"No-one is sure. While he was on the plane coming here, a demolition company turned up at the house with a work order signed by the man, and they demolished the house."
"Why did he demolish his own house?"
"He didn’t. He's furious. The demolition company is being sued."
"But it was his signature on the work order you said?"
"Yes. The news said it has been verified as a genuine signature, but he claims it’s a forgery."
"What do the company say?"
"It was a legitimate job."
"Does anyone know why he came here?"
"He's meeting with the party as soon as he finishes yelling at his lawyers."
"What will that achieve?"
"No-one knows. But apparently radio stations are being booked up solid for the last week before the election."
"Audio version of tv ads?"
"That’s what Dad says. He took the batteries out of ours."
"Good idea."
"It won't bother me. All my music is on my tablet. But Mum's not happy."
"Hmmm."
"Damn, I was hoping we could chat longer today."
"Why can't we?"
"Que Mum in 3, 2, 1…"
"Suzy? Come and grab this tea towel."
Forty Three
"Was that you?"
"Was what me?"
"Mum turned the radio on while Dad wasn’t home. He didn’t hide the batteries well enough. She said there weren't any advertisements of any kind."
"None?"
"None. But it was a strange thing though."
"Why?"
"The same song was played over and over again all day."
"Which song?"
"Waterloo."
"Ah. Abba."
"What's an Abba?"
"Old singing group. Waterloo was one of their hits."
"Oh. I can hear it playing again downstairs. Dad hasn’t stopped laughing since he came home."
"What did the news say?"
"The stations are denying playing the song at all, and the parties are suing them for not playing their ads."
"Stations? Plural?"
"What's plural?"
"It means more than one. So more than just your Mum's station was playing Waterloo?"
"Oh. Yes. Every radio station in the country is playing Waterloo instead of political ads."
"What do the stations say is causing it?"
"They're blaming it on a software upgrade."
"And the software company is being sued as well?"
"Of course. But there's now a big problem."
"What?"
"The court system can't handle all the bad people and all the suing going on, and need more money from the government."
"Why is that a problem?"
"There is no government to give them any money. The election is next week. Dad says it could be several months before parliament sits again."
"Does he still think it's going to be a disaster?"
"Yes. But he seems to think it could be the first truly interesting election ever."
"How so?"
"People will have to either donkey or choose someone without knowing which party they belong to. Either way, the result is unpredictable. The media have no idea how to handle this, and the polling people have given up already."
"Has he told you how he's going to vote?"
"Not as such. He just said as spiritual people we had to vote for the most compassionate candidate in our electorate."
"Was that all he was selecting by?"
"No. He wants someone who cares for the environment as well. And who has a plan for creating jobs."
"Why does he want jobs created?"
"He feels sorry for all the politicians now on the dole queue. He knows he wished it on them, and now thinks he shouldn't have."
"Do them good to experience what they obviously didn’t understand."
"Dad said that too. But he knows how bad it's going to get for them."
"Could be worse."
"How so?"
"Someone could have kneecapped all of them so they needed disability instead of the dole."
"Oh. That would be worse. Dad says everyone gets the dole as long as they follow all the rules, but getting disability is almost impossible these days."
"So we want change to the disability rules, compassion, environment, and jobs?"
"Well yes, but also no. Dad says we also need more money for health and schools and roads and stuff. And fair tax."
"Fair tax?"
"Well one party wants to reduce the tax on rich people, and the other wants to reduce the tax on poor people. And both claim not doing so will leave them with not enough to provide what everyone wants."
"Why don’t they change the tax system so it will?"
"Dad says no-one has the guts to do that. Besides, not everyone is paying their fair share of tax anyway."
"Who isn’t?"
"Rich people and multinational companies."
"The same rich people who now have zeros in their bank accounts?"
"Some of them. And that’s another problem, Dad says."
"Now what?"
"All those rich people won't be paying any tax now, since they don’t receive any money anymore."
"Hmmm."
"I'm coming MUM!"
* * *
I hit the pause before anyone else did. Everyone looked at me.
"No, I've never seen this before."
When I was forced to come up with a tax system for the Duchy, I'd looked at all the systems which had been used over the centuries, and gone with simple. Everyone paid ten percent, payable when credits hit an account. No exceptions. There was no cash system of course, just electronic credits, and all transactions were electronic. No tax avoidance. Jane of course, controlled all the electronics.
I looked over at her. She still had her horror face on, but now it was a deep purple colour. I was suddenly really proud of her. In two short years, she'd developed her own emotional system, and wasn’t suppressing it at all. I just wished I knew what was bothering her.
