There was a long pause where he thought she was on the brink of admitting she wanted him too. Then, her eyes slid closed and she took a deliberate step away. “What about Jeremy?”
Ice carved into his gut. “What about Jeremy?” His voice was tight as his throat closed up.
“Last night was amazing and I’ll never forget it. But…” she sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. “I need to be with a man who only has eyes for me. And you don’t.”
Every word hit him like a kick to the guts. Any chance he’d had with this woman died the instant Jeremy’s lips touched his. It didn’t matter how drawn to her he was, or how much he might want to explore what those feelings meant. Women liked their men one hundred percent straight, and Brady would always be a little too bent to make the cut.
Freshly showered, Jeremy had one towel slung low around his hips while he used a second to dry his hair. He’d jerked off in the shower as he imagined what was happening in Trina’s bed. It had taken willpower of immense proportions to drag himself away from her and Brady, but he’d wanted to give them some time alone together. It didn’t take a genius to see there was a real connection between the two of them. It was obvious in the way they reacted to each other the night they met, the first time Brady said Trina’s name. It was still there in the way they sought each other out. As much as he wanted to be with them, to wallow in the richness of what they made him feel, he didn’t want to get in the way of what they could be to each other.
He opened the door, intending to head back to Trina’s room. With any luck, he’d be there in time to join them for a post-coital snuggle. He stopped short when he saw them standing in the kitchen. They were facing each other, only centimetres apart, but the tension between them was so thick he could have dug into it with a spoon. Whatever had gone on between them while he was in the shower, it hadn’t been sexy times. “What’s going on?” he asked as he took a few steps toward them.
Trina started, her head turning toward him. “Hey, Jer.” She tried for a weak smile, but her voice trembled. “Nothing’s going on.”
“That’s disappointing.” He affected a cheerful tone, hoping to lighten the mood. “I said don’t have too much fun without me, not don’t have any fun at all.”
Brady gave him a tight smile. “The fun is over, it seems.” Without another word, he headed for the front door, closing it behind him as he left.
“I’d better get ready for work,” Trina muttered. She refused to meet his gaze as she rushed into her bedroom.
Jeremy was left standing alone in the suddenly empty room, wondering what the hell had gone wrong.
Chapter 14
The bar was elegant and understated, with dark wood tones and comfortable seating. At this time in the afternoon, less than a half hour after the end of the standard working week, it was also crowded. Trina had managed to wrangle the last available table on the bar’s modest balcony, where she perched on the edge of a stool and tried not to fuss with her hair. Her date was due to arrive any minute and she was determined to pull off a cool and collected exterior, even if her insides were a bundle of raw nerves.
Meeting for drinks after work had seemed like the perfect set-up when she’d made the arrangements. It had a casual air about it and could be extended to include dinner if they got along—or cut short if they didn’t. Plus, she worked in the city, so it had a high convenience factor. She hadn’t counted on having the workday from hell, or the fact her makeup would be verging on clown-mode by the time she left the office. Maybe she could still make a run for it. She could always text her date to say she’d had to work late. That sounded plausible.
“Hello, Trina?”
Then again, maybe it was already too late. She smiled as she greeted the dark-haired man. “You must be Alec.” He wasn’t as tall as Jeremy, nor as broad as Brady. Not that it mattered. He had a nice face and he’d shown up on time with a ready smile—that was an auspicious start. They exchanged the usual pleasantries before he excused himself to grab a drink from the bar. She sipped at the glass of white wine she’d already purchased as she watched him walk away. Alec looked good in a suit, clean cut and professional. She wondered if Brady had worn suits before he quit his old job. Would the presence of a grey pinstripe have helped to sooth the edges of his brusque manner? She didn’t think so. His stare, on the rare occasions he used it, held a haunted darkness that couldn’t be so easily masked. She shifted restlessly on her seat as warmth spread through her body. She really had to stop thinking about Brady.
“Thank you for agreeing to meet me,” Alec said as he joined her at the table. “I’d about given up hope after you didn’t respond to my second wink.”
