by Bellus, HJ
* * *
Seven more miles until I pull up to her house. My palms become clammy and my stomach flips, thinking of all the different outcomes. The worst being Ella refusing to see me. A two hour drive separated us and she hasn’t made one attempt to see me, or, hell, even call. When I think of these facts, it’s a dagger to the heart and seems to answer my question of how Ella is going to react.
I fight like hell to focus on the good parts of us. The parts that made both of us melt at our knees for each other, and that’s when the tiny flicker of hope rises in me. I take the last left down a tiny lane just on the outskirts of town, and it’s nothing I would’ve expected for my Ella to live. I see 203 Cherry Lane and am forced to do a double take at the little ranch house with a double wide rusted horse trailer sitting next to the garage and an old white Ford pickup truck next to it. Ella’s fancy ass black sports car sits perched in the driveway, causing a flood of anxiety to rush through me.
The thought of seeing my sweet Ella jerks my body into action. I slam the door, forgetting to grab the bouquet of flowers. Reaching through the driver’s side window, I snag them and send up a silent prayer.
After my third knock on the door, I nearly give up all hope. She probably spotted me through the window and darted for cover. One final knock and then I’ll find a local hotel to hole up in overnight. My knuckles rap on the old door, causing it to vibrate. There’s no way this knock could not be heard.
Moments pass before it creeps open. A brunette boy peeks through the small crack.
“Can I help you?”
His toothless smile shining back at me causes me to grin, and the freckles that pepper the bridge of his nose along with his piercing blue eyes haunt me.
“I must have the wrong house. I’m looking for Ella James. Sorry to bother you.” I pivot on the heel of my boot, ready to walk back to the truck and look over the directions to determine which wrong turn I took.
“Mom, there’s a cowboy guy here looking for you.”
I freeze with my back to him and replay his words over in my mind.
“Sir, I’ll get her. You don’t have to leave, but I’ll get my butt whooped if I let a stranger in. Justa sec.”
He slams the door and I hear the click of the lock and then his feet running through the house. Sucker punched to the gut is the only thing I can think and feel right now. Not one emotion runs through my body as reality smacks me square in the face. He’s the reason she couldn’t stay. Holy shit.
The sound of floral stems crunching grabs my attention as I look down to the bouquet I just mutilated.
“See, Mom, this guy.” The boy whips the door wide open with Ella standing behind him. She’s clothed in yoga pants and a hoodie, she looks tired and really, really pale. When our eyes lock, she holds her poker face.
“Ella.” Her name is a whisper that rolls off my lips.
“Maverik.” She nods at me.
“Wait a minute!” The boy throws his hands up in the air. “Did you say his name is Maverik?”
I find it easier to look at him and hold a conversation with him rather than stare at Ella.
“Yes, son. My name is Maverik Slatter.”
“Holy shit, Mom.”
Ella strikes the boy in the back of the head. “I thought you gave up swearing.”
“Sorry, Mom, it’s just this is the man who I was named after and I finally get to meet him.”
I watch as the young boy straightens out his belt buckle and stands a little taller, holding out his hand to shake mine.
“Nice to meet you, sir. My name is Maverik James.”
My knees go weak as I fight back the tears wanting so desperately to escape. I give him my hand and shake his.
“Nice to meet you as well, Maverik.”
“You’re a champ. A legend. An honor to finally meet you.”
“Well.” I grin at his enthusiasm and haven’t been called a champ in years. “I’m not sure who told you about me, but they may have been biased.”
“Oh, my mom did.” He points over his shoulder with his thumb. “And what does biased mean?”
I ruffle up his sandy brown hair. “Just means that…” Every single word I try to get out gets hijacked in my throat. “Just means they were a fan back in the day.”
“Mom said I can’t get on a bucker until I’m thirteen, I’m fighting for twelve. I can’t wait to spur one.”
“You rodeo?”
