by Susan Ward
“Bullshit. I listen to every word you say.”
“OK. Rephrase. I can’t get you to do what I think you should do, but you listen.”
I stare at the ocean a moment, fighting to keep from my expression the effect of the subtle undertone of his words. Once I’m sure it’s contained, I scooch around to face him and arch a brow. “Aha. You got me to do what you wanted last night.”
A smile teases the edge of his lips. “Weren’t we wonderful last night?”
The look in his eyes and the huskiness of his voice makes my heart soar. I lean in to kiss him on his neck.
“We were better than wonderful. We were perfect,” I whisper, touching my way with my lips to the underside of his jaw, and then I pull back.
He caresses my cheek with a fingertip. “Perfect, huh? Then why are you sitting here thinking about leaving me again?”
My eyes widen and my heart stills and his expression is nearly more than I can take. Shit, how did he know that was what I’ve been sitting up here thinking about?
I turn to face the ocean again, settling back against his chest, and without pause he folds me in his arms. His lips move in my hair.
“Linda. Linda. Linda. What am I going to do with you?”
I tilt into the movement of his kisses. “Just love me, Jack.”
“I do, baby. You know that. Whatever you’re thinking, tell me and let us talk it through together. I can’t love you the way I want to love you unless you let me.”
Tears sting in my eyes. Just tell him, huh?
I take in a steadying breath. “I’m not thinking about leaving, Jack. I’m thinking about staying. Quitting my job, not going back to the UK, and”—Crap, why is this making him rigid and still? The wisecrack comes even though I don’t want it. A defense mechanism—“hanging around here, I think I’m ready to have a stay-at-home beach bum in my life.”
There is a long moment of silence and my stomach does an anxious shimmy. Then his arms tighten in their warm, protective hold. “Why now, Linda?”
Not the response I expected. And what is that I hear in his voice? The tears give way and I sniff a few times before I answer him. “Because I love you. I hate not being with you. And my way, Jack, isn’t working at all. Not for either of us, I think.”
I peek at him over my shoulder. The tenderness in his eyes banishes all worry from me. “It definitely is not working for me,” he murmurs.
“Oh, Jack.” In a moment I am spun around on the chair, my face in his hands, and he is kissing me sloppily, exuberantly everywhere.
I start to laugh. “I’ve missed you so much. I don’t want to spend a day ever again without you.”
“Me either, sweetheart,” he whispers against my lips.
My mouth opens beneath his and I can feel us both changing what this is, the desire rocketing through our flesh. As I’m slowly lowered to lie beneath him on the cushion, how right this feels shreds all doubt over my decisions. Whatever problems exist couldn’t possibly win against how we are, like this.
My fingers are in his hair. Our mouths are hungrily consuming each other, and I am pushing up into him as he strains into me, and it doesn’t feel as if I can get close enough to him.
His passionate assault abruptly halts and he pulls back enough so he can look into my face. My eyes fly wide.
“Are you saying you’re staying, or are you finally agreeing to marry me?” he asks.
Jack… No man has ever looked at me this way and my heart jumps. Everything inside me melts in fast, delicious waves. How could he even wonder if my staying means I’m saying yes? In all moments he is wonderfully him.
I hold his face with my hands. “Take me to bed and I’ll tell you afterward.”
~~~
“Slowly, Linda. Slowly. We have all night.”
I feel his body ease out of me and then glide back in, deliciously slow, as deep as he can get. He halts and my breath catches. His mouth comes to mine and my tongue slips through his parted lips to be answered by a swirl. His feather-light fingers trace my sides, brush my face, and tease my breasts. He is in me and all around me. He moves again, a perfect rhythm of fast and slow, and the kiss deepens.
All parts of him making love to me, all of him always at once. Tender and passionate. Bold and gentle, his heart and body urging me onward wherever he takes me, giving me the courage to get lost in him and take what I want.