“I suppose I was a bit nervous.” It seemed like a valid enough reason. She couldn’t say she’d spent the last few weeks ignoring all the winks of interest she’d received from the dating website in favour of drooling of her next-door neighbour. “This is the first date I’ve been on through an online service. I wasn’t sure what to expect.”
“I understand,” he said in a sage tone, before raising his glass in a toast. “I’m certainly glad you chose me to pop your dating cherry, Trina. I only hope to bring you satisfaction in the process.” He guffawed heartily at his joke before taking a long sip of his drink.
Trina gave him a tight smile, but kept her own drink firmly on the table. If he thought he’d be popping anything tonight, he was mistaken. Still, she was reluctant to dismiss him based on one crude joke. She’d made plenty of badly timed or inappropriate comments in her time, especially when she was nervous. Taking a deep breath, she tried another topic. “Tell me a little about yourself. What do you like to do?”
Alec spent the next twenty minutes telling her about his job in logistics. He spoke at length about the size of the companies he’d completed work for and the complexity of his current projects. When he was done there, he launched into an explanation of where he wanted his career to go in the future. He had big plans and, from the sound of it, a limitless amount of ambition to take him where he wanted to go. Trina was impressed by his enthusiasm, if a little bored by the excessive detail. She nodded at regular intervals, and asked questions when she could think of one that sounded intelligent and curious. Jeremy would dissolve into fits of laughter when she told him how much effort she’d put into making a good impression on a man who used the phrase ‘pop your dating cherry’ as a pickup line.
“What about you, Trina?” She blinked, realising Alec had turned her question back on her. “Where do you work?”
“I’m an administration manager at an advertising agency. We do print and internet advertising mostly, but also some radio and TV spots. It’s interesting work and never dull.” If by interesting she meant monotonous and by never dull she meant she got snapped at every day by a boss who preferred to reserve the use of manners for client interactions, rather than staff.
“Admin, really. How nice.” Alec smiled, but his tone told her he was underwhelmed by her choice of vocation. “How long have you been doing that?”
“I’ve been with the agency for about eighteen months, but I’ve had lots of different jobs over the years.” An administration position was the first steady job she’d managed to land after leaving University. She hadn’t particularly enjoyed it, but she’d seen it as a way to pay the bills until she found something that felt like a better fit. She was never quite sure what that would be, but she’d always believed she’d know it when she found it—instinctively. The urge to smack herself in the forehead was so strong her hand lifted off the table. She was beginning to think she’d spent her entire adult life using her instincts to avoid taking responsibility for her decisions. Meanwhile, five jobs later, that feeling of rightness continued to be elusive and she couldn’t honestly say she’d done much to rectify the situation. “Eight years,” she said, suddenly feeling a little underwhelmed herself. “I’ve been doing this for eight years.”
“That’s a long time.” Alec emphasised the last couple of words as
his eyebrows made an attempt to disappear into his perfectly arranged hair. Jeremy’s hair was never perfectly arranged. It was always falling into his eyes and she was always fighting the urge to run her fingers through the strands as she pushed it back again. “You’ve never been tempted to reach for something more?” he asked, bringing her back to their conversation.
Something about the way he’d asked the question irked her. No, she didn’t want to work in admin forever. Yes, she had always meant to move onto something else. But it was honest work and it paid an honest wage. He made it sound like some sort of second-rate calling. “More than what exactly?”
He seemed baffled by her question, as if the answer should have been obvious. “More than, I don’t know, pushing papers around for a living.”
There were few times in Trina’s life when she’d actually been stunned to silence—this was one of them.
“Not that there’s anything wrong with being an admin assistant,” he continued, realising he’d gone too far.
“Manager,” she corrected.
“Right.” He drained the last of his drink. Ice cubes clinked together as he deposited the glass on the table. “If you’re happy doing that sort of work, more power to you.”
He glanced around the bar, as if calculating how fast he could reach the nearest exit. Trina had the overwhelming urge to show him how much ambition she could muster when motivated—by beating him to it.
