by Bellus, HJ
“Thank you, handsome.” I shine a fake smile back at him and feel liked the most blessed unfit princess in the land.
His grip is steadier than I had expected, allowing me to tuck my dress down and not flash the reception party before the party even begins. My sandals hit the ground hard and fast, causing my knees to buckle a bit and my hug to be a bit more forceful than I intended.
“Granddad,” I whisper into his ear.
“Ella.”
“I need to talk to you tonight. I need help and don’t know how to…”
He finishes my words for me. “Find your way home?”
“Yes.” My voice is hijacked with the pending sobs threatening to invade.
“I’m here, Ella.”
“Okay.”
He gives our hug one last tug before letting go and announcing to the crowd about getting the party going. I’m pretty sure he was trying to be hip and totally failed, but he makes me giggle and feel better. Just knowing that I’m going to empty all my fears on him makes me feel one hundred pounds lighter.
“May I?”
I look to the side to Maverik, who has his arm out for me. I don’t go for it and instead wrap my arms around his neck and squeeze tight. The feeling of freedom, joy, and hope overtakes the moment. Before I go in for a long, hard kiss that may lead us to finding a super tall pasture or an empty trailer, I slide the ring from his pinky onto my ring finger.
“I do, Maverik Slatter, I do.”
He only smiles back at me, and I’m sure he’s at a loss for words. For fuck’s sake, I’ve been hot and cold and pretty much a bloody mess since being here with him. If I was in Maverik’s boots, I’d tell myself to go kick rocks a long fucking time ago. I have to make this work. I don’t pressure him for an answer or even try to explain my actions. I let my lips do the talking.
The night passes way too quickly and I do my best to stay stuck to Maverik’s side, trying my best to tell him I’ll stay but have some shit to sort out. Granddad’s been swamped chatting with guests and admiring Merek and Challis. This is his night and the whole family knows it. I’m not going to intrude by pulling him to the side and telling him my story.
Challis is breathtaking in her very unique wedding dress. It screams country roots and you can kiss my sweet ass at any moment. I’ve noticed Merek appreciating the low neckline and very high skirt. She has a turquoise beaded belt wrapped around her midsection, making the contrast of the white dress breathtaking. The large gold buckle is a bull riding one. I know it’s not Maverik’s or hers and can only guess it’s her way of bringing her daddy to her special day.
Songs pass and couples dance about the gorgeous dance floor. It’s the same dance floor that I felt abandoned by this morning. But I should know better than anyone that when Maverik lets someone in, he loves big and hard. He saved the day for Challis, and it warms my heart he did. It’s the kind of man that makes the world spin.
“Want to dance?” I feel his knuckles lightly graze down my jawbone.
Looking up to him, I can’t help but smile. “I’m good. Do what you need to and let me hold on to you.”
“Always, my sweet Ella, always.”
The same knuckles that have been bloody for me in the past graze over my cheek one more time. I’m home. I’m home. Replays over and over in my mind and I can’t help the smile that plasters my face. So many wrongs needed righted and so many missed opportunities must be lived out. It just takes courage and it will take me telling my story.
“Want to dance?”
Home by Blake Shelton begins to play, and it’s the first song I ever danced to with a guy, and it happened to be Maverik Slatter at my sophomore prom. Just like silver needs tarnish polished away, I need my mistakes rinsed. Maverik has done that for me in the few short days I’ve been here. I’m worth it, and he’s made me feel it.
My mind starts to play devilish tricks about how wrong I am and how my past has now haunted me. It’s time to right this shit, Slatter style.
17
Ella
The mood lingering around in the church is completely opposite from last night. The church is packed. After watching flocks of people spill into the church, I freaked out and ran into the ladies’ room knowing that was the one place Maverik wouldn’t chase me.
Neither of us drank last night; we lived on the high knowing we’d always come back to each other. The air was electric and the passion thick. I never made it to Granddad but intend to right after my mom’s dead corpse is laid to rest. I focus in on my breathing as the past battles try to take control of my mind. I won’t let the demons win. I won’t let the demons win. It’s been dark so long and Mav finally opened my eyes.
“Ella, it’s time.”
His deep voice invades the small bathroom, instantly making me feel comfortable, even though the words he speaks should send me into a tailspin. But, on the other hand, I’m ready to put everything behind me and battle for a future with Maverik.
I slowly open the door, peering out to him and manage a weak smile. I have to get over this last hurdle and then on to the next. I’m ready to be set free from the bonds of my mother. Fear, anger, and hatred begin to swirl around in me. It’s a well-known feeling but nothing I want to live with any longer.
As I walk out of the bathroom and into the hallway, Maverik wraps his arm low around my waist, pulling me into him. The floral scent fumigating the church is nauseating, as are all the mourners putting on a show for my mother, the devil herself.
Maverik
I watch Ella’s eyes go dark and know I’ve lost her as we walk to the room where close family friends and Pastor Leeman wait with the casket. I was on the list to be a pallbearer, but Ella was adamantly against it and I respected her wishes. I only recognize a few of the men in the corner receiving instructions on how to proceed.