He moves our bodies with loving sureness, his warm flesh against my smooth skin, my yielding flesh to his hardened sex. Another slow move out and then just the tip of him held in me.
Sensation rockets through my body. I arch up, no longer able to endure his leisurely play with my body. I move into his cock, taking him hard into me. Heated currents surge through my veins, the tingling running along my flesh for too long, him keeping me on the edge without letting me cross over, the edge that is now closer and necessary.
I do it again, harder, taking his body into me, grabbing his face and bringing his mouth back to mine. I fuck him with my tongue and then trap his in my lips, sucking until I feel him tightening there. I soften my mouth and deepen the kiss and lift my pelvis into him.
I want him to come now. I want him to come at the same time as me. I intensify my fucking him with my mouth and cunt. My body is consuming him. Harder. Faster. Rougher. I am dripping there, the surface of me is burning, and he is moving within me my way.
I wrap my legs and arms around him. I sink my nails into his back. Everything tightens in his body. We both begin to shake. Another sharp thrust and he is pouring himself into me as my release melts around him. He collapses on top of me, his face against my neck.
We are both breathing heavily, trying to steady ourselves.
“Slowly, Jack, slow,” I whisper into his hair. “We have forever. I’ll marry you.”
A throaty laugh shudders from deep inside him. Those brilliant blue eyes look at me. He doesn’t speak. He doesn’t have to. The expression in his eyes says everything.
We are both utterly spent, and immediately pass out into sleep.
~~~
I wake in a room that smells of sex and Jack and I don’t ever want to climb from the bed. My body is still claimed by the languidness of a night of fucking, and everything in me is possessed by sweet peacefulness.
It is a glorious feeling to have my life finally decided, to love Jack, to let him love me. No more uncertainty, worry, or delay. To say yes, to have him want me to, and to know it is right for the both of us.
No man has ever made love to me the way Jack did the second time, after I said yes. And no man ever will make love to me again. A glorious thought to match this glorious feeling.
Smiling, I roll onto my side. My eyes go wide. I’m alone. I sit up.
The bedroom door opens and Jack crosses the room. He’s dressed. Why is he dressed?
I make a face. “Where do you think you’re going? I have plans for you today.”
“Not where I want to. Not back to bed.” He laughs and drops a kiss on my nose. “Nice tone, by the way. Very bossy. Very official.” He grins and my heart takes off beating fiercely. “I’m very ready to be both married and managed by you.”
I flush. “Managed, huh? You make me sound awful. I don’t try to manage you, not ever.”
He gives me a look that makes my cheeks darken.
“You are most definitely an in-control kind of lady. I find it so sexy when you take control.”
I sink my teeth into my lower lip because the way he’s looking at me makes me very alert there and most definitely wanting to have my way with him this morning.
I do a quick study of him as he sinks down beside me. Back to bed is not an option today. He has that something wrong with Chrissie expression about him.
I lay my hand over his. “Are you going to explain why you look unhappy? Why are you dressed and where are you going?”
“I got a call from the attorneys while you were sleeping. Walter wants to sit down, discuss the psychologist’s report and p
ossibly reach an informal agreement.”
I stare, astonished. “But that’s good news. An informal agreement would end the court case, right?” I frown. “Why do you look so grim?”
He exhales heavily. “Oh, Linda. You don’t know Walter. If he wants to talk it means he believes he’s in a strong position.”
I arch a brow. “That’s not possible. There can’t be anything in that report to help him.”
His eyes lock on mine. “You haven’t seen it, sweetheart. And neither have I. My attorneys only got it this morning. They are still dissecting it. They want to meet with me before we meet with Walter, and something in how they made the request has got me pretty on edge. They want to discuss the evaluation with me and I am not looking forward to knowing what it says.”
I use both hands to cover his. “I don’t need to see the report. I know you. I know there is nothing in it that could possibly harm you or cost you Chrissie.”