“Yeah, Mom makes me stick to pussy-type events so her little boy doesn’t get hurt.” He air quotes each word laced with a bitter tone, and I can’t help but laugh.
“That’s enough, Mav, go finish up your homework.”
He runs both of his hands through his hair, leaving it standing on end. “I can’t believe I finally met you. Stay for dinner, please. Mom made meatballs and they’re the best. Stay, please.”
“Well…I’m sure your mom and you have plans.”
“It’s okay.” Ella grabs Mav by the shoulders, dragging him back in the house. “He can stay only if you do homework, and that includes reading.”
“Fine, boss lady.” He shoots her a wink before he takes off, and I don’t miss the black and white cow dog hot on his heels.
It’s all too much to take in. “I need to sit down, Ella.”
I don’t wait for a welcome into her house before turning and plopping right down on the cement steps leading to her front door. She joins me, sitting right next to me making sure not to touch me. It’s very noticeable and not something I’m used to.
“I’m sorry, Maverik.”
I turn to her and study her features. I’ve never seen Ella so tired and worn out.
“Tell me what exactly you’re sorry for, Ella, because right now I’m confused as hell.”
“For leaving both times.” She buries her face in the palm of her hands. “I’m sorry for the night I lost us.”
“I’m not following you, Ella.”
“Jesus, Maverik, I regret the damn night I was raped every single night when I lay my head on the pillow. I have to wake up and fake a smile every morning, knowing that bastard ruined my life.”
“Is he mine?” I ask, pointing toward the house.
She shakes her head no and begins sobbing. “No, Maverik, he’s not yours. He’s the one blessing of the whole fucking mess.”
I scrub my face, trying to figure out what to say or my next move.
“I’m so sorry, Maverik. I raised him just like he was yours. Look at me, please.” She pauses and when I do make eye contact, tears flow down her face. “It’s the only thing that got me from day to day.”
“Why didn’t you come to me? Come home?”
A sarcastic laugh escapes her. “Can you imagine Ella coming home with a bastard child? The town would’ve hung me on Main Street.”
“Do you even love me?” I cringe waiting for her to answer.
“Fuck you, Maverik Slatter.”
“Answer me, Ella, right now. Do you even love me, or was it all just convenience?”
“I love you, Maverik. You’re the only guy I’ve been with. There hasn’t been one other man in my life. I work close to sixty hours to give everything to Mav. I cry myself to sleep every single night wanting to be in your arms and knowing it will never happen.”
“Come home with me.”
It’s not voiced as a question, rather a demand. The front door flies open and Mav joins the conversation.
“Homework is done, Mom. Can I go show Maverik my roping horse we just got?”
Ella rises to her feet. “Go ahead, son. Be back in fifteen minutes for dinner.”
“Maverik, wait until you see this stud. I used to have to ride the neighbor’s horse at rodeos, and Mom and I had to clean three offices on the weekend to rent him. She just bought me a brand new one.”
“I’d love to see your new roping horse, Mav.”
I’ve picked up on the fact that Ella never calls him Maverik.
“Do you rope? I mean, I know you’re a champion bareb
ack rider and all.”
“I can stick a calf or two. Lead the way, son.”
I can’t help but put an arm around the young man as we walk away. His enthusiasm for life is contagious.
“Here he is.”
He stands back from a small circle pen with a shit eating grin covering his face and his hands on his hips.
“That’s a real nice horse you have there.”
Mav rattles off the pedigree of his horse and the former high school champions who’ve roped off him. Each one of his words drips with pride.
“You know, I kind of felt bad when my mom bought this horse for me.”
“Why is that?” I bend down on one knee, trying to examine if the horse has been shoed with correct horse shoes.
“Well, she’d beat my ass if I told you this.”
I interrupt him. “I’m also guessing she’d beat your ass if she caught you saying ass.”
He chuckles a bit. “Yeah, I promised last new year to give up cussing.”