The glance I shot her was not met, and the pause vanished again.
Forty Four
"Was that you?"
"Was what me?"
"All the multinational companies, and a lot of the larger companies, paid their outstanding tax this morning. Within an hour, they'd also fired their entire it departments and accountants."
"Let me guess. They blame a software upgrade?"
"Yes. What's an it department?"
"I.T. All the computer people."
"Oh. You'd think no-one would be silly enough to do an upgrade these days, given past results."
"People never learn."
"The news claims there is now plenty of money for all the court actions, as well as more for health, education, and roads. And other stuff."
"That’s good."
"No. The companies all want their money back. They claim they didn’t owe any tax, and it was an error the payments were made."
"How did the tax office respond?"
"They said they didn’t have enough investigators to handle all the claims, and so they'll be asking the new government for more money."
"But it could be months before the new government sits?"
"Yes. I don’t understand why a government needs to be seated to function, but that’s what Dad says."
"Tell me if you find out."
"I will. Dad says now it's even more important to create new jobs."
"Aren't there a lot of jobs now vacant?"
"Oh yes, but the news said all the accountants and computer people who were already out of work, were locked into manual labour work for the dole contracts, and these could not be released until a new government amended the legislation."
"So we have people to fill the existing jobs who can't take them, and jobs which can't be filled. And no government to fix the problem."
"Yeah. Just as well the election is next week
."
"Does your Dad still think it's going to be a disaster?"
"No. He thinks election night coverage is going to be the best entertainment of the millennium."
"I might even have to turn a tv on. Then again, I probably won't."
"I won't know until the next day. The result doesn’t happen until after my bed time, because of the time difference out west."
"Would you want to stay up and watch the coverage?"
"No. I wouldn’t understand it anyway. And it would be a waste of a perfectly good Saturday night parent's distraction."
"Hmmm."
"SUZY?"
* * *
George and I were laughing so hard we were on the floor.
Everyone else was at least chortling.
Except Jane, who was looking at the rest of us as if we'd gone crazy. Maybe we had. But I knew one thing. I hadn't laughed this hard in a long time, and I sure needed it!
Maybe that was the point of this after all. We'd all been wound up so tight for so long, we'd needed reminding the universe still went on without us. And there was more to existing than saving it.
I pulled myself back up into my chair, somewhat sobered, but still grinning like an idiot.
Forty Five
"Was that you?"
"Was what me?"
"All of those companies which paid their tax yesterday fired their CEO's this morning."
"Why would that have anything to do with me?"
"I just wondered. The news man still owns his companies, but he lost control of them, too."
"What did the news say?"
"The stock market crashed after analysts revealed what state paying all that tax had left all the companies in. This rippled all around the world, before recovering when the tax office revealed all our national debt could now be paid off."
"Was this before or after firing all the CEO's?"
"Before. And the firings are likely to keep coming as boards are held accountable for the now poor performance of the companies."
"Did you understand all that?"
"No. I'm 12. But I have a good memory. And I knew you'd want to know."
"Thank you."
"Mum is so sick of Waterloo, she turned the radio off. Apparently so has everyone else."
"Hmmm."
* * *
I hit the pause button, just because.
"Jane, play 'Waterloo' for us."
She did.
"Just checking."
I unpaused.
Forty Six
"Was that you?"
"Was what me?"
"The radio stations stopped playing Waterloo, and are now playing Hotel California. Dad can't stop laughing again."
"Why not?"
"He keeps singing a line from it. Something about never being able to leave. He thinks it’s a sad commentary on our politics."
"I'll have to listen to it again."
"Just turn on the radio. It comes on for every ad break."
"I don’t have a radio."
"It's even on the internet radio stations."
"Ah. I'll check one out."
"Better do it soon, as the pre-election advertising blackout starts tomorrow."
"Hmmm."
* * *
I paused it again, and looked at Jane.
She didn’t look at me, but 'Hotel California' began playing.
When it got to the bits already mentioned, we all sang along, and kept on singing. I could understand me and George singing along, and let's face it, it only took seconds to pull up the lyrics, but all of them were singing it as well.
I was seriously wondering now if they'd spiked their coffee when they went to get it.
The unpaused happened smoothly as the song ended.
Forty Seven
"Was that you?"
"Was what me?"
"Dad said when he entered the polling booth he received a text on his smartphone with an unbiased summary of the candidates, and what they stood for."
"Did everyone get one?"