Jack laughs, softly and not with humor. “I hope you’re right. But I don’t think this is going to play that way. Lawyers generally have two voices. Good news. Bad news. Today it was the bad news voice.”
I roll my eyes and make a face at him. “Such a pessimist. When did that happen? I am right about everything. Why don’t you just listen to me and stop worrying? Jeez, Jack, for the most positive person I know you are behaving more like me. Cynical.”
He brushes the edge of my mouth with his thumb and this time when he looks at me there is the slightest hint of a smile in his eyes.
“I’m just ready to have the pieces of my life come together, Linda. To start our life. I never thought I would love anyone again the way I love you.”
How he says that, the look in his eyes, makes my heart flip and then rapidly beat.
I lay my palm on his cheek. “I never thought I would love, before I met you.”
I lean into him and his mouth lowers to mine. The taste of him runs through my veins, and my lips soften, molding into his, meeting the play of his tongue and the gentle give and take that is him. I feel his hands moving in a feather-light glide up and down my back, stirring my senses fiercely with just the lightest touch of his fingertips. The touch of him is intoxicating no matter how he touches me.
When he pulls back, I’m breathless. “That was not a good idea. I don’t want you to go now.”
Jack laughs and touches his nose to mine. “I better go. Another kiss like that and I’ll stay.”
I stare at him with what I know are happy and shamelessly glowing eyes. “Not the worst idea I’ve ever heard, but probably not good for the team.”
He runs a hand through his golden waves and checks the clock. “I don’t know how long this will take today. If Walter is being difficult I may never return.” He makes a harsh laugh and then his eyes grow soft and serious again. “I hate leaving you for even a little while after being so long without you.”
“I’ll be here when you get back,” I promise.
He stands and I follow him with my gaze. As he moves around the room, collecting his keys and wallet, there is something about his posture that tells me he is beyond dreading this meeting. He looks uneasy and restless and disoriented in a way I’ve never seen before.
He stops at the door and turns back to face me. “I may be late. If it’s not good, Linda, I’m going to swing by the school afterward and spend some time with my girl. Chrissie keeps me focused. On track and working the steps when things get tough. Sobriety is a daily fight for me, sweetheart. Some days more than others. I could be late.”
I nod, fighting back fast-rising tears because I don’t want Jack to see me cry. He’s emotional enough without me adding to it.
“Don’t worry about me, Jack. You take care of you. That’s what I need you to do today. You are my everything. Whatever happens, you take care of you.”
Eleven
It’s amazing how slowly the minutes pass when waiting for news. Six hours, no call from Jack. My anxiety builds and instinct warns me that something is wrong. If the negotiations with Walter were going well Jack would have called me by now. Good news he would have wanted to share with me first before going to see Chrissie.
With an arm, I brush back my sweat-limp bangs and then pull another clump of weeds from a terracotta planter. Thank God the area around the pool is cluttered with flower and herb pots definitely in need of tending. It’s surprisingly hard in Jack’s world to invent projects to do to keep my mind off my worries.
I jerk a clump of weeds from a potted geraniums and toss it onto the pile beside me. On my knees I edge to the next group of plants—herbs, I think, or maybe all weeds. I can’t really tell for sure.
The sound of the patio door opening sends relief coursing through me. I take off my work gloves and whirl toward the house.
My face falls and my heart drops to my knees.
“Hello, Linda.”
Walter. What the hell is he doing here? And how does he know who I am?
I look past him to see if Jack is anywhere in sight, but no, Walter is alone. I don’t even see Maria through the glass into the kitchen.
Amusement flashes in his eyes. Apprehension pulls me from my stupor and I realize it was my turn to talk.
I arch a brow. “Aha. Walter.”
“How nice to finally meet you.” The way he says that puts my nerves even more on edge.
I discard any pretense at politeness. “What are you doing here?”
He settles in a chair and sets some sort of file onto the table. It’s heavy enough to make a loud thump against the iron surface.
