by Leela Ash
“So where are you heading?” she asked finally.
“North,” Jax answered vaguely.
“What's north?”
“I'm looking for my brother.”
She could tell it was difficult for him to talk about, but she couldn't keep the words from spilling out. She'd missed having somebody to talk to, and she was burning with curiosity about this man. She decided to change the subject, if he got too prickly she would have to leave.
“Are you part of a tribe?” she asked.
“Not anymore,” he said. “What about you?”
“Not anymore.”
“What happened?”
“They were self-important freaks who couldn't get along. They thought we would find a cure...save the world. But nobody knew where to start and shot down anyone who gave it a try.”
“You're a doctor?” he asked, unable to conceal his surprise.
“A scientist,” she corrected.
“Ah.”
“What happened to your tribe?”
“I outgrew them,” he said softly. “And now I have to find my brother.”
He was obviously in pain and she wanted to reach out to him, give him some kind of hope.
“I'm sure you will,” she said.
The thought seemed to please him, and he was quiet for a moment, considering the likelihood of this happening.
“We parted on bad terms,” he said. “I don't know if he'll be happy to see me even if I do find him.”
“He's family,” Layne said, her chest constricting painfully as all she had lost flickered before her eyes. “You belong together. I'm sure he knows that.”
Jax considered this and nodded. Jonathan had told him to find him, so that's what he was going to do. It had been a long time, a really long time, but some things didn't change, like the love you have toward your siblings. They wouldn't be able to hurt you so much if you didn't care more about them than you knew what to do with.
“I should get on the move,” he said finally. “I appreciate the food. Take care of yourself.”
“Oh,” Layne said, crestfallen. “All right. Good luck. I'm sure everything will turn out fine.”
He nodded and stood, turning his back on her and disappearing into the forest.
Chapter 7
Jax walked away from Layne, his chest tormented with several emotions he couldn't pinpoint. She would just slow him down, he told himself. He had a mission and should keep it in mind. She would distract him, put him in undue danger. But he found himself missing her the second she was out of sight. Was it because she had shown him kindness? Or was he simply lacking companionship. Humans were herd animals after all.
Suddenly, he heard footsteps behind him and whipped around, ready to strike. Layne flinched back and raised her arms up defensively.
“Easy tiger,” she said. “You just forgot your water bottle.”
He stared at her, perplexed, before taking it from her outstretched hand. Most people would have killed for two water bottles, but she had returned his without a second thought. She didn't even drink out of it first.
He nodded in thanks and continued walking, his chest on fire. He wasn't sure what to do with her.
“Listen, Jax,” she called, trotting behind him to catch up with his long strides. “I want to help you find your brother. I have nothing better to do. I swear I won't get in the way. I was thinking of heading north too, actually.”
“Why would you want to go north? It's a wasteland,” he said, without turning around.
“That's pretty much why. I'm tired of having to survive day by day. I want to settle down somewhere. Everyone avoids north because it gets colder, but I know all about canning and growing. Keeping warm is easy. I've been collecting seeds. I plan to take enough rations to get myself established somewhere while I plant, and then I'll be self sufficient. I won't have to worry about anything but protecting my own turf. Nobody else's rules.”
“You shouldn't go telling people stuff like that,” Jax said irritably. “What if they steal your seeds or your rations?”
She tried to hide a smile. He was looking out for her. He had no desire to steal from her, but he was worried that she'd trust people who would.
“We can share them if I go with you,” she said quietly. “I have enough for two. It was a good haul.”
The idea was tempting and he sighed, looking her up and down.
“You’d be better off keeping them for yourself. Why do you want to go with me so badly?”
She gave him a look that was all the answer he needed. Her beautiful face, her sad eyes, her strength. She was determined to start over and create the security that had been robbed from her by the virus. If they were together, he would feel obligated to protect her. Put himself into undue risk. But hadn't he been wishing, secretly, that he hadn't left her behind so rashly? Wasn't he considering what his life might be like with a companion? Now that they had found each other, what was the harm?
“I think, maybe, we could keep each other sane.”
He laughed, secretly eyeing her. She was endearing herself to him whether he liked it or not. He remembered the comfort he had found in her hands and knew in his heart that she was right. Even if it was more trouble to keep two people alive than one, there was something irreplaceable about being with another person.
“All right,” he said. “But save your rations. I'll re-stock mine on my own. Can I trust you to stay put while I'm gone?”
“Yes. But I can hunt too, you know.”
“No, I didn't know,” he said with a chuckle. “All right. Let's go. We'll have to keep quiet on this stretch, all right? Stay low, out of sight. I'm going to visit some old buddies of mine.”
“You're taking from Hex?” she asked in surprise.
“Actually I have a friend on the inside. She thought I got a raw deal and smuggles food out for me. Sometimes I get lucky. First aid supplies and things like that. I'm supposed to pick up tonight.”
She? Layne found herself bristling. It was irrational though, she knew it. He was allowed to have a girlfriend. It's not like knowing him for one day made them a couple. She had just been missing other people's company.