I can’t help but shake my head at the boy. He has so many of Ella’s features, including her ambitious drive.
“I promise I won’t let your mom know you let one cuss word slip.”
“Well, since I was born my mom has worked three jobs, using all of her extra money to get that trailer and truck for us.”
“Really?”
I don’t like the way this story is going, as it seems it will only add to the heartbreak of Ella’s story.
“She always talked about you when I was growing up and made sure we’d do right by you.”
“Oh, I think you two have outdone yourself.”
“The night she came home from her business trip a few months ago, she never stopped crying and told me she’d buy me a horse or a new trailer.”
“She ever tell you why she was crying?”
He plops down on a straw bale next to me. “My mom’s stubborn and doesn’t give in on anything, trust me on that. Bed time, candy before supper, doing homework, she’s practically Hitler and has always told me adult worries are none of mine, so I didn’t even bother asking.”
Mav plucks a piece of straw from the bale and plops it in his mouth.
“Why did you choose a new horse and not a trailer?”
We both look over to the trailer that’s rusted, dented, and has seen better days.
“My mom gave me heart to be a champion. I don’t need a new fancy trailer like the other kids to kick their ass. I needed a new partner that was all mine.”
He slaps his hand over his mouth after he finishes out his thought.
“It’s all right, Mav, you can let her fly with me and I won’t ever rat you out to your mom.”
Picturing Ella as a Hitler mom cracks me up. The growing up she did on her own with no help is mind boggling, making me want to march right in that house and sweep her off her feet. I know boundaries and will respect her home, but damn it’s going to take everything inside of me to do that.
“We best be getting in. I like to help my mom set the table.”
“Sounds good.”
My chest has no right to swell with pride, but it does. Mav is a walking and talking man in a little boy’s body with the sole purpose of protecting his mom.
“Can I ask you a question?” I turn to him as we walk back to the house.
“Yeah, dude.”
I chuckle at his use of words.
“Does your mom, well, I’m not sure how to word this.”
“Does my mom love you?” He stops dead in his tracks, staring up at me.
“Yeah.” I nod back at him.
“She tells me all the time her one hope for me is to find true love like she did. Her fairy tale wasn’t perfect, but she’ll fight damn hard to make mine perfect.”
“I see.”
“She’s never loved anyone but you.”
The words from a child nearly destroy me. I want like nothing else to reassure him that everything will work out and I’ll take care of his mom forever. But I can’t be selfish and stomp all over everything Ella built for herself. It’s more difficult than I ever thought.
I spot broken down fences, waters, and barn doors on my walk back and want nothing but to fix it all for her. My queen deserves a palace, not this, but it’s all hers that she fought to build with her own hands.
I need patience and the ability to bite my tongue.
“You’ll love Mom’s meatballs.”
“Yeah? Think she made enough?”
“Oh, she hates making meatballs, so when she makes them, she makes tons.”
“Perfect, because I can eat.”
He smiles up at me with his toothless smile. “Me too. Mom says I have hollow legs.”
It takes everything inside of me not to scoop him up and then Ella and drive off.
“Mom’s been real sick, so we need to be careful about slopping down meatballs.”
“What do you mean, Mav?” I sit down with him on their back porch, being careful not to fall through.
“She’s hasn’t felt good since her trip and it’s starting to spook me a bit.”
“Just grumpy?” I ask.
“No, Mom is never mean to me. She cries a lot.”
I shake my head side to side. “Women.”
I try to make light of the situation. It’s clear Ella has done everything to protect her son, even sacrifice me in the process. As I watch him set the table and dance around his mom in the kitchen, I’m okay with it. Baby pictures of him plaster the walls, along with him on horseback with Ella on the ground holding the reins. In every single picture, both of them beam back proudly at the camera. My heart swells two sizes knowing the sacrifice she’s made to right her own wrongs. Ella never needed me to protect her. No, she needed me to understand.