Every chance I get, I kiss Ella on the temple or give her hand an extra gentle squeeze. The state she’s in right now hurts me, she’s gone—way gone. Totally checked out of the game.
She never stumbles or trembles as we walk down the long aisle to the front row where we sit down. I catch her staring at her mother’s lifeless face in the casket and wonder what she’s thinking. Toward the end of the service, I feel Ella begin to squirm and go pale.
“You okay?” I whisper over to her.
She clutches my forearm with tears pooling in her eyes. “Maverik, I need out of here now.”
“Just the closing prayer and then we can go. Pastor Leeman’s talk is nearly over.”
“Now, Maverik. I can’t do this.”
I don’t miss the urgency in her voice and the tight grip she has on my forearm. When she begins to tremble, I know that she can’t handle it any longer and I’m pretty sure it’s the fact she’s had to stare at her mother for the last forty or so minutes.
“Follow me.”
I rise to my feet. I hear Pastor stumble over his words but don’t look up to him. Instead, I tuck Ella under my arm and usher her down the aisle. I do my best to protect her from the evil glares and stares from the community.
Merek grabs the bench in front of him to stand when he spots us walking out. He, Granddad, Challis, and Marvel sat in the back of the crowded church. I shake my head side to side signaling for him to sit back down. Granddad looks worried, and deep down I am too. She’s going to bolt. She’s just cracked and can’t take any more.
How the fuck could anyone survive here when the community judges her the way they do? The sheetrock of the walls calls my name, and all I want to do is throw my fist through it.
“I need to use the restroom.”
I look down to Ella, who’s calmed her breathing and has had some pink coloring race back into her cheeks.
“Okay, Pinks.”
It’s hell on me letting her go in there alone, but I do. Backing off with Ella has always been my kryptonite. I always want to fight and right all the wrongs for her. What she gave me last night was priceless. I’d do anything to live that moment for the rest o
f our lives together.
Swarms of bodies begin to exit the main part of the church. Merek spots me and I nod him on again. I know he’s worried about Ella, along with the rest of my family. I grow more concerned about the number of people and missing Ella when she walks from the bathroom. I glance at my phone and mentally give her four more minutes before I bust in.
A few neighbors stop by and say a quick hi. I try to be as polite as possible without letting my worry show too much. When I look down at my phone way more than four minutes have passed.
“Excuse me.”
Roger Delford is going on about his calves and the prices of feed, and knowing he’ll never shut up, I cut him off. As I go to push open the door, Ella swings it wide open with a fresh face. I grab her, pulling her into me. Our chests collide as I pull her in by the back of her neck and kiss the top of her head.
“Jesus, Ella, you scared me.”
“I’m all right, Mav.” Her voice is muffled against my chest.
I grip both sides of her cheeks and force her to look up at me. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, but let’s go, please.”
“Okay.”
I tuck her right back into my side as we weave through clusters of people. So many people try to offer Ella a smile or some words of wisdom, but I keep fighting my way through the crowd until I’m stopped by Granddad near the exit. He takes Ella from me, wrapping her up in a long and hard hug.
I nearly tell him to take it easy since she just got back on her feet, but I can’t tell the old man shit. I watch her melt under his touch and know she’s gone ten steps backward. One part of me is relieved to witness Ella embrace comfort, and the other half is scared to death of her permanently cracking and never healing.
I stand back and watch as she gives my brothers a hug and then finishes off with Challis. It hurts like a redheaded stepchild just to watch and not hold and protect her, but I know it’s my place. I find an easy conversation with another local about prices of hay this year and keep my distance, never taking an eye off of her.
I can’t help but smile when old high school acquaintances talk to her and she actually interacts with Marvel at her side. I know all is okay in the world when she’s surrounded by Slatters and fall easy into a conversation about feed and cattle prices. Slatters have always been the talk of the town when it comes to selling fall calves and find it like second nature to discuss. Lots easier than the last couple of days.
The church is nearly desolate when I realize Ella has gone to the truck and the rest of the family left. Ella signaled to me she was heading to the truck and I nodded to her, signaling with a finger I’d be right behind her. I was damn proud of the conversation she held. Merek and Marvel sent quick waves my way before they walked out of the church with Granddad about fifteen minutes ago. I double check the church and in an odd manner make sure Ella’s mother’s casket moved on before pushing open the double-paned glass doors.
The sun is electric landing on my hat and shirt, making me feel warmth when in so many days it’s all been a faux heat. I take a second to inhale the good and exhale the bullshit knowing everything will be okay. It may not be pretty, but it will be our story. The one I write on my heart and pass on down to my own kids.
I’ve heard of the silence before the storm but have never fully understood it. My mom tried explaining it to me when some nasty thunderstorms hit, but who in the hell experiences the silence? In the sunlight, listening to only bluebirds chirp and the serene sound of the world, I experience it. It’s simply beautiful and life altering all in the same moment. Time freezes and all problems are fixed as I embrace it all. It takes only a split second before it’s all ruined.
“Let me go.”
“What are you going to do, little Ella? Run to your mommy?”
“Let me go, now.”