“Okay, well we can make camp and I'll wait for you there.”
“Great.”
They walked forward in silence, both of them happy but nervous. It was a big commitment, but maybe it would all work out for the best.
Chapter 8
They trudged through a neighborhood, carefully stepping over the broken pavement of the sidewalks. Plants had grown through the cracks, effectively shattering them, and Jax found himself missing the bicycle he used to have. He would have covered a lot more distance that way, but he had found early on that the bikes made you more vulnerable. All a tribe had to do was shoot an arrow into your tire and you would go sprawling, leaving you vulnerable to raids on your rations. Although he was tempted, he had learned his lesson.
Layne usually tried to avoid the broken suburban areas. They caused her grief to well up in her chest, seeing all of the destruction and desolation the virus had caused. Sometimes the contaminated would live in places like this, as if they wanted to be reminded of their shame for the rest of their lives. If they couldn't forget it, they might as well live in it. The broken dolls and shattered dreams suffocated her whenever she entered areas like this. It was common for most of the tribes to avoid them for the same reason. Jax seemed undeterred though, and walked slowly and cautiously, oblivious to her discomfort. It was the most direct path to the Hex compound, and he was set on it because it's what had always worked for him in the past.
He felt comfortable in the old neighborhoods. The nostalgia and memories would flood him like sad old friends, and he held onto them as they went, until they reached the house he had always used as a base during these journeys.
“Stay here and keep quiet. No matter what you hear out there, don't move. You'll be safe. Don't leave the living room.”
She nodded and he left the house, hea
ding toward the Hex compound. She watched him go with a knot in her heart. She wished she could go with him. It was painful to be parted for even just a moment. She had met other people on the road before, given them help, camped with them, but none of them affected her this way. What was different about Jax?
She poked around the living room, trying to fight off the chill she got whenever she was near the relics of the dead. Their values had sure deserted them, she thought. This family had been well off financially, but death brought them down to the same level as everybody else. She gazed at the walls. Picture frames had once decorated them, but somebody, probably Jax, had taken them off the walls, leaving pale squares where they once belonged. They were piled neatly on the floor, face down, and she sighed, debating whether or not she wanted to put a face to the tragic fate of the people whose couch she was perched upon.
Her curiosity eventually won over and she looked at the pictures, tears in her eyes. Her mind replayed the chaos of the first few years after the virus struck and she ran to the door, barely making it before she vomited.
***
Jax didn't return until after dark, and when he did he found Layne curled up on the couch, her arms around herself. Her eyes were closed and she was sleeping so deeply he almost feared that she had died somehow. Tobi had come through, providing him with two weeks worth of food and medical supplies. He’d told her about Layne and she'd winked at him and rummaged around for a bottle of wine from her own stash.
He watched Layne sleep before yawning deeply himself. He always slept well in this house. It had belonged to his aunt and uncle, and he knew that they would have welcomed him. He collapsed onto the couch opposite Layne and joined her in the realm of dreams. When he woke up, she was still sleeping. Finally, she roused as he began to chew through his breakfast.
“How is your girlfriend?” she mumbled, wiping sleep from her eyes. She looked cute and unassuming when she woke up, and Jax grinned.
“Girlfriend? Tobi’s a lesbian in a happy, committed relationship. But she's good, thanks for asking.”
The “thanks” thrown into his sentence made them both pause, flinching as if awaiting the axe to fall. But they were together and nothing happened.
“I made some calculations,” Layne said. “There was an atlas under the coffee table. I think it would take two weeks to get to where I want to be.”
“That's not bad,” he said, chewing thoughtfully. “We should head out soon. Did you rest well?”
“Yeah,” she said, smiling at him. He swallowed hard, unable to take his eyes off of her. There was something magnetic about Layne, something he couldn't get enough of. If he could drink her in all day, he would. Even throughout the tragedy, he'd never responded so deeply to a woman. He'd wondered if there was something wrong with him, and found the way Jonathan had abandoned him even more unforgivable because of it.
They headed out, spending the next week slowly getting to know each other. Jax was the strong, silent type, and Layne slowly drew him out of his shell. Soon, they were laughing and speaking to one another as if they had been friends for centuries. It was the happiest either of them had been in years.
One night, Layne surprised him by disappearing. His heart thudded painfully in his chest with fear, until she re-emerged holding a dead rabbit out to him. He ignored the offer and scooped Layne into his arms, his fear and panic turning from a flash of anger to the sudden realization that he wouldn't want to go on without her. She let him hold her, pressing her cool, comforting hands against his back and stroking slowly. The contact was soothing for both of them, and she promised never to disappear without word again. She would have lost her chance to catch the rabbit if she'd woken him up first.
He built a fire, hoping she couldn't see the tears glistening in his eyes, and helped her to cook the rabbit, serving her little pieces as they finished. She would eat and then feed him a piece as he turned the rabbit around over the fire on a stick, peeling off the finished parts for her to eat. They chewed silently together. Although he was grateful for the rabbit, he was still shaken up by his attachment to her.