Jeremy was in the process of closing the store for the day when his ex-boyfriend strolled in. Dressed impeccably in his usual suit and tie, Aaron looked like he’d stepped out of a magazine. He always had enjoyed maintaining that image of the successful businessman. Jeremy was successful too, but with his offbeat work outfits and penchant for eyeliner, he’d never quite felt like he measured up.
“Hello, Jeremy.” The slow smile that spread across Aaron’s face said he’d noticed Jeremy’s inspection and it pleased him.
He turned away, dragging a rack of t-shirts in through the front door. “You promised you wouldn’t come here.”
Wide shoulders lifted in a dismissive shrug. “That was before you changed your phone number. Before you moved without telling me where you were going.” He kept an even tone, but Jeremy could hear the irritation simmering beneath. “I haven’t seen or heard from you in nearly two months.”
“That’s what happens when you break up.” He grabbed the last of his merchandise and brought it inside. “You stop being part of each other’s lives.”
“Not us. We don’t,” Aaron said, shaking his head in denial. “You’re trying to make a point, I get it, but you’ve gone far enough. It’s time to come home.”
“I’m not making a point.” He met the other man’s gaze head-on, wanting to make it clear he meant what he said. “I’m not coming back this time. It’s over.”
Aaron’s eyes widened and he sucked in a deep breath. “Like hell it is. You would be nothing without me. Working for minimum wage in someone else’s business, that’s where I found you.” His voice rose with each word and Jeremy hurried to pull the doors closed. Aaron might not care about making a scene in front of potential customers, but Jeremy did. “After everything I’ve done for you, this is the thanks I get? You think you can just leave?”
Jeremy’s hands clenched at his sides as guilt assailed him. It was a familiar feeling, Aaron had inspired it often enough. He knew what he owed the other man for helping him get Fandom open. Jeremy had been working in stores since he was a teenager, but he’d always dreamed of owning one. He’d taken business courses and read countless books, but it was Aaron who’d given him the confidence to make it happen. With a degree in business, Aaron had helped him keep everything on track until he’d started making a profit. Jeremy wasn’t sure his store would have made it through that first year without Aaron’s help. So, yeah, he knew the part the other man had played in his success and he would forever be grateful. But he was done allowing Aaron to use guilt to keep him on a leash. “If you’re finished, you can leave now.”
Walking away, he headed for the sales counter, cursed under his breath when the other man followed.
There was a heavy sigh. “I shouldn’t have said that.” Aaron’s voice rasped with a feigned regret Jeremy had heard before and knew was bullshit. “I love you, so much.” Aaron took a step closer. “I can’t sleep, not knowing where you are.” Another step.
Jeremy straightened his spine, but refused to back up. Trapped by the L-shaped counter, he knew there was nowhere for him to go. Besides, if he moved so much as a centimetre, Aaron would take it as a sign he was weakening.
“I’ll do anything.” The final step brought Aaron so close, he was all Jeremy could see.
He was not weakening.
He wasn’t.
One foot moved back. The other followed. Hope sparked on Aaron’s face at the small movement, and Jeremy’s eyes slid closed to block it out.
Strong, male arms wrapped around his waist and Aaron’s body pressed against him. They were exactly the same height and their bodies fit together perfectly. Aaron dropped his head forward, his breath a sigh against Jeremy’s neck. “God, I’ve missed you.”
Still, Jeremy didn’t move. Every muscle in his body was rigid, his arms stiff by his sides.
This was how it always happened. Every time he tried to walk away, Aaron would show up full of demands, promises, whatever it took to reel Jeremy back in. And every time, he allowed it to happen. They’d be happy for a while, until he was late getting home one night, or he spent too much time at the store. Then the arguments would begin. Interrogations over where he’d been and who he’d been with. Accusations if he spent too much time with his sister or tried to reconnect with an old friend. If neither of those worked, there were always insults to cut him down to size, and Aaron’s tongue could be razor sharp. After the heat of anger faded, Aaron would always beg for forgiveness and understanding. He’d blame his possessive nature on his lousy upbringing, as if the traumas of his childhood gave him the right to behave badly for the rest of his life. Finally, unable to take the pressure, Jeremy would leave and the cycle would start anew.
