with you. You should pick her up.”

  “Some other time,” I say, reaching out to hold the baby’s little hand instead. Look at those fingers. So little. So chubby. Wrapped around my finger which looks so big next to hers. I wish I could hold her, but I can’t. This is already too much as it is.

  “How did you get so good at caring for kids? I mean, you’re practically a kid yourself,” I ask.

  She scoffs through a smile. “I’m twenty-two next month. And it’s because I have younger siblings. I always had to take care of them to help my mom out. I guess I’m used to it.”

  “Like second nature.” I continue to shake Lilly Belle’s little fist. She’s enthralled and watching me intently. I don’t feel as uncomfortable with her stares anymore. I feel like she might actually like me, as Penelope says.