“Jonathan left me for a woman,” he said suddenly, surprising both of them with the information.
“Why would he do that?” she asked with a frown.
“He was young and in love. I didn't like her. Refused to join her stupid tribe. So he did and left me.”
“That's terrible,” Layne said, her eyebrows furrowing. “What did you do?”
“I barely made it. I was really young. I didn't have half a chance until Hex found me. They helped me get rid of my past. But they couldn't get rid of Jonathan. Because he's still in the present, out there somewhere.”
“How do you know where he is?”
“He came back later. The woman's tribe was basically a cult. They were all insane, just like I told him they were. I swear they were baby eaters, just hoping for their cow to get pregnant so they could eat it. He apologized and asked me to leave with him. But in my mind he wasn't my family anymore – I just had Hex.”
They ate as he spoke, the fire crackling between them as he unveiled his painful memories.
“No offense,” she said, her mouth stuffed full of rabbit. “But he sounds kind of like a jackass.”
Jax laughed loudly, a loose, pleasant sound that filled her with pleasure. “None taken.”
“I'm sure he's learned from his mistakes over time. We all do. That's why it exists I guess.”
“Yeah,” he said distantly, his mind chewing over her words. He'd missed having that kind of faith in the world. Everything he knew had been shaken and destroyed by the virus and the devastation that followed.
“It's best to live in the moment though,” he said after a pause.
“Well in this moment, there is nothing better in the world than eating this rabbit with you,” she said, her eyes glowing in the firelight. She cupped his face in her hands and touched their noses together, bringing a bright smile to his face. The low rumble of his laughter vibrated in her chest as he scooped her close to him. She smiled down at him and their lips met. A surge of hot electricity jolted through their bodies and Jax suddenly pulled away, startled and intrigued by his physical reaction to her.
“We shouldn't do this,” he said.
“Why not?” she whispered, kissing him again. Their tongues danced deeply in each other's mouths, and he was panting when he responded.
“It's too dangerous here,” he said. “We have to stay aware of our surroundings.”
She pulled away from him, taking the warmth of her body with her, to gnaw on the rest of her rabbit. She gave him a resigned smile and lay down. He had never felt more cold.
Chapter 9
The next day they marched through the forest together. Jax was feeling distant and aloof, embarrassed by the affectionate display from the night before. Layne could tell what he was thinking, but didn't call him out on it. Instead she walked quietly along, humming to herself as she went. She liked to keep the old music alive. Nobody had access to electronics anymore, not the kind that the government had been using. The grids had all shut down, and only people who had been connected to solar, wind, or water powered generators were able to continue with life as if untouched. She was sure there were a few off-the-grid people left alive out there. Some of them might not even be aware of the devastation happening around them.
She thought to the seeds in her backpack, the precious few that she'd managed to find and save. All of her hopes and dreams relied on those seeds, and she swallowed hard, patting the small pocket where she kept them to reassure herself that they were still there. She used to hope for signs from God, especially being a scientist and seeing the divine rhyme and rhythm there was to the universe, but they had become few and far between since the tragedy struck. She found herself wishing for one now, knowing that her only chance at security might be in those seeds and her ability to nurture them the right way.
A cool rain suddenly started falling on them. Layne looked up into the sky a
nd twirled around with her arms outstretched, a vibrant smile on her face.
“This is it,” she whispered. “The beginning of the rest of our lives.”
In that moment, Jax knew that he had never seen anybody more beautiful. He gripped her hand tightly, looking up into the sky with her, before reality struck and he knew they had to get into some shelter. There was nothing more dangerous in a survival situation than being wet for too long. He'd managed to find waterproof clothes, but it was better to be safe than sorry.
As they continued north, Layne could tell that something was troubling Jax, but he didn't bring it up until they made camp that night.
“If you find your dream world, where you can plant your food, who will protect you while I'm off looking for my brother?”
The question came suddenly, as she had been chewing happily on some dehydrated fruit rations, and made a knot in her stomach appear out of nowhere. The idea of leaving each other for even a moment was nauseating.
“I can take care of myself, dummy,” she said, giving him a magnetic smile. “I've made it this long without you.”
But deep down she was dreading the day when they parted ways. She had begun to include Jax in her fantasy world, some idyllic nonsense with a white picket fence, man and wife, nuclear family kind of bullshit that never would happen in the real world. She had to kick herself whenever her mind wandered to that forbidden plain of hope. Nothing could ever be that simple again.
“I know you have,” he said. “Which just makes you more amazing.”
They grinned at one another over the firelight, but now both of them were feeling depressed. Thinking about the past could destroy you, and thinking about the future was grim. It was best to stay focused on the present moment. Nothing else was ever going to be a guarantee.
They fell asleep, both of them troubled and anxious. It was Layne who heard it first – the twig snapping, the sound of sniffing. Wild dogs.