Walking in the back door and straight into her kitchen, I see Ella like I’ve never seen before. I begin questioning everything possible. How can I love someone so hard and deeply but know nothing about her? She’s been my best friend since first grade. Only if she had come to me.
“Maverik, have a seat. You’re the guest and get to pick any seat at the table.”
Mav dances around his mom in the kitchen, opening and slamming cupboards. It looks like he’s done a fine job of introducing Ella to the male side of life as he hums, farts, and belches his way through.
I watch Ella roll her eyes and even thump him a time or two trying to straighten him up, but when he lets his final fart rip, she can’t even hold back a giggle. I’d try to let one go to bond with the kid but from my damn nerves, I’m afraid I might shit my pants.
Ella pulls out a tall red stool and begins climbing up it to fetch a bowl.
“Let me please, Pinks.” I stand, but she’s halfway into the large cupboard digging around in it. Her hoodie sneaks up above her waistline and I don’t miss the bump protruding from her belly.
Instincts kick in as I move to her side and sprawl my palm across her abdomen. She jumps at my touch as my fingertips lightly press into her flesh. She’s pregnant. I don’t let go as she crawls back down the stool, keeping my hand plastered to her belly. When we come eye to eye, the unspoken truth is conveyed between us.
“Mine?”
She only nods her yes. A large lump forms in my throat and I fight to remain calm. I turn and take a seat back at the dinner table. Mav’s already shoveling up a plate for me and teaching me exactly how to eat the meatballs and potatoes. I sit frozen, listening to him but unable to function.
“Were you going to tell me?” I look up to Ella.
She looks over at me from the kitchen and only nods. I’m not sure if I believe her or if she’s just trying to avoid confrontation in front of her son. I do my best to suck up my pride and resentment and enjoy dinner with Mav and Ella.
“So, what’s your favorite event?” I ask Mav, trying to make small talk.
“Steer riding, but Mom won’t let me do it.”
“Oh horse crap, Mav, you love roping,” Ella corrects him.
“She’
s right.” He rolls his eyes. “I love to rope but can’t wait to ride.”
“Mav won state last year for his age division in breakaway roping.”
He smiles proudly at the announcement. “Yeah, it was a good year for us, eh, Mom.”
“It was, son.”
The rest of the dinner flows easily as Mav leads the conversation, asking twenty questions. The boy eats, breathes, and sleeps rodeo. He knows names, record times, and has plans to crush them all. I’m in awe that Ella has raised this boy all on her own. There’s no way in hell I could even do that.
Ella excused herself from the table a couple times to rush into the bathroom. Each time with the water flowing and I’m guessing to mask the sounds of her puking. When she returns, Ella finally looks relaxed as her son chatters on about his rodeo career. She plants her elbow on the table, relaxing her chin on her fist. I study each of her movements with the urge growing inside of me to wrap her up and kiss the hell out of her.
A shining fleck of light catches my attention, and that’s when I notice my ring on her finger. She catches me staring at it and tucks it under the table.
“Time for bed, Mav.”
“But, Mom, just ten more minutes.”
“Nope, bedtime now.”
Mav turns to me and begins speaking with urgency lacing his voice. “Will you be here tomorrow?”
“I—I will be here in the morning before you head to school.”
“Sweet, want to feed with me?”
“Um, sure, as long as it’s okay with your mom.”
Mav turns to Ella and begins pleading with his eyes, causing Ella to let out a giggle.
“He’ll be here in the morning, now get your little ass upstairs.”
“Language,” he warns.
“You’re going to think language if you don’t get going.”
Mav stands up and then throws his arms around my neck, hugging me. I don’t move, not knowing what I should do.
“Thank you for coming for us,” he whispers so low in my ear that I only hear him.
My hands wrap around his back and I hug him back.
“You’re very welcome. I’ll be here.”
The need to promise this young man so much more is tempting, but I bite my tongue and know my place.