Walter stares at me expectantly. “Why don’t you join me, Linda? I think it’s time we discussed a few things.”
“I don’t want to discuss anything with you.” I watch nervously as he starts pulling papers out of the folder and neatly arranging them in front of him on the table. “Does Jack know you’re here?”
Walter looks up, amused. “No. I’m sure he’s with Chrissie.”
The way he says that makes anxiety flood my digestive tract. Crap, things must have gone badly for Jack. I make a show of purposely not rushing to join him. I slowly set down the pruning scissors before I join him at the table.
I sink down on the chair across from him, but I don’t pull it close to the table. Something tells me I don’t want to see whatever is written on those papers that so fascinate him.
I calmly arch a brow. “Why don’t you say whatever you have to say and then leave?”
His intense brown eyes fix on me. “There’s no reason to be hostile. I think you’ll understand me, that we’ll reach an agreement faster, than I can with Jack. It’s clear we all want what’s best for Chrissie. Even you.”
I fight to keep my reaction from my face. Even me? What the hell does Walter know about me?
I meet him stare for stare. “Jack is a loving father. A wonderful man, and what you’re doing is wrong. You know it and I know it, and I don’t think beyond that we’ll agree on anything.”
He sits back in his chair. “You’re an interesting woman, Linda. This isn’t personal. If it was, I would have thrown my discovery into the court action and let the judge decide if you’d be a proper influence in my granddaughter’s life. Instead, I’m here, discussing with you what’s best for everyone.”
He starts shoving photos across the table, putting them in front of me so I have no choice but to see them. I cringe. Fuck, where the hell did that miserable old man get these? Some of them are several years old. Almost all of the photos I don’t remember being taken.
Me at parties. Me doing the LA music scene. Me with men…I close my eyes, wishing I’d never looked…me doing things with men. Oh God, where did these come from and how did Walter get them?
I lift my chin, meeting his watching gaze. “Aha. You’ve been busy.”
“I make it a point of knowing everything about everyone in my granddaughter’s world.”
My anger spikes. “I’m not in Chrissie’s world.”
His eyes flash. “Not yet.
But I know Jack. If he’s been seeing you for a year it’s not a casual thing. And you are not the kind of person I want helping to raise Chrissie.”
My stomach turns. Helping to raise Chrissie. Strange, I never thought of it that way, the full implications of trying to make a life with Jack. And the way Walter says that pricks at something deep inside me, making that sound as wrong to me as the way he says it.
“What the fuck do you want?” I snap.
He laughs. “You’re direct. I like that. See, I knew we’d manage well in this.” He starts rummaging through papers and my muscles grow tauter. “I have nothing against you. What you do with your life is your own affair. No judgements here. You have a past.” He arches a brow insultingly. “A colorful past. You’re young. You’re beautiful. Not surprising, but something that an impressible ten-year-old shouldn’t be exposed to. Don’t you agree?”
Direct hit. I was wrong not to run into the house the moment I saw Walter standing there. He is ruthless. No wonder this has been such torture for Jack. I was wrong in my assumptions. He is a mean, vindictive, bitter old man, and it’s blinded him from seeing the situation clearly. That Jack is a wonderful father and that all little girls who have such a loving father are lucky. In the end, they’ll grow up happy and all right if no one messes with that relationship.
The little girl inside me who never knew her father begins to ache, and with that ache comes worry. What if Walter uses this against Jack to take Chrissie away?
I fight to keep my limbs from shaking. I don’t want this hideous old man to know how much he’s hurt me.
“What is it you want from me, Walter?”
“I want you out of Jack’s life permanently.” He says it simply. “The psychologist’s report. It isn’t good. I’ve struggled with what is the right thing to do. Chrissie is a deeply troubled girl, but the one thing everyone agrees on is that losing another person she loves would be the worst possible conclusion. I can win this court action, but I don’t want to. I love my granddaughter. I don’t want to hurt her. I just want Jack to see realistically the issue here.”