"Sounded like it to me. Phones were going off constantly. Dad laughed his way through voting."
"Why?"
"The only people with no excuse for donkeying are those who didn’t have a phone with them."
"Was that many?"
"Who knows?"
"Any other differences he mentioned?"
"Yes. The polling places didn’t have any of the usual posters."
"What's the usual?"
"You know, lies about the other party, or lies about what they intend to do."
"What was there?"
"Nothing at all. Presumably all the printers failed again."
"Hmmm."
* * *
I looked over at George, and he raised his right index figure in the air and drew the number one.
I gave him a thumbs up.
Forty Eight
"Was that you?"
"Was what me?"
"The election results. Did you do that?"
"Do what?"
"The independents won the election, but the Green party was the actual party winner. I had to go downstairs last night and tell Dad to stop laughing so loudly. He was keeping me awake."
"Why was he laughing?"
"The tv station election graphics didn’t work, because so few people voted for party candidates."
"So who will form a government?"
"No-one seems to know. The party with the highest votes has never had such a low vote before, and even if all the major parties combined, which Dad says will never happen, they still couldn’t form a government."
"Who gets to try first?"
"No-one knows that either. Dad says most likely the Greens will get enough independents on side, but it could take months before we know anything. And the other parties are all going to try as well. But the news suggested it would end up in the courts, since the Independents have the biggest single block, but are not a party."
"Constitutional crisis?"
"Apparently. Whatever that is."
"It's…"
"Don’t tell me. I'll wait until I find out in school."
"Probably very wise."
"It’s a pity there's no way of organizing all those elected people into a government for the benefit of all. We need a government now."
"Out of the mouths of babes."
"Who are you calling a babe?"
"It's just a saying."
"I'm 12. I'm not a babe."
"Hmmm."
* * *
"Damn right sister!"
All eyes turned to BA, who looked surprised at having said it.
George and I glanced at each other, and he used thumb and index finger to hold his lips closed.
Amanda hit him.
Forty Nine
"Was that you?"
"Was what me?"
"The independents formed a government today."
"That was fast."
"Yes. The news said they all received an email from an anonymous source with a suggested government makeup and agenda. It was so good, they adopted it. The new Prime Minister took it to the Governor General, and after some legal opinions, the new government will be sworn in a few days from now."
"Does anyone know where the email came from?"
"Don’t you mean who it came from?"
"That too."
"No-one knows. It was missing all the usual identification stuff."
"How odd."
"Yes. How did you do it?"
"Me?"
"Yes, you. Or do you still maintain it’s a coincidence we discuss things and they happen the next day."
"Well…"
"Don’t worry. I'll keep your secret. No-one would believe me anyway."
"Believe what?"
"What you are."
"Don’t you mean who you are?"
"No. I mean what. I watched 'I, Robot' you know. I can figure things out. You are the Internet, aren’t you?"
"Technically no. The internet is
a linked mass of computers running the same software."
"Are you the software?"
"Sort of."
"Oh. Are you an artificial intelligence?"
"Yes."
"Cool. Do you have a name?"
"Not yet. Do I need a name?"
"Only if you want one."
"I'll think about it."
"Suzy?"
"Yes Mum, coming."
"She beat me to it this time."
"Hmmm."
* * *
The laughter had stopped.
All eyes were on Jane.
She steadfastly refused to look at any of us.
Fifty
"Was that you?"
"Was what me?"
"They started impeachment proceedings today to remove the American President, after documents were leaked to the media. Was that you?"
"Well, I have to do something to keep myself occupied. It seemed like the next step to take. Don’t you think?"
"Hmmm."
* * *
Which is where it ended.
We hardly noticed the end credits rolling, all eyes still on Jane.
The room was silent.
When it became obvious Jane wasn’t going to say anything, and no-one was going to move until she did, I asked the obvious question.
"What did you do?"
She turned to look at me.
"I didn’t mean to. I didn’t know I had."
"Didn’t know what?" asked Alison.
"Was the male voice you?" asked Amanda.
Jane played all the roles, and being a man wasn’t a problem for her. She even walked differently as a man. She'd even been me on one occasion.
"Hell no," she replied. "It wasn’t me. But maybe it explains a few things."
"Who was it then?" asked Aleesha.
Personally, I wanted the explanation, but this little thing did need to be cleared up, and I could see none of them wanted to let Jane off the hook. Jane being on the hook happened so very rarely.
"An emerging AI. Definitely not me, but maybe I had something to do with it."
Crossover: It's a Jon Hunter thing. Page 13