Now, as he stood there in the circle of Aaron’s arms, he saw the pattern they’d been enacting for at least four of the past six years. Endless repetitions of love and heartbreak, euphoria and despair. This thing they shared, it wasn’t love. It was addiction.
Pulling his arms in, he pushed at Aaron’s chest, separating their bodies. “You have to leave.”
“I don’t want to go home without you. We’ve never been apart this long.” He gave his head a rueful shake. “I’m going a bit mental all alone in our apartment.”
“You don’t have to be alone.” Turning side on, Jeremy opened the drawer of the register. “You should go out. Meet people. Do stuff.” He started pulling money from the drawer. Counting the days takings would keep his hands busy, and then he couldn’t do anything he would regret, like try to make Aaron feel better. He was tired of trying to make Aaron feel better. Nothing he tried had ever worked anyway.
The lengthening silence made him look up. Aaron’s jaw was clenched tight as he glared at Jeremy through narrowed eyes. “Is that what you’ve been doing? Meeting people?”
Two faces flashed through Jeremy’s mind. Trina, his beautiful, generous friend who cared about him without needing anything back but the same care in return. And Brady, the mysterious bent arrow who didn’t mind Jeremy’s flirting and got all handsy in his sleep. Between the two of them, they’d kept him focused on the new life he was building for himself—a life without Aaron. He needed them just as they needed him, now more than ever.
“Oh, fuck no.” Aaron backed away, his mouth slack with horror. “You have met someone, I can see it on your face. Who the hell are you fucking, you cheating bastard?”
Jeremy’s resentment at Aaron’s intrusion into his new life sharpened. “It’s none of your business what I do or who I do it with. We are done, Aaron. I’m not yours anymore.”
; “Is that what you tell yourself?” Laughter bubbled up in Aaron’s throat, cold and harsh, before his expression fell flat once more. “You always come back to me in the end. And when this fling of yours is over, you’ll do it again. You don’t have anybody else.”
Clenching his fists, Jeremy replied, “Yes, I do.”
“And how long will that last?” The quiet confidence in Aaron’s voice shook Jeremy in a way shouting or cajoling never could. “Give me a call when he’s done with you. I might still be around.”
Aaron didn’t bother to slam the door on his way out. The damage he’d wanted to inflict was already done.
Chapter 15
Soon after Aaron left, Jeremy locked up the store and headed home. He should have hung around and done paperwork, but his motivation had been as lacking as his concentration. His feet dragged the whole way, knowing an empty apartment waited for him at the other end. Trina had arranged to go on a date after work. If it went well, who knew when she’d get back.
He was supposed to be supporting her quest to find Mr Right. But, in truth, he hoped her date would be terrible and she’d come home early. He’d pre-stocked the freezer with enough of her favourite ice cream to put the kibosh on even the worst dating woes. Add to that an excess of cuddles, which he desperately wanted to provide, and he was sure to have her cheered up in no time.
It wasn’t that he didn’t want her to find the love she craved, he did. But he also wanted to keep her to himself a little longer. After all, her happily ever after would leave him alone again. And if Aaron’s visit today had taught him anything, it was that alone time could be dangerous.
Almost three months had past since he’d packed his bags and walked out of the apartment he’d shared with Aaron. He’d scared the shit out of his sister in those first few days after arriving on her doorstep. Barely able to move, a puppet with broken strings. Thankfully, his two part-timers had banded together to keep the doors of Fandom open until he’d gotten back on his feet. His first steps had been halting, but he’d managed. As the weeks had past he’d started to breathe easier. He’d relaxed more, even begun to laugh. He was just starting to feel like his old self when he’d found Trina. The moment they met, his fractured life had become that little bit easier to bear. She was the only real friend he’d made and he didn’t know what he’d do without her.
Everything We Need (Finding Forever Book 4) Page 9