The sound of material ripping fills the air.
“I’ve had you once and will have you again. Your puss was the sweetest ever.”
“Stop.” It’s Ella’s voice screaming for help.
“Your blood bathed me and I loved every second of it.”
I hear Ella hiss and then fight. My instincts finally kick in as I round the corner to find nothing but a willow tree whipping in the wind. Her voice becomes louder as I round each corner, and the opposite of hers is so familiar. I don’t waste time on trying to decipher shit as I only know she’s in trouble and needs help.
“I know I wasn’t your first, but taking you was sweet. Then your own mother walking in and turning a cheek only made it sweeter.”
I hear her scream as the words sink in. Each one a fucking dagger to the twister taking over my life.
“You left two days after I took you, Ella. Why? I needed more of you.”
The distinct sound of material ripping pierces my ears and I scream out her name. When I round the corner, I witness Ella sucker punching Pastor Leeman in the jaw and then him tumbling to the ground.
Her lip is swollen, cut, and weeping blood, and the front of her A-line black dress is torn open. Ella’s flesh bared to the world with red welts covering certain spots. The Pastor is out cold with Ella standing before him like a wild animal.
“Ella.” My own voice isn’t even recognizable.
She doesn’t answer me as she stares blankly back at me with her blonde hair waving in the wind. I peer around noticing everyone has left for the graveside burial of her mother.
“Ella,” I repeat. “What’s going on?”
As soon as the words leave my lips, I feel like an ass. I already know what’s gone down and am too selfish to accept.
“He…he…he.”
Her stutters rip my ever-loving fucking heart out. “He raped me in my own home. My mother knew about it and told me to keep it a secret. She didn’t want the good man’s career ruined. She justified it all by blaming it on the way I dressed.”
Each of her words destroy me. She waits for me to answer her or at least talk, but not one word formulates. My world just erupted.
“I left because of him, Maverik. I hate my mom because of it.”
I stand stupefied and helpless as her tortured words break the rest of me. I drop to my knees in a world of stupor and disbelief.
“You had your high school rodeo, and I was fixing to come over and we were going to get married and leave.”
Her bottom lip trembles, and all I want to do is crawl to her and cover her body and cradle her broken soul.
“You weren’t there, Maverik, you weren’t. He was, and my mom let it all happen. She walked in on my screams and turned her back.”
Her shoulder gives one last jerk before she collapses to the soggy grass.
“He raped me. I never had the courage to face you until I had to bury her.”
Ella’s once beautiful face plants into the grass, leaving only the top of her wild blonde hair flowing in the light breeze. I fight like hell to process each one of her words, but I can’t begin to comprehend.
Pastor Leeman stirs to life, and that’s when I hear for the first time a true sound of horror escape from Ella. Fear lights up her eyes as she battles to scatter for safety, and that’s when the motherfucking dots line up.
It takes only seconds before my fists collide with his jaw, laying his ass back down.
“Maverik, I left you because after what he did to me, I thought I would never be good enough for a man like you.”
With all of the adrenaline coursing through my veins, her words sink me back to my knees in agony. That motherfucker hurt her is all I can think about. He fucking damaged my sweet Ella to the point of no return.
I look back up to her and watch helplessly as she stands on her own two feet. And realize the silence before the storm is about to deliver the sucker punch of a lifetime to me.
“Maverik, this is why I ran and couldn’t stay. He destroyed me.” She runs her two hands through her blonde hair. “I’ve always loved you, and it’s only ever been you.”
I’m going to kill the son of a bitch. His blo
od will be on my hands. I wait for him to stir again. I want the fucker to know what’s coming. He doesn’t deserve to go out easy. It’s going to be painful. I raise my fist back and land another punch straight to his nose, causing him to stir a bit. Then I begin to rain hell down on him.
“Maverik.”
I hear my name being yelled in the background, but it’s not until somebody pulls me off the son of a bitch that I stop.
“Maverik, what in the good hell?” It’s Merek’s voice that finally breaks into my rage induced fit.
It takes a moment for my vision to focus in on everyone surrounding us. My brothers and Challis stand near me with shock covering each of their features.
“Where’s Ella?” My heart stills, knowing the fucking answer.
“She left, Maverik,” Challis answers.
“Took off in her car when we pulled up,” Marvel adds.
I was wrong thinking things couldn’t get any worse.
18
Maverik
Three Months Later
Whoever the cruel hearted bitch was that said the silence before the storm was the worst, has never suffered surviving that same exact storm twice. It’s been days, fuck, even months since I was sunk on my knees and watched a crushed and devastated Ella fade away from me. I showed up the next day to the estate sale. No sign of Ella.
She made good on her promise of showing up to bury her momma and then leaving town, and for good fucking reason.
Tonight, my fingers thumb the steering wheel of my truck as I stare down the entrance of the church. I’ve made a promise to myself that I vow never to break and that includes a good ol’ pastor. I stand watch straight across the main hall and see several young women walk out of it. I wonder how many have suffered at his hand, and taking it a step farther, how many mothers knew and turned their backs all to save face in a small fucking town.